Mara1573 Posted December 28, 2020 Share Posted December 28, 2020 (edited) Hi everyone, I posted here sometime last year my story and now fast forward both myself and ap left our significant other. It was not planned by both of us to do this. My a/p divorced his wife but barely revealed it to me and when he did it was very vague. He would say comment like if I asked him what did you do for the weekend his response would be " I went and got the kids" or during the time he was looking for a place, once I asked how did he like the apartment and his response was " It was beautiful, but far and my kids won't come visit me". Due to him not discussing his divorce with me I did the same by not telling him any details about my separation and let him know with vague answers as well. The only reason I have a confirmation that he is indeed divorced is from a family member. I went to his office a few months ago where I noticed some of his stuff there and noticed a photo of him and her on their wedding day hanging on a board amongst other things. I figured it's their temporally as he is moving his stuff to his new home but it is still there. I find it strange as he never had anything before. I have not confronted him about the photo and it has been there for a few months. I want to give a/p the benefit of the doubt but I think at the same time I want to break things off for my own personal reasons. I'm stuck on what to do as I think about if now we can have a real shot at being together since no other parties involved ? Edited December 28, 2020 by Mara1573 Link to post Share on other sites
Findingfreedom Posted December 28, 2020 Share Posted December 28, 2020 Sounds like he is lieing about a lot of things... I would run for the hills if I were you. If he wanted you he’d be texting and calling you all the time and you would never wonder where you stand. Think about it! 6 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 28, 2020 Share Posted December 28, 2020 Unfortunately, this probably means one of a couple things: 1) He wasn't the one who initiated the divorce and still wants to be married to his wife or 2) He wants to be divorced but doesn't really want an actual relationship with you, and he knows you'd probably ask about it if you got 100% that he is single and available now This isn't a man who's too eager for you to know he's back on the market, in any event. If he genuinely wanted a future with you, you'd likely have been the first person he called after he (or his wife) filed for divorce. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mara1573 Posted December 28, 2020 Author Share Posted December 28, 2020 11 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Unfortunately, this probably means one of a couple things: 1) He wasn't the one who initiated the divorce and still wants to be married to his wife or 2) He wants to be divorced but doesn't really want an actual relationship with you, and he knows you'd probably ask about it if you got 100% that he is single and available now This isn't a man who's too eager for you to know he's back on the market, in any event. If he genuinely wanted a future with you, you'd likely have been the first person he called after he (or his wife) filed for divorce. How I feel exactly because through out the affair I felt guilty so why not tell me about it..... Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted December 28, 2020 Share Posted December 28, 2020 (edited) WHY ARE YOU YELLING. But yeah, Doesn’t sound like the actions of someone who is thinking about going anywhere serious with this if he was allusive about his divorce Edited December 28, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby_Red Posted December 28, 2020 Share Posted December 28, 2020 You’re doing the right thing by not telling him anything about your divorce, either. I don’t know if you guys got divorced because you guys were in an affair with one another or not? But ultimately, it doesn’t really matter. He’s secretive about his whereabouts, and about where he stands when it comes to his divorce and splitting from his wife and where he’s going to move to, so please do me a favor and do the same to him. You don’t wanna be all upfront about your future plans. Because apparently at this point he’s not sure if he’s going to include you in his future at all. Try to wait it out a little bit. He’s probably just overwhelmed with all the changes he has to go through. I hope you’re not in love with him or you’ve planned a future with him or anything Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted December 28, 2020 Share Posted December 28, 2020 (edited) 47 minutes ago, Mara1573 said: How I feel exactly because through out the affair I felt guilty so why not tell me about it..... It wouldn’t matter to me. This is not a guy I would want to date - he is either not telling you because he plans to pursue other options or he is dealing with the fallout of divorce. The fact that his kids won’t see him in probably HUGE. Why won’t they see him - is it because he lives too far, is the divorce contentious, or has he been discovered in an affair and the fall-out at home in not good? You don’t know... Either way, he clearly has things he needs to deal with before he’s even ready to consider another serious relationship... Edited December 28, 2020 by BaileyB 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 28, 2020 Share Posted December 28, 2020 He didn't tell you about the divorce because he's probably trying to go back to her. Also he's afraid you'll want to get in a relationship with him and now that he's free to date without cheating it's not as much fun, or you'll remind him why he no longer has his family under one roof. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted December 29, 2020 Share Posted December 29, 2020 1 hour ago, Ruby_Red said: You’re doing the right thing by not telling him anything about your divorce, either. I don’t know if you guys got divorced because you guys were in an affair with one another or not? But ultimately, it doesn’t really matter. He’s secretive about his whereabouts, and about where he stands when it comes to his divorce and splitting from his wife and where he’s going to move to, so please do me a favor and do the same to him. You don’t wanna be all upfront about your future plans. Because apparently at this point he’s not sure if he’s going to include you in his future at all. Try to wait it out a little bit. He’s probably just overwhelmed with all the changes he has to go through. I hope you’re not in love with him or you’ve planned a future with him or anything I've been here a long time and I've never seen a woman admit they left the marriage because of the affair. Now, its likely that most did but don't truly understand it in the moment. Because of the affair the marriage can only get worse, because its worse they don't make the connection to the affair. Many men will use other women (particularly married ones) to transition from marriage to single life. During rough spots that are likely heading towards divorce there is little to no sex input the MW. Why MW? Men often think, she will have low or no expectations, WRONG. MW often have higher expectations because they have convinced themselves the guy they are cheating with is amazing and they have a once in a lifetime connection thus making it easier for them to cheat in the first place. OP its very unlikely that you two will ever have a legitimate opportunity. I hope for your sake he isn't why you left...I dont expect you to say it is even if its true. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Buffer Posted December 29, 2020 Share Posted December 29, 2020 Break it off with him. The grass isn’t greener it is just Astro turf. Malone day at a time. Buffer 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HadMeOverABarrel Posted December 29, 2020 Share Posted December 29, 2020 I agree with all the posters here. Doesn't look good for your future with him. @ExpatInItaly summed up my thoughts on it best. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 29, 2020 Share Posted December 29, 2020 11 hours ago, Mara1573 said: How I feel exactly because through out the affair I felt guilty so why not tell me about it..... Because, at the end of the day, he doesn't see a future with you. It's time to extricate yourself from this once and for all. This where affairs often fall apart, when one party doesn't actually have any intention of carrying it forward into a real relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
notbroken Posted December 29, 2020 Share Posted December 29, 2020 Why would you want to be with a known cheater? Why would he quite honestly? How could you ever trust him or he trust you? He is giving lots of signs he is not interested in you long term. Believe them. Move on. Link to post Share on other sites
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