Author Michsoul Posted February 7, 2021 Author Share Posted February 7, 2021 10 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Get a restraining order. The paperwork will be delivered by a process server and he'll have to explain all that to his wife and family himself. Have been thinking about it. Is been 8 days now. If I see him once more, I will. Thanks for your input 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Michsoul Posted February 27, 2021 Author Share Posted February 27, 2021 Hi again..... it´s been many weeks of nc now and in the last 2 weeks I finally felt a little better. Trying to get over it. Started fitness and meditation to got more grounded. However, he came up in conversation yesterday. I male friend I havent seen in a while asked about my love live and so on, so I told him. The response was quite the opposite of what I would have expected. The felt sorry for the exMM and thought is is terrible to get blackmailed by your own kids etc and so having let go of a new love in life.... - Never mind all that!! BUT it did open some wounds again. I started to have sad moments again and obsessive thoughts again all day! NO!!!! I did so well! - I could do with some positive energy please....or other tips on stopping obessive overthinking. Thanks!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Soul-shards Posted February 27, 2021 Share Posted February 27, 2021 13 hours ago, Michsoul said: started to have sad moments again and obsessive thoughts again all day! NO!!!! I did so well! - I could do with some positive energy please....or other tips on stopping obessive overthinking. Thanks!!!!! Best I know is hobby and distracting yourself with socializing - get together with people and buzz about whatnot. Tall order in the era of Covid, I know. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted March 1, 2021 Share Posted March 1, 2021 On 2/27/2021 at 12:53 AM, Michsoul said: Hi again..... it´s been many weeks of nc now and in the last 2 weeks I finally felt a little better. Trying to get over it. Started fitness and meditation to got more grounded. However, he came up in conversation yesterday. I male friend I havent seen in a while asked about my love live and so on, so I told him. The response was quite the opposite of what I would have expected. The felt sorry for the exMM and thought is is terrible to get blackmailed by your own kids etc and so having let go of a new love in life.... - Never mind all that!! BUT it did open some wounds again. I started to have sad moments again and obsessive thoughts again all day! NO!!!! I did so well! - I could do with some positive energy please....or other tips on stopping obessive overthinking. Thanks!!!!! Glad to hear you are feeling a little better. And don't let your friends words get to you. Likely, the MM was lying about his daughter completely. It is just a reason as to why he cannot leave. We have heard it many times. My xWH STILL uses me as an excuse as to why he cannot be with his OW even though we have been divorced for YEARS. Durrr... An affair breakup may be a little worse than a regular break up, but the way through is the same. Ending my marriage was hard. So I focused on the things that brought me peace. I did a lot of hiking, yoga, mediation. I used to love to read, so I thought maybe I could read again, but my mind was typically too distracted. I started focusing on the positives of not being with him anyway. When my mind would wonder and worry about what he was up to, I would remind myself that I no longer needed to carry that burden. I focused more on my friendships with my girlfriends. I made plans for my future. I made solo travel plans. I made plans that excited me and made me look forward to the future. Little weekend road trips with the music as loud as possible. Sometimes happy tunes only, other times, I let myself cry and yell out the lyrics. Some days, I just let myself grieve. That is ok, too! Eventually it fades. Eventually you will notice you cried less today than yesterday. Or you will laugh at something and it will hit you, this is the first time you felt genuine joy in a long while. You will get there. HUGS! