I was stunned girlfriend called it off right now, 6 days NC, I'm in misery like never before, will she reach out to me?

December 31, 2020

8 minutes ago, maggiemtn said:

YES. She’s not going to tell you that because if she does, she knows her game is over. No one would ever come out and say “Yeah, you’re my backup plan.” What they say is the EXACT stuff like your ex is saying. “I need time,” “It won’t kill us if it doesn’t happen right now,” “It’s not forever,” this is all a giant sign in your face that is saying “You are my backup plan.” It seems like you know this but can’t accept it, why are you believing her words over her obvious actions?

Then she just should say it. Just say “it’s over, it’s sucks, whatever”. I told her just be real. She says “I appreciate what you feel and said, I just need time.....I’m sorry. Dont disappear”. Ummmmm, what????? She told profusely there’s no other guy she has “guy here in his home that cares about me, I care about him, I need to do this”. It really feels this isn’t how supposed to be. None of it. Like she’s forcing it? If it’s another guy, then I’m pretty sure that will crash and burn? Then that’s when she reaches back out to me? Seems that’s how typically happens. If another guy, no clue when she talked to him. We were with each other daily, texted, talked daily. That crushes me if it’s case. If is case, would that relationship not crash and burn usually? You can’t say do what she did for months then suddenly go cold turkey and not miss things? Guess when new guy isn’t in picture then she misses that stuff? I won’t contact her again. But doesn’t lessen my heartbreak. Just things she said day before all this. Makes no sense.

again, what does “I appreciate you and what you said, I just need more time......I’m sorry. Don’t disappear.” What does that mean????

December 31, 2020

Doesn’t matter what any of it means. Clearly the texting got you nowhere and ruminating over everything she said and wrote isn’t going to help either. She dumped you and all you can do is pick yourself up off the floor along with whatever remains of your self respect and move on with your life. Honesty you are starting to sound desperate.

December 31, 2020

46 minutes ago, JayWay said:

again, what does “I appreciate you and what you said, I just need more time......I’m sorry. Don’t disappear.” What does that mean????

You keep repeating this.

What do you want it to mean? Clearly the answers we've provided are not what you're hoping to hear.

December 31, 2020

1 hour ago, JayWay said:

again, what does “I appreciate you and what you said, I just need more time......I’m sorry. Don’t disappear.” What does that mean????

I’m seriously so sad for you. I know how it feels to want an answer. The sooner you accept you’re not going to get one, the better off you’ll be. Heartbreak is emotionally and physically painful. Cry it out. Go for a drive. Go to the gym. Talk to a counselor. Write down how you’re feeling and why. Write down what YOU want out of YOUR life—no one else involved. Reading your responses is like watching someone repeatedly press their own hand against a hot burner. We don’t have the answers, nor do you. Stop torturing yourself! We’ve all been through heartbreak and know how painful it is, but if you keep circling the same pattern and thinking about every little detail of a manipulative text, you really will drive yourself insane. Go do anything else, seriously.

December 31, 2020

35 minutes ago, trident_2020 said:

Doesn’t matter what any of it means. Clearly the texting got you nowhere and ruminating over everything she said and wrote isn’t going to help either. She dumped you and all you can do is pick yourself up off the floor along with whatever remains of your self respect and move on with your life. Honesty you are starting to sound desperate.

I am desperate some. Some of that is being blindsided by this. Everything told each other and did, etc. More desperate for the truth. If bolting to test waters then say it and I’ll go. Cause that’s not right. If she’s legit confused and trying to sort things and she wants as she says “us together” then I’d work with her. She’s giving mixed messages that are polar opposite. That’s gonna make me hang on some. She tells me “don’t disappear, I just need more time, sorry, jsut don’t disappear” then I’m kind of like “ok maybe she’s really overwhelmed based on everything so I’ll wait around”. Not like desperate wait.

December 31, 2020

4 minutes ago, maggiemtn said:

I’m seriously so sad for you. I know how it feels to want an answer. The sooner you accept you’re not going to get one, the better off you’ll be. Heartbreak is emotionally and physically painful. Cry it out. Go for a drive. Go to the gym. Talk to a counselor. Write down how you’re feeling and why. Write down what YOU want out of YOUR life—no one else involved. Reading your responses is like watching someone repeatedly press their own hand against a hot burner. We don’t have the answers, nor do you. Stop torturing yourself! We’ve all been through heartbreak and know how painful it is, but if you keep circling the same pattern and thinking about every little detail of a manipulative text, you really will drive yourself insane. Go do anything else, seriously.

