I was stunned girlfriend called it off right now, 6 days NC, I'm in misery like never before, will she reach out to me?

[trident_2020]

Seems like you've decided to reach out to her it's just a matter of when. Post back here about how that worked for you.

 

[JayWay]

4 hours ago, tarheelian said:

By saying you will always be there for her,  you are suggesting you are putting your life on hold for her for whenever she needs you. She dumped you. You shouldn't be there for her anymore. If she needed you, she'd never have dumped you. 

I am dealing with heartbreak too and I also am fighting my urges to contact my ex to talk and try to work things out, but I would never tell her I am putting my life on hold to wait for her nor tell her I am always here for her. Presumably, if we don't get back together, she will eventually move on with another man. Why would I want to be there for her then? Why would you? 

Well, I guess I’m saying that I’d wait for her. I’d work on myself though.  I do not want us apart out of the blue like this. It makes no sense based everything she did and said.  Telling me don’t disappear, it’s not forever, I love you (then kisses me), won’t kill you to wait for us, I’m not going to block you, we will talk, it’s not forever. She said these things after final blow was delivered.  Not too mention she brought few shirts of mine but kept my aviator sunglasses and few other shirts and took sweatshirt when she left. Along with my throw.  Guess she forgot bring those items back. Plus she leaves multiple pairs shoes over here at my house smack in front of dresser.  She does like people chase her. There’s reasons for it she says. So with all that, I do want to let her know I’m always here for her and won’t give up on us.  She’s told me massive deep things as did I that most don’t with each other.  Day before telling me trust me I’m not going anywhere trust me with your heart baby.  Ok. So I trust her. Then this????  Doesn’t make sense. That’s why I wanna tell her “I miss us, and always here for you”.  Why not?  Because she knows then she can do whatever?  She’s one told me don’t disappear. Said multiple times.  Am I backup plan?  Or is she legit confused? 

[JayWay]

1 hour ago, trident_2020 said:

Seems like you've decided to reach out to her it's just a matter of when. Post back here about how that worked for you.

 

She’ll more than likely ignore it.  No idea why. Maybe cause doesn’t want to give hope when she’s already done that multiple times “don’t go anywhere, don’t disappear, don’t disappear, I love you”. I’d say most would ignore message. Nobody can just shut off daily talking texting sharing deeply with each other and not miss it badly. Cause I always supported her made her feel better as she would say.  How can she shut off and not even miss saying good morning?  Makes no sense. 

[JayWay]

Just now, JayWay said:

She’ll more than likely ignore it.  No idea why. Maybe cause doesn’t want to give hope when she’s already done that multiple times “don’t go anywhere, don’t disappear, don’t disappear, I love you”. I’d say most would ignore message. Nobody can just shut off daily talking texting sharing deeply with each other and not miss it badly. Cause I always supported her made her feel better as she would say.  How can she shut off and not even miss saying good morning?  Makes no sense. 

She’ll either ignore or say sorry. But saying sorry she will need to reach out to me. I’m wondering if this is grass greener with her?  Another guy?  That’s will crash burn then I’m assuming she’ll open door to me?  Usually that’s when it happens. And that point I’m gone already.  Isn’t that right?  Remember she said as pulling away “brutal honesty I want to wake up and realize this is dumb and we should be together making work with kids jobs coparents families and such.  Why say that when damage was already done. No point soften blow at that point. Right? 

[JayWay]

2 hours ago, trident_2020 said:

Seems like you've decided to reach out to her it's just a matter of when. Post back here about how that worked for you.

 

Another question. I’ve replied couple times to this with other questions. But what’s purpose of ignoring a text when the person ignores it said multiple times - “we are going to talk, don’t disappear, it’s not forever, it won’t kill you to wait for us, don’t disappear, I’m not going to block you”.  So, she’s saying indirectly “please chase me, although I might ignore you time to time until I’m ready to come back to you”??????  Legit, is that it?   Makes me sick seems that’s what’s going on. 

[JayWay]

Another thing that’s confusing to me. 2 days before this, we texted daily a lot, but 2 days prior she was coming over in couple days. She kept blowing me how she’s missed me, can’t wait to make love to me, how can’t wait to hug hold me, how can’t wait to watch tv together and laugh, and how I need to help her with her new jobs health enrollment paperwork.  Heck day before this all went down it was same thing.  “Remind me to help with enrollment, your knowledge is awesome with that stuff and your memory is awesome as you know mine sucks”.   Again, makes no sense. Feels like she forced this. Or maybe her parents told her “if living under our roof, back off Joe cause you need focus work kids most of time?   Sorry, it’s been week NC and I’m dying inside. I’ve never felt this way about person ever. And I’m in upper 30’s with a son. Something is off. Guy?  

