JRabbit Posted January 6, 2021 Posted January 6, 2021 3 hours ago, Runnytoast said: I don’t like the idea of cameras and microphones etc Hire a private investigator then. The only real way to know, is to know. Any man who enters your own house and checks your woman out like that in front of you clearly has 0 boundaries or respect. 1
Author Runnytoast Posted January 6, 2021 Author Posted January 6, 2021 3 hours ago, S2B said: does she earn more money than you do? She actually does but would that really be relevant? 1
Xerad Posted January 6, 2021 Posted January 6, 2021 Quote Is my wife having an affair? On 1/3/2021 at 5:17 AM, Runnytoast said: Am I being paranoid? Did you get your answers? Do you think your wife is having an affair and do you think you're paranoid?
trident_2020 Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 (edited) 10 minutes ago, S2B said: I was just thinking you may not be so timid about find out what’s real if she made way less than you. I cannot wrap my head around this Edited January 7, 2021 by trident_2020 1
Miss Spider Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 On 1/3/2021 at 6:17 AM, Runnytoast said: My wife works for a small company for several years and is PA to the guy who owns it. He is very charismatic and they get on well. She enjoys her job and it suits our set up. Last Christmas she returned from her Christmas party with a pair of designer shoes and said her boss had bought them for her. I found this odd but didn’t think too much of it. I later found out he’d bought her other gifts too at different times. When covid arrived they set up office in my home. I was out in the week and the place was and still is quiet. I noticed at first hand how well they get on. They’re always laughing and whispering and just have a lot of chemistry. This bothered me a little but what really started me thinking was one day in the summer they were going out for a meeting and he came to collect her. When he saw her he complimented her appearance and asked her to turn around. He then looks her up and down and then grins at me saying I’m a lucky guy! As I say I’ve no evidence and I don’t want to accuse her but they spend every week day alone in my home, he makes himself at home and he’s even showered there. Am I being paranoid? He’s married also just for the record I don’t know how you expect anyone here to know if your wife is having an affair based on the information you have provided. You have just as much information as we do, and a lot more. Would you believe anyone here if they said, “yes your wife is having an affair and I am certain”?
usa1ah Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 5 hours ago, trident_2020 said: Don't confuse fear for weakness. Fear is not weakness, refusing to act in the face of fear is. 3
usa1ah Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 (edited) 2 hours ago, Runnytoast said: She actually does but would that really be relevant? Yes. Lower earners in a relationship do stay for the financial security. Edited January 7, 2021 by usa1ah 1
Wiseman2 Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 8 hours ago, Runnytoast said: She actually does but would that really be relevant? No, it's not relevant. What is relevant is the "make yourself at home and shower".. Work at home should resemble work at the office. People have set hours, perhaps a coffee and lunch break, but wear casual business clothes and more importantly keep those clothes on. Is she having sex with him? Who knows . But you need to talk about boundaries and what takes place in your home. Just discuss hours he's there, and appropriate business activity. He's not a houseguest. He can shower at home before work. 2
basil67 Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 @Runnytoast With all these lockdowns, why do you and your wife jointly allow another person in your home when he could work remotely like everyone else? 4
usa1ah Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 (edited) 23 hours ago, Runnytoast said: Thanks for the advice given. There’s certainly plenty to think about. I don’t like the idea of cameras and microphones etc and I wouldn’t accuse. I will remain on alert however and see. I’ll raise the topic with her in a lighthearted way and see how she reacts This is not a light hearted matter to joke around with. Going about it the way you’re doing is only going to make you look weak. Maybe this is just you. You need to read the book No More Mr Nice Guy. Then stop being the doormat. How will you gather any evidence if your not at home and refuse to use VAR’s or cameras? If your not going to stand up for yourself or your rights as 1/2 of the marriage, your better keeping your mouth shut. Edited January 7, 2021 by usa1ah 1