Not just text. We talked and she expressed as such earlier today. Heck yes, it confuses me like nothing ever. It’s not hard to cut chord on someone. She simply can say it’s over who knows after that. She’s adamantly making clear for me to not disappear, just give time, shes sorry, she knows I’m it just needs to know she can juggle everything together, and wants to wake up and know she can handle our relationship with kids work and such. I’m sorry, that makes anybody look for hope. Especially when day before she’s hammering how much cares and such. It’s outta the blue. Like 180 weird shift.

December 31, 2020

38 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

You keep repeating this.

What do you want it to mean? Clearly the answers we've provided are not what you're hoping to hear.

Does it mean I’m backup plan, does it mean she’s legit confused trying to figure things out, does it mean there’s other guy and she will come running back when it goes to crap, does it mean I should chase her? No idea.

December 31, 2020

3 minutes ago, JayWay said:

Not just text. We talked and she expressed as such earlier today. Heck yes, it confuses me like nothing ever. It’s not hard to cut chord on someone. She simply can say it’s over who knows after that. She’s adamantly making clear for me to not disappear, just give time, shes sorry, she knows I’m it just needs to know she can juggle everything together, and wants to wake up and know she can handle our relationship with kids work and such. I’m sorry, that makes anybody look for hope. Especially when day before she’s hammering how much cares and such. It’s outta the blue. Like 180 weird shift.

So you’re going to put your entire life on hold for someone who not only left you, but wants to keep you hanging onto false hope, and doesn’t have the decency to tell you it’s over? And she literally said, knowing all the pain you’re in, “it won’t kill you” to wait? She sounds awful.

1 minute ago, JayWay said:

Does it mean I’m backup plan, does it mean she’s legit confused trying to figure things out, does it mean there’s other guy and she will come running back when it goes to crap, does it mean I should chase her? No idea.

It means you’re a backup plan. She doesn’t want you to chase her. It sounds like she wants to be left the hell alone but maybe she’s afraid to tell you that, I don’t know. The fact you are so incredibly stuck on figuring out the hidden meanings of the same thing said over and over is obsessive, desperate, and erratic behavior. Please leave her alone, for both your sake and hers. Therapy would help you too.

December 31, 2020

And I’m also trying to work through how 2 people meet, fall hard, text talk see each other daily then cold turkey and she doesn’t miss that? When just days prior shes telling me trust her with my heart and she’s not going anywhere.

December 31, 2020

2 hours ago, JayWay said:

Then she just should say it. Just say “it’s over, it’s sucks, whatever”. I told her just be real. She says “I appreciate what you feel and said, I just need time.....I’m sorry. Dont disappear”. Ummmmm, what????? She told profusely there’s no other guy she has “guy here in his home that cares about me, I care about him, I need to do this”. It really feels this isn’t how supposed to be. None of it. Like she’s forcing it? If it’s another guy, then I’m pretty sure that will crash and burn? Then that’s when she reaches back out to me? Seems that’s how typically happens. If another guy, no clue when she talked to him. We were with each other daily, texted, talked daily. That crushes me if it’s case. If is case, would that relationship not crash and burn usually? You can’t say do what she did for months then suddenly go cold turkey and not miss things? Guess when new guy isn’t in picture then she misses that stuff? I won’t contact her again. But doesn’t lessen my heartbreak. Just things she said day before all this. Makes no sense.

again, what does “I appreciate you and what you said, I just need more time......I’m sorry. Don’t disappear.” What does that mean????

I believe her because I trust her by all she’s told me and we’ve done.

December 31, 2020

8 minutes ago, JayWay said:

I believe her because I trust her by all she’s told me and we’ve done.

I hope it works out for you.

December 31, 2020

1 hour ago, maggiemtn said:

So you’re going to put your entire life on hold for someone who not only left you, but wants to keep you hanging onto false hope, and doesn’t have the decency to tell you it’s over? And she literally said, knowing all the pain you’re in, “it won’t kill you” to wait? She sounds awful.

