I was stunned girlfriend called it off right now, 6 days NC, I'm in misery like never before, will she reach out to me?

[JayWay]

Girlfriend and I dated for few months. We moved fast.  She told me this is real for her, she’s never felt this way, she knows with our kids it won’t be easy and trust her she won’t go anywhere for long haul.  We shared tons intimate feelings, promises, physically things that are really important for me, she would always tell me to be vulnerable with her.  We fell hard for each other. We are both in phases of life where we are (were) same pages about wanting serious relationship.  
 

She told me initially she wanted something serious. I was good with that. We both are at tail end of long drawn out custody disputes. For about a week I became more smothering. Which I owned to her.  I’m not usually that way. But with missing kids, missing her, us not seen each other for about 8 days, it just made me get in my head.

 

She’s under tons pressure. She started new job, has her kids more, is dealing with couple health issues. We know all these things though. She was in dark place when I met her. She’s told me and her family that if it wasn’t for me, she’d be in worse place.  Her living situation was in limbo and she moved back to her mothers. I opened my home to her as well when she didn’t have place to go. She’s told me nonstop how much she cares for me, sees future and such.

 

Just a day prior to her breaking it off with me, she told me to trust her with my heart and trust her that she’s not going anywhere. Again, we basically sandwiched a 2 year relationship into a few months. She came over not sure what she wanted to do. She decided she needs time and space to make sure she can juggle new job, kids, coparenting, and our relationship. She told me it’s not forever, we are going to talk, and she told me not to disappear. She told me she loves me when left. We briefly kissed.

I cried, pleaded us not doing this and just take step back instead. She said she doesn’t see it that way and just needs time and space to make sure she can juggle us, want us for long haul. She told me she’s overwhelmed and my pushing or pressuring her some lately doesn’t help. I agree.  She also at times would pressure things move faster than.  I didn’t have issue though.   

Honestly, it feels within past couple weeks I become whipped by her, placing her on pedastool. I understand we need to go slower. I’m ok with that. I’m a very genuine guy, treat women with upmost class and respect. I would give her money for stuff like oil change to just show she means a lot to me. I understand lust and love. I know my feelings. I see her and I together. We laugh, feel extremely comfortable with each other, our communication is mostly smooth and easy.

 

I’m somewhat blindsided. I’m also dying inside. It’s been 6 days no contact. And it’s killing me. I miss her greatly. I should add with basically saw each other daily from the start. I get it’s fast. But we both are good with that.  We’ve talked about it. I did send her e-card for her birthday this past Thursday. I didn’t hear back from her. She also wasn’t complete open at beginning about couple things. She then after handful days came clean to me. She promised not lying again and I agreed to trust her and understand in times like this everybody might maybe say a white lie because they are scared of backlash or embarrassment or similar. I miss her. Miss her and I texting talking daily things simple as good morning, good night. I want her to text me or call me very badly.

 

This all feels so wrong. Almost feels like she’s forcing herself to have time space. Like it’s not supposed to be this way at all. It stunned me. Just couple days prior to calling us off right now, she was constantly telling me how much she misses me, can’t wait to see me and such.  I want to reach out to her so badly. My family friends say not right now or I’ll ruin us being together. I don’t get that. I know begging crying is turn off probably. But I have real feelings about us. And we both know the hurt we’ve dealt with, with our exes and children.  Why would she tell me “don’t disappear, I’m not blocking you, it’s not forever”?  We even had date night planned for last night and it killed me we didn’t go. Nothing has ever felt more wrong than us not being together as a couple or even texting each other. Nothing has ever felt more right than us together even if we can’t see each other for week at time. That’s what happens with kids, coparenting. Why she tell me these things?  

 

I can’t eat, can’t sleep, feel I’m in a nightmare. She met my parents and they liked her and she did. I know my faults. But it doesn’t warrant this. Should I give her space to contact me?  Why not say thanks for birthday card?  I get if she needs to digest that. I don’t expect anything back on that. The card just said happy birthday, love my name. Nothing super emotional. How can I get her back?  This is worse heartbreak I’ve ever felt. I told her during our breakup how heartbroken it make me feel worse than my ex wife and I getting divorce.

