holms Posted January 5, 2021 Share Posted January 5, 2021 So, I was the dumpee and gave her the breakup. I have been through 2 in a year so I know how to move on quickly at this point. Is what it is. Anyway, short story. I only dated this woman for 5 months but had known her for years. After a bad breakup in May, I asked her out in July and things went warp speed. She initiated all the speed in the relationship by the way, I went in with minimal expectations. Then she started to pull away 3 months in. I saw it happening and even said back then that maybe we should just call it quits since she had too much going on. She fought against it, but continued to be distant, so I began to mirror her behavior. Well, fast forward another month and a half and I was forced to take my kids on full time. This woman I was seeing, who claimed to love me and my kids broke up with me 2 days before my birthday. She did message me on my birthday and wanted to talk. We did, and though it didn't go the way I planned she made plans to come see me the following weekend. She did spend the night at my place with my kids and I and I spent the night at her place twice that next week. Then it all went off the rails. She flipped out on me that I was giving too much attention to my ex (the mother of my kids) who is in rehab. It's not that I was giving her too much attention, I just wanted updates on progress. So fast forward a week and I get a call from her though it didn't go well and in that conversation she admitted that she is talking to someone else already.... nice. I cut off all communication at that point. Then tonight I get a pretty nasty text from her that I never even wished her a happy birthday. Really?! What do I do with that? Do I just ignore it, delete the text and block the number? Or do I respond? And if so, how do I respond? I am not a petty person by nature but holy s*** did I just want to rip into her. She broke up with me pretty much on my birthday and now shes upset I didnt wish HER a Happy Birthday?! Sigh. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 5, 2021 Share Posted January 5, 2021 Sorry this happened. It's just way too much way too soon. It's best to block and delete her from all your social media and messaging apps. How are your kids dealing with custody changes and the issue of thier mother in rehab? Did her addictions lead to the demise of that relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 5, 2021 Share Posted January 5, 2021 6 hours ago, holms said: What do I do with that? Do I just ignore it, delete the text and block the number? Unless you enjoy drama, yes, this is exactly what you should do. Why would even entertain the idea of responding to this person? Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted January 5, 2021 Share Posted January 5, 2021 This woman sounds toxic. Lots of drama and negativity. If I were you, I'd move on completely. Link to post Share on other sites
trident_2020 Posted January 5, 2021 Share Posted January 5, 2021 What are you looking to gain by responding vs not responding? She's clearly done with you, are you trying to get in one final shot so you can say you had the last word? Or do you entertain thoughts that if you say the right thing phrased the right way she'll come crawling back into your bed? Generally speaking, going dark is the best way to send the strongest message- that you simply don't care. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author holms Posted January 5, 2021 Author Share Posted January 5, 2021 18 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Sorry this happened. It's just way too much way too soon. It's best to block and delete her from all your social media and messaging apps. How are your kids dealing with custody changes and the issue of thier mother in rehab? Did her addictions lead to the demise of that relationship? Actually no, not at all. She was an occasional pot smoker in the 13 years I was with her and sure we had our times where we got out with friends, but she never drank at home. The last year or so she has been chugging whiskey and its getting worse and worse. She got into a drunk driving accident on Thanksgiving (thankfully I did have my kids with me that day) and she went off to rehab a week later. The kids are dealing with it okay. My daughter is 16 and was the one to call me and tell me that mom is off the deep end. My son is 7 and autistic so to him this is just and extended weekend to him. In the month that I have had them I have already done more for them than mom did in years. Getting my son into ABA Therapy for his autism, and I am on my daughter to be on her school work. She's really been a great help to me as well. As for my ex. I removed her and her entire family and mutual friends from my FB on my birthday and blocked her. But she came around again for the next 2 weeks after wanting to "work on things" until about 3 weeks ago. Until her birthday I had not heard from her in weeks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author holms Posted January 5, 2021 Author Share Posted January 5, 2021 3 hours ago, trident_2020 said: What are you looking to gain by responding vs not responding? She's clearly done with you, are you trying to get in one final shot so you can say you had the last word? Or do you entertain thoughts that if you say the right thing phrased the right way she'll come crawling back into your bed? Generally speaking, going dark is the best way to send the strongest message- that you simply don't care. This is the conclusion I came to earlier today. She was playing mind games with me for the 2 weeks after thanksgiving/my birthday then cut me off in a rage. Hung up on me and called 3 days later to ask how things were going. When I told her she got all upset again saying that I was giving the mother of my kids too much credit. Umm... she has been in rehab almost 6 weeks and seems to be doing better so how am I giving her too much credit. I want her to get better. I guess part of me did want one last adult conversation to clear things up, but she does not think logically anyway. She rage quits on calls all the time and just hangs up and goes radio silence for a few days. I was going to message her back earlier today but deleted the text. I'm not going to bother at this point. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 5, 2021 Share Posted January 5, 2021 You don't respond. She dumped you & is now being mean to you. Stop letting her. She's useless to you now. Ignore her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hpchic Posted January 6, 2021 Share Posted January 6, 2021 She sounds like she just thrives on the drama. Honestly, you don’t sound crazy about her to begin with so better to block her and just move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 6, 2021 Share Posted January 6, 2021 It doesn't seem like she can be supportive or deal with the complications involving your ex and kids . She checked out around the time the Thanksgiving debacle happened with the ex. Good you're focusing on the kids. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 6, 2021 Share Posted January 6, 2021 She sounds like an emotionally unstable person. You're not going to get one last "adult" conversation out of her. She is erratic, impulsive and self-serving. Don't reply to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 6, 2021 Share Posted January 6, 2021 11 hours ago, holms said: . . I'm not going to bother at this point. Good call. Who needs nonsense like this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author holms Posted January 6, 2021 Author Share Posted January 6, 2021 3 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: She sounds like an emotionally unstable person. You're not going to get one last "adult" conversation out of her. She is erratic, impulsive and self-serving. Don't reply to her. She is very self serving. Funny thing is, I was the one who almost broke up with her back in September because of it, but she fought against the breakup and came back around, but only for a few weeks then it was right back to being selfish. Link to post Share on other sites
Author holms Posted January 6, 2021 Author Share Posted January 6, 2021 3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: It doesn't seem like she can be supportive or deal with the complications involving your ex and kids . She checked out around the time the Thanksgiving debacle happened with the ex. Good you're focusing on the kids. Absolutely, the kids are my main focus at this point. When her and I last spoke I purged her from my phone. Deleted all the pics, the whole text log, and her contact. I didn't block her but I made it as if she never existed to me. I have too much going on with my kids to give her anymore of my energy. Link to post Share on other sites
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