[dramafreezone]

I'm sure the ex believes the words that are coming out of her mouth but her actions say that she lost interest in you.  She may not know why, but she knows she's not attracted to you right now.  Women don't break up with men they're madly in love with.

Additionally, she doesn't sound very stable.  New job, health problems with kids, tenuous living situation.  This is not a recipe for a stable relationship.

In any event, pursuing her more is just going to make it worse.  There's a good chance that there's another guy in the picture.  How long was she with this ex before you?  Could be a guy at the new job.  This thing with her started up at warp speed so it could easily be starting up with another guy that same way.

It sounds like you centered your world around woman.  Focus on yourself.  Assume it's over for good.  It's ok to feel bad for a while, but channel that into something productive.  Get back into the gym, get into your hobbies and get back out there dating.  You'll find someone way better.

Edited December 30, 2020 by dramafreezone

[maggiemtn]

41 minutes ago, JayWay said:

Well, I guess I’m saying that I’d wait for her. I’d work on myself though.  I do not want us apart out of the blue like this. It makes no sense based everything she did and said.  Telling me don’t disappear, it’s not forever, I love you (then kisses me), won’t kill you to wait for us, I’m not going to block you, we will talk, it’s not forever. She said these things after final blow was delivered.  Not too mention she brought few shirts of mine but kept my aviator sunglasses and few other shirts and took sweatshirt when she left. Along with my throw.  Guess she forgot bring those items back. Plus she leaves multiple pairs shoes over here at my house smack in front of dresser.  She does like people chase her. There’s reasons for it she says. So with all that, I do want to let her know I’m always here for her and won’t give up on us.  She’s told me massive deep things as did I that most don’t with each other.  Day before telling me trust me I’m not going anywhere trust me with your heart baby.  Ok. So I trust her. Then this????  Doesn’t make sense. That’s why I wanna tell her “I miss us, and always here for you”.  Why not?  Because she knows then she can do whatever?  She’s one told me don’t disappear. Said multiple times.  Am I backup plan?  Or is she legit confused? 

We can’t tell you exactly what someone else is thinking or feeling. We don’t know, you don’t know, only your ex knows. But the likelihood you’ll receive an honest answer or one that satisfies you is slim to none. Lasting relationships shouldn’t be met with confusion. Lasting relationships don’t need one person to “chase” the other. Again, you have been good with NC for this long, why break it now to send something that you must know will seem clingy and make yourself feel like you’re back at day 1. So many people have already told you why it’s a bad idea but we can’t tell you exactly what her motives are. We don’t know her. If you’re dead set on breaking your NC, get it over with so you can start the healing process. I mean, I strongly, strongly advise against breaking it but you seem pretty bound and determined to do it.
 

You seem like the type who needs the door slammed in your face. I’m one of those types too, for some reason I feel like that is my “closure.” But I got mine not from saying “I’m here for you,” but having a conversation about how we got from marriage talk to “nevermind.” It’s helping me move on. If my ex had said “it’s not forever” I’d be a wreck. He did ask at one point to have a few weeks and I said no, I can’t do that, if you don’t know now, you won’t know then. So I guess I slammed my own door, I don’t know, but I don’t feel bad about it. 
 

Do what you gotta do, but understand it’s very unlikely to work out and highly likely to cause you more pain, and a longer healing time in the end. 

[trident_2020]

45 minutes ago, JayWay said:

Another question. I’ve replied couple times to this with other questions. But what’s purpose of ignoring a text when the person ignores it said multiple times - “we are going to talk, don’t disappear, it’s not forever, it won’t kill you to wait for us, don’t disappear, I’m not going to block you”.  So, she’s saying indirectly “please chase me, although I might ignore you time to time until I’m ready to come back to you”??????  

She's saying "I think I want to dump you but I'm not 100% certain that I can find someone better or if all the problems completely eliminate some of the good stuff so please stick around waiting until I make up my mind for good or given up on finding someone better, no matter how long it takes".