 

Sorry this is long. I really just would like feedback as to wanting us getting through this together. I would wait for her, she’s worth that.  It sounds bad, but it’s real and true to me. Again, why tell me don’t disappear?  Kissed me before she left and told me she loves me, and it won’t kill us to do this right now because if meant to be we will be?  It’s like she wants me to chase her?  Any advice I appreciate. I want her in my life as partner just like she does just a day before this all went down. Again, I’m on day 6 NC. It feels beyond miserable. I’m lost so to speak. I want to tell her I miss her. She told me day before all this that we both know how we feel about each other and trust me that she’s not going anywhere nor does she want that.  I don’t get it. Why?  How?  Should I really not reach out to her?  I mean, she could be feeling that he won’t reach out to me so he really doesn’t care that much?   Ugh.

 

What can I do to get us back?  I’m doing self help items my counselor and family suggest. My family wants us together. They’ve told me how happy or how she’s helped some happiness since we met. She’s amazing. And she had gone through letting herself go before we met, where she gained some weight and I could careless what she weighs. Sounds shallow, but health is important to me from that aspect. But I never told her anything and when she would tell me she needs to lose I always tell her how gorgeous she is and doesn’t matter she weighs 1 pound or 1 million that I love her. Help please. I’m crushed and snappy at others and lost without her presence even if we don’t see each other that particular day. What can I do?  How does she not miss me?  Every day talking texting and all she’s told me, promise and such. I miss her greatly. Why can’t I tell her that?  Again, it’s been 6 days NC and it’s getting harder. 

[Marc878]

The old saying words are meaningless holds true.

If you chase it pushes them farther away. Cut off all contact and don’t jump through hoops for her.

Begging, pleading and crying is the infamous “pick me” dance which makes you look weak and extremely unattractive.  Most won’t listen so if you pursue you get the consequences.

Let her go. You can’t make someone love you. I promise this isn’t the end of the world.

[trident_2020]

1 hour ago, JayWay said:

What can I do to get us back? 
 

Unfortunately my friend, that's not the right question.

You just never know what the other person is thinking, and yes you moved too fast. It's a common mistake, most of us make it. Sometimes things work out anyway but for reasons beyond the scope of this thread, doing so stacks the odds against you.

 

[Millennial]

She said this, and she said that. 

Should be in one ear and out the other.

If she wants to leave, then off she trots. You will give yourself a seizure trying to control women.

Have your own standards and have agency over the things that you can actually control.

[ExpatInItaly]

You say you two moved fast - how fast, exactly? 

How long were you dating? 

[Cookiesandough]

She’s not that into you. If she comes back it will be just more games of stringing you along  and push/pull. She just isn’t that into you. Move on and stop torturing yourself

[JayWay]

Thanks for feedback. We were together few months. There was immediate strong connection. She told me she wanted something serious. I trusted her. I only begged cried other night when she told me she needed space to make sure she can juggle our relationship with kids, her new job and such. Also is weird because literally day before she essentially begged me to trust her with my heart and trust her she’s not going anywhere. That’s kinda crappy actually to flip like that. At least knowing the feelings we were sharing. Even though it was few months, we basically shoved a 2 yr relationship into 3 months.  If no contact is only hope for her to come back then I’ll work on that.  It’s all just very confusing timing wise and such.  Maybe there’s someone else she left because of and it’s “grass is greener”?  Why she tell me “it’s not forever, don't disappear, we are going to talk, I’m not going to block you or anything like that”.  It’s like she wants me to chase her?  Why say those things if she doesn’t want me to chase her?  There’s no point saying it.  Kinda hurts me that she hasn’t reached out yet considering everything told me and did. Out of the blue.  It’s just really hurtful since she knows hurt I’ve been through with my ex wife and my son.  

[JayWay]

And how is she not that into me when it’s out of blue?  She told me day before so many in depth promises feelings how to trust her with heart and my be vulnerable with her because she’s not going anywhere.  

[trident_2020]

You're not supposed to start multiple threads on the same exact topic. It's considered spamming, it's confusing, and it won't get you more responses.

