Joan Buzz Posted January 2, 2021 Share Posted January 2, 2021 (edited) Hey guys, I am a girl of 23 dealing with her first breakup. My boyfriend of a year an a half dumped me a week before Christmas. *whomp whomp* The reason is because we’ve had problems with communication before, we always talked about it but this last argument “was the last straw” for him. Long story short, I was mad because I felt controlled and sent a somewhat aggressive, profantity laden text that went something like this: “Because it’s {redacted] John, you know that I work in the public and one visit to the hairdresser is not gonna [redacted] give me covid. And don’t you dare make this all about you when not 3 days ago, you told me it was my choice to go get tested. [redacted]” He then FaceTimed me and said he couldn’t be with someone who talks to him that way. We have WILDY different ways to deal with stress and anger. I am French (hot blooded), so I snap easily but when we solve the problem right away, I go back to being a big teddy bear. He’s very English (cold and repressed emotionally), he never liked that I couldn’t “control” my temper and that he always felt like he was walking on eggshells with me, he was scared of me. The weird part is that I also felt like I was walking on eggshells because he’s so damn sensitive. Anywho, that ended and honestly… it’s probably for the best. We were very different. My question is: who’s right? Should I try to change and be less explosive in my next relationships or should he have accepted my anger and tried to understand where I was coming from. I can’t wrap my head around an answer, I constantly feel like the vilain in this story. Please, I desperately need advice. Edited January 2, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 2, 2021 Share Posted January 2, 2021 (edited) Ok, it's fine to speak up for yourself and have whatever temperament you have. However, it's not fine to become verbally abusive when you get annoyed. There's no right or wrong. You're incompatible to the point of resentment and contempt, so going your own way is the best choice. Edited January 2, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed quote Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 2, 2021 Share Posted January 2, 2021 Your nationality/lineage has zero to do with being rude and disrespectful to your partner. I know plenty of French people who do not behave that way. So, you're indeed wrong there - don't talk to people like that and expect it to be okay just because you go back to being nice after. It doesn't work like that. Try to reign in your temper and don't excuse it as being "hot-blooded." That's minimizing how damaging it can be if it's not appropriately managed. Whoever said it was also wrong that one visit to the hairdresser cannot give you Covid. Yes, it absolutely can. Ask me how I know. When it comes down to it, though, you probably both had your faults and those faults clashed in a such a way that it made a relationship impossible to sustain. Making him or yourself out to be the villain serves no purpose. The relationship didn't work out and you can both likely learn lessons moving forward, and apply them to your next relationships. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 2, 2021 Share Posted January 2, 2021 You accept the fact that you are incompatible & move on. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 2, 2021 Share Posted January 2, 2021 11 hours ago, Joan Buzz said: He then FaceTimed me and said he couldn’t be with someone who talks to him that way. It really doesn't matter now because he made it clear that it's over. Maybe find a hot blooded French guy who communicates the way you do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted January 2, 2021 Share Posted January 2, 2021 (edited) 14 hours ago, Joan Buzz said: I am French (hot blooded), He’s very English (cold and repressed emotionally), Ah, the ancient enmity rears its ugly head again. Well, there wont be an Entente cordiale here, so it'd be best to get used to the idea that this Englishman by and large isn't going to countenance your lack of self control, no matter how benign you may think it is. Quote “Because it’s {redacted] John, you know that I work in the public and one visit to the hairdresser is not gonna [redacted] give me covid. And don’t you dare make this all about you when not 3 days ago, you told me it was my choice to go get tested. [redacted]” Moins le dit, le meilleur... "Darling, I love you, but I don't agree. I'll take the proper precautions and be extra vigilant" would have gone over way better than being called everything but a child of God. If he wasn't raised to resolve issues with cursing and disrespect, he's not going to see your point of view; if you weren't raised to develop emotional control growing up, you're not going to see his point of view. The fact that you can't calmly get your point across without resorting to profanity is a huge problem. Very few adults want to be spoken to like this, French or non. In the future, you might want to stick to men of the "romantic languages" variety, not those from the stoicism of Anglo and/or Saxon variety. This is done. Stick a fork in it. Edited January 2, 2021 by kendahke Link to post Share on other sites
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