 

 

[JayWay]

30 minutes ago, maggiemtn said:

We can’t tell you exactly what someone else is thinking or feeling. We don’t know, you don’t know, only your ex knows. But the likelihood you’ll receive an honest answer or one that satisfies you is slim to none. Lasting relationships shouldn’t be met with confusion. Lasting relationships don’t need one person to “chase” the other. Again, you have been good with NC for this long, why break it now to send something that you must know will seem clingy and make yourself feel like you’re back at day 1. So many people have already told you why it’s a bad idea but we can’t tell you exactly what her motives are. We don’t know her. If you’re dead set on breaking your NC, get it over with so you can start the healing process. I mean, I strongly, strongly advise against breaking it but you seem pretty bound and determined to do it.
 

You seem like the type who needs the door slammed in your face. I’m one of those types too, for some reason I feel like that is my “closure.” But I got mine not from saying “I’m here for you,” but having a conversation about how we got from marriage talk to “nevermind.” It’s helping me move on. If my ex had said “it’s not forever” I’d be a wreck. He did ask at one point to have a few weeks and I said no, I can’t do that, if you don’t know now, you won’t know then. So I guess I slammed my own door, I don’t know, but I don’t feel bad about it. 
 

Do what you gotta do, but understand it’s very unlikely to work out and highly likely to cause you more pain, and a longer healing time in the end. 

I agree.  If I text her it will be just hope everything well, here for you. Along those lines. Yes, I need door slammed. You’d be wreck if he said it’s not forever. She said that to me multiple times. Along with don’t disappear, won’t kill us to wait, if meant we will be, it’s not forever, don’t make harder than is, I love you.   That’s in limbo like wanting to wait without asking me to wait. So to speak. So “it’s not forever” has made me wreck. When follow up with a hug kiss and a I love you, I need to do this.  Maybe she thinks I’ll disappear???  It’s just weird thing to say. Along with I’m not blocking you, we will talk.  That’s crappy thing to say when other person heart is breaking and they are crying. It doesn’t soften any blow either. Make sense? 

[JayWay]

20 minutes ago, trident_2020 said:

She's saying "I think I want to dump you but I'm not 100% certain that I can find someone better or if all the problems completely eliminate some of the good stuff so please stick around waiting until I make up my mind for good or given up on finding someone better, no matter how long it takes".

 

 

Then if I text her I’m for sure letting her know I’m waiting for her and she has me wrapped around her finger? 

[JayWay]

51 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

I'm sure the ex believes the words that are coming out of her mouth but her actions say that she lost interest in you.  She may not know why, but she knows she's not attracted to you right now.  Women don't break up with men they're madly in love with.

Additionally, she doesn't sound very stable.  New job, health problems with kids, tenuous living situation.  This is not a recipe for a stable relationship.

In any event, pursuing her more is just going to make it worse.  There's a good chance that there's another guy in the picture.  How long was she with this ex before you?  Could be a guy at the new job.  This thing with her started up at warp speed so it could easily be starting up with another guy that same way.

It sounds like you centered your world around woman.  Focus on yourself.  Assume it's over for good.  It's ok to feel bad for a while, but channel that into something productive.  Get back into the gym, get into your hobbies and get back out there dating.  You'll find someone way better.

I hear that. I don’t want another. I want her.  Just as she hammered daily texting talking or in person to me. How she’s never felt this way, telling her mom her ex how much she cares for me and how much if wasn’t for me she be in worse place as I’m majority reason she’s reconciled with mom, got job, started eating better, focused more on her kids.   So I get credit then it means nothing????  Feels like I’m used.  

[dramafreezone]

14 minutes ago, JayWay said:

I hear that. I don’t want another. I want her.  Just as she hammered daily texting talking or in person to me. How she’s never felt this way, telling her mom her ex how much she cares for me and how much if wasn’t for me she be in worse place as I’m majority reason she’s reconciled with mom, got job, started eating better, focused more on her kids.   So I get credit then it means nothing????  Feels like I’m used.  

I know how you feel, been there.  The reality is that no amount of you wanting her is going to attract her back to you.  You having done stuff for her and having been there for her in the past is great, but it doesn't have anything to do with how she feels at this moment. 

She wasn't attracted to you because of those things you did.  There was something about the way you behaved that made her feel great, and she's not attracted to you anymore because you don't make her feel that way anymore.  That's all being in love is, it's about the way the other person makes them feel.  Do you think pleading for her to come back to you makes her feel great?