 

[maggiemtn]

I just went through get dumped after almost two years together. I can tell you: you won’t get the answer you want, you won’t feel better when you cry and beg and she has to keep telling you the same things she’s already told you, and you will drive yourself crazy wondering why she said this or that. I snapped and did all those things and now I just feel even worse. Nothing changed.
 

I’m also on Day 6 of NC and I feel much better about it. I went out to the gym today. I talked to a friend for a couple hours. I wrote down some topics for my next therapy session. I did NONE of those things with my ex in mind, I did all of them for me. You need to do things for you. It’s not “self-help” if you’re doing it to try to get any other result than one only for yourself. 

I’m sorry but from everything you wrote, your relationship is over and the sooner you accept that, the faster you’ll be on the road to recovery from heartbreak. Sometimes we have to learn the hard way not to wrap our entire identities up in someone else because most relationships don’t work out. Find yourself. That’s what I’m trying to do. 

Edited December 27, 2020 by maggiemtn

[Voivoda]

Hello, sir. Some time ago I was in a similar situation as you are right now. From my experience, when you do everything for a woman too early too much, we view it as love and what not and they usually view as us being spinless. Most of the time when a woman tells you that she needs space is that you were acting either too needy or you were doing too much for her.

We as men, we want to fix every problem a girl has with everything we can, however, that's not always what they actually need. As adults we value our independence and we want to deal with things on our own and when someone tries to help you with everything in every possible way it would feel like you have a second mom.It gets a bit different when the relationship is longer and stood the test of time. It seems that she has a lot of things to deal with and she needs to do it on her own. In order to show her that you respect her, let her reach back to you. It's 50/50 if she decides to come back, but if you reach out, before she is ready then you would annoy her and you would look like you can't control yourself. I'm almost positive that she will reach you either with something like "happy holiday" or "hi, how are you" and you can take it from there.

Second this should raise some kind of awareness on your part. You should be also careful, because there are million reasons why she would decide to cut you off for a period of time. Could be another guy, ex, bank robbery and what not. To me this is a bit of a red flag, because she went to a extreme method to deal with her stuff, instead of communicating that she needs to spend more time on her own and keep you in touch.

Keep your mind occupid with activities - work, books, cooking, courses whatever. Do as much as possible and you will feel better and time will handle the rest

Best of luck

 

[ExpatInItaly]

45 minutes ago, JayWay said:

we basically shoved a 2 yr relationship into 3 months. 

This is simply not possible. 

There is no way you know someone at 3 months as well as you know them at 2 years. It doesn't matter if you both signed on for this whirlwind. The basic truth remains: you still don't know each other that well. 

That is what you are learning the hard way now. You didn't expect her to flip-flip like this; had you two taken your time getting to know each other before making any sort of grand promises, you might have seen warning signs along the way that she isn't as consistent as you think she is. You might have learned that she has impulsive tendencies, builds glass castles in the sky, and so on. 

This is also why diving in head-first is incredibly risky. It builds up a false sense of intimacy that just does not yet have the foundation to support it. You don't know what you're signing up for when you place such high expectations on someone you have known such a short time. You need to be wary of people who rush things along like this. It's almost never a good sign of things to come - as you're seeing right now. They can check in and check out at a moment's notice, often with very little warning or explanation. 

I would not put yourself on hold for this woman. She's got major cold feet and likely can't be relied upon for a sustainable, long-lasting relationship. 

[JayWay]

