I'm not as emotionally attached to my gf as she was

[major_merrick]

At 15, things can definitely change.  And sometimes, they don't.  I struggled with dating my husband when I was only a bit older than you.  Took me until age 30 to settle down enough, and I still kick myself for taking so long.  I was blessed to have a second chance. 

What exactly is it about your GF's face that bothers you?  Scars?  Shape?  Structure? 

BTW, unless you're looking to get into some fancy college, B's are good enough.  But by senior year, it is perfectly possible for you to meet the person you'll be with for the rest of your life.  It may be this girl, it may not.  Be open to seizing the opportunities that come your way at this time of life...with a view for the long term. 

[Pumaza]

😳😳😂😂😭😭😭

Ok.you are both kids. school should be the only thing on your mind.

Focus on school,your hobby,family,freinds.😉

 

[Fletch Lives]

Do you know what's good about having an ugly girlfriend? -if she ever leaves you, who cares?! 😄

 

Some young people are too young to fall in love.

[d0nnivain]

12 hours ago, major_merrick said:

BTW, unless you're looking to get into some fancy college, B's are good enough. 

B's may be good enough to get admitted but you will need As to get a scholarship, no matter the school.  Doesn't sound like mom will be much support so you need to have a way to pay for the next step in your life.  Never settle for "good enough".  You want to do your best.  That will take you much farther than mediocrity. 

[Blade peterson]

Hello my names blade. Yesterday I had a problem but I’m past that. Lately like the past 2 days I have been thinking about breaking up with my gf. But after I think this for about 30 min the feeling goes away and ask myself are you stupid you love her she’s your whole world. I’m sick of this feeling. I keep searching for results on google and it just makes me feel worse. I would say me and my gf are out of the honeymoon faze. I don’t get butterflies anymore. None of my past relationships have lasted longer than the honeymoon faze. I’m just confused. Last night I got mad and jealous at her so that shows I still care about her. But why do I think about breaking up. I don’t wanna. Break up with her but I just have this feeling of empty ness. Like did I lose feeling but no because if I lost feeling I wouldn’t want anyone to touch her or flirt with her. A couple of nights ago I cried in her arms about something that happened in my home life. As I was crying I begged her please don’t leave your the only thing that makes me happy I love you please stay. But 2 days later I’m not for sure if I wanna be with her. What’s wrong with me.

[SumGuy]

23 hours ago, Blade peterson said:

My girlfriend helps me emotionally. And I’m trying my hardest but I just don’t understand why this has to be so hard. Why can’t everything be perfect. She isn’t my first love but I want her to be my last. Her family loves me I love them.

 

23 hours ago, Blade peterson said:

Last night my mom told me she hated me. That she didn’t wanna see me on Christmas. Her family said I can come spend the Christmas with them.

 

23 hours ago, Blade peterson said:

I can’t break up with her it would break my heart. I have a hard time at home and she helps me with that. Last night I cried in her arms. I can’t imagine my life without her.

Man I feel for you.  Life can be hard in general and you got the short end of the stick at home.   I hope you understand how messed up it is your mom saying she hates you.  I also hope you can get some confidential therapy...I suspect that is near impossible.  If it is any help you have some luck with such a nice GF and her family, many in your situation do not even have that.

On her looks, first don't let anyone else get you to question how beautiful she is in your eyes.  Especially teenagers can be brutal and just flat out lie out of jealousy or other BS, let alone different people have different tastes.   

I get the overthinking, in my experience your home life is going to prime you for such things, about always questioning the foundation of your life and what you think and even feel.  One thing you do know, and it is objective, is how your GF and her family treat you.   

[d0nnivain]

Nothing is wrong with you.  You are 15.  It's the way of the world. It's a part of growing up, learning who you are as a person.

Couple of things: 

It's honeymoon phase, not faze.  

The butterflies never last.  The butterflies are indicators of lust not love.   Love takes patience & strength.  Do you want love or infatuation?  You talk about forever then about breaking up.  Those extremes are part of the raging hormones of being a teenager.  I am not minimizing them.  Been there.  Done that.  Just try not to react to every random thought / feeling you have.

