sheep123 Posted January 8, 2021 Share Posted January 8, 2021 I am a married woman and I asked another married woman ~ a "damsel in distress" ~ to please stop texting my husband as it is causing stress and friction in my marriage.(She doesn't need his help. She has a capable husband.) If you were her: Do you stop texting out of respect for me, his wife, OR do you believe your friendship with him overrides her wishes, and you continue texting because he answers you and obviously he doesn't mind her texting. In other words, would you continue a texting friendship with a married man knowing his wife was uncomfortable with it? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 8, 2021 Share Posted January 8, 2021 The problem is your husband. You need to talk to him about boundaries in your marriage. If there's discord, a lack of communication or respect, you need to suggest marriage therapy to get the conversation started about appropriate boundaries. This has nothing to do with this woman. 9 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sheep123 Posted January 8, 2021 Author Share Posted January 8, 2021 (edited) I am preparing to tell her husband and I am trying to gage what people think of her. My husband and I are separated. My feeling is that a married couple is a UNIT and if one is unhappy, you back off ~ not only for respect for the couple but for self-respect. Am I wrong? I would NEVER pursue a married man's friendship if the wife said to stop. Edited January 8, 2021 by sheep123 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 8, 2021 Share Posted January 8, 2021 Telling her husband just makes you look childish. If you & your husband are separated, he's free to talk to anybody he wants including this woman. Getting her to go away won't resolve whatever caused the martial problems that led to your separation. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 8, 2021 Share Posted January 8, 2021 13 minutes ago, sheep123 said: My husband and I are separated. When and why? Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted January 8, 2021 Share Posted January 8, 2021 I'm a little confused. Your husband and yourself are separated. So you are not together. I don't think you are in a position to be policing who he talks to. If you are trying to reconcile with him then you should be talking to HIM about this and asking him what his relationship is with this woman. It's inappropriate and strange for you to be texting this woman directly and telling her not to talk to your husband. You shouldn't be texting this woman at all. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sheep123 Posted January 8, 2021 Author Share Posted January 8, 2021 3 hours ago, d0nnivain said: Telling her husband just makes you look childish. If you & your husband are separated, he's free to talk to anybody he wants including this woman. Getting her to go away won't resolve whatever caused the martial problems that led to your separation. I was advised earlier that it was an affair and he should be told... we separated BECAUSE of this. my question is though would u pursue a friendship under these terms Link to post Share on other sites
Author sheep123 Posted January 8, 2021 Author Share Posted January 8, 2021 38 minutes ago, ShyViolet said: I'm a little confused. Your husband and yourself are separated. So you are not together. I don't think you are in a position to be policing who he talks to. If you are trying to reconcile with him then you should be talking to HIM about this and asking him what his relationship is with this woman. It's inappropriate and strange for you to be texting this woman directly and telling her not to talk to your husband. You shouldn't be texting this woman at all. Separated BECAUSE of this. so I am inappropriate in confronting a mistress? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 8, 2021 Share Posted January 8, 2021 If she is indeed having an affair with your husband then she may not care a damn about what you think. There is often a competition set up between the OW and the wife, so she may feel she is winning if you show her you are bothered. Some men will encourage this as it makes then feel good. Two women fighting over him, both saying pick me, pick me, pick me - what's not to like? Seems to me, by your last thread you gave him the chance to cut her off and choose you - unfortunately he declined... I guess as you are now separated, he didn't change his mind. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted January 8, 2021 Share Posted January 8, 2021 40 minutes ago, sheep123 said: Separated BECAUSE of this. so I am inappropriate in confronting a mistress? Yes. Inappropriate. If your husband chose to be unfaithful to you and is still choosing not to save the relationship with you, do you honestly believe that contacting the woman is going to save your relationship with your husband? The efforts to save your relationship need to come from HIM. HE is the one who you should be talking to. Listen to HIS words and HIS actions, and then respond appropriately. And if he's not listening to you, and he's still choosing to talk to another woman, then that's all you need to know! Contacting that woman just makes you look immature and desperate. