Guy I'm seeing offered me hid families/friends EBT (food stamp) card but I'm offended

[BKerJrust]

 

I’ve been seeing this guy for over a month. Things are still slow with us but i like him. Yesterday he texted me and said “Goodmorning , I’m going to let you get my families. EBT card and get food for your house” then he texted back again before i could respond “well that’s if you want to use it”

I’m not sure if i should be offended or thankful he’s letting me use someone else’s free food card or why he even offered it

 

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, BKerJrust said:

I’ve been seeing this guy for over a month.  “Goodmorning , I’m going to let you get my families. EBT card and get food for your house” 

It's a violation of the law. Tell him you won't participate in welfare fraud. Remember that all places have cameras and keep records of transactions.

It's only been a month and this seems quite shady, like he wants to trade welfare abuse for something from you..

You can report him to social services . Or... .

Best to simply view shady behavior this as a red flag 🚩 and end it 

[Millennial]

So he is on some sort of food welfare initiative and offering you to use his welfare card - which I take is meant to be for his family use - and buy you stuff with it.

Probably best to decline.

[BKerJrust]

1 minute ago, Millennial said:

So he is on some sort of food welfare initiative and offering you to use his welfare card - which I take is meant to be for his family use - and buy you stuff with it.

Probably best to decline.

It’s not his. He gets a portion of it but he said the money goes to waste because he doesn’t eat much but i was offended by the offer all together 

[Happy Lemming]

1 minute ago, BKerJrust said:

...but he said the money goes to waste because he doesn’t eat much...

Perhaps you could suggest that he purchase non perishable food and donate it to a soup kitchen or food bank.  His unused food money could help others, who are hungry.

[d0nnivain]

I think it was an offer of caring.  He wanted to make sure you had food. Even though he doesn't have much he was trying to share

I'd question his ethics but not his compassion. 

Why are you offended?  That part I don't get. 

[BKerJrust]

17 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

I think it was an offer of caring.  He wanted to make sure you had food. Even though he doesn't have much he was trying to share

I'd question his ethics but not his compassion. 

Why are you offended?  That part I don't get. 

Because i assume giving someone something like this symbolizes that I’m lacking. Like he was trying to say i don’t have food

[d0nnivain]

So you are insulted because he thought you didn't have food.  OK.  That's one way to react. 

I still say his offer was born of compassion & caring.  He wanted to share what little he has. 

Again I question his ethics because those benefits are for his family who qualify for them.

To the extent that you didn't turn around & offer to treat him / his family when you have more & instead chose to get insulted, speaks volumes about you. 

[poppyfields]

17 hours ago, BKerJrust said:

 

I’ve been seeing this guy for over a month. Things are still slow with us but i like him. Yesterday he texted me and said “Goodmorning , I’m going to let you get my families. EBT card and get food for your house” then he texted back again before i could respond “well that’s if you want to use it”

I’m not sure if i should be offended or thankful he’s letting me use someone else’s free food card or why he even offered it

 

May I ask why this is posted in the "cheating" section?  Is there more to this story that you're not sharing? 

To your issue:  When he offered you the EBT card, that is when you ask him "why are you offering me your family's card?  Do you not think I have enough to eat"?

You can ask him playfully, it shouldn't be this huge confrontation or accusation wherein you act offended.  

Just talk to him.  Ask him.  That is what relationships are about, at least in part.  When you're confused about something your partner said or did, you ask, you communicate.

Edited December 27, 2020 by poppyfields

[BKerJrust]

3 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

May I ask why this is posted in the "cheating" section?  Is there more to this story that you're not sharing? 

To your issue:  When he offered you the EBT card, that is when you ask him "why are you offering me your card?  Do you not think I have enough to eat"?

You can ask him playfully, it shouldn't be this huge confrontation or accusation wherein you act offended.  

Just talk to him.  Ask him.  That is what relationships are about, at least in part.  When you're confused about something your partner said or did, you ask, you communicate.

I must have put this in the wrong category. I’d there a way i can change it

[ShyViolet]

Why does his family have an EBT card if they don't need it.... that's my first thought.

I have a feeling that he didn't mean any offense by this.  Sometimes guys can be clueless.  Maybe he was just genuinely offering to buy you some food.  Does he have a tendency to make rude comments or be insensitive?  

[BKerJrust]

10 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

Why does his family have an EBT card if they don't need it.... that's my first thought.

