New Relationship - not sure whats going on

[Bliss25]

So lets start from the beginning.. 

I have been single for over 5 years and have been on 100s of dates with women over this period and never really found any connection with anyone until now, September of 2020 when I went on just another tinder date. This one though stuck and I went on a few more dates until we became a couple in November. I have fallen hard for this girl after I haven't been able to do so with anyone in the last 5 years.

Things have been going ok and as far as I am concerned, we have something really good going on. During the festive season she went to go visit her family who lives far away and asked me if I would like to join her after Xmas to spend some time there till after the new year. So I agreed and we both were looking really forward to this. She left 14 days before me and during this time we both expressed how excited we were to see each other.

When I arrived there things were going ok but as the days passed I felt less and less interest from her side. she became less and less affectionate and almost as if she was getting bored. she was on her mobile more and more everyday and it just feels like she has lost interest in me. She never made effort to have a conversation with me, she never said anything romantic to me, nothing.

When I got back home she sent a message to say she misses me but from there not much talking and even today I haven't heard from her yet.

She is only coming back in 3 weeks and I think there are two things that can happen in these 3 weeks: 

1. She loses complete interest in me and breaks up with me when she gets back. OR,
2. the absence makes her miss me and she gets to a point where she cant wait to see me.

 

What are your thoughts on this ? how do I possibly get scenario 2 to happen ?

Or should I run away now while its still early to spare me some really bad heartache (Which I think I will anyway get) ?

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this happened. Consider cutting your losses. You've put a lot into this but unfortunately have gotten a very low return on investment.

[chillii]

 

Sounds like being together 24 7 she'd discovered there just wasn't enough there and yep lost interest. She'll probably miss you a bit now that your apart again but l'd say even if so it'll still just be downhill again later though sorry.

[Emilie Jolie]

How much time have you actually spent in each other's company in the short time you've known each other, Bliss25?

I ask because unless there are a lot of details missing from your OP, it sounds like you've known each other 3 months at most, most of which with very little interaction yet a lot of intensity on your end.

Can you confirm?

PS: I think heartbreak is looming / inevitable. I'm so sorry. 

[Gaeta]

To much of a good thing is as bad. 

I would have never travelled to a  new boyfriend of 1 month to be with him and his family full time during holidays. It's a recipe to kill the love even before it takes off the ground. Too much too soon. Your best action is to let her be and your absence may ignite again her curiosity toward you.

[ShyViolet]

Give her space for these 3 weeks while she is away.  Don't text her and see if she texts you.  When she comes back, if she is still acting distant and weird then break up with her.  There's no sense in following someone around who isn't acting excited and interested in being with you.

[Bliss25]

7 hours ago, Emilie Jolie said:

How much time have you actually spent in each other's company in the short time you've known each other, Bliss25?

I ask because unless there are a lot of details missing from your OP, it sounds like you've known each other 3 months at most, most of which with very little interaction yet a lot of intensity on your end.

Can you confirm?

PS: I think heartbreak is looming / inevitable. I'm so sorry. 

Well to be honest, we have not spent loads of time together .. But every time we were together we would spend till the early hours of the morning mostly and to me it has been perfect. Like I said, I have been on dates with 100s of women and this has just been absolutely perfect. I have been around the block and from experience I just know that this has so much potential. But I also know that she hasn't had a lot of experience with relationships. She has never had a serious relationship and she is 30 years old. So it could be that. I also know that I am the 2nd guy she ever introduced to her parents and the previous guy who met them was about 8 years ago.

I am just really confused as to what this is and what it is to her. I want a real relationship from this but I doubt that is what she wants.  

[Emilie Jolie]

11 minutes ago, Bliss25 said:

. I want a real relationship from this but I doubt that is what she wants.

So how are you seeing this play out? 

[Bliss25]

11 hours ago, Emilie Jolie said:

So how are you seeing this play out? 

This is the hardest part.. I know how I want it to play out and then I also know that its possibly not going to play out how I want. So its up to me if I take this risk and continue investing or just pull the plug.. its a tough one. I really really want this to work out.

[Emilie Jolie]

2 hours ago, Bliss25 said:

This is the hardest part.. I know how I want it to play out and then I also know that its possibly not going to play out how I want. So its up to me if I take this risk and continue investing or just pull the plug.. its a tough one. I really really want this to work out.

It is a tough one. I see the condendrum you're in. It's going to be one or the other, isn't it. I think it would be helpful to know where her head is at also, so you can make a more informed decision. Does that make sense?

[Bliss25]

6 minutes ago, Emilie Jolie said:

It is a tough one. I see the condendrum you're in. It's going to be one or the other, isn't it. I think it would be helpful to know where her head is at also, so you can make a more informed decision. Does that make sense?

Yup that's the thing. its going to be one or the other, nothing in between I guess. I would just love to know where her head is. But I don't think I should bring this up with her while she is still away ? At the moment its mixed signals. In the last two days she has text me and chatted to me. She text me to let me know her folks really like me, so in my mind that's a good thing right ? the fact that she wanted to let me know that. I also think part of me is overthinking a lot of this and I should probably just go with the flow. I think because of my past experiences I might be a little over sensitive (I have been burnt really bad in past relationships and haven't opened myself up to anything until now)

[Emilie Jolie]

1 minute ago, Bliss25 said:

I think because of my past experiences I might be a little over sensitive (I have been burnt really bad in past relationships and haven't opened myself up to anything until now)

 I'm sorry about this. It's good you've learned from your past though, and that you are now taking a chance at being vulnerable again.

 

7 minutes ago, Bliss25 said:

But I don't think I should bring this up with her while she is still away ? 

Well, it's up to you. Will you be ok in this seemingly excrutiating limbo for another 3 weeks? It's nice her parents like you but the question is: is she 'in'?

[Bliss25]

1 hour ago, Emilie Jolie said:

 I'm sorry about this. It's good you've learned from your past though, and that you are now taking a chance at being vulnerable again.

 

Well, it's up to you. Will you be ok in this seemingly excrutiating limbo for another 3 weeks? It's nice her parents like you but the question is: is she 'in'?

Yeah I'm sure I will be fine, I wouldn't quite explain it as excruciating limbo. I am at least quite level headed and understand that there is not much I can do about the outcome. I can only hope that it will be what I hope it is. I am also just really sad about the timing of all this. I have lost my father 4 months ago and I am about to start a new Job.. so the timing for a heartbreak is really not great. And also, it has been 5 years since I have opened my heart again to someone, I don't want to think how it will affect me for future possibilities. I also think I'm very clear about what I want from a relationship and that I should be with someone who wants me. Unfortunately we cant choose who we fall for 😕 that's the thing about love/feelings I suppose.

[Emilie Jolie]

9 minutes ago, Bliss25 said:

Unfortunately we cant choose who we fall for 😕 that's the thing about love/feelings I suppose.

I hear you on this.

Best of luck.

[JRabbit]

I don't know if she lost interest, since she said she misses you? Maybe her love language is different? Maybe she is shy....maybe she is just a boring person and you will have to make the effort for everything. If she still seems into hanging out I would give it another shot when she is back, then you can see if it her interest or just her personality which may or may not make you lose attraction eventually anyways!