Thanks ExPatInItaly.   That’s best advice I’ve heard past few days from anybody. Thing is though, we did dive head first quickly. Doesn’t negate things she told me and said she wants.  I don’t have issue going as quickly as we did, there is always times we would need to chill some back off little. But not nix things. She’s very black and white personality. She’s stubborn. She wants her way she gets it usually. I truly want us to continue down road.  She claimed she does. Yet she does this.  Why does she tell me “don’t disappear, it’s not forever, I’m not blocking you, I love you, I’ve never felt like this before”. Then kisses me and leaves.  I should add she’s had 2 failed marriages and has dated a ton.  Doesn’t matter to me though per say as everyone has issues some point or other.  Why say “don’t disappear?  Seems I should chase her. She’s type that is stubborn and if a guy wants her he will pursue her mostly.  She’s kinda like person that if she misses person or something she’ll fight herself to say that to other person. She’s not narcissist either.  She’s empathetic. Well, mostly.  It makes zero sense.  Also, feels like she maybe used me. She had issues with not seen her kids because of her ex, she wasn’t aloud to stay at her parents house either.  I supported her and helped guide her to make things right with her mom and kids. She’s given me credit for that. She’s told her mom if it wasn’t for me, no telling where she be.  Why say “don’t disappear”?  Doesn’t that stuff matter?   How does she go from seen, talking texting daily to nothing?  She told me day before all this how much she misses me. 

[Cookiesandough]

Holding onto this will just prolong your suffering

[trident_2020]

29 minutes ago, JayWay said:

Thing is though, we did dive head first quickly.  I don’t have issue going as quickly as we did. I truly want us to continue down road.  Why does she tell me “don’t disappear, it’s not forever, I’m not blocking you, I love you, I’ve never felt like this before”. Then kisses me and leaves.  Why say “don’t disappear? She had issues with not seen her kids because of her ex, she wasn’t aloud to stay at her parents house either.   How does she go from seen, talking texting daily to nothing?  She told me day before all this how much she misses me. 

Commenting on parts of your last post that are quoted above.

Yes, you did dive head first quickly, the poster you were responding to gave you all the good reasons not to do that and what the potential pitfalls were.

You don't have an issue going quickly and want to continue, but it's not up to you, there's another person in the equation and she's a casualty of diving in too quickly. Or might have been. She could have dumped you even if things evolved slowly, but the point that was made is that when you move quickly there's a much greater chance that things will ultimately fall apart, again for all the reasons given.

She said those things because she's cake-eating. She's fairly sure she wants out but she wants to keep you on the hook in case she a) changes her mind or b) fails to find someone better.

She had issues seeing her kids? That's a HUGE red flag and indicates she's got some serious issues.

She goes from talking and texting daily to going dark- how does she do it? Because you're not nearly as important to her as she is to you. It wasn't as real to her. Clearly most of those endearing things she said to you were off the top of her head and weren't indicative of her true state of mind.

 

Edited December 28, 2020 by trident_2020

[ExpatInItaly]

39 minutes ago, JayWay said:

Doesn’t negate things she told me and said she wants.  

It also doesn’t mean you have any real clue how sincere she was when she told you these things, either. You don’t have enough to go on to assume she would put  money where her mouth was. 

This might be exactly how she operates: impulsively lovebombs her way into a relationship, falls in love with the honeymoon sparks, and then bails again when it suits her. It’s why we cannot rely on words and a couple short months alone to provide an indication of what the future holds with someone. Words supported by consistent actions over a longer period of time are the key. 

You can’t make sense of it because you don’t know her as well as you think you do. You have very little frame of reference for her (which is normal at just 3 months) or what she’s like in a relationship. You don’t yet have a comprehensive idea of her character, behaviour patterns, flaws, coping mechanisms, conflict-resolution skills and life- views. This is why you’re so confused now; you two zoomed through the essential stages in the “getting-to-know-you” process, so you can’t even begin to guess what is up with her at present, If you’d slowed down and approached this more wisely, you’d likely have a far better idea of when things are about to go sideways, and why. 

Unfortunately, this is often the outcome of whirlwind relationships and the very reason most don’t last.

[Lotsgoingon]

Both of you have a lot of pain. Both of you are afraid of getting hurt. Both of you are the end of nasty custody disputes.

Seems to me neither of you was ready to date. And neither of you is healed enough from previous pain in order to sustain a close relationship. 

[Noproblem]

She used you to heal and now she is moving on with her life and sees you as an obstcle, she can't end it cold and wants to keep you as a "just in case she needs you later" item.

Do you wanna be just in case item?

Just in case she needed money

just in case she needed a place to stay at

just in case she needed sex?

 

CRY CRY CRY

Block her and move on! Think about your kids and your future without this user!