Jealousy does not equal caring.  Jealousy is borne of insecurity.  You're young.  Trust will come in time after you develop more life experience. 

You think about breaking up for a lot of reasons.  Fear is part of it.  At times, especially when you are vulnerable, after bad things happen at home, your subconscious knows you are putting too much stock on your GF & you worry what will happen to you if she breaks up with you.  So your mind wrongly thinks it would be better for you to do the dumping.  Also in HS long term relationships are defined in months not years.  This feels weighty.

The best advice I can offer is what I said yesterday:  sit tight through the holidays & see how you feel in January.  You do not have to solve the world's problems or even your relationship concerns together. 

Do you have another trusted adult in your life you can talk to? 

Edited December 12, 2020 by d0nnivain

[d0nnivain]

7 minutes ago, SumGuy said:

.  I also hope you can get some confidential therapy...I suspect that is near impossible. 

@Blade peterson  talk to a school guidance counselor.  That person should be able to steer you in the right direction.

[Blade peterson]

20 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Nothing is wrong with you.  You are 15.  It's the way of the world. It's a part of growing up, learning who you are as a person.

Couple of things: 

It's honeymoon phase, not faze.  

The butterflies never last.  The butterflies are indicators of lust not love.   Love takes patience & strength.  Do you want love or infatuation?  You talk about forever then about breaking up.  Those extremes are part of the raging hormones of being a teenager.  I am not minimizing them.  Been there.  Done that.  Just try not to react to every random thought / feeling you have.

Jealousy does not equal caring.  Jealousy is borne of insecurity.  You're young.  Trust will come in time after you develop more life experience. 

You think about breaking up for a lot of reasons.  Fear is part of it.  At times, especially when you are vulnerable, after bad things happen at home, your subconscious knows you are putting too much stock on your GF & you worry what will happen to you if she breaks up with you.  So your mind wrongly thinks it would be better for you to do the dumping.  Also in HS long term relationships are defined in months not years.  This feels weighty.

The best advice I can offer is what I said yesterday:  sit tight through the holidays & see how you feel in January.  You do not have to solve the world's problems or even your relationship concerns together. 

Do you have another trusted adult in your life you can talk to? 

Yeah my dad but I talk to him about stuff all the time I don’t wanna be annoying.

[Blade peterson]

24 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Nothing is wrong with you.  You are 15.  It's the way of the world. It's a part of growing up, learning who you are as a person.

Couple of things: 

It's honeymoon phase, not faze.  

The butterflies never last.  The butterflies are indicators of lust not love.   Love takes patience & strength.  Do you want love or infatuation?  You talk about forever then about breaking up.  Those extremes are part of the raging hormones of being a teenager.  I am not minimizing them.  Been there.  Done that.  Just try not to react to every random thought / feeling you have.

Jealousy does not equal caring.  Jealousy is borne of insecurity.  You're young.  Trust will come in time after you develop more life experience. 

You think about breaking up for a lot of reasons.  Fear is part of it.  At times, especially when you are vulnerable, after bad things happen at home, your subconscious knows you are putting too much stock on your GF & you worry what will happen to you if she breaks up with you.  So your mind wrongly thinks it would be better for you to do the dumping.  Also in HS long term relationships are defined in months not years.  This feels weighty.

The best advice I can offer is what I said yesterday:  sit tight through the holidays & see how you feel in January.  You do not have to solve the world's problems or even your relationship concerns together. 

Do you have another trusted adult in your life you can talk to? 

So you think I should just stay and see what happens. The thought of leaving her literally hurts my heart like it’s actually pain. I don’t want her to feel like I’m just using her for her body.

[Blade peterson]

33 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Nothing is wrong with you.  You are 15.  It's the way of the world. It's a part of growing up, learning who you are as a person.

Couple of things: 

It's honeymoon phase, not faze.  

