deaana1 Posted December 26, 2020 Share Posted December 26, 2020 Hi guys, I want to know your opinion on this situation. Me and my boyfriend are having a LDR and we meet each other every 2-3 months because I am studying abroad. I came a week ago (on Saturday at night) so I decided to spend the first day with my family. I met him on Monday. On tuesday I asked him to meet and he told me that his best friend came a day ago and he would meet him, so I could make my own plans. That was fine. The next day (Wednesday) I asked him again and he told me "I didn't meet my friend yesterday because he was busy , I was with other friends so I will meet him today. Meet your friends too" We met on Thursday, we didn't stay alone that much because his aunt came unexpectadly. On Friday 25th was Christmas, so I was with my family, because I celebrate them and he doesn't so he met his friends. Today I asked him to meet again and he told me that he was going to his place of birth with his friend, he will come back tomorrow and he is going again to celebrate New Year. I am fine with the fact that he is going to meet his grandparents and family, but in three months that I was away, he never went, exactly when I came, he is going twice. The first day I came and we were making some plans, he told me "Maybe I go on x place 1-2 days with my friends" While my mom told me if dad doesn't come these days (because he is stuck abroad ), you can celebrate New Year with whom you want, it is ok for me that I will be alone. Just go have fun. Actually I don't want to stop my boyfriend celebrating with his family and maybe I am not going to tell him that my mom told me to leave her alone and celebrate with him, but even if he was here, I probably wouldn't go to him and leave my mom alone, just knowing he isn't leaving anyone to meet me (In a week we met twice) Basically, I came for only 20 days, and exactly in these days, he is planing to go a weekend with friends, meet his friends very often (more than me as it seems), going to his place of birth twice in 5 days, while he never went in 3 months while I wasn't there and who knows what else. I don't know. Maybe I am thinking too much about it or overreacting, but if my boyfriend would come and we could have only 20 days to stay together, I would use this time to be with him and not make plans with friends all the time (whom he have met even when I wasn't there) Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted December 26, 2020 Share Posted December 26, 2020 I hear you. It would concern me too. You should probably find a way to talk to him about it without coming across like you're trying to control him or how he spends his time. And then based on how that works out, we can talk about he next step. Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted December 26, 2020 Share Posted December 26, 2020 (edited) . Edited December 26, 2020 by Acacia98 Duplicate post Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 26, 2020 Share Posted December 26, 2020 Are you sure there isn't another girl? Link to post Share on other sites
Author deaana1 Posted December 26, 2020 Author Share Posted December 26, 2020 22 minutes ago, Acacia98 said: I hear you. It would concern me too. You should probably find a way to talk to him about it without coming across like you're trying to control him or how he spends his time. And then based on how that works out, we can talk about he next step. Actually I am planning to talk to him when I meet him. I just wanted to know your opinion so I don't look like I am overreacting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author deaana1 Posted December 26, 2020 Author Share Posted December 26, 2020 (edited) 12 minutes ago, stillafool said: Are you sure there isn't another girl? I don't know. I thought about it, but don't think there is another girl, not sure though. It doesn't feel like he is hiding something. I know that two of his friends live abroad too. One has come nearly a month before me, and the other 2 days after me. Somehow I understand him that he has plans with friends too, but he should make some priorities in this case . Or probably he has chosen his priorities (friends) Edited December 26, 2020 by deaana1 Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted December 26, 2020 Share Posted December 26, 2020 1 hour ago, deaana1 said: Actually I am planning to talk to him when I meet him. I just wanted to know your opinion so I don't look like I am overreacting. It's a genuine concern. Long distance relationships are tricky. If you don't make a deliberate point of spending a decent amount of quality time together when possible, it's very easy to drift apart. Of course, it's always possible that he's not as invested in the relationship as you are. So go into the conversation with the knowledge that it's a possibility. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 26, 2020 Share Posted December 26, 2020 It sounds like he's lost interest in the relationship. After 3 months apart, you would think he'd be keen to see you and spend quality time together. He's not doing so. I would speak to him and see if you two are actually still on the same page about this relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 27, 2020 Share Posted December 27, 2020 In an LDR time together is so precious you would expect that to take a priority. The fact that you weren't welcome with his friends is a bad sign. The easy solution is a big group thing, to the extent same is safe, with all the friends. I'd be upset & suspicious in your shoes. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 27, 2020 Share Posted December 27, 2020 On 12/26/2020 at 1:57 PM, deaana1 said: if my boyfriend would come and we could have only 20 days to stay together, I would use this time to be with him and not make plans with friends all the time You would prioritise him and that is what would be expected. People in love want to be together, they want to maximise the time they have. This guy does not want to be with you. He fits you in, no doubt for sex and the rest of the time he is out being single with his guy friends. Dump him. I am sure you can find a nicer guy closer to home. Try not to waste your time chasing after a guy who does not give a damn about you. University/college is one of the most social times of your life, taking yourself out of the swing of things by hankering after this loser is something you will regret big time... Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted December 28, 2020 Share Posted December 28, 2020 Honestly, it sounds like he is not into this relationship anymore. If you only see each other every 2-3 months, you would think he would be excited to see you and want to spend time with you. He's sending you a message that you aren't a priority to him. You should definitely talk to him and ask him if he's into this relationship anymore, because if he's not, he should just be honest about it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted December 28, 2020 Share Posted December 28, 2020 I agree. He has lost interest in this long distance relationship with you, based on his actions and how he has not prioritized alone time with you. I would tell him that you want to talk to him and emphasize that if he doesn’t make the effort to set aside time to see you alone, then the relationship is over. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 28, 2020 Share Posted December 28, 2020 People make time for what they're interested in. Pull back and observe this behavior. Spend your time on people places things that are important to you. Link to post Share on other sites
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