 

Oh I bet you are upset I called her a user

you still see her as an angel in distress

 

She is a USER

BLOCK her Forever and move on!

[lana-banana]

This is how whirlwind relationships go. They're amazing and exhilarating and intoxicating, but they're also that much more intense when they end.

In a healthy and mature relationship, you aren't planning your long-term future in the first few months. It's not possible to cram a healthy relationship into a short period of time because a healthy relationship itself takes time - time that is often spent doing boring things, like paying bills or squabbling over the best way to get to the interstate. You have to understand each other's boundaries, figure out how to fit into each other's lives, learn how to give and take and fight and make up. While you can fall in love fast, the process of truly loving somebody takes many months of partnership and good and bad times. That's why it's supposed to be so special when somebody says "I love you" for the first time: because over time they've come to know you, even the parts you're ashamed of, and they still want to be with you, and the reward is a relationship that's deeper and mutually fulfilling.

Whirlwind romances cut out all that time part and try to immediately skip to the happy fulfilling relationship part, but that's simply not possible when you don't really know the other person. It's like trying to build a house without a foundation: it's inevitably going to collapse. It sounds like this girl has plenty of her own issues, like we all do, but instead of working together in a mature manner she immediately became emotionally dependent upon you and got you hooked on her adoration, and the feeling that you were saving/protecting her. But that's not love, that's just childish infatuation, and it usually doesn't survive contact with reality.

I have no idea why she left but she needs to get her head on straight. I don't think she's in any place to be in a healthy relationship with anyone, not for a long time, and if anything she might be well-served by putting the kids first and focusing on them for a while. I'm sorry you went through this - all of us who have been in a whirlwind situation know how much it hurts. But the solution isn't diving back into the drama and hoping it'll be different. The solution is taking the (very, very hard) lesson for your next relationship and reminding yourself you can't rush something precious.

[JayWay]

Thanks Lana Banana for input.
 

She wanted out right now partially because she’s not good at multitasking so to speak. Her family teases her about it.

She told me - “don’t make this harder than it is” (while i weakly cried some), she cried some, at first when she got here she acted polar opposite to how she always is as she was kinda cold almost angry like annoyed in a way. She brought her work computer and stuff as if she would stay over. Thought that was weird she kinda prepared for any outcome.  Seems indecisive, felt she was forcing herself to go this route.

She told me the reasons are - “I need to get settled into my new job just started and you know it’s stressful, the kids schedules are changing daily right now, I need to figure out if I can juggle our relationship with everything else, need to make sure it’s what we want for long haul, it’s not forever, you’ll be ok, don’t disappear, I’m not blocking you, I mean, we are going to talk, just don’t disappear, I need to do this now, it won’t kill you waiting, if meant to be we will be, I need to get healthier physically as you know and always reassure me about that, don’t disappear”.  Then we share little kiss, she says “I love you, I’m not saying it’s forever”.  
Maybe I can give benefit of doubt?  I honestly haven’t felt this way about someone. And I’m in good place to see that. Even though my custody dispute is about 3 years in, I’m in good headspace.
 

Her telling me initially she wants something serious and she’s in that place for it really lead me believe if we move little fast that’s ok but we just need to adjust as we go along if need to back off little or such.  

I do get little insecure at times. But nothint to warrant this.  She does as well. Everybody does a time or two. I got more needy smothering the past week leading up to this. 
 

 Keep in mind - she told me day before all this and practically everyday - “you are majority reason I snapped out of this funk I’ve been in, you pushed me back to kids, made me reconcile with my mom, support me emotionally, I love you over communication, I love how you always put yourself in my shoes and can always take blame and fix things, trust me I don’t want to go anywhere and never felt this way before about person, trusting me is something need to do and I know I’ve given reasons not too, we agreed to stay together since you forgave me for lying to you, because we both know how much we want us to work out even if we don’t move as fast as we did at first which we both agreed doing, we know how we feel about each other and that’s what is important and as long we always are open with each other like we are it will better us for long haul”.  