It means you’re a backup plan. She doesn’t want you to chase her. It sounds like she wants to be left the hell alone but maybe she’s afraid to tell you that, I don’t know. The fact you are so incredibly stuck on figuring out the hidden meanings of the same thing said over and over is obsessive, desperate, and erratic behavior. Please leave her alone, for both your sake and hers. Therapy would help you too.

I am in therapy actually. When she was dishonest with me before, I asked her to leave so I could think for hour or so. She came back and said “I wanted you to chase me, I like when I’m chased, I’m not going to beg a person, you want me then you can show me that. I’ve always been that way though with my exes”. If left her alone minus last night convo and text. Other than that been dark on my end. I really just have been through tons hurt with ex wife and she knows all details. She’s been hurt badly by her ex husband and she’s shared that with me. I opened home to her when she told me she was living in her car. Honestly, first time since divorce, I found person I was happy with. She put smile on me I haven’t ge it for while. I’m happy on my own, but she helped. And we both told each other neither us have felt this way. I believed her. Nothing wrong with that. I gave her my heart and told her I can’t get hurt in terms of my son and stuff and she said the same. She also said I won’t hurt you, trust me with your heart. I beleieve that when said to me with sincere tear in her eye. I’m just wondering if ever an ex ever has tried going back to person they dumped? My family feels she will try as she’s done so with others and kinda her motto she enjoys comfort affection things like that. They also told me be prepared to protect my heart and stand by ground. Anybody ever have ex try to come back?

December 31, 2020

9 minutes ago, maggiemtn said:

I hope it works out for you.

I hope it does. I really feel strongly in gut, heart, head that she’s forcing this. To just turn so quickly. 2 days prior this she was texting me non stop how couldnt wait to see me, hold me, laugh together, sleep together, cook and such. I really don’t understand how person has sudden shift unless another guy? I know she’s overwhelmed work and kids. But it all seems so very off. Sorry if rehashing, I just miss her a ton. And I’ve truly never felt like this ever before. She told me “you are it, never felt this with a guy, I see futures together, sorry if scares you off”. It did not scare me. At first it did. But it felt so genuine and good. Can I ask this, what is thing I can do to get her come back? Is it just going silent? And, is it possible she’s not even missing all things we’ve told each, planned and texted daily talked daily? Is that possible? Or does a female usually start missing the other after anger stress subsides?

December 31, 2020

She already told you what to do to get her back. Just sit there and wait patiently until she makes up her mind. You’ve already reached out to her, you’ve told her how you feel. Anything else could be stalker-type behavior. You should talk to your therapist about these thoughts. Good luck to you.

January 1, 2021

1 hour ago, JayWay said:

And I’m also trying to work through how 2 people meet, fall hard, text talk see each other daily then cold turkey and she doesn’t miss that? When just days prior shes telling me trust her with my heart and she’s not going anywhere.

She’s not the epitome of stability, so no, she might not miss it.

This isn’t someone who is wired the same way you are.

January 1, 2021

1 hour ago, maggiemtn said:

She already told you what to do to get her back. Just sit there and wait patiently until she makes up her mind. You’ve already reached out to her, you’ve told her how you feel. Anything else could be stalker-type behavior. You should talk to your therapist about these thoughts. Good luck to you.

May I ask opinion. Do females typically start to miss after few weeks few days? When they do, do they ever act on it? I’ve always read females will let pride take over. Is that true? She’s told to not disappear, won’t kill me to wait, and we are going to talk and stuff. So I guess she’s told me that? And that she needs time. Does she truly think now that she knows she controls me after me telling I’m here for you always, could a woman truly think “I’ll do whatever and then go back to him if time is right? I’m just seeking if that’s what some women or men might do in cases like this. My friends ex was similar spot and he kept blowing her up for a month she then said to leave her the hell alone don’t contact her. He didn’t for couple months they been together for 3 years. At least she hasn’t told me that yet, rather don’t disappear, won’t kill to wait”. Just wondering if that’s normal some with people?