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Michsoul Posted March 2, 2021 Author Share Posted March 2, 2021 On 3/1/2021 at 1:17 PM, Starswillshine said: Glad to hear you are feeling a little better. And don't let your friends words get to you. Likely, the MM was lying about his daughter completely. It is just a reason as to why he cannot leave. We have heard it many times. My xWH STILL uses me as an excuse as to why he cannot be with his OW even though we have been divorced for YEARS. Durrr... An affair breakup may be a little worse than a regular break up, but the way through is the same. Ending my marriage was hard. So I focused on the things that brought me peace. I did a lot of hiking, yoga, mediation. I used to love to read, so I thought maybe I could read again, but my mind was typically too distracted. I started focusing on the positives of not being with him anyway. When my mind would wonder and worry about what he was up to, I would remind myself that I no longer needed to carry that burden. I focused more on my friendships with my girlfriends. I made plans for my future. I made solo travel plans. I made plans that excited me and made me look forward to the future. Little weekend road trips with the music as loud as possible. Sometimes happy tunes only, other times, I let myself cry and yell out the lyrics. Some days, I just let myself grieve. That is ok, too! Eventually it fades. Eventually you will notice you cried less today than yesterday. Or you will laugh at something and it will hit you, this is the first time you felt genuine joy in a long while. You will get there. HUGS! Thank you. There are sure some terrible men out here (and women). Sorry to hear about your story too. But, you did it! Well done!! I will carry on with healing and are going to plan a few solo travels once this lockdown here eases. Hugs to you too! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Michsoul Posted June 8, 2021 Author Share Posted June 8, 2021 Hi! 5 months no contact. It is easier now and don´t want this liar and cheater back ever. BUT I could do with some help. He is still in my thoughts a lot! Daily! Less feelings, but thoughts, memories, pictures come up in my head. I don´t want those....How do I get him totally out of my thoughts? Any idea? I am not dwelling...I live a busy live, but even during work thoughts pop up. Maybe I haven´t had closure for myself yet? Needs more time? Thanks....for any ideas you might have. I want my ´head´ back to myself!!🙂 Link to post Share on other sites
hajk Posted June 8, 2021 Share Posted June 8, 2021 (edited) @Michsoul I'm sorry you are having a difficult time and can't stop thinking about the exMM. Please check out the following YouTube videos on how to stop obsessively thinking of someone. I hope you will find them helpful. How do we stop obsessively thinking of someone? @Susan Winterhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6sPkjyUTbw8 How to Break the Loop of Obsesion @Susan Winterhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UCjMr_JpGcU Letting Go Of Someone | Setting Yourself Free | Guided Meditationhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icwH04CIXtA Edited June 8, 2021 by hajk 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted June 8, 2021 Share Posted June 8, 2021 5 hours ago, Michsoul said: 5 months no contact. How do I get him totally out of my thoughts? Why aren't you dating? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Michsoul Posted June 8, 2021 Author Share Posted June 8, 2021 🙂 I have lived in tight lockdown. But things are getting a lot better...so I more options to start dating again. Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted June 8, 2021 Share Posted June 8, 2021 It takes time to get over someone. In the mean time, get busy with your life and dating. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Michsoul Posted June 8, 2021 Author Share Posted June 8, 2021 @hajkThank you! Just watched them....very helpful 🙂 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Crazelnut Posted June 8, 2021 Share Posted June 8, 2021 Well done for maintaining NC for this long! It takes such strength. Don't beat yourself up for thinking about him still. It takes a very long time to get them completely out of the syatem. It was over a year before I stopped thinking about MM. Follow those videos and just give it time. You're doing great. 4 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HowToQuit Posted June 8, 2021 Share Posted June 8, 2021 5 months is a HUGE accomplishment! One of the things I learnt is to “label” my thoughts and catch myself thinking… any time I think of my eXMM, I tell myself “thinking again”… and it helps me not to get carried away in my thought process and create some distance. I listened to a LOT of meditation videos / apps to help stop beating myself up for thinking of him over and over. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Michsoul Posted June 9, 2021 Author Share Posted June 9, 2021 @Crazelnutthank you!! I needed to hear that! 🙂 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Michsoul Posted June 9, 2021 Author Share Posted June 9, 2021 @HowToQuitThank you!! I used meditation at the beginning. Will get back to them and give it another go. It was such a tough time...all the manipulaton and lies...but like I said I have my feelings back under control. Its the thoughts that became and obsession. I will do ANYTHING to crack this now! Thanks again 😊 Link to post Share on other sites