I care for her. I see past her edges. While some might be a flag, that’s ok. I’m willing to work through those. I haven’t contacted her for 6 days. It’s hard because we talked texted daily right from start. It just feels off. Feels like this isn’t how should be. If time and no contact are only things to help, then I’ll do that. I’m just struggling because I don’t see why I can’t even text her with “I’missing you”?  What would that hurt anything?  I’m scared she will look at it and say “well, he’s not reaching out to me then guess he doesn’t really want me”?  Is that wrong? 

[lana-banana]

First of all, forget what she told you. Nobody is ever fully honest during breakups, and it sincerely doesn't matter what her reason is---the end result is that she's choosing not to have you in her life. Surely if she wants you, she'll contact you, right? If you love someone and want to be with them you move mountains to make it happen. She isn't doing that, and every hour she doesn't tells you more about where her priorities are and what she wants for herself. 

2 hours ago, JayWay said:

Keep in mind - she told me day before all this and practically everyday - “you are majority reason I snapped out of this funk I’ve been in, you pushed me back to kids, made me reconcile with my mom, support me emotionally, I love you over communication, I love how you always put yourself in my shoes and can always take blame and fix things, trust me I don’t want to go anywhere and never felt this way before about person, trusting me is something need to do and I know I’ve given reasons not too, we agreed to stay together since you forgave me for lying to you, because we both know how much we want us to work out even if we don’t move as fast as we did at first which we both agreed doing, we know how we feel about each other and that’s what is important and as long we always are open with each other like we are it will better us for long haul”.  

This is a Communist parade of red flags in a relationship that's only several months old. This is something you would tell your husband after five years of marriage, not a new beau. She is trying to use you as a solution to all her emotional problems, which clearly didn't work, and now she's...trying something else, I guess? If she can tell you all of that one day and break up with you the next, wouldn't you agree she's way too unstable to be in a relationship?

If she truly wanted to be with you for the long haul, she'd be reaching out and begging for you back. Because she has given you ample proof that you can't trust her words, you have to go by her actions, and her actions are indicating she does not want to be in a relationship with you.

[maggiemtn]

3 hours ago, JayWay said:

I see past her edges. While some might be a flag, that’s ok. I’m willing to work through those. I haven’t contacted her for 6 days. It’s hard because we talked texted daily right from start. It just feels off. Feels like this isn’t how should be. If time and no contact are only things to help, then I’ll do that. I’m just struggling because I don’t see why I can’t even text her with “I’missing you”?  What would that hurt anything?  I’m scared she will look at it and say “well, he’s not reaching out to me then guess he doesn’t really want me”?  Is that wrong? 

It doesn’t matter what she said before you broke up, she changed her mind for whatever reason. And when breakups are raw, people say things to either soften the blow or keep you hanging on so they have a fallback plan. Not always, but that’s what it sounds like in your case. 
 

I know it feels like this isn’t how it should be, but it is and you just have to put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward. A healthy relationship doesn’t involve someone being like “Hey I’m gonna check out of your life and I don’t know for how long, but you need to put your life on hold and just wait until I’ve decided what I want to do with my own life.” It’s extremely selfish. 
 

So yes, it is a bad idea to contact her and say you miss her. I miss my ex every single day but if he really wanted me or thought “Oh no! I’ve made a huge mistake!” he’d be showing up at my door, writing me a letter, anything. But he doesn’t, because he made a decision to end it. I can envision him just sighing and getting frustrated and probably blocking my number if I texted him about our relationship or missing him. And I’m sure he’s sad and misses me too! But he made the choice I wasn’t the right one for him, and each day that goes by, I’m starting to agree with him. 
 

Try to move on and do things for yourself. It can only help you in the end. 

[tart6245]

I am on day 6 after my breakup as well and I still fight the urges you are fighting. But I keep telling myself, if my ex really felt she made a mistake, she could reach out, write me, message me, or something. So far, she's been silent. That does not mean I am putting myself on hold for her. I am moving forward with working on the things I need to fix. If she does come back, I will be a better me, and if she does not come back, I will be better for a future relationship. Contacting your ex, right now at least, will surely have the opposite effect than you intend. It will drive them further away. 