[healing light]

On 12/27/2020 at 4:40 PM, trident_2020 said:

She had issues seeing her kids? That's a HUGE red flag and indicates she's got some serious issues

Ditto, courts usually favor the mom from what I've heard and read. I'm only up to here in the thread, but what was revealed so far was that her parents didn't want her to stay with them (why?), she has several failed marriages/relationships despite having dated "a ton," and has had difficulty seeing her kids. She lovebombed you and then did a complete 180 within 24 hours.

This woman sounds fly by the seat of her pants and unstable at best. How can someone be very empathetic, yet disappear the way she did and rarely give in to what the other person wants? Those last two things don't usually pair with empathy. 

You don't know her the way you think you did. At least not enough to anticipate her current actions. That comes with viewing someone's behavior over time. 

Let's assume for a minute she wasn't throwing up red flags. It's possible she smothered and there were too many life changes too soon in order for her not to feel enormously pressured--another reason you need to take things slowly in the beginning to build a solid foundation.

[deepthinking]

JayWay, I hope you eat well and generally do not sit about too long; moving around naturally produces humans' feel-good chemicals. If she comes back - and sometimes they do - great; whatever happens next, get your clothes ready for next week/year. Clothes are our packaging, a large signal to display.

Edited December 31, 2020 by deepthinking

[maggiemtn]

2 hours ago, JayWay said:

I agree.  If I text her it will be just hope everything well, here for you. Along those lines. Yes, I need door slammed. You’d be wreck if he said it’s not forever. She said that to me multiple times. Along with don’t disappear, won’t kill us to wait, if meant we will be, it’s not forever, don’t make harder than is, I love you.   That’s in limbo like wanting to wait without asking me to wait. So to speak. So “it’s not forever” has made me wreck. When follow up with a hug kiss and a I love you, I need to do this.  Maybe she thinks I’ll disappear???  It’s just weird thing to say. Along with I’m not blocking you, we will talk.  That’s crappy thing to say when other person heart is breaking and they are crying. It doesn’t soften any blow either. Make sense? 

Yes it makes sense. You’re right, it is a crappy thing to say. It’s wrong. So focus on that. Slam your own door. That’s what you need to do to move on. Don’t leave your emotional well-being and life choices in someone else’s hands. Grieve the loss, realize how she wronged you and especially did you wrong by telling you to wait knowing how bad that messes with someone’s head, and try to move on. I wouldn’t want someone so unstable as my life partner. Channel your anxiety, anger, and sadness into something good for YOU. A new hobby, anything. One thing I’ve learned lately is when I have too much time on my hands, I just dwell on the past, good and bad. When I feel like I need an outlet, I write here. But most of the day I just try to focus on anything else. School, work, binge-watch a new series, podcasts. Anything to not dwell. Look up some videos or articles on ruminating thoughts and how to deal with them. It helps.  

[JayWay]

12 hours ago, maggiemtn said:

Yes it makes sense. You’re right, it is a crappy thing to say. It’s wrong. So focus on that. Slam your own door. That’s what you need to do to move on. Don’t leave your emotional well-being and life choices in someone else’s hands. Grieve the loss, realize how she wronged you and especially did you wrong by telling you to wait knowing how bad that messes with someone’s head, and try to move on. I wouldn’t want someone so unstable as my life partner. Channel your anxiety, anger, and sadness into something good for YOU. A new hobby, anything. One thing I’ve learned lately is when I have too much time on my hands, I just dwell on the past, good and bad. When I feel like I need an outlet, I write here. But most of the day I just try to focus on anything else. School, work, binge-watch a new series, podcasts. Anything to not dwell. Look up some videos or articles on ruminating thoughts and how to deal with them. It helps.  

I texted her. No surprise. So I’ll start NC again. Dear gosh!  I said to her “Hi, it’s been close to week and just wanted to see how new job going and hope it’s well, kids are well, and thinking about you. To be honest, I miss us. I probably should not send this, but felt I needed too. I’m here for you”.      
 

Ugh. I’m weak. 

