LostInLoveTwice Posted January 1, 2021 Share Posted January 1, 2021 I'm the OW and I have been with my MM for almost 3 years now. It is what it is. I fell for the "I can't leave because of my young son" line and it worked. I'm hooked. Two nights ago his wife found a text message exchange between him and I and has reached out to me asking what our relationship is. Luckily the texts said nothing bad and could easily be made out to be work related. The MM reached out to me and said his wife would confront me, that she is moving out and to please deny everything. He asked me to give him time to work through the storm that is about to come. I said I wouldn't reach out to him first and initiate any conversations because I felt I needed to fall off the radar for a little bit. He requested that I stand by him and to please just be there if he texts me. I got an "I love you" and a "Happy New Years" text so far. It's only been two days, but I don't know what to do at this point. I don't know if she is actually moving out. If he managed to convince her she is being paranoid and those texts were nothing and to stay. Do I hold out hope or just consider moving on? I'm upset and lost and have no one to talk through this with. I'm in love and don't want any judgment please. Link to post Share on other sites
trident_2020 Posted January 1, 2021 Share Posted January 1, 2021 Why not just be honest for once? Tell her the truth. If she's really moving out then it changes nothing. If he's lying, well then it's good for everyone that the truth is out there. Except for him of course. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 2, 2021 Share Posted January 2, 2021 (edited) If she is really moving out, why did he ask you to deny everything? What does your intuition tell you is happening now? Not what you would like to happen... What does your intuition tell you that you should do? Edited January 2, 2021 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 2, 2021 Share Posted January 2, 2021 (edited) I’d really love to offer some comfort, but the sad reality is that you have been sitting on the sidelines for three years now, waiting to profit from the demise of this marriage. Three years, you have been waiting to be called into the game... that’s a really long time to waste, waiting for a man to “pick you.” And now, you have apparently been discovered. He wants you to deny everything, you are already downplaying “the texts said nothing bad and could be easily made out to be work related...” The truth is, a man of character would not minimize and hide. He would be honest and take responsibility. That’s the kind of man that you want for yourself... not one who is now apparently trying to do damage control - more concerned with managing his relationship with his wife than his affair partner. The other truth is... it isn’t what it is. There is nothing so special about ANY man that a woman should be willing to give up three years of her life, waiting for him to turn his attention toward her... You have a choice here, even three years in... The thing to do would be to walk away and tell him to contact you with divorce papers in hand. Then, you are still getting a man who you know for fact can lie to the woman he sleeps beside everyday for three years, but at least you will have some evidence that his word means something. Because right now, it means nothing. I’m sorry you are hurting. But, the path to healing begins with honesty and having the courage to say - I want more for myself... Edited January 2, 2021 by BaileyB 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Alexa007 Posted January 2, 2021 Share Posted January 2, 2021 Even though I was leaving my husband, I would not have wanted the A to be found out. I've broken things off with my MM but I would still never tell. I think he's doing one of two things... He's trying to smooth things over and repair the relationship with his wife or they truly are separating and he's concerned about losing visitation/money if the affair were discovered so he's trying to tie up loose ends and actually separate. I will say, no matter how in love you are with MM (I've been there), there's an unparalleled peace that comes with saying "I won't be second anymore" ❤️ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 2, 2021 Share Posted January 2, 2021 (edited) Take care of yourself. Don't lie for him. Keep in mind affair partners are not a priority. When it becomes inconvenient, affair partners are disposable. All the "we're splitting up" ,etc. are lies to keep you strung along and under his thumb. Take this time to reflect on what you want for yourself and what type of relationship you want. Why suffer back-to-back heartache and headaches getting involved in this after your divorce? Edited January 2, 2021 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
HadMeOverABarrel Posted January 3, 2021 Share Posted January 3, 2021 On 1/1/2021 at 6:24 PM, LostInLoveTwice said: I'm the OW and I have been with my MM for almost 3 years now. It is what it is. I fell for the "I can't leave because of my young son" line and it worked. I'm hooked. Two nights ago his wife found a text message exchange between him and I and has reached out to me asking what our relationship is. Luckily the texts said nothing bad and could easily be made out to be work related. The MM reached out to me and said his wife would confront me, that she is moving out and to please deny everything. He asked me to give him time to work through the storm that is about to come. I said I wouldn't reach out to him first and initiate any conversations because I felt I needed to fall off the radar for a little bit. He requested that I stand by him and to please just be there if he texts me. I got an "I love you" and a "Happy New Years" text so far. It's only been two days, but I don't know what to do at this point. I don't know if she is actually moving out. If he managed to convince her she is being paranoid and those texts were nothing and to stay. Do I hold out hope or just consider moving on? I'm upset and lost and have no one to talk through this with. I'm in love and don't want any judgment please. "Do I hold out hope or just consider moving on?" WHAT?????!!!! Really girlfriend?! Here, let me helpyou adjust those rose colored glasses. Here is the evidence you are not his lady love: "The MM reached out to me and said his wife would confront me, that she is moving out and to please deny everything." (Because he's trying to keep his relationship with her in tact. He wants to keep his marriage and the jerk is even asking you to be complicit in the deception so you can help him stay IN his marriage!) "He asked me to give him time to work through the storm that is about to come." (Meaning he is going to devote 100% of his resources to save his marriage, 0% of his resources to you, and you're supposed to sit quietly by waiting like an obedient dog. Hon, is this the fairytale relationship you envisioned for yourself as a little girl? Be honest with yourself!) "I said I wouldn't reach out to him first and initiate any conversations because I felt I needed to fall off the radar for a little bit." (This translates to, "Yes you are more worthy than me and I'll be a good little obedient doggy while you ignore me and give everything you have to save the relationship that really matters to you--the one with your wife!" Believe me...this is the message you are sending, plus it shows you don't believe in yourself that you are worthy of better!) "He requested that I stand by him and to please just be there if he texts me." (Translates to, "Awww you're such a good little doggy. I'll get back to you when it's convenient for me.") "I don't know if she is actually moving out." I hope she does because that would show she has a spine of her own to not put up with any more of his shenanigans. I hope you do too! "If he managed to convince her she is being paranoid and those texts were nothing and to stay." (Because yet again he is showing which relationship he is committed to, even if he acts sleazy in that one too by lying, cheating, and gaslighting. What a dreamboat...NOT!) LostInLove Twice, do you see how many times he's shownyou where his true priorities lay in your short post? It's not with you. Please save yourself! You are worth so much more than this! 3 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Birdies Posted January 4, 2021 Share Posted January 4, 2021 Why does he want you to lie to her, if the marriage is ending? He's doing what most MM do, which is dump the OW and try to restore the marriage. If you're "lucky", he might ask you to come crawling back as his "have his cake and eat it too" sex on demand girl. This is a good opportunity to leave this crappy situation in the past. Block him and try to move on. I'm a former OW/MW by the way. Link to post Share on other sites
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