teah Posted June 17, 2001 Share Posted June 17, 2001 My boyfriend got really upset with me when I told him that I have slept with 9 people including him. He has only been with two including me. This is putting a huge strain on our relationship and I don't know how to help him get over it. Any suggestions? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted June 17, 2001 Share Posted June 17, 2001 It happens all the time. I will never in my life, until the day I die, understand why people have to give up this information to their partner. You have to take 100 percent responsibility for this situation. This was information that was absolutely none of your boyfriend's business. This is also information that people, more men than women, go bananas over. Well, you learned something anyway. There's nothing better than keeping your mouth shut when it comes to your sexual past. There is absolutely nothing, short of treating your boyfriend to a lobotomy, that is going to help him forget this information. The fact that he is extremely immature doesn't help matters at all. If he doesn't get off the subject and off your case, go find another man for yourself. And when it comes to your past sex partners and experiences, ZIP THY LIP. Link to post Share on other sites
Ed Posted June 17, 2001 Share Posted June 17, 2001 Right now, this guy is a real loser. Who does he think he is, your Daddy? If you really think he deserves it, let him talk about this one more time. Here is part of what you need to tell him if this happens..... "I made a mistake by telling you about my past partners. If you need help getting over your feelings about this, then find somebody else to talk to and get over it. If you ever bring this up again, you will be my ex-boyfriend." Don't ever discuss it with him again. Be firm and strong. If you let this go any further he may badger you about it and throw it up in your face again and again, for the rest of your life. You don't need or deserve that kind of treatment from anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Mojo Posted June 19, 2001 Share Posted June 19, 2001 hi teah, ....been there done that too. he will probably torture himself about it for some time, but he needs to learn that the number of people you have been with means squat when you are with him. my guess is he feels inadequate, like he has something to live up to, and somewhat jealous that other guys have been with you....but these feelings of insecurity are his fault. you didn't make him feel that way. unfortunately, these kind of situations are not something you can help them get over. they have to try to get over it themselves. i was in a very loving relationship, but sometimes their insecurities outweigh the depth of feeling you have for each other. be prepared for some questions to flow in your direction, and whatever you do, DO NOT answer them. in my situation, i didn't feel it was wrong to talk about the past, because i was being rather naive to think he'd be ok with it, just because i've been ok with ex boyfriend's telling me about theirs....and that damned cosmo magazine, telling you to be upfront because they have a right to know. ha! that's rubbish. they don't have a right to know, and i learnt that the hard way. teah, if your boyfriend can't handle this, then i would suggest he get counselling or you walk away. it got progressively worse in my situation to the point he would tear himself up about it....but it was not my problem. oh, and don't let him ever make you feel as though you have done anything wrong, because you haven't. also, don't let him turn this into a moral issue. as long as you are free of any diseases and these men are totally in your past it shouldn't be a problem. they are your own experiences and if he can't accept that, then he has some growing up to do....and remember, keep your lips sealed from now on!! good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
subblime Posted June 19, 2001 Share Posted June 19, 2001 I have been married for 6 years to a great woman. I have only been with 9 women... she has been with 20-30 men, she does not remeber. I met her when she just turned 21. We are very open about our past. But I have to admit when I first found out about the amount of lovers she had I was very intimidated. I know she loves me, and she choose me out of them all. I did not find out about the amount of past lovers until after we married, I felt very betrayed and upset. But I know now, after much thought that she is still the best wife to me, she is devoted to me and I too her. She has the right to her past... She is very happy with me and I with her. I can not say that I agree with her having so many lovers, but I can not judge her, her body her right. She knows about her body and what type of lover she likes and needs... that is me! It may take time for your man to think about this. If he really loves you he will not let it become an issue. Just reassure him that you love him, that you want him, that the others are in the past... Men are raised to think that women with many lovers are whores and men are studs... it is hard to break away from that train of thought. Best of luck to you... hi teah, ....been there done that too. he will probably torture himself about it for some time, but he needs to learn that the number of people you have been with means squat when you are with him. my guess is he feels inadequate, like he has something to live up to, and somewhat jealous that other guys have been with you....but these feelings of insecurity are his fault. you didn't make him feel that way. unfortunately, these kind of situations are not something you can help them get over. they have to try to get over it themselves. i was in a very loving relationship, but sometimes their insecurities outweigh the depth of feeling you have for each other. be prepared for some questions to flow in your direction, and whatever you do, DO NOT answer them. in my situation, i didn't feel it was wrong to talk about the past, because i was being rather naive to think he'd be ok with it, just because i've been ok with ex boyfriend's telling me about theirs....and that damned cosmo magazine, telling you to be upfront because they have a right to know. ha! that's rubbish. they don't have a right to know, and i learnt that the hard way. teah, if your boyfriend can't handle this, then i would suggest he get counselling or you walk away. it got progressively worse in my situation to the point he would tear himself up about it....but it was not my problem. oh, and don't let him ever make you feel as though you have done anything wrong, because you haven't. also, don't let him turn this into a moral issue. as long as you are free of any diseases and these men are totally in your past it shouldn't be a problem. they are your own experiences and if he can't accept that, then he has some growing up to do....and remember, keep your lips sealed from now on!! good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
June Posted June 21, 2001 Share Posted June 21, 2001 fsdfd I have been married for 6 years to a great woman. I have only been with 9 women... she has been with 20-30 men, she does not remeber. I met her when she just turned 21. We are very open about our past. But I have to admit when I first found out about the amount of lovers she had I was very intimidated. I know she loves me, and she choose me out of them all. I did not find out about the amount of past lovers until after we married, I felt very betrayed and upset. But I know now, after much thought that she is still the best wife to me, she is devoted to me and I too her. She has the right to her past... She is very happy with me and I with her. I can not say that I agree with her having so many lovers, but I can not judge her, her body her right. She knows about her body and what type of lover she likes and needs... that is me! It may take time for your man to think about this. If he really loves you he will not let it become an issue. Just reassure him that you love him, that you want him, that the others are in the past... Men are raised to think that women with many lovers are whores and men are studs... it is hard to break away from that train of thought. Best of luck to you... Link to post Share on other sites
Bee Posted June 26, 2001 Share Posted June 26, 2001 i think is unhealthy to discuss former lovers, you want to move on with your future. Men are very territorial, they don't like to think about how many others have been on that same plot of land so to speak. Also men are constently sizing each other up sexualy. so he may fear another lover was better. Just reasure him that he's the one you want and he'll most likely forget about your stats. Just remmeber for the future that there is such a thing as too much honesty. Even if they inquire,don't tell them anything they just want to hear the they are the best you ever had. So just leave it at that. Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
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