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sheep123 Posted January 8, 2021 Author Share Posted January 8, 2021 8 minutes ago, ShyViolet said: Yes. Inappropriate. If your husband chose to be unfaithful to you and is still choosing not to save the relationship with you, do you honestly believe that contacting the woman is going to save your relationship with your husband? The efforts to save your relationship need to come from HIM. HE is the one who you should be talking to. Listen to HIS words and HIS actions, and then respond appropriately. And if he's not listening to you, and he's still choosing to talk to another woman, then that's all you need to know! Contacting that woman just makes you look immature and desperate. He is begging for my forgiveness. He said they were truly friends and that’s all. He is temporarily staying at his brothers house and he is begging for forgiveness. I never said I would confront this woman. Everyone on this board has been telling me to tell her husband what they’ve been up to. But that wasn’t even my question. My question is what type of person would continue a behavior that they know was destroying a marriage. i know my husband is wrong but that wasn’t even my question. My question is does your own personal friendship with a married person overrideWhat the spouse is asking for.I will not confront this woman because I do not want to give her the satisfaction but if I do or did confront her I have every right to because she is so bold to have inserted herself into our lives. You don’t need to respond because I’m not even going to look back at this board because the last time I posted the majority of people said it is my duty to tell her husband. Today people are calling me inappropriate and immature. I just know that if a woman came to me and said we’re working on our marriage can you just please stop the texting that it is putting a wedge in the marriage I never would be so selfish as to continue texting her husband. I am sad to think that there are people in the world who agree with her and would do the same. Link to post Share on other sites
trident_2020 Posted January 8, 2021 Share Posted January 8, 2021 Your husband is begging for forgiveness and yet is still receiving texts from this woman. What is wrong with this picture? Link to post Share on other sites
trident_2020 Posted January 8, 2021 Share Posted January 8, 2021 5 minutes ago, sheep123 said: the last time I posted the majority of people said it is my duty to tell her husband. Today people are calling me inappropriate and immature. Different strokes for different folks. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 8, 2021 Share Posted January 8, 2021 4 minutes ago, sheep123 said: My question is what type of person would continue a behavior that they know was destroying a marriage. The kind of person who is so smitten that they don't care and are in fact trying to destroy a marriage. There is no point in talking to this woman or telling her husband. She isn't going to stop. The only person who can make this stop is your ex husband by blocking her on his phone so she doesn't contact him. Have you asked him to do this yet? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 8, 2021 Share Posted January 8, 2021 7 minutes ago, sheep123 said: You don’t need to respond because I’m not even going to look back at this board because the last time I posted the majority of people said it is my duty to tell her husband. Today people are calling me inappropriate and immature. You guys were still together back then but now you are separated so he is free to do what he wants. Link to post Share on other sites
primer Posted January 8, 2021 Share Posted January 8, 2021 (edited) I would not text a married man - ESPECIALLY if his wife was not comfortable with it. I do not think it is appropriate. If you were divorced, and the divorce was final, then it would be okay for them to text. Unfortunately, some people are disrespectful. Edited: Apparently some people think it is okay to text a separated person but not date a separated person. Edited January 8, 2021 by primer 2 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted January 8, 2021 Share Posted January 8, 2021 If you've separated and do not intend to reconcile, then your soon-to-be-ex husband is now free to do as he wishes and need not be concerned with your opinion. If you had stayed with the intent of fixing your marriage, then you'd have a right to interfere. You've given up that right by leaving. Now it's sour grapes and a revenge motive driving you. Link to post Share on other sites
peachpie Posted January 8, 2021 Share Posted January 8, 2021 (edited) 2 hours ago, central said: If you've separated and do not intend to reconcile, then your soon-to-be-ex husband is now free to do as he wishes and need not be concerned with your opinion. If you had stayed with the intent of fixing your marriage, then you'd have a right to interfere. You've given up that right by leaving. Now it's sour grapes and a revenge motive driving you. Could you blame this wife? YES! REVENGE and this female texter DESERVES to be receiving it. Any woman who texts another woman's man is a HORRIBLE person. Ladies don't do that. And if this gentleman is answering as this poor damsel needs help, he's caught between "helping a friend" and a wife who has had enough. Tell her husband, too! Absolutely. This homewrecker who needs another woman's man doesn't get to have her cake and eat it, too. Live decently, people. Have respect for each other. Edited January 8, 2021 by matildag typo 3 Link to post Share on other sites
