Am I right or husband? to solve a dispute 👍

[Gaeta]

7 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

Here he chose his target 

And she's an easy target, he's weak & a coward for preying on someone that loves him.

[poppyfields]

Here's the thing about apologies.  Even if he thinks he didn't do anything wrong, it made YOU uncomfortable and he shouid apologize for that.

Not for the perceived wrongdoing, which HE didn't think it was, but for the discomfort it caused you 

It's called validating your feelings.  Versus dismissing them.

Imo this is so important and sadly many people just don't get it.

They think, I didn't do anything wrong, you're too sensitive  everyone else thought it was funny, therefore I'm not apologizing!

That's not it.  You don't have to apologize for that, you apologize because it made your partner uncomfortable or hurt them

"I apologize if what I said made you uncomfortable" or "I'm sorry if what I said hurt you, that wasn't my intention."

Often times that is all our partner needs, for you to validate their feelings versus dismiss.  It's true for me anyway.

OP, if he had done that, would you have felt better?  

Edited January 9, 2021 by poppyfields

[sothereiwas]

A person who belittles their spouse is really belittling themselves. 

Also, the OP hasn't posted since the OP. 

[BaileyB]

1 hour ago, elaine567 said:

I refuse to believe a man is so dense as to make a derogatory "joke" about his wife's appearance and then expect her to be happy about it.  

Even if he is that dense, she has since enlightened him. If he is a right fighter, he will continue along... If he cares a about his wife and her happiness, he will take her opinion into consideration in the future...

Right or wrong is rather irrelevant (although I think you were right, BTW). It was hurtful to you, and that is what matters. 

I once said something that my partner considered to be disrespectful in front of my family. There was no ill intent, but still... he was unhappy. I apologized, as that was the appropriate thing to do, and I have been considerate of the fact that he is sensitive about certain things, particularly with my family. His feelings matter to me, so whether I agree or not, I respect his feelings. 

That’s the thing here - you can apologize without actually admitting wrongdoing. All you have to say is, “I’m sorry that I hurt you. It was never my intent.” And then you move on... 

Edited January 9, 2021 by BaileyB

[Uruktopi]

4 hours ago, sothereiwas said:

A person who belittles their spouse is really belittling themselves. 

You are right!

[FMW]

My ex-husband made "jokes" about me for the last several years of our marriage that were hurtful.  Guys often joke harshly with their buddies.  When they start feeling they can do the same with you, it's an indication something is off.

If this was a one-off, then although it would be nice for him to acknowledge he hurt you, maybe give it a pass.  But if this is part of a larger pattern then it's something that shouldn't be ignored.    

[sothereiwas]

43 minutes ago, FMW said:

But if this is part of a larger pattern then it's something that shouldn't be ignored.  

That sort of thing is often a sign of an insecure person who is trying to make themselves look better in comparison. Not always, but if it's a pattern I'd say it's very possible, perhaps even likely. What they don't realize is that in general such tactics have the long term effect of just making them look worse. Spouse trashing is particularly likely to have this effect IMO.

Dirty linen and all that. 

[JRabbit]

I hate jokes that are an insult.  It's not funny. Hurting someones feelings is not funny. It's the lamest form of comedy, in fact, that would be my rebuttal, but I'm petty like that 😉.

[FMW]

3 hours ago, JRabbit said:

It's the lamest form of comedy, in fact, that would be my rebuttal

Sadly though when it comes from someone who is supposed to have your back and care about you, it kind of stuns you into silence.  

[SumGuy]

On 1/8/2021 at 4:23 PM, Jojo27 said:

...

What are your thoughts on this please? Honest opinions would be amazing 😉 

It's first a weird joke, kind of out of the blue (unless there is some missing context) and at your expense (making fun of your clothes).

Just because it is funny to him doesn't make it a nice joke.  I'd be put back a bit by such a joke as well, it has a demeaning, take one down a peg, edge even if not intended.

Even if he doesn't see a problem with it, he should have enough sense to see others might even if his intent was good natured.  And if he values your feelings (you have reasonable ones here), he'd say he is sorry and won't do it again.

I have to say people that laugh at you, say things meant to put you down, make you the butt of a joke, and then claim after...where's you sense of humor...usually can't take it themselves.

Edited January 12, 2021 by SumGuy

[flitzanu]

to be fair, we don't know if the dress was actually pajamas or not.  i don't condone the behavior, there just seems to be more to the story, especially why this was said at the end of the night, assuming you were wearing it the entire time  you left your house, went to the friend's house, spent time there, etc., and are currently leaving and something comes up about the dress.

what is the scenario around this?

[LuckyM]

This sounds like a small issue that is blown up here big. Two points I will make. 1. Is this an isolated type incident? If it is try to forget it and don't obsess over it. What exactly were you wearing? Did it fit you?

 

2. Maybe this issue is not about pajamas or how you look. Maybe he is annoyed or hostile about something else entirely and he chose your outfit to pick on make a snide comment. Often people get mad or sarcastic about a little thing when they are annoyed about something they don't want to talk about. A roundabout sneer

Only my guess. My family did this all the time.