Her Response:  “I appreciate that more than anything, it’s been really stressful.  I just need more time to sort through it all....I’m sorry. Just need time.  
 

then we exchanged few other messages. Couple passive jabs by me and couple by her.  Anyways, ended up telling her - “It’s been harder than thought, I understand time, I’m here for you”.   She said “thank You”. 
 

now, I feel she does either want me to wait as backup plan or she can’t tell someone the real deal, or she’s legit stressed   Bottom line, I need to move on  if she comes back then good  but this is hard for me and I feel I can’t get through it.  Guess I’ll start NC over again   

 

 

[JayWay]

13 hours ago, maggiemtn said:

Yes it makes sense. You’re right, it is a crappy thing to say. It’s wrong. So focus on that. Slam your own door. That’s what you need to do to move on. Don’t leave your emotional well-being and life choices in someone else’s hands. Grieve the loss, realize how she wronged you and especially did you wrong by telling you to wait knowing how bad that messes with someone’s head, and try to move on. I wouldn’t want someone so unstable as my life partner. Channel your anxiety, anger, and sadness into something good for YOU. A new hobby, anything. One thing I’ve learned lately is when I have too much time on my hands, I just dwell on the past, good and bad. When I feel like I need an outlet, I write here. But most of the day I just try to focus on anything else. School, work, binge-watch a new series, podcasts. Anything to not dwell. Look up some videos or articles on ruminating thoughts and how to deal with them. It helps.  

 

13 hours ago, maggiemtn said:

Yes it makes sense. You’re right, it is a crappy thing to say. It’s wrong. So focus on that. Slam your own door. That’s what you need to do to move on. Don’t leave your emotional well-being and life choices in someone else’s hands. Grieve the loss, realize how she wronged you and especially did you wrong by telling you to wait knowing how bad that messes with someone’s head, and try to move on. I wouldn’t want someone so unstable as my life partner. Channel your anxiety, anger, and sadness into something good for YOU. A new hobby, anything. One thing I’ve learned lately is when I have too much time on my hands, I just dwell on the past, good and bad. When I feel like I need an outlet, I write here. But most of the day I just try to focus on anything else. School, work, binge-watch a new series, podcasts. Anything to not dwell. Look up some videos or articles on ruminating thoughts and how to deal with them. It helps.  

I also feel strongly by some of what she said she’s legit stringing me along.  No clue why.  When I’ve broke up before no matter as dumper or dumpee, I don’t leave room.  I make clear it’s over   Shes said tons things as false hope.  That’s not cool.  She kept saying last night “I just need some time, I’m sorry I need time right now, it won’t kill us if we don’t happen now”.  I then said “that makes zero sense, your out then your out, if it’s your ex you are going back to, another person then just be honest cause damage already done, I’d like to know the truth just as I’ve told you about everything”    She says “no other guy, I need time to figure all this out, I’m sorry, I need to figure if we can juggle everything”.   I finally just said “look, I care for you, whatever time means then it means, I’m not a jerk to tell you there’s door don’t let it hit you way out, but I’m also not a backup plan”  She interrupted me and said “you’re not backup plan, I don’t want you feeling I’m using or have used you, I hate that it’s last thing I want you to feel”.  I said “I only can go on actions at this time.  If I feel I was used, just like you tell me to see your perspective about “needing time and space”, which I do actually, see my perspective that I felt I was used”.  She interrupts and says “it’s just time, it won’t kill you”.  I said “babe, I know my faults and always correct them, and I don’t understand just time.....2 people care for each then they can make things happen.  I’m sorry you are stressed.  Welcome to 2020.  Everybody is.  I have a son mostly full time, I have in and out jobs with pandemic office closures.  That is stress as well.   Bottom line, you want out and I don’t.  I’ll need to figure myself out, cause it cuts deep”   Then she says “everything I said is real to you”.   I said “I think it was, I do know your time space is real, again, I’m always here if need a shoulder, that’s just how I am built”.   Then she said “so you’re saying it’s over for good”.  I said “I said what I just said.  I’ve made clear my position and desires”.  
 

that was it.   I’ve never been more confused in my life about a conversation

[trident_2020]

Ouch reading your text was cringeworthy.

For your own good don't contact her again.

 

[maggiemtn]

3 hours ago, JayWay said:

 