Snakesalive Posted June 19, 2021 Share Posted June 19, 2021 On 6/9/2021 at 4:58 AM, Michsoul said: @HowToQuitThank you!! I used meditation at the beginning. Will get back to them and give it another go. It was such a tough time...all the manipulaton and lies...but like I said I have my feelings back under control. Its the thoughts that became and obsession. I will do ANYTHING to crack this now! Thanks again 😊 Echo everything that’s been said here . You’re doing great , you are strong and you proved that by NC . every day is an accomplishment. I’m 6 months plus and still think of him but when I read my journals of how I was 6 months ago I realise how far I have come. It’s a journey -be kind to you and praise yourself for staying on the right path xo 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Michsoul Posted June 22, 2021 Author Share Posted June 22, 2021 @Snakesalivethank you! You are right, we have come a long way. Never, ever will I put myself through this s*** again! I went to therapy for a few months and my psychologist is convinced that my MM is a covert narcissist....makes sense to me now. I had no idea. I was stuck not just in grief but also in a trauma bond. He manipulates and uses people. Like many said on here before he is a horrible person. I get that now!! - Want to reach the level of ´irrelevance´....not quite there but pushing on!! 🙂 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Snakesalive Posted June 22, 2021 Share Posted June 22, 2021 3 hours ago, Michsoul said: @Snakesalivethank you! You are right, we have come a long way. Never, ever will I put myself through this s*** again! I went to therapy for a few months and my psychologist is convinced that my MM is a covert narcissist....makes sense to me now. I had no idea. I was stuck not just in grief but also in a trauma bond. He manipulates and uses people. Like many said on here before he is a horrible person. I get that now!! - Want to reach the level of ´irrelevance´....not quite there but pushing on!! 🙂 Interesting, I’ve read lots and my ex mm had many of the characteristics associated with that too. It’s strange isn’t it how when you’re out of the affair you begin to get clarity. I can absolutely relate to the trauma bond I remember when he made me wait outside the apartment we shared when I forgot my keys -we’d argued and i went for a walk I because I didn’t want to be around him . I called and called him -he said he didn’t hear his mobile ring -for 20 minutes? I realise now this was his way of being in control-while I blamed myself for walking out -even apologising !!!! ultimately people who love you don’t others this way . One of the important things the experience showed me was to value myself and not to look to others for validation. When I look back he really was nothing special -he didn’t deserve the pedestal I put him on . you will reach that level of irrelevance -it takes time but hold on to the fact that how you feel is In your control . You are a strong lady -you made ( as I did) some poor choices but you made the best decision in going NC and you’ll go on now to live your best life -it’s a while new chapter and you get to write it :! - 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Michsoul Posted June 23, 2021 Author Share Posted June 23, 2021 @SnakesaliveThank you!! I can so relate! You are right, mine was not really special, but the loveboombing I received put my brain in such a mind fog!! I have known him for several years. He was in one of my student classes and I never really noticed him as such. He was quiet and not even my type (romantically speaking). Unbelievable how he managed to made me feel like he did....Manipulator!! - I will push forward. I want to reach the stage of irrelevance, too !!! 🙂 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Snakesalive Posted June 23, 2021 Share Posted June 23, 2021 14 hours ago, Michsoul said: @SnakesaliveThank you!! I can so relate! You are right, mine was not really special, but the loveboombing I received put my brain in such a mind fog!! I have known him for several years. He was in one of my student classes and I never really noticed him as such. He was quiet and not even my type (romantically speaking). Unbelievable how he managed to made me feel like he did....Manipulator!! - I will push forward. I want to reach the stage of irrelevance, too !!! 🙂 @michsoul if you’re on Instagram follow understandingthenarc -see how much you can relate to ive found it quite helpful in understanding the whole situation and the process from love bombing to hoovering 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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