usa1ah Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 There was a guy on here years ago that went through the same thing. His wife told him that there wasn’t anything going on and that he was insecure. She ended up getting an STD from her boss and stopped having sex with her husband. He finally figured everything out and divorced her. The OM’s wife found out as well and divorced him also. This is not the first time we have seen this exact situation play out. 1
usa1ah Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 9 hours ago, basil67 said: @Runnytoast With all these lockdowns, why do you and your wife jointly allow another person in your home when he could work remotely like everyone else? Because he doesn’t have the ability to say no. The same reason he has allowed this to go on for over a year. To nice of a guy. 1
usa1ah Posted January 7, 2021 Posted January 7, 2021 (edited) On 1/3/2021 at 6:17 AM, Runnytoast said: This bothered me a little but what really started me thinking was one day in the summer they were going out for a meeting and he came to collect her. When he saw her he complimented her appearance and asked her to turn around. He then looks her up and down and then grins at me saying I’m a lucky guy! You did nothing and continue to do nothing. Let them be, I am sure they will stop having sex in the years to come. Edited January 7, 2021 by usa1ah
Justanaverageguy Posted January 8, 2021 Posted January 8, 2021 (edited) On 1/7/2021 at 3:40 AM, Runnytoast said: Thanks for the advice given. There’s certainly plenty to think about. I don’t like the idea of cameras and microphones etc and I wouldn’t accuse. I will remain on alert however and see. I’ll raise the topic with her in a lighthearted way and see how she reacts I'm going to give you a non convential answer which is quite different to what everyone else here has posted. More spiritually based. Relationships between people tend to follow energy patterns. Push pull - action and reaction. Your own behaviour, emotions and opinion on the relationship between her and her boss will actually effect and cause to manifest what happens. If your insecure, jealous and start look for signs of infidelity you will find these. You'll end up basically pushing your wife into having an affair. Seek and you will find. If you go looking for it your going to cause it to manifest. If you grow a pair, don't go snooping around start acting with confidence, assertiveness, strength - speak to wife directly. Set ground rules on your relationship she won't. Insecurity - creates infidelity. Confidence creates fidelity. Edited January 8, 2021 by Justanaverageguy 1 1
Xerad Posted January 8, 2021 Posted January 8, 2021 On 1/7/2021 at 11:58 AM, usa1ah said: Let them be, I am sure they will stop having sex in the years to come. I'm betting it'll end when the boss man's wife gets suspicious and hires the PI. You just know the rich guy's wife isn't going to stand for her husband staying all day at another woman's house, getting cozy and shopping online for shoes and things. 2
usa1ah Posted January 8, 2021 Posted January 8, 2021 (edited) 12 hours ago, Justanaverageguy said: I'm going to give you a non convential answer which is quite different to what everyone else here has posted. More spiritually based. Relationships between people tend to follow energy patterns. Push pull - action and reaction. Your own behaviour, emotions and opinion on the relationship between her and her boss will actually effect and cause to manifest what happens. If your insecure, jealous and start look for signs of infidelity you will find these. You'll end up basically pushing your wife into having an affair. Seek and you will find. If you go looking for it your going to cause it to manifest. If you grow a pair, don't go snooping around start acting with confidence, assertiveness, strength - speak to wife directly. Set ground rules on your relationship she won't. Insecurity - creates infidelity. Confidence creates fidelity. This is so not true. There are hundreds of post on here where the BS had confidence and was not insecure. Cheating has nothing to do with the BS. People cheat because they are selfish and lack morals. Edited January 8, 2021 by usa1ah 2 1
trident_2020 Posted January 8, 2021 Posted January 8, 2021 35 minutes ago, Xerad said: I'm betting it'll end when the boss man's wife gets suspicious and hires the PI. You just know the rich guy's wife isn't going to stand for her husband staying all day at another woman's house, getting cozy and shopping online for shoes and things. The boss's wife might be banging her own affair partner. Living the life of wealth, in a broken marriage not caring what her partner is doing or who they're doing it with.