I also feel strongly by some of what she said she’s legit stringing me along.  No clue why.  When I’ve broke up before no matter as dumper or dumpee, I don’t leave room.  I make clear it’s over   Shes said tons things as false hope.  That’s not cool.  She kept saying last night “I just need some time, I’m sorry I need time right now, it won’t kill us if we don’t happen now”.  I then said “that makes zero sense, your out then your out, if it’s your ex you are going back to, another person then just be honest cause damage already done, I’d like to know the truth just as I’ve told you about everything”    She says “no other guy, I need time to figure all this out, I’m sorry, I need to figure if we can juggle everything”.   I finally just said “look, I care for you, whatever time means then it means, I’m not a jerk to tell you there’s door don’t let it hit you way out, but I’m also not a backup plan”  She interrupted me and said “you’re not backup plan, I don’t want you feeling I’m using or have used you, I hate that it’s last thing I want you to feel”.  I said “I only can go on actions at this time.  If I feel I was used, just like you tell me to see your perspective about “needing time and space”, which I do actually, see my perspective that I felt I was used”.  She interrupts and says “it’s just time, it won’t kill you”.  I said “babe, I know my faults and always correct them, and I don’t understand just time.....2 people care for each then they can make things happen.  I’m sorry you are stressed.  Welcome to 2020.  Everybody is.  I have a son mostly full time, I have in and out jobs with pandemic office closures.  That is stress as well.   Bottom line, you want out and I don’t.  I’ll need to figure myself out, cause it cuts deep”   Then she says “everything I said is real to you”.   I said “I think it was, I do know your time space is real, again, I’m always here if need a shoulder, that’s just how I am built”.   Then she said “so you’re saying it’s over for good”.  I said “I said what I just said.  I’ve made clear my position and desires”.  
 

that was it.   I’ve never been more confused in my life about a conversation

She is manipulating the hell out of you. People are confused all the time, especially coming out of a relationship but decent people make the decision and cut the cord without stringing someone along, then work on themselves alone. She IS stringing you along and then manipulating you by turning it back on you with the “So you’re saying it’s over for good.” She doesn’t sound at all like a nice person, a good person, or someone capable of caring about her partner’s feelings. But again she knows she can get away with all of it, so it’s going to keep on happening. I’m sorry this is happening but you have to be stronger for yourself. 

[JayWay]

2 hours ago, trident_2020 said:

Ouch reading your text was cringeworthy.

For your own good don't contact her again.

 

I legit think she wants me to wait around?  She said again to me “don’t disappear, I just need more time.....I’m sorry”.  I said “sorry for needing time, or sorry telling me don’t disappear?”    I’m so confused.  I even told her calmly “just lay it out, if it’s done for good then say it, does neither us good wondering if should disappear and such”. 
 

does she want me as backup?  Makes no sense. 

[JayWay]

1 minute ago, maggiemtn said:

She is manipulating the hell out of you. People are confused all the time, especially coming out of a relationship but decent people make the decision and cut the cord without stringing someone along, then work on themselves alone. She IS stringing you along and then manipulating you by turning it back on you with the “So you’re saying it’s over for good.” She doesn’t sound at all like a nice person, a good person, or someone capable of caring about her partner’s feelings. But again she knows she can get away with all of it, so it’s going to keep on happening. I’m sorry this is happening but you have to be stronger for yourself. 

I guess I Messed up by telling her towards end of convo “I’m here for you, I understand time aspect”?    Did that mess me up?  Give her final proof that he’s not going anywhere?   I just can’t be jerk I guess per say. She’s knows that about me.  And when she says “don’t disappear, I just need time....I’m sorry”.    That sentence makes zero sense. Doesn’t it? 

[maggiemtn]

1 minute ago, JayWay said:

does she want me as backup?  Makes no sense. 

YES. She’s not going to tell you that because if she does, she knows her game is over. No one would ever come out and say “Yeah, you’re my backup plan.” What they say is the EXACT stuff like your ex is saying. “I need time,” “It won’t kill us if it doesn’t happen right now,” “It’s not forever,” this is all a giant sign in your face that is saying “You are my backup plan.” It seems like you know this but can’t accept it, why are you believing her words over her obvious actions? 

[maggiemtn]

1 minute ago, JayWay said:

I guess I Messed up by telling her towards end of convo “I’m here for you, I understand time aspect”?    Did that mess me up?  Give her final proof that he’s not going anywhere?   I just can’t be jerk I guess per say. She’s knows that about me.  And when she says “don’t disappear, I just need time....I’m sorry”.    That sentence makes zero sense. Doesn’t it? 

You messed up by texting her at all but it’s okay, you can start anew. And it’s not a jerk thing to do by standing up for yourself and not being a doormat. The sentence makes perfect sense to me. She’s keeping you close in case she is lonely, bored, or needs a comfortable spot. Respect yourself enough to let her go and move on. 

[ExpatInItaly]

My money is on her test-driving another guy. Don't expect her to be honest about it. 

Sorry, man. 

You need to drop this woman like a hot potato.