questions about trust

[loony]

1. Do you basically trust / distrust people when you have met them?

 

2. What makes you gain / lose trust in another person?

 

3. Does it influence your judgement if you're interacting with someone of the opposite sex?

 

4. Where's the line between being too suspicious and preventing you from enjoying life and people and being to gullible and making poor judgement in regard to potential friends and partners?

 

5. Do you think you ever ruined a potential friendship/relationship by being too distrustful?

[AndrewJ]

1. Depends on how they come across firts impressions sometimes deceive sometimes.

 

2. Gain = allways reliable , help u out.

 

Lose = Disrespectfull to the bond u had i spose

 

3. Not unless they are extreemly gorgeous:lmao:

 

4. Vry hard line to see sometimes. Just gotta go with your gut on these things i spose.

 

5. No

[slubberdegullion]

1. It depends on the situation. In a social situation, I'm usually moderately trustful unless I get a hint otherwise. In business, I fully expect that the other party is out primarily for him/herself so my level of trust drops significantly.
   
2. Trust is gained upon proven reliability, in whatever context the situation happens to be. It's lost upon the discovery of manipulation, outright lies and/or hidden agendas.
   
3. Yes, of course. I'm not one to share personal details easily, especially in the context of a potential relationship. But once trust is established (see above) then I'm OK with telling the other party about things that I would normally not discuss.
   
4. For me personally, there is no hard and fast line. Trust is built on the foundations of experience and time; distrust as well.
   
5. I've never experienced that.
   

[JS17]

Good questions loony. This is something I've been struggling with over the past year...

 

1. Do you basically trust / distrust people when you have met them?

Usually distrust. It's unfair but I think that most people have to earn my trust, it's not given until proven wrong. (I'm assuming that we're not talking about true deep trust but just basic trustworthiness) I'm trying to change this because it's better to be made a fool of than lose out on life experiences.

 

2. What makes you gain / lose trust in another person?

Gain, seeing their interactions with other people. Finding out about their past interactions with other people.

Lose, pretty easy, just finding out about lies.

 

3. Does it influence your judgement if you're interacting with someone of the opposite sex?

Again, unfortunately yes. I'm working on it but I trust men far less than I trust women.

 

4. Where's the line between being too suspicious and preventing you from enjoying life and people and being to gullible and making poor judgement in regard to potential friends and partners?

Good question. When someone comes up with a viable answer to this one I really want to hear it.

 

5. Do you think you ever ruined a potential friendship by being too distrustful?

Friendship, no. Relationship, yes. Unfortunately, as much as we try not to lay others mistakes from our past onto current/future partners, the thoughts still lie in the back of your head. I think there's a fine line between using past experience to make wise judgements and mistaking current partners for making the same mistakes as your past ones.

[tanbark813]

1. Do you basically trust / distrust people when you have met them?

 

2. What makes you gain / lose trust in another person?

 

3. Does it influence your judgement if you're interacting with someone of the opposite sex?

 

4. Where's the line between being too suspicious and preventing you from enjoying life and people and being to gullible and making poor judgement in regard to potential friends and partners?

 

5. Do you think you ever ruined a potential friendship/relationship by being too distrustful?

 

1. I'm neutral. I neither trust nor distrust them. Then that level of trust goes up or down based on my interaction with that person.

 

2. I gain trust when I see they can be counted on. Or if a person has the ability and opportunity to take advantage of me for their own personal gain at my detriment, but they choose not to, then that also breeds trust.

 

I lose trust when they are dishonest or do take advantage of me. In regard to relationships, I've also figured out that if a girl is dishonest with her friends and family, it's guaranteed she'll be dishonest with me. It sounds obvious, but when it's happening you (or at least I ) want to believe, "Well she might lie to others, but not to me."

