hello731 Posted December 19, 2020 Share Posted December 19, 2020 sorry if this is long its just a story of my life that has been going on for about 8 years almost. So my ex left me two years ago after a five year relationship that was toxic and abusive. Last two years of our relationship he kept leaving trying to find better no t finding it coming back. Doing this for two years..leading me on ..ect.. until he found someone he wanted to use as his "main supply" and replace me. He made my life living hell. I was left with severe trauma and depression ( which I already suffer from ) he was like on a binge to jus destroy my life. He was a monster to me and that is all I ever will know him for. I haven't spoken to him since that day on oct 20. 2018 that he said he is found someone else and its exciting with her and wants to see where it goes. How he has to look out for himself. ( I had to look out for myself from him, but sure) I let it go and went on a healing journey. Didn't chase him, didn't give him the attention and supply he wants... Low and behold, two years later on our anniversary (aug 1 ) but during midnight so now aug 2.. he contact me..( his gf moved out and same day he contacted me) what r the odds.. apologizing asking me what is wrong with him that he cant make things work in his relationships.. im a psychologist also... he ended up coming over and we spoke about the the past...he also wanted relationship advice ( I know insane, u couldn't fix yourself with me but now u are with this girl) it stung sure. but I got over it. two weeks later he contacted me again to continue the conversation ..it helped me to vent everything to my abuser cause he would never let me talk to him and my feelings never mattered. he'd always just run from arguments or emotions. block me ect.. so I took advantage of this opportunity he was giving me to really just help myself heal more..after the second time he contacted me.. I came back from CO and I contacted him to meet up to continue the convo in person like we said... he finally met me couple weeks later ( he was making excuses not to meet cuz of his "anxiety" and I said listen idc if u dont wanna meet fine with me) but he came that same night. we spoke about everything got of sentimental things were said..lot of truth was revealed I needed..he essentially gave me closure.realizing I was never the issues and he was in a horrific place. very emotionally and mentally immature..it was emotional of course. he was the love of my life and I was trauma bonded. he fulfilled each others toxic needs perfectly. he then left.. and I thought it was the last time ever id hear from him..he also got back with his gf couple days after meeting on august 2. he was so scared his gf would find out he met with me told me not to tell anyone but then meets me after again to just allow me to vent because its the least he can do for me.. okay so I let him go started continuing to heal and live my life.. this past weekend he contacts me again.. three months later.teling me he was in his quick pay and saw a Purple Heart and was like wats this? and saw that it was my name. So he proceeded to text me this.. even though I am blocked through texting on his phone. I got the text and answered that but it didn't go through.. then I saw he IG DMed me the same exact thing.. like how desperate are you? so then we talked I had more to vent about so I did .. it nice to be acknowledged and validated by someone who never did that for you and u wanted that so badly from them.. so I vented everything again he listened and seemed to feel remorse.. we talked about different things although he barely made reciprocating effort in convo. that's just how he is.. I told him its not ok he comes in and out whenever him and his gf fight ( im not stupid) and he's like I dont mean to hurt u or make u feel left or feel that im using u for my gain in anyway.. then he's like its nice talking to you Im sorry you feel this way its just to say hi and have a good convo nothing more.. he's like I won't contact you again .. u have my word.. so then we continued to still talk for another 2 days.. then Monday night he's like I got to get off IG for a bit.. he came back 20 min later and said the same speech.. thank you for talking to me,, I really am so grateful we can be civil.. so im like you too, take care.. obv wanted to show me he and his gf made up.. either that or she was gone for the weekend or something and she was back now.. either way... I was wondering like wtf does he want? he's doing to her what he did to me and in my mind that is cheating.. although he isn't sexual or flirting in inapporopte ways.. im still his ex and we have crazy history.. and he left me for her.. so now that he's coming back to me... if its for comfort or supply.. or just doesnt wanna be alone cuz his gf isn't available or they are fighting.. that is cheating in my mind..I would be so mad if I was his gf and found out.. plus he didn't want me to tell anyone the first time.. now he's contacting me to just say "hi'..I feel a lot of regret and confusion,.. he said he was confused and lost when he first came over in august.. what do you guys think that he wants or what his motives are... thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted December 19, 2020 Share Posted December 19, 2020 Sex. He wants sex. And validation. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 19, 2020 Share Posted December 19, 2020 He wanted advice about his relationship with his girlfriend. Don't continue letting him use you. Block him for good and then you can heal. Still talking to him has set you back that is why this thread exists. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Hpchic Posted December 19, 2020 Share Posted December 19, 2020 I think it’s very common for someone to contact they’re last ex once the current relationship goes south. People seek familiarity and who better to provide that than an ex? That’s what he’s doing. If he’s hurting you by contacting you then either ignore him or tell him kindly to stop. From what you’ve described he doesn’t exactly sound like a narcissist, just sounds like an ex who is seeking some attention, not everyone who seeks attention is a narcissist. Link to post Share on other sites