[JayWay]

I’m working on downfalls of mine I have. It’s very hard not thinking everything she said wasn’t real. I want to give benefit doubt that she’s really confused and her and I add to stress right now. I was being little more needy recently, but nothing we didn’t talk about. Why is it bad not to at least text her with “I’m always here for you”?  So she knows for sure I’m always there if she needs something. Whatever that is. Not to be used though.  She even told her ex about me and how soon we would meet each other’s kids. She told her ex how she’s fallen hard for me. Why tell her ex that then she flips like this?  I really feel and think she is type that would say “he’s not reaching out then forget him”?  Isn’t that true that many women would think that? Otherwise she’d look desperate coming to me. She broke it off, but still.  If texting her - “I’m always here for you” looks desperate or annoys her possibly then I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize possibility for us. I guess why soften the blow of break up when she already knew I was crushed by crying and telling her not too?  That was said earlier post so when she tells me “don’t disappear, I’m not blocking you, it’s not forever”, when she says that am I just backup plan?  Or she’s genuinely confused overwhelmed?   I really feel this isn’t what should be and she’s forcing herself to do this?  She’s gone back to her ex few different times and think she’s done that before with another ex. Maybe it’s how she tries to deal with stuff? I don’t want to jeopardize anything but I also don’t want to my chance as she could be wanting me to reach out to her?  Guess need opinion on that and how some women or men process or think along those lines?  

[tart6245]

7 minutes ago, JayWay said:

I’m working on downfalls of mine I have. It’s very hard not thinking everything she said wasn’t real. I want to give benefit doubt that she’s really confused and her and I add to stress right now. I was being little more needy recently, but nothing we didn’t talk about. Why is it bad not to at least text her with “I’m always here for you”?  So she knows for sure I’m always there if she needs something. Whatever that is. Not to be used though.  She even told her ex about me and how soon we would meet each other’s kids. She told her ex how she’s fallen hard for me. Why tell her ex that then she flips like this?  I really feel and think she is type that would say “he’s not reaching out then forget him”?  Isn’t that true that many women would think that? Otherwise she’d look desperate coming to me. She broke it off, but still.  If texting her - “I’m always here for you” looks desperate or annoys her possibly then I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize possibility for us. I guess why soften the blow of break up when she already knew I was crushed by crying and telling her not too?  That was said earlier post so when she tells me “don’t disappear, I’m not blocking you, it’s not forever”, when she says that am I just backup plan?  Or she’s genuinely confused overwhelmed?   I really feel this isn’t what should be and she’s forcing herself to do this?  She’s gone back to her ex few different times and think she’s done that before with another ex. Maybe it’s how she tries to deal with stuff? I don’t want to jeopardize anything but I also don’t want to my chance as she could be wanting me to reach out to her?  Guess need opinion on that and how some women or men process or think along those lines?  

She was the one that broke it off. If she wanted to be with you, she would be with you now. There is no need to tell her you will be there for her because it will make you look desperate. She knows you are there for her now should she changed her mind. It has been 6 days. Perhaps in a few weeks, you can re-evaluate. 

My ex also abruptly left me and told me much of the same. "I still care about you a lot / I want us to remain friendly / I am going to miss being with you / I am going to live with my parents to decide my next move / I am not sure if this is forever / I am not going to be seeing other people." She also told me 9 days before she left how much she wanted our relationship and wanted me after I asked her if she was genuinely happy in it. She was committing to plans for the holidays with my family. She kissed me goodbye the morning she packed up and left as she always would do and told me she liked my outfit and how I looked cute. 

Then, I came home to find half the apartment packed up and she told me we had to break up as it would be the best for both of us. 

My point is, you have to take whatever she said with a grain of salt. Was my ex lying to me as well for those final weeks when she undoubtedly was considering leaving? Who knows. But she left me just like your ex left you. There is no use trying to reach out right now, especially when things are still in the infant stages. I am addressing the issues she brought up when we split up. I'm doing it for me. If she never comes back, I will be better for the next person. If she does give me another chance, she will see that I was serious about her and about listening to what she needed.