The butterflies never last.  The butterflies are indicators of lust not love.   Love takes patience & strength.  Do you want love or infatuation?  You talk about forever then about breaking up.  Those extremes are part of the raging hormones of being a teenager.  I am not minimizing them.  Been there.  Done that.  Just try not to react to every random thought / feeling you have.

Jealousy does not equal caring.  Jealousy is borne of insecurity.  You're young.  Trust will come in time after you develop more life experience. 

You think about breaking up for a lot of reasons.  Fear is part of it.  At times, especially when you are vulnerable, after bad things happen at home, your subconscious knows you are putting too much stock on your GF & you worry what will happen to you if she breaks up with you.  So your mind wrongly thinks it would be better for you to do the dumping.  Also in HS long term relationships are defined in months not years.  This feels weighty.

The best advice I can offer is what I said yesterday:  sit tight through the holidays & see how you feel in January.  You do not have to solve the world's problems or even your relationship concerns together. 

Do you have another trusted adult in your life you can talk to? 

I just don’t want her to think I was just using her for emotional support and then when my life gets better or I’m not depressed anymore I just leave. Thats  not right. She actually makes me happy even when I’m not down I just enjoy hanging out with her.

[SumGuy]

51 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

@Blade peterson  talk to a school guidance counselor.  That person should be able to steer you in the right direction.

Agree, if you can trust them.   That can sadly be a big IF, not out of any desire to betray a kid, but because they really are not able to spot and deal with emotionally abusive and manipulative mothers (they seem to have fathers down).  That and they have certain legal obligations on what they have to report to childe services type agencies and what they have to tell parents because one is a minor.

Sadly, to get increased confidentiality (little to nothing getting back to parents) a potential abuse determination is often required, but therapist and others are often then required by law to report that to child services agencies.   Absence physical abuse, a mother is very much presumed innocent and a manipulative one is able to "pass" any inspection then you are worse off.

OP Ask what any therapist you meet have to report, what they have to tell your parents and what they have to keep confidential.   Ask of their own experience as a child.  Therapist who grew up in an emotionally abusive household (not just trained to help children of abuse) are going understand that such parents have one face to the world, and a different one at home.

Consider as well the narrative, the story, your mom may be saying to others about you.   Parents who say such things as they hate you may well weaponize you seeking help against you, by that I mean using it to try to make you out to be a liar or unreliable...all the better to hide their behavior.   Again therapists who grew up with such parents know this, especially when it is the mom.

Do you have an ally in your father? 

[NuevoYorko]

It sounds like you are not in a good place to be in a serious relationship right now.

Do you feel that you are contributing to the quality of the relationship and to your girlfriend's happiness?  In your posts you give the impression that her role is to comfort you in your troubles, and that you get angry and jealous, and also that you are not all in.  

[FMW]

1 hour ago, Blade peterson said:

Yeah my dad but I talk to him about stuff all the time I don’t wanna be annoying.

He's your dad - that's what he's there for. 

[smackie9]

When I was your age I had the attention span of a gnat...be lucky if the guy got two weeks out of me. You need to figure out if you are in it for love or you have become dependent on a relationship for your happiness. Getting jealous doesn't always mean you care, it can mean ego/possessiveness. You need to fill your empty void with friendships, buddies, social circle, activities, hobbies, interests. Stop tying yourself to a GF.

Edited December 12, 2020 by smackie9

[d0nnivain]

You aren't just using your GF for emotional support but you do need to be grateful that she gives it to you.

You will not annoy your dad by talking to him. He would be more upset to learn that you bottled stuff up & didn't lean on him for support. 

[Trail Blazer]

I dated a butterface once.  It didn't last long as I couldn't get past the face.  At 15, her body hasn't matured yet.  She could easily baloon out and then become all-round unattractive.

It's best to date women who have a more attractive face.  If they're carrying an extra few pounds, they can always lose that with a better diet and exercise.

Nobody can fix an unattractive face.  Short of putting a bag on her head, there isn't much you can do (I do not advocate this, it was said tongue-in-cheek).

