I don't think he realizes that he's breadcrumbing!

[Kay1971]

Hi All

I met a guy 2 years ago and sparks flew the moment we met, there was a great connection between us. our first date lasted 4 hrs and we had so much to talk about.  We would meet each other twice a week, a few  dates later he mentioned that he can't really get into a relationship and i also agreed as we both were dealing with narcissistic ex husband/wife. He was more stressed with his personal life. We continued seeing each other and it kind of fell into a situationship. We both started to catch deep feelings but both wouldn't admit to them.  Things took a turn after he told his ex that he has a GF and she started stalking, harrassing and  checking up on him so he began pulling away from me (to avoid drama from his ex) The more he pulled back the more anxious i became questioning if he still wanted something with me. 

There were other family issues going on in his home along with interfering EX, but every time we met he showed me the utmost respect, we respected each other and our dates were fun. As the months went by our personal lives started to interfere with what we had, but he never once wanted to give up on us, but I decided to call it quits as it became too much emotionally for both of us.

6 months have gone by and I miss him, but I know we need to deal with our own personal issues first. He has reached out with a text here and there and i've responded, but I feel like he's just trying to keep me in the loop that I don't move on and he wants me to wait for him. I want him to be honest with me and tell me what he really wants It seems like he's trying to keep in touch and just be FWB for now. I feel like when I ended things with him i never got any closure. I really don't want to be in this situation, I want to move on but when he sends me a text once a month, I fall back into those feelings. 

What do you think I should do?

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this is happening. Ask yourself what you would like to see happening in a relationship.

Dealing with people who are still way too involved with exes is a pretty sure way to headaches and heartaches.

The best recourse would be to cut your losses. That means delete and block him and ALL his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps 

This way you can begin the process of moving forward and finding someone free and clear to date.

[skeeter2008]

This seems like there might be more going on here because I am not really sure why this is all that complicated.

If you both are divorced, or at least separated, from your respective spouses I am not really understanding why there would be any hindrance to you guys seeing each other. Lots of people deal with difficult exes (isn't that how it usually is?) but manage to date and have relationships they just make adjustments. So my first question is this guy really done with his ex? If so, what is actually going on in his personal life that is making it difficult for him to maintain a relationship with you?

There just seems to be a missing "piece" here.

[Kay1971]

he's not done with his ex Theres still something going on even though they've seperated.  I guess he wants he's cake and eat it too. I need to fix my crown and stand my ground. It doesn't matter how good of a connection we have, if you're still stuck in the past then its not gonna work. I'm stopping these random texts he sends me checking up on me trying to remind me that he's still around. Yes I miss him, but  I'm missing the connection we had, Maybe he didn't feel the same connection as I did. I need to start listening to my head and not my heart.  I'm putting a stop to this and moving on. 😐

 

Edited December 31, 2020 by Kay1971

[ExpatInItaly]

7 hours ago, Kay1971 said:

he's not done with his ex Theres still something going on even though they've seperated.  I guess he wants he's cake and eat it too.

What does this mean, exactly? 

 

[Kay1971]

@ExpatInItaly

 he's ex lives abroad in her home country, she'll come here once a year, but she needs somewhere to stay so she uses her manipulation that she doesn't have family here and bc he's still her husband he should take care of her, even though she has been abusive and controlling in their marriage, previously.  So him being a nice guy and her putting him on the spot, he gave her a place to stay rent free out of guilt. The problem is his whole family has no clue that they are seperated, even though when she comes here they live in seperate units. they think this is their marital arrangement. His family just want things to work out for him. I think he does it to stop the arguing and conflicts. 

When we met I could see how broken he was, as I was too, leaving a toxic, dysfunctional marriage, we both met with similar circumstances.  He comes from a large family whom are well known in the community with a good reputation, so along with his dysfunctional situation  he feels he needs to maintain a good reputation for the family's sake, leading him to be hush hush about his marital situation.

For us, we've been getting along so well, but in the last few months he's started shutting down on me, leaving me feeling anxious. I know I need to get out of this situation. I did stop communication with him and although I missed him I didn't want to continue further. I did start moving on  but he reached out to me a few times and now i'm getting stuck in those feelings. I just hope I don't start going crazy.  

Any advice would be great

 

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately she's simply cheating on her husband. Step out of this situation.

Whatever their arrangements are, you may just be a pawn yourself..

Unfortunately this is a losing proposition for you.

Cut your losses and free yourself to find someone free and clear to date.

[Negotaurus]

The wife is always the 'mean manipulating witch' and the grown man is incapable of saying no huh. 

It take everything he says with a MOUTNAIN of salt.