 

3. Yes. Men tend to be more straightforward and honest than women.

 

4. I'm not sure. That's hard to say and I imagine it would be different for different people. But I do think it depends, to a large degree, on how dependent your happiness is on other people. If you enjoy your own life and accept that some people will inevitably hurt you but others won't, then that lessens how personal the potential violations of trust become. If someone violates my trust and is consequently excluded from my life, that is a loss in quality of life on their part, not mine.

 

5. No. If anything I give the benefit of the doubt too often, but I'm working on that.

[whichwayisup]

1. Do you basically trust / distrust people when you have met them?

I trust until I'm given a reason not to. I do believe even if I get my feelings hurt once a while, it won't kill me so that's probably why I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve. Maybe that's a mistake, but it's who I am.

 

2. What makes you gain / lose trust in another person?

 

If I can count on someone, feel needed and it's give/take then my trust is easily gained. That and if they can make me laugh! To lose trust is someone showing disinterest and not needing me, not being there for me, letting me down, spilling things that are private.

 

3. Does it influence your judgement if you're interacting with someone of the opposite sex?

 

I tend to have the same approach with men as women. Trust until I have a reason not to.

 

4. Where's the line between being too suspicious and preventing you from enjoying life and people and being to gullible and making poor judgement in regard to potential friends and partners?

 

Go with the gut instinct. It doesn't lie to ya very often. Life is too short to not take chances with people and the more people one interacts with, the better person you become as we tend to learn things from everybody.

 

5. Do you think you ever ruined a potential friendship/relationship by being too distrustful?

 

I think I may have ruined one or two newer friendships by opening up too much.

[NTB]

1. Do you basically trust / distrust people when you have met them?

 

2. What makes you gain / lose trust in another person?

 

3. Does it influence your judgement if you're interacting with someone of the opposite sex?

 

4. Where's the line between being too suspicious and preventing you from enjoying life and people and being to gullible and making poor judgement in regard to potential friends and partners?

 

5. Do you think you ever ruined a potential friendship/relationship by being too distrustful?

 

 

 

ive been hurt one to many times to just give my trust to anyone. i distrust from the moment we meet you gain my trust with the actions you show me.

dang i just realized what my buds have been saying to me about trust and my issues

[JS17]

ive been hurt one to many times to just give my trust to anyone. i distrust from the moment we meet you gain my trust with the actions you show me.

dang i just realized what my buds have been saying to me about trust and my issues

Spoken like a true New Yorker

[NTB]

Spoken like a true New Yorker

 

you know what i'm talking about

[JS17]

you know what i'm talking about

 

It's a cold world in this town.

[loony]

Hey guys, thanks for the answers as far as now. I will post my answers later.

[NTB]

It's a cold world in this town.

 

this is true but there are those rare few that will keep us warm

[JS17]

this is true but there are those rare few that will keep us warm

 

I'm sorry but I have to point this out (and sorry for the threadjack Loony)...

 

of the regular posters, our greater Tri-State area guys on LS:

Woggle

Gold Pile

Scratch

NTB

 

am I missing anyone...is anyone else catching my drift?

[Art_Critic]

of the regular posters, our greater Tri-State area guys on LS:

Woggle

Gold Pile

Scratch

NTB

 

am I missing anyone...is anyone else catching my drift?

 

I get it.. JS..

 

You could Woggle over to the Gold Pile and Scratch yourself and wind up with NTB..

 

Get out before it's too Late....

[Outcast]

4. Where's the line between being too suspicious and preventing you from enjoying life and people and being to gullible and making poor judgement in regard to potential friends and partners?

 

Depends in what area. With respect to money, I simply don't trust anyone and I don't expect them to trust me - or rather I would prefer to deal with someone equally cautious. People are not necessarily distrustful but people can be - they can also be flakes who just mess up so in terms of things financial, I am very much so.

 

In terms of believing someone else, it's a matter of whether they walk their talk and that's something you can't know until you get to know someone. If they are consistent in word and deed over time, then they'll earn my trust. If they say one thing and do another then I will continue to be cautious.

[NTB]

what am i suppose to be catching aside from a cold with this weather

[NTB]

I get it.. JS..

