im having a bad mental health night and I feel alone

[ps118972]

Im having a bad mental health night, again. Its been a long time coming i kept putting it off. I have a history of depression anxiety ptsd relationship trauma suicidal matters self harm sexual abuse toxic household eating disorders anorexia bulimia you name it. And i’ve no one to talk to about this. Its heavy stuff so I choose not to speak to my friends about it. One person I know I was able to speak to about everything was my ex. We broke up in May 2020, still in love but i had to walk away because of my mental health and a few things he did too. He moved on a month later and he’s in another relationship. I had to message him the other day about our disneyplus account which he bought for me when i wasnt okay, to keep my mind off things and we shared the account but i wanted to separate the payment methods so had to msg him. He sent me a message to update me about something i helped him through in his life at the time to let me know things are moving forward and to thank me for being there for him. I said its no biggie and im glad he was doing well. However I’m really not. I feel so alone and I’m so close to just messaging him about how i feel because i dont know who else to turn to. Im here trying to find comfort in anything to get me through the night, and its messages between him and me from when we were together. But i just dont want to message him because I’m his ex. He’s with someone new and theyre happy. Things have moved on for him, i shouldnt have to burden him again with my sob story. 
and I’ve been trying so hard to get better alone, really, I have. I’ve just had one too many setbacks, my most recent one being sexual abuse a month ago. Im really about to give up, I just dont care about my wellbeing anymore and I’m just tired. I know talking to someone helps, but when that someone you wanna talk to is off limits, its hard. And i dont have anyone. Im tired

[Ellener]

4 minutes ago, ps118972 said:

I know talking to someone helps

Sorry you are having a tough night. 

Do you have a counsellor or support group? 

 

[ps118972]

7 minutes ago, Ellener said:

Sorry you are having a tough night. 

Do you have a counsellor or support group? 

 

No, i cant afford counselling. My dad takes 60% of my salary and I have bills to pay and then the rest to live off for the month. I dont have a support group either, no one knows about my mental health struggles as people around me dont rly have time to hear about it or offer support

[trident_2020]

Sounds like your dad is taking advantage of you. You might want to run some numbers and figure out how much you'd save if you shared an apartment with a roommate.

[ps118972]

10 minutes ago, trident_2020 said:

Sounds like your dad is taking advantage of you. You might want to run some numbers and figure out how much you'd save if you shared an apartment with a roommate.

I wont be allowed to move out before marriage due to cultural views

[Ellener]

https://www.7cups.com/ has online support/daily goal setting/peer-to-peer counselling.

There are lots of people here who have had problems and learned to cope with them better. Write here! 

How are you sleeping? You said you're tired @ps118972

 

[trident_2020]

Maybe it's time to say the heck with cultural views that make it possible for a close and trusted relative to take advantage of you.

 

[d0nnivain]

There are on line counseling services that are more affordable.  Try one.

[Paul]

Hi there, @ps118972! 

5 hours ago, ps118972 said:

Im really about to give up, I just dont care about my wellbeing anymore and I’m just tired.

It sounds like you might benefit from reaching out to a crisis hotline. Here's a good list of numbers you can call or text to talk to someone in whatever part of the world you find yourself in:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines

Take care of yourself!

Best,
Paul

[Taramere]

10 hours ago, ps118972 said:

 I know talking to someone helps, but when that someone you wanna talk to is off limits, its hard. And i dont have anyone. Im tired

It sounds as though there's a complex range of traumatic issues that you have to deal with...added to the cultural limitations you're experiencing.  I would think you have the sympathy of everybody reading this, and it's easy to imagine that the idea of reaching out to a helpline might be overwhelming.  Where do you even start?  I think Ideally you would identify a free, approved (by a health authority) resource that will take your details and open a file - so that you're not in the position of trying to explain your circumstances every time you phone somebody for help.  Reaching out to your local social services office might help in identifying an appropriate resource.  

If you want to contact one of the free helplines available, remember that you don't have to talk to the first person who answers the phone. If you phone a helpline and you don't get a good feeling about the voice that answers, hang up and try again.  Sometimes when there's so much to talk about that you don't know where to start, it's a good idea to let the other person draw information out a bit.  

You mentioned recent sexual abuse.  Have you reported this to the police?  Different agencies tend to work together and they might be able to refer you to a victim support agency who could give practical as well as emotional assistance.