January 1, 2021

24 minutes ago, JayWay said:

May I ask opinion. Do females typically start to miss after few weeks few days? When they do, do they ever act on it? I’ve always read females will let pride take over. Is that true? She’s told to not disappear, won’t kill me to wait, and we are going to talk and stuff. So I guess she’s told me that? And that she needs time. Does she truly think now that she knows she controls me after me telling I’m here for you always, could a woman truly think “I’ll do whatever and then go back to him if time is right? I’m just seeking if that’s what some women or men might do in cases like this. My friends ex was similar spot and he kept blowing her up for a month she then said to leave her the hell alone don’t contact her. He didn’t for couple months they been together for 3 years. At least she hasn’t told me that yet, rather don’t disappear, won’t kill to wait”. Just wondering if that’s normal some with people?

It’s not normal, it’s unhealthy. All women are different. There’s no way to tell what your ex is thinking or if she will miss you, not miss you, act on it, not act on it. No one knows. Especially not strangers on the internet. What we can tell from the information given though, is that you’re being manipulated. Why are you just ignoring that fact?

Edited January 1, 2021 by maggiemtn

January 1, 2021

On 12/28/2020 at 10:42 AM, JayWay said:

Keep in mind - she told me day before all this and practically everyday - “you are majority reason I snapped out of this funk I’ve been in, you pushed me back to kids, made me reconcile with my mom, support me emotionally, I love you over communication, I love how you always put yourself in my shoes and can always take blame and fix things, trust me I don’t want to go anywhere and never felt this way before about person, trusting me is something need to do and I know I’ve given reasons not too, we agreed to stay together since you forgave me for lying to you, because we both know how much we want us to work out even if we don’t move as fast as we did at first which we both agreed doing, we know how we feel about each other and that’s what is important and as long we always are open with each other like we are it will better us for long haul”.

I care for her. I see past her edges. While some might be a flag, that’s ok... I’m scared she will look at it and say “well, he’s not reaching out to me then guess he doesn’t really want me”? Is that wrong?

I'm sorry you're hurting but you need to know that this woman is major trouble. She lied to you at the first a couple of times, you wrote in your OP.

You pushed her back to her kids? Why does a mother need to be pushed back to her kids?

She obviously has young children since there were custody issues. So she's quite young herself yet has been divorced twice. Not a good profile at her young age.

Made her reconcile with her mom? Why was she at odds with her mom? I also noticed you wrote she had nowhere to go but couldn't stay with her mom. Why not?

You see past her edges. You've been together three months and you've noticed she has edges that are flags?

You're very fortunate she's broken things off and if you're smart you'll stay away from her if she comes back into your life.

If you contact her she will play you. She's not an honest person. I only wish you could talk with her two ex husbands and see what they both have to say.

Your ex gf has given you many reasons to be wary of her. Open your eyes!

Edited January 1, 2021 by LivingWaterPlease

January 1, 2021

You have locked yourself in limbo. You are the only one who can do that.

Will she come back? Does anyone think she’ll come back? Why so desperate? She doesn’t want you or she wouldn’t be doing this.

Usually when they leave it’s for someone else. They will never tell you.

If they do come back it’s because it didn’t work out (this time). Yep, the capability is there so they’ll usually do this again.

I promise you she is not the only one out there. There is no one and only soulmate. There are many who could fit that bill.

January 1, 2021

You are deluding yourself if you think you have a future with this messy woman, OP.

She might come back, but I guarantee she won't stay back.

You need to figure out why you have no respect for yourself. That is what will keep good, decent women away from you. We aren't attracted to to men we can wipe our feet on who pander to us like lost puppies.

January 1, 2021

On 12/27/2020 at 10:45 AM, JayWay said:

,we basically sandwiched a 2 year relationship into a few months.

Sorry to hear that. Unfortunately it seems like a few factors at play here.

One is way too much way too soon. Remember that intensity is not intimacy.

Another is she's not ready willing or able to date. She's not in a good position for that.

Another factor is she surely had contact with the kid's dad over the holidays and this is bringing up stuff for her

You need to step way back from this. It's a headache and heartache waiting to happen.

