Jump to content

So proud of myself.


Recommended Posts

thegreatfuldead

So this will be the last time I post my my current situation. 

Recap- me and ex dated, was my best friend, split up, stayed “friends” tho I’ve been suspect about cheating and she hasn’t told me the truth, with the guy she used to date before me. Had enough evidence to believe it. Been a back and fourth of her wanting to stay friends but on her terms, me not believing her, her treating me like crap. Volleyball court 
 

lastnight we all went out, all our friends. Had a great time. Midnight rolls around and low and behold. She kisses her ex, the guy she dated before me. The guy she said they are just friends, and nothing is going on the entire time. Right Infront of me too, without any consideration for my feelings. We were friends under false pretenses on that fact alone, they weren’t together at it wasn’t a thing. 
 

Oh, I’m livid. We all go back to her apartment. Everyone’s passed out besides me and him. I tell him we need to talk. 
Ask if they are dating, said they aren’t official. Someone hasn’t been honest with me. We both have a weird history with her, and said if he wanted to know the whole story I’d tell him. Said he didn’t want to know, fair enough.I said I gave them my blessing and hope they are happy.  I said I respect him and have no animosity. Left it at that. Actually we had a good time together. First time I felt me and him could be friends. Cool dude. 
 

So here we are today. I get a text from her, she’s very mad as a hornet. Said I was shady and disrespectful. I was completely honest with her, said I confronted him. Told her everything I should have months ago. I don’t trust her, don’t believe her. And I don’t feel bad, I wasn’t malicious, I wanted the truth. I knew he was going to tell her, and I made that very clear. It went into back and fourth not my business and “I can believe what I want.” Also that this was recent them being back together. Naw boo, he was a problem our whole relationship, and he was there the DAY we broke up keeping your bed warm. And as punishment, as she so loves to do,  that our friendship is tainted and we need to take a step back. Called her out right then and there. Told her I don’t feel bad about it. And ended it with I love her, even with a broken heart and hope she is so happy she is glowing. Didn’t get mad once or say anything negative. Made sure to add I respected what she said, I will reflect on it, but I also will be respected and heard. 

Months of being taken for an idiot, and I finally got my vindication. 

 

oh, and I have a date with a girl next Friday. Happy 2021 everybody. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
trident_2020

She "took you for an idiot", cheated on you, lied to you, led you on, and you ended your talk with "I love you".

And you're proud of this?

  • Thanks 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm sorry but you are the one coming off as wrong in this story.  You were no longer with her and you were "just friends".  She could kiss whoever she wants.  The way you reacted,  becoming "livid" as you put it, and confronting the guy, is a bit much.  You shouldn't have tried to remain friends with this woman.  That was clearly a bad idea.  You need to get better control of your emotions.  Do not remain friends with someone you've dated previously if you can't handle it and if you're going to go crazy seeing them with someone else.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

So you still hanged out with your ex? She got no self respect hanging out with you both also.

It was over,you shoulda move on.

If she cheated with that guy while she was with you, you shoulda let him know it was not cool. 

Hanging with exes can easily get you hurt.Dont do it.Go live your life.

Anyway good you found closure

Link to post
Share on other sites

Your expectations throughout all of this were completely unreasonable. 

When you were her BF you were never entitled to details about her relationship with her EX.  She had no obligation to tell you.  You pushed & pushed which was wrong.  If she was cheating on you with him & she lied to you about that, you should have broken up & never looked back. Your lack of trust means your whole relationship was undermined & unstable. 

The idea that she likes to be friend with her EXs -- him & now you -- is problematic.  It's attention seeking on her part.  You were foolish to buy into that & hang around.  She plays you two off each other.

When you all went out in a group as friends, you were mature to spend time with everybody.  It can be tough when there are multiple connections.  That said the minute she kissed her EX right in front of you, that was your cue to leave.  Going back to her apartment was you asking for punishment. 

OK fine, you felt better about confronting him & talking to him about what was going on.  You both kept some sort of cool since there was no violence but you should not have needed him to tell you what you already saw with your eyes:  something was going on between him & her.   You can't be friends with him. He has the girl you want.  It's good that you can be in his presence without wanting to punch him but seriously, don't bother.

You need to get over her.  She's right.   Your "friendship" is tainted.  It's not really a friendship.  It's you being an orbitor, hoping to get her back.  Stop doing that to yourself.  In the next few months avoid places she'll be & disconnect on all platforms.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

You mistook "being friends" as being one step closer to getting her back.
BUT being friends after a split tends to mean very little in a romantic sense and not a lot in a friend sense either... It means  she doesn't hate you, you can be civil, you can hang out without fighting...
You thought being friends meant a whole lot more, but you did experience the dark side of "being friends".
As you are split, she is entitled to date and kiss who she likes and as a "friend" you have no say in the matter.
That is why most accept "let's be friends", but then go NC or minimal contact as who really wants to be on the side-lines to witness the "love of your life" dating other people...
People who are still emotionally involved cannot be friends with their ex, they just can't.
It hurts too much.

BYW next time you suspect cheating or funny business, you walkaway. That way you do not waste time and energy on people who are not "all in"

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
17 hours ago, thegreatfuldead said:

Everyone’s passed out besides me and him.

That's a visual: you two up to 4am waiting on the other to leave so they can go smash the chick...

Quote

Months of being taken for an idiot, and I finally got my vindication. 

You are the one who put your person in close proximity and allowed yourself to be played as an idiot--she couldn't have done any of this without your express permission. 

I'd have left the bar at midnight and put her on block and let her spend the rest of her life torturing herself as to why you did that.  Sending her to her grave never knowing is better vindication. 

You're not ready to get into a new relationship if you're patting yourself on the back for some non existent vindication.

Edited by kendahke
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
17 hours ago, thegreatfuldead said:

Yep. I hope she eats, but not at my table. Always will love her. Went through some serious stuff together. 

she ain't eating squat except her ex. He got his stuff back and you as "friend" left empty handed, like friends are supposed to do in romantic situations not involving them.

Edited by kendahke
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
12 minutes ago, kendahke said:

You're not ready to get into a new relationship if you're patting yourself on the back for some non existent vindication.

^^^^ This.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...