Proposal setup?

[astridgelee]

I have been in a relationship for almost two years. Very early on, we were committed, talked of marriage and it was a matter of "when", not if. After 10 months together, we moved in together, and a few months ago we had a big fight, commitment was one of the issues- he had mysteriously become ambivalent about marriage, and it wasn't ok with me. We broke up, moved out of our house, and had a break for a few weeks. We got back together, though we live separately now, but we're in therapy and I have said again that marriage is important to me. I have never been unclear about that.

 

A lot more to say about it, but let me cut to the chase. The day after Valentine's Day is our anniversary. Because of covid we haven't traveled at all. He asked a couple of weeks ago if I wanted to go away to somewhere safe and private, like an AirBNB. Then he asked if I minded if he planned it all and would just surprise me with the destination. He's never done this before.

 

Yesterday for Christmas, he said he had something special for me. I did not expect any kind of proposal in front of our kids(not ours together) but he got me beautiful diamond earrings. From a jeweler who specializes in conflict free diamond engagement rings. I think it's clear he's been researching rings...

 

My BF is not the oblivious type. He understands that I'll be wondering if he's up to something. I think he wouldn't plan a trip and buy suggestive(of another kind of diamond) jewelry if he didn't want me to have these thoughts. I'm just forgetting for a moment that proposals seem pretty primitive and just accepting that that's what he will want to do.

Am I making something out of nothing or does this sound like a proposal is probably going to be happening soon?

 

Thank you!

 

 

[Wiseman2]

12 hours ago, astridgelee said:

 After 10 months together, we moved in together, and a few months ago we had a big fight, commitment was one of the issues- he had mysteriously become ambivalent about marriage.

Sorry this is happening. You did the right thing moving out. It was too much too soon.

It's not really "a mystery", that he became ambivalent about marriage.

It was never his intention. Moving in was in lieu of marriage, not a prelude to it.

Marriage is important to you, but needing couples therapy is a red flag and moving out is a huge step away from a relationship.

Couples therapy won't make a man who's meh about marriage want to marry.

You seem to be grasping at straws for a diamond ring and proposal. 

The Christmas gift is very nice, but a firm statement that there'll be no ring. As well a weekend getaway is nice but not an indicator of what you're hoping for.

Unfortunately you may have to accept that nice jewelry and living together is his end game. So decide if this carrot (or carat) and stick technique is something you want to spend time on.

Edited December 27, 2020 by Wiseman2

[d0nnivain]

Maybe but reign in your emotions.  If you build this up too much in your mind you will be devastated if it doesn't pan out. 

[lana-banana]

There are children involved here - surely you've had discussions about where you would live or how you would handle things as parents once you were married, right? Surely those conversations are a lot more indicative of whether a proposal is imminent. When he kept talking about how we needed to go get a joint bank account I knew it was happening sooner rather than later (but he still surprised me with a fake-out). I think there probably aren't that many situations when the proposal is a shock. In contemporary marriages it shouldn't be - you need to be on the same page about those things.

It could be the February trip is a proposal but it could just as well not be one. Be excited but try to keep your hopes in check.