I have a feeling that he didn't mean any offense by this.  Sometimes guys can be clueless.  Maybe he was just genuinely offering to buy you some food.  Does he have a tendency to make rude comments or be insensitive?  

Yeah he does

[ExpatInItaly]

Why would he think you don’t have enough food, OP?

Are your shelves and fridge rather bare, or? There must’ve been something that prompted him to offer this. 

[ShyViolet]

12 minutes ago, BKerJrust said:

Yeah he does

Ok well if you've been seeing him for only a month and already you are noticing that he has a tendency to make rude comments, then maybe you shouldn't be dating him.....?

[BKerJrust]

15 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Why would he think you don’t have enough food, OP?

Are your shelves and fridge rather bare, or? There must’ve been something that prompted him to offer this. 

Umm sometimes they are but i cook for him and everything Most days

[d0nnivain]

2 hours ago, BKerJrust said:

Umm sometimes they are but i cook for him and everything Most days

If your shelves are sometimes bare AND you cook for him, offering the card was his way of buying groceries.  It was not insulting.  It was him contributing, of thanking you for the effort of cooking by buying ingredients but letting you shop.

How on earth is that kindness / attempt to level the playing field insulting? 

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, BKerJrust said:

Umm sometimes they are but i cook for him and everything Most days

Let him buy the food and bring it over to cook together.

Just curious why you are cooking for him most days?

If you're doing the hosting and cooking, he could at least do the shopping and bring over the supplies, no?

Edited December 28, 2020 by Wiseman2

[LivingWaterPlease]

The ethics of this would bother me. But, the kindness and generosity exhibited would be endearing to me.

[Cookiesandough]

I would be a little confused too if someone I was dating gave me money for food. He thinks you’re broke and can’t afford food, for whatever reason 

[Wiseman2]

9 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

He thinks you’re broke and can’t afford food 

 

6 hours ago, BKerJrust said:

 i cook for him and everything Most days

🤔

[Noproblem]

Honestly if you are feeding him and your shelves are bare.. Better tell him to use the card and bring you this and that

I suggest dry food like whole wheat pasta, brown rice, quinoa, red beans, lentils and other stuff that can last a lot and feed you both!

He is trying to contribute, so let him, but let him do it in a legal way, not you using his card because that can get you both in trouble!

 

and honestly, if you notice he has a pattern of ignoring the laws, they all add up in the end and can get you both in trouble in the future.. So if he is like that, he might harm you unintentionally in the future, so every time he does questionable acts and says hey it's nothing, nobody would care about trivial  matter like that and everyone is doing it.. you have to say:  "No but I won't do it and you shouldn't either, otherwise we won't work out together!"

 

Edited December 28, 2020 by Noproblem

[LivingWaterPlease]

7 hours ago, Noproblem said:

Honestly if you are feeding him and your shelves are bare.. Better tell him to use the card and bring you this and that

I suggest dry food like whole wheat pasta, brown rice, quinoa, red beans, lentils and other stuff that can last a lot and feed you both!

He is trying to contribute, so let him, but let him do it in a legal way, not you using his card because that can get you both in trouble!

 

and honestly, if you notice he has a pattern of ignoring the laws, they all add up in the end and can get you both in trouble in the future.. So if he is like that, he might harm you unintentionally in the future, so every time he does questionable acts and says hey it's nothing, nobody would care about trivial  matter like that and everyone is doing it.. you have to say:  "No but I won't do it and you shouldn't either, otherwise we won't work out together!"

 

This. It seems there are so many posts on here where people are surprised when someone they're married to or dating betrays them in some way. Yet there are often red flags such as the above that a lot of people excuse or ignore that could have alerted them to a person's lack of integrity.

Pay attention to honesty in the little things. If the person will cross a boundary of honesty there they will cross a boundary with you, too.

[BKerJrust]

11 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

I would be a little confused too if someone I was dating gave me money for food. He thinks you’re broke and can’t afford food, for whatever reason 

He’s borrowed money for me and he’s ate at my house numerous times

[Cookiesandough]

25 minutes ago, BKerJrust said:

He’s borrowed money for me and he’s ate at my house numerous times

Maybe he is trying to repay you, but he doesn’t have money 

[BKerJrust]

2 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

Maybe he is trying to repay you, but he doesn’t have money 

That could be it but it isn’t his food stamps lol