mark clemson Posted January 8, 2021 Posted January 8, 2021 (edited) 32 minutes ago, usa1ah said: Cheating has nothing to do with the BS. That's a bit like saying divorce has "nothing to do with" the partner being left. Sometimes it's mostly true. Of course, in a cheating situation, sometimes the WS wasn't happy and that was ONE major driver of the decision to cheat. At a high level, an unhappy spouse has four main options: do nothing, work on the marriage, cheat, divorce. Sure, the WS could have chosen a different path. But there's no doubt in many of those cases the BS had a LOT to do with their being unhappy in the first place. Edited January 8, 2021 by mark clemson
trident_2020 Posted January 8, 2021 Posted January 8, 2021 (edited) 14 hours ago, Justanaverageguy said: Seek and you will find. If you go looking for it your going to cause it to manifest. 14 hours ago, Justanaverageguy said: speak to wife directly. Set ground rules on your relationship she won't. Insecurity - creates infidelity. Confidence creates fidelity. What a bunch of baloney. Edited January 8, 2021 by trident_2020 5
usa1ah Posted January 9, 2021 Posted January 9, 2021 6 hours ago, mark clemson said: That's a bit like saying divorce has "nothing to do with" the partner being left. Sometimes it's mostly true. Of course, in a cheating situation, sometimes the WS wasn't happy and that was ONE major driver of the decision to cheat. At a high level, an unhappy spouse has four main options: do nothing, work on the marriage, cheat, divorce. Sure, the WS could have chosen a different path. But there's no doubt in many of those cases the BS had a LOT to do with their being unhappy in the first place. The relationship takes work from both people in it. They make it good, bad or ugly. There are also times when just one person in the relationship doesn’t do anything for it. Cheating is a choice by the cheater alone. The betrayed spouse has nothing to do with it. There are so many stories on here and other sites where the WS says it had nothing to do with the BS. The cheater just doesn’t know why they did it. There are also stories where the cheater just ups and leaves to be with the affair partner. The betrayed spouse is blindsided by it because they didn’t know anything was wrong. So many BS’s start the first post with “I never thought I would be here!” Or “We have our ups and downs just like everyone else but we always work through it together.” The choice to cheat is on the cheater. The relationship is on both of them. 3
oldtruck Posted January 9, 2021 Posted January 9, 2021 hide cameras and VARs in your house. you will find out the truth. 1
Justanaverageguy Posted January 9, 2021 Posted January 9, 2021 20 hours ago, usa1ah said: This is so not true. There are hundreds of post on here where the BS had confidence and was not insecure. Cheating has nothing to do with the BS. People cheat because they are selfish and lack morals. I told you it would be an unconventional response. I expected your response that cheaters cheat because the are immoral. This is the stock standard response. But in long term relationships were people habe been faithful for years I personally find this often just doesn't line up. You get some.immoral people who woll cheat no matter what but in mosr cases People cheat because the dynamics and power balance within the existing relationship is broken.
mark clemson Posted January 9, 2021 Posted January 9, 2021 (edited) 22 hours ago, usa1ah said: Cheating is a choice by the cheater alone. The betrayed spouse has nothing to do with it. The relationship is on both of them. You concede (of course) that the state of relationship has a LOT to do with BOTH partners. But you're also trying to detach the decision from the context in which it occurs. The state of the relationship and how the WS feels towards and thinks about the BS have a LOT to do with WHATEVER decisions get made by the WS. Be they decisions to work on the marriage, stay put, divorce - or cheat. And the BS always has SOME responsibility for the state of the relationship. Cheating is a choice by the cheater alone. True. The betrayed spouse has nothing to do with it. False. Edited January 10, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Removed analogy involving recent political events.
usa1ah Posted January 9, 2021 Posted January 9, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, Justanaverageguy said: I told you it would be an unconventional response. I expected your response that cheaters cheat because the are immoral. This is the stock standard response. But in long term relationships were people habe been faithful for years I personally find this often just doesn't line up. You get some.immoral people who woll cheat no matter what but in mosr cases People cheat because the dynamics and power balance within the existing relationship is broken. It is squarely on the cheater’s shoulders still. Problems in a relationship are on both people in it. Unless one of them doesn’t bring up the issues to talk them out. If one partner has a problem and refuses to tell the other then it is their own fault, the unknowing one isn’t a mind reader. The cheater makes a willful decision to cheat. Whether they have talked with the other partner or not about the issues in the relationship. They still made the choice on their own to cheat. Edited January 9, 2021 by usa1ah 1
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