peachpie Posted January 8, 2021 Share Posted January 8, 2021 3 hours ago, primer said: I would not text a married man - ESPECIALLY if his wife was not comfortable with it. I do not think it is appropriate. If you were divorced, and the divorce was final, then it would be okay for them to text. Unfortunately, some people are disrespectful. Edited: Apparently some people think it is okay to text a separated person but not date a separated person. AMEN! If he's begging for forgiveness, he has probably learned not to answer this homewrecker. Sheep123, she sounds pathetic and I would ask her husband if he could please step in and assist his wife rather than your own husband taking time out to answer her texts. I would tell her husband about his wife's disrespect to your marriage and need for your husband. Go for it. Your marriage has crumbled. She doesn't get to get her cake and eat it, too! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 8, 2021 Share Posted January 8, 2021 If you separated from your husband because he was having an AFFAIR with this woman, why do you want a cheater back? If you separated from your husband because some other woman was texting him that is ridiculous. If that was the problem, your husband should have told her to buzz off. Again, that this go so bad by your husband not drawing boundaries that it led to a full on separation where your husband moved out of the house, something more is wrong here. I didn't participate in your other thread but my advice would have been the same, telling her husband won't change YOUR Marriage. It may end hers but that fixes nothing between you & your spouse. So what's the point? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
trident_2020 Posted January 8, 2021 Share Posted January 8, 2021 To answer the specific question in the OP: I'm a heterosexual guy and not an other man or other woman but if I was friendly with or having an affair with a guy who was separated from his wife and I was texting him and he enjoyed my texts and responded to them I'd keep right on texting with no regard for the feelings of his wife. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Robhanes44 Posted January 8, 2021 Share Posted January 8, 2021 It is wrong that she is texting your husband. It is VERY wrong that she continues texting your husband after you ASK her NOT to text your husband. It is wrong of your husband to continue this texting relationship with the woman knowing that you are not happy with it. Where there is smoke- there is fire. If he did not care about this woman, he would have no interest in the texting with her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sheep123 Posted January 8, 2021 Author Share Posted January 8, 2021 (edited) 12 minutes ago, trident_2020 said: To answer the specific question in the OP: I'm a heterosexual guy and not an other man or other woman but if I was friendly with or having an affair with a guy who was separated from his wife and I was texting him and he enjoyed my texts and responded to them I'd keep right on texting with no regard for the feelings of his wife. I wasn't going to look at this page anymore but curiosity got the best of me. People misunderstood my timeline and I am not "legally" separated. My husband is staying with his brother for a few days so I can get my head straight. he loves me and is begging for forgiveness. We are physically separated for a few days as I am so hurt and angry. My kids are heartbroken. It is BECAUSE of their friendship that he's sleeping elsewhere this week. I had enough. She always "needs" him and he goes running. I don't want to divorce him. I love him very much. This female was an acquaintance of mine. I asked her to please stop the texting. It wasn't right for our marriage and it was infringing on our family time, but she continued because he allowed her to. I HAVE NO IDEA if it is still happening. As far as I know, he's learned his lesson and it ended. He allowed her to because she needs his advice, opinion, help. . . he answers her. I say she is bold as brass to have disrespected my wishes. He promises it is over and it will never happen again. my question is ~ is it appropriate to override an opposite sex's texting buddy spouse. . . I say it isn't. I guess I just needed to vent today. Edited January 8, 2021 by sheep123 Link to post Share on other sites
trident_2020 Posted January 8, 2021 Share Posted January 8, 2021 It depends on the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sheep123 Posted January 8, 2021 Author Share Posted January 8, 2021 (edited) 2 minutes ago, trident_2020 said: It depends on the situation. The situation: she is married and has a husband, but she needs my husband AND I said to back off. Edited January 9, 2021 by sheep123 Link to post Share on other sites
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