lee179108 Posted December 20, 2020 Share Posted December 20, 2020 Sometimes when people break up or go through a rough patch they will contact an ex... it happens.. ive done it in the past and that was because i wasnt thinking straight and my mind was going a 100mph! if it hurts you then tell him to stop. Link to post Share on other sites
Hpchic Posted December 20, 2020 Share Posted December 20, 2020 14 hours ago, stillafool said: He wanted advice about his relationship with his girlfriend. Don't continue letting him use you. Block him for good and then you can heal. Still talking to him has set you back that is why this thread exists. This ^^ You said you’re a psychologist, and your his ex gf, well then who better to talk to about his relationship issues than you? And it’s free! I don’t know that I would consider this cheating, he hasn’t said anything yet that leads me to believe he wants to start something romantic or physical with you again. So far it looks like he’s just using you for some free therapy sessions. My suggestion would be to stop responding to him, don’t be his shoulder to cry on, he lost that right when he left you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 20, 2020 Share Posted December 20, 2020 17 hours ago, hello731 said: I was wondering like wtf does he want? To see if you'll still do the same toxic dance you did with him for far too long. Better question: wtf do you want, even responding to this miserable jerk? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 20, 2020 Share Posted December 20, 2020 If you are a psychologist, people should be making an appointment and paying for your advice,no? It's simple. Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. Focus on your own life and your own mental health, not his. In the meantime, if you want a relationship, why not get on some quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting men? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hello731 Posted December 27, 2020 Author Share Posted December 27, 2020 So my ex keeps contacting me after two years of no contact. He was terrible to me in the five year relationship. Hes a narc if you will. He left me for someone else and has been with her since. Clearly its not working out for them. He contacted me in august after two years to apologize. we even met up twice to talk things out he gave me closure explained things. Very receptive. sounded understanding. we could never sit down and talk ever. He was insane. So basically, he contacted me three weeks ago again telling me how he saw my name with Purple Heart next to it in his quickpay. We talked for about two days then he told me like always he has to get off ig or that he has to delete our convo for obvious reasons. ( making up with his gf) its mad sad. so anyway idc if he's in my life or not..im deff less bored if he is.. but I dont really care. I made him think I care and I feel hurt if he leaves and comes back all the time and its not ok to do that. he said he won't contact me anymore but still he comes back. Last Wednesday , he said he just passed my house and was gonna pop through the door to say whatsup.. basically inviting himself over. I answered and said that would hurt if he popped his head through the door lol..so then we talked to a bit and then I decided to entertain his invitation to my house. So I said.. if you attempt to figure out a way to pop through my door and get in ill give all this tequila I got( he loves to drink)it was in a joking manner but still kind of an invite.. and he's like id love some tequila..then he's like I gotta tell u about a coincidence and then he's like ima go to sleep though goodnight! so im guessing he got scared that I invited him over..even though he started it...? After that I was like no u cant leave and not tell me what the coincidence is.. like who leaves a convo like that.. well he does for power lol.. so he sees it and ignores me.. next day while later im like so wat was it im curious..so he tells me and we start talking for like and have been since then about five days..it doesn't seem that he cares if we talk or not.. but after that he hasn't really said goodnight or tried to end the conversation or hinted he's meeting with his gf and he has to go and it was nice being civil and talking like he'd always say when he'd come back since august when they'd make up.. maybe there done for good I dont know.. I doubt it cuz he always needs supply.. he is probably just wasting time and having someone there so hen to alone while he figures it out with her.. but its been a while that he's not figuring git out with her.. usually its like within a day or couple hours he goes back to her and tells me bye. what do you think he wants.. and why did he insinuate to come over then back away when I brought it up? he's always really dry and barely talks and just responds to me making the convo. barely puts in any effort or talks about anything.. but he was always that way tbh... he's mad platonic ... I told him hell always have a place in my heart.. and he's like believe it or not you will too.. otherwise its like talking to a neighbor,..when he first came back he actually talked bout the relationship and stuff and different sentimental things ..especially when we met to talk...like what does he want... my cousin says its to hookup.. but I dont get that from him.. is he just trying to see if in the future he can possibly have the leeway to come over and hook up if he wants.. or if he still has me.. idk its werid..just curious as to what he wants..or maybe he's just using me not to be alone while he figures it out with his gf and just has me there..or maybe he wanna see if he can still get me or have me around for supply or whatever knowing that he doesnt deserve me..after what he did too .. its an ego boost.. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 27, 2020 Share Posted December 27, 2020 It seems like he's persistent. However you'll have to block and delete him and ALL his people from all your devices, accounts, messaging apps and social media. Make sure there are are no voids/vulnerabilities in your life that could allow him to reenter. Link to post Share on other sites
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