The reality is, if you do not find this girl attractive then you must let her go.  Another guy out there will find her attractive.  One guy's trash is another guy's treasure.

It's not fair to keep a woman around, making her believe that you find her beautiful.  You will start resenting her more over time and potentially treat her like trash.

Please, concentrate on school and know that life changes so much so quickly for people at your age.  If you don't find her attractive, dump her, for your sake and her's.

[Wiseman2]

On 12/12/2020 at 10:53 AM, Blade peterson said:

Yeah my dad but I talk to him about stuff all the time I don’t wanna be annoying.

Ask Dad to take you to a doctor. Maybe it's just teen angst and crushes, maybe not

Maybe it's the strange way you describe it in that it sounds like altered perceptions or hallucinations.

[Blade peterson]

At the beginning of me and my girlfriends relationship all I did is think about her. I always asked her if she ate or if she did something fun how her day was and how’s it’s going. As of lately I haven’t asked those questions as much. I don’t think about her as much. I still day dream about getting married. I still think about her but just not as much. At the beginning I would always think how did I get so lucky, she’s so beautiful, she’s so perfect. I don’t think about those things as much. But I still make a effort to tell her she’s beautiful every chance I get. I still love her. But are those bad signs. Am I a bad boyfriend. Do I not really love her:

[central]

The novelty does wear off, so this sounds pretty normal.  You DO have a life apart from her, don't forget.  Anyway, how long have you been dating?  Also, don't be surprised if sex becomes more routine and less exciting after two years.  That's also typical, but you can make an effort to prevent that.  And by that time, a more lasting kind of love should be replacing the infatuation you feel at first.

[Blade peterson]

3 minutes ago, central said:

The novelty does wear off, so this sounds pretty normal.  You DO have a life apart from her, don't forget.  Anyway, how long have you been dating?  Also, don't be surprised if sex becomes more routine and less exciting after two years.  That's also typical, but you can make an effort to prevent that.  And by that time, a more lasting kind of love should be replacing the infatuation you feel at first.

We have only been together for almost three months. But what do you mean when you say more lasting kind of love.

[central]

How you feel love normally changes over time, often from a butterflies in the stomach infatuation to a more mature and sustainable, mature form of love.  The latter is more comfortable and lasting than infatuation or sexual dazzlement, but usually takes a year or three to develop.

[Blade peterson]

3 minutes ago, central said:

How you feel love normally changes over time, often from a butterflies in the stomach infatuation to a more mature and sustainable, mature form of love.  The latter is more comfortable and lasting than infatuation or sexual dazzlement, but usually takes a year or three to develop.

Me and her have only been together for about three months. And it’s already gotten like that. Is this bad? We are only 15.

[central]

3 hours ago, Blade peterson said:

Me and her have only been together for about three months. And it’s already gotten like that. Is this bad? We are only 15.

It's not bad.  And honestly, new emotions are magnified at your age - but can still be intense even when you get older.  Surely you're too young to think in terms of long term commitment, and I'd also say that changing levels of interest are normal - and probably good - at that age.  If things are still good between you, enjoy.  Eventually one of you will want to experience someone else and will move on.  That's also healthy.

[dramafreezone]

 

8 hours ago, Blade peterson said:

At the beginning of me and my girlfriends relationship all I did is think about her. I always asked her if she ate or if she did something fun how her day was and how’s it’s going. As of lately I haven’t asked those questions as much. I don’t think about her as much. I still day dream about getting married. I still think about her but just not as much. At the beginning I would always think how did I get so lucky, she’s so beautiful, she’s so perfect. I don’t think about those things as much. But I still make a effort to tell her she’s beautiful every chance I get. I still love her. But are those bad signs. Am I a bad boyfriend. Do I not really love her:

You shouldn't be thinking about her all the time.  You have a life, you have things that you enjoy outside of her (I hope).  And quite honestly, that will help her to stay attracted to you.  Healthy-minded women don't want to be the center of your attention all the time, just when you're spending quality time together in person.