Evie85 Posted January 5, 2021 Share Posted January 5, 2021 My husband and I have been together for 3.5 years. The relationship was cross cultural and long distance due to us both having work in different countries, but we managed to see each other every 2/3 months pre Covid. We have been so happy, so in love, so eager to make things work despite the distance. My plan was to move to him in Feb 2021 to start our lives together, finally. He had begun preparing for my arrival, renovating our home, sorting out pets, helping me find work. Due to Covid and travel restrictions , we spent 9 months not seeing each other although we spoke multiple times a day as we always did. I visited him in October 2020 when air travel was permitted and we had a lovely time together, although in hindsight, I feel he may have been somewhat distant, emotionally. We did many life admin tasks, including my fertility testing and a job interview for myself. He was eager for me to resign from my job on my return to my country of residence, which I planned to do immediately. Suddenly, in December 2020, out of the blue (for me anyway) he told me over the phone that he does not see us continuing in our relationship. I am just devasted at the thought of this as my whole life was geared toward moving to be with him - leaving a great job, my friends, family in my home cou try, learning a new language, etc. When I asked why, all he said is that there is too much pressure, the distance, Covid (he is a pulmonogist so spends every day on the Frontline). He's realized he doesn't want a family, kids, all the responsibility. I cannot believe I had been blind to all he was feeling, all he was going through. He didn't mention anything at all during my trip or when we spoke but I'm guessing now that our communication though frequent, was not effective. I am so shocked by how callous the kind and thoughtful man I married has turned out to be... Saying to me 'it's done, that's it honey'. He texts me daily, though minimally, updating me on our pets and his health, says he misses me and wishes things could be different. How do I accept something I never saw coming, how do I move on from this? I proposed some time apart (from being in constant contact anyway) , counseling, talking with our family or friends, but he refuses. He won't discuss it at all with me further, refuses to answer my questions or speak about anything related to the relationship. How do I deal with this? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 5, 2021 Share Posted January 5, 2021 Sorry this happened. Was this an arranged marriage or a marriage intended for residency? How did you meet and what were the terms of your marriage?. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 5, 2021 Share Posted January 5, 2021 Easy come, easy go Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 5, 2021 Share Posted January 5, 2021 Do you think he might have been seeing someone else locally? Link to post Share on other sites
JRabbit Posted January 5, 2021 Share Posted January 5, 2021 You mentioned fertility testing, was this something you had previously spoken at length about and pre planned? He changed his mind about kids you mentioned? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Evie85 Posted January 6, 2021 Author Share Posted January 6, 2021 @Wiseman2 it was neither an arranged marriage nor for residency. We met while I was on vacation in his native country and stayed in touched visiting each other every 2/3 months. We traveled together to my home country for Christmas holiday every year since. The long distance nature of the marriage was the result of my having difficulty working in his country due to the language barrier, however we had overcome that as my skill were improving and I had been offered a job... I was due to move there in Feb 2021. The terms of the marriage are COP, - does this answer it? We were just a young couple who fell in loved and were trying to work at the distance while we figured out a way to find our way to each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Evie85 Posted January 6, 2021 Author Share Posted January 6, 2021 @ExpatInItaly I guess there is always that possibility. Our usual day saw us speaking on video call every afternoon for about 4 or more hours so I don't know how he would find the time but I can discount that as a possibility anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Evie85 Posted January 6, 2021 Author Share Posted January 6, 2021 @JRabbit yes, we spoke often about raising a family and since my relocation was set for Feb 2021, we did the testing and doctors visits ahead of this to be ready. Yes, he did mention he no longer wanted the things we had planned, including a family. All I can think is that the reality of life together was setting in and even though just a month prior we were together planning everything, he realized that he could no longer do it all. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 6, 2021 Share Posted January 6, 2021 Which country, yours or his did you marry in? Do you have to annul or dissolve the marriage from your end in your country or does he have to initiate that from his country? Does he have other wives in his country? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Evie85 Posted January 6, 2021 Author Share Posted January 6, 2021 We married in his country. He will have to initiate dissolution of the marriage. He does not have any other wives; having more than one wife is not permitted by law in his country which is part of the EU. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 6, 2021 Share Posted January 6, 2021 7 minutes ago, Evie85 said: We married in his country. He will have to initiate dissolution of the marriage. Ok, all you can do is wait for the paperwork to get yourself out of this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Evie85 Posted January 6, 2021 Author Share Posted January 6, 2021 Yes. Sad reality. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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