Sudden LT-LDR breakup - flabbergasted

[Pumpernickel]

I don’t even know where to begin. We had a 5-year long relationship and it was difficult in the beginning, but we eventually made it work. We then moved in together (2 years ago), and after that, he decided to pursue a job in another area. That was OK. I was supportive. And we had a plan in place to be together later, as soon as I could sell my house and we would find something in his area that would suit us both. Within the past year, however, contact was subpar, and traveling was difficult due to Covid (I did it anyways, once, in order to go see him), but we spoke on the phone and texted the “usual” stuff in the morning and in the evenings. To say good night and good morning basically. In late 2020, he said he didn’t want to come for the holidays due to Covid - Which I understood. So I didn’t press any further, because it makes sense and it’s also not my style to convince anybody to do something that they don’t want to do anyways. Health first!

 

During New Year’s I couldn’t get a hold of him for like a few days, and yesterday I just received a message that told me that he was breaking up because our contact had been minimal all along, etc. I am shocked. My impression is that he was traveling, despite telling me he couldn’t due to Covid, and not only traveling but traveling with somebody else, maybe. Probably?!

 

When I called him out, he sent me that “breakup email”, instead of clarifying the sitch, or calling me. I think it was because he felt that he was “caught”, and he wanted to break up instead of being confronted even further (I hate to call that “typical avoidant guy behavior”, but it smells like it quite strongly).  He never reached out to talk, or discuss a potential breakup, or problems in the R. Never spoke up! Who does that? And we’re not even that young. We’re both in our mid to early 40s. And like I said – it’s not just some relationship; we’ve been together more than 5 years. We had a plan. I’m flabbergasted. 

 

By the way I have not replied to that break up email. Not because I don’t want to acknowledge the break up, or to be ignorant about it. But just because he went missing for a few days over New Year’s. And that was more than disrespectful. And I’m thinking that if somebody wants to break up with me over email (after me trying to reach out for days, not getting a hold of them), I should take that seriously. I am taking that at face value and I will no longer reply. 

 

I’m also assuming that if I had said NOTHING at all, he would’ve just texted/called me as usual, on the next workday (once the trip was over; if there WAS a trip at all, but I have no other explanation with calls going straight to VM and messages not going through).
 

But unfortunately, or luckily actually, I had an inkling and I wouldn’t let go and I found out that he was Hiding things from me. I suppose he didn’t like that. He still has stuff in my house, not sure what to do about that. Would you ship it to storage or should I just do nothing until he reaches out? I’m basically done. I’m so disappointed.

[trident_2020]

Wow 5 years and he sends you a breakup message.

I'd sell anything worthwhile on EBAY or your local social media market and toss the rest in the garbage.