 

You could Woggle over to the Gold Pile and Scratch yourself and wind up with NTB..

 

Get out before it's too Late....

 

killing me

[megabit15]

Hm...interesting questions Loony. Interesting responses too.

 

1. Do you basically trust / distrust people when you have met them?

I used to be waayy too trusting, but have wised up a lot. Now, I'd say mostly trusting on a basic level. I don't think people intentionally hurt one another, but do so out of ignorance or self interest. But I realize that people are human and that they (rightly so) usually have self interest as a priority. I also recognize that most people don't reveal all in a single meeting, so I keep my eye on the process of getting to know someone.

 

2. What makes you gain / lose trust in another person?

Gain=When their words match their actions and their prior words, being up front about things and open to discuss whatever, knowing themselves, them showing trust in me, when they treat all people with respect and consideration.

Lose=lack of honesty, non admission of error, a black/white mindset, lack of self knowledge, and when words don't match actions or prior words.

 

3. Does it influence your judgment if you're interacting with someone of the opposite sex?

Depends on if it's a romantic interest or just friends. If romantic, then I assume a guy is interested primarily for sex until he gets to know me. He needs to prove his affections are sincere over time before I believe it. Oh wait - is that a lack of trust or just realistic??

If it's just friends - I don't worry about the motive too much. I've been burned by some women who had ulterior motives on a boyfriend, but it's not foremost in my mind when meeting someone.

 

4. Where's the line between being too suspicious and preventing you from enjoying life and people and being too gullible and making poor judgment in regard to potential friends and partners?

I agree that you just have to go with your gut on these things. Sometimes it's hard because my gut is screaming 'run' but I have no 'evidence' of why. I usually find out in retrospect that I should have listened to my gut. I still I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt until I see repeated actions or 'doublespeak' that are questionable.

 

5. Do you think you ever ruined a potential friendship/relationship by being too distrustful?

I think I've ruined potentials by being too trusting and naive rather than too mistrustful - but I think I've (hopefully?) got a decent grip on it now. I think that we create our own realities by whom we choose to associate with. Some people are absolutely not to be trusted. But if I'm focusing my attention on them, then I'm not open to better possibilities.

[scratch]

am I missing anyone...is anyone else catching my drift?

 

I'm not catching your drift. Do you find those you mentioned, based on what you read here, to be untrustworthy? That we are unlikely to trust others? Or both? You opened the box, Pandora; go ahead and let the demons out.

 

1. Do you basically trust / distrust people when you have met them?

 

2. What makes you gain / lose trust in another person?

 

3. Does it influence your judgement if you're interacting with someone of the opposite sex?

 

4. Where's the line between being too suspicious and preventing you from enjoying life and people and being to gullible and making poor judgement in regard to potential friends and partners?

 

5. Do you think you ever ruined a potential friendship/relationship by being too distrustful?

 

1. Depends on the conditions under our meeting, what preconceived notions I have of them, and my instinct. Generally you have more to lose by trusting too much rather than too little, so self-preservation suggests I tread carefully, but avoid behaviors that would prevent mutual trust from being effectively built.

 

2. I try to analyze their actions as objectively as possible. The rest of the answer follows naturally.

 

3. My judgement is influenced by the stakes of the relationship. I trust people with whom I do business the least, regardless of gender. However, romantic relationships have higher stakes than platonic social ones, so I trust more slowly.

 

4. This is a question with which I struggle daily. My attempt to avoid this problem is to proceed slowly with people, emotionally speaking. It probably costs me some good relationships, but like Ulysses sailing through the narrow strait of Scyllia and Charybdis, if I can't keep the ship exactly on course, I err on the side of the smaller harm.

 

5. No. If the person couldn't patiently try to work through my trust issues with me, but instead pushed me to ignore my concerns, they weren't the right person for me, friend or more.

[JS17]

I'm not catching your drift. Do you find those you mentioned, based on what you read here, to be untrustworthy? That we are unlikely to trust others? Or both? You opened the box, Pandora; go ahead and let the demons out.