Edited January 1, 2021 by Wiseman2

January 1, 2021

18 hours ago, maggiemtn said:

It’s not normal, it’s unhealthy. All women are different. There’s no way to tell what your ex is thinking or if she will miss you, not miss you, act on it, not act on it. No one knows. Especially not strangers on the internet. What we can tell from the information given though, is that you’re being manipulated. Why are you just ignoring that fact?

I appreciate tons all insight. I’m starting to understand it’s not healthy. When I’ve parted ways before with others, I have never heard words like “don’t disappear, won’t kill you to wait”. So seemed strange, like I missed something. Here’s another wrinkle. I woke up this morning with a text from her. She wants space and time and as she made clear yesterday morning after I broke down like a weak person and texted her - she told me “I appreciate us and you and what telling me, I just need time......I’m sorry”. So, she then texted me last night - “Happy New Year , I love you”. Wtf?????? I haven’t heard word today yet. She wasn’t drunk either. She rarely drinks. Plus she was working with her new job her schedule yesterday was 10am-9pm. Plus to my understanding her kids were with her at her moms house. Where she currently lives. Needless say, that text sunk my heart. Have no idea purpose? Isn’t somewhat selfish to tell me “I need space to make sure can juggle everything and us, don’t disappear, I’m not blocking you, we will talk, won’t kill you wait that can’t be together right this second as I need to do this, don’t make this harder than is, and don’t disappear”. So, isn’t that kinda selfish or leading me on her sending that text last night????? I don’t get it. None of it makes sense because I swear so strongly in my gut we should be working on relationship slowly and feel strongly it’s like she’s forcing this “breakup time space juggle stuff”. Thanks you for feedback here. I’m confused, no clue what to say. I kinda wanna say “yo, babe, you told me you still need time and sorry; so why text me that? It throws me into a loop? What the hell?”

January 1, 2021

She doesn't know what she wants, she hasn't yet decided to dump you for good, her emotions are all over the place and you're holding on for the ride.

A good analogy might be a dog at the end of a leash, the owner is running all over the place in erratic, non predictable directions and the dog keeps getting yanked all over the place as it follows the owner in no particular direction with no definitive outcome.

If that's what you want then keep right on chasing her and hope for the best. A better move might be to go dark and focus on your own life and not on her and her unpredictable ways. She's got one foot out the door at the very least, so even if she comes back it will be a fight to keep her long term and as insecure as you are, it will be a chronic nightmare.

January 1, 2021

3 minutes ago, JayWay said:

So, she then texted me last night - “Happy New Year , I love you”. Wtf?????? I haven’t heard word today yet. She wasn’t drunk either. She rarely drinks. Plus she was working with her new job her schedule yesterday was 10am-9pm. Plus to my understanding her kids were with her at her moms house. Where she currently lives. Needless say, that text sunk my heart. Have no idea purpose?

We've told you several times that these sorts of words/messages are meant to keep you on the hook.

She is a selfish, immature and unstable person. Yet somehow, you expect her to behave like she's not all those things. You're going to keep banging your head into the wall until you decide to take off your blinders and get real with yourself:

This chick is a few fries short of a Happy Meal.

January 1, 2021

10 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

You are deluding yourself if you think you have a future with this messy woman, OP.

She might come back, but I guarantee she won't stay back.

You need to figure out why you have no respect for yourself. That is what will keep good, decent women away from you. We aren't attracted to to men we can wipe our feet on who pander to us like lost puppies.

Yes. I’m working on not being a doormat. I always see good in people and trust them. We all make mistakes or go through hard times. I did when my mom passed away then discovered ex wife cheated couple weeks later and then bolted living our son with me. Anyways. It’s how I naturally am. I’m not trying delude myself. It’s just all her actions everything said promised to me her parents about us and then abruptly just went to extreme to call us off because she’s overwhelmed and needs to make sure can juggle everything. Telling me the “don’t disappear multiple tomes, it’s not forever, and won’t kill you to wait while I need to do this so see my (her) perspective. I just feel so strong in gut heart head this isn’t supposed to be like this. I mean, we all have stressors. So, tell other person “we’ve moved fast, let’s chill back some and grow into serious with us”. Not the extreme way she did. She’s very black and white thinker. She’s also a brat. She always says she gets what she wants all the time. Now, here’s more confusion. She texts me last night - “happy new year , I love you”. Wtf???

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