 

Hmm, you're right scratch. I don't think NTB should be included in this group.

 

BTW, it's good to have you back. Nobody has tried to pick a fight with me in a while.

[scratch]

Hmm, you're right scratch. I don't think NTB should be included in this group.

 

BTW, it's good to have you back. Nobody has tried to pick a fight with me in a while.

 

This is why I left for a while. When I tried to challenge people here to support their statements, instead of answering the bell they back off, get angry and begin name-calling, or subtly try to change the subject. If you're going to accuse me either of being untrustworthy or unreasonably mistrustful (I honestly can't tell which you were doing here), kindly explain yourself.

 

Nobody is a bigger critic of liars and manipulators here than I. Having strong opinions and a taste for debate without excessive niceties is another matter entirely.

[JS17]

This is why I left for a while. When I tried to challenge people here to support their statements, instead of answering the bell they back off, get angry and begin name-calling, or subtly try to change the subject.

Agressive behavior is unbecoming and will put people on guard. I choose only to use it when necessary.

 

If you're going to accuse me either of being untrustworthy or unreasonably mistrustful (I honestly can't tell which you were doing here), kindly explain yourself.

I haven't accused you of anything aside from trying to pick fights and being part of the cold world that is our town.

 

Nobody is a bigger critic of liars and manipulators here than I.

I highly doubt that but it is just my opinion. I may be wrong.

[scratch]

Agressive behavior is unbecoming and will put people on guard. I choose only to use it when necessary.

 

It was necessary to call me out, out of nowhere after two months, for being either untrustworthy and/or unreasonably mistrustful (I still have no idea which)?

 

I haven't accused you of anything aside from trying to pick fights and being part of the cold world that is our town.

 

Perhaps my reading of your original post was overly analytical. You reference trust issues, listed the male posters from the area, and asked if anyone was "catching your drift." Why did you focus on the males only, presumably the ones with whom you disagree regularly, if you were just listing the people who were part of the cold world here?

 

I highly doubt that but it is just my opinion. I may be wrong.

 

I know you're reading the other thread, because you admitted that you hate agreeing with me, and felt the need to defend yourself when I refined your statement, despite the fact that I was just quoting it for consistency. Do you not see what I'm doing there?

 

I recall this, which you rather seemed to enjoy:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=67704&page=3

 

As always, I invite you to provide support for your opinion. Hopefully that isn't the same as picking fights.

[loony]

Hmm, I have problems answering my own questions.

 

1. Do you basically trust / distrust people when you have met them?

Depending on the situation and the people I can be very distrustful or pretty neutral. I believe though that I was often quite right to be distrustful.

 

2. What makes you gain / lose trust in another person?

Inconsistency of words and action makes me lose trust very quickly. What makes me gain trust I won't tell.

 

3. Does it influence your judgement if you're interacting with someone of the opposite sex?

As I haven't fallen in love with a woman yet I tend to distrust men more.

 

4. Where's the line between being too suspicious and preventing you from enjoying life and people and being to gullible and making poor judgement in regard to potential friends and partners?

I have no clue, that's why I'm asking. Some people are very open and seem to be a lot more happy in their relationships with people. On the other hand they also get screwed over big time sometimes. So I'm not sure what is better, a perpetual wary state of mind that will never really allow you to enjoy carefree moments but which also protects you of major disappointments or happy ignorant bliss many times till you get smacked on your head by your so-called best friends?

 

5. Do you think you ever ruined a potential friendship/relationship by being too distrustful?

I'm guilty of preemptive strikes when I suspected something. I don't think I was always right though.

[loony]

scratch, I think JS meant to say that you, Woggle, Gold Pile are not very trusting or trustworthy people and all of you happen to come from New York. So, it seems, New York is not the ideal place for people to develop trust. Stop being so picky and harsh...

 

And if both of you don't stop arguing on my thread I will kick your asses out of here, ok?