I think she's cheating but don't want to make a huge mistake and say so.

[ReeceB]

My girl sent me a bottomless pic of herself, full x-rated pic with her and a toy at her work !!!

She has never done that before. The most I’ve got was some cleavage. I’d welcome her new found adventurous side but for the message that came with it.

“Maybe you’ll like this one then?”

Luckily I was just about to finish work so I went straight home and confronted her.

She at first seemed confused when I asked her why she sent the pic and what was the message about. She literally said “What the f*** are you talking about?

Then she changed tack and claimed she sent multiple pics and the first ones must not have come through hence the “Maybe you’ll like this one then?” message.

She was actually angry with me for not replying to the first ones.

I asked to see her phone and she refused and we had a massive argument because I don’t trust her.

She locked herself in the spare room and 4 hours later came out and apologized and showed me her phone.

Of course it was clean, she had all the time she needed. It had that one pic she sent to me in her texts plus the earlier ones that apparently didn’t send. They had “failed to send” next to them.

So it all looks legit but I can’t get passed her reaction when I got home and when I asked to see her phone.

So without wanting to state the obvious, she’s cheating right? I really don't want to confront her and ruin everything if she's not. 

If it makes a difference we are 33/25 and been together 6 years. We just bought a house and moved in 2 months ago. We moved to a different state so I’m worried the pics are because it’s someone from our old state.

Prior to this I’ve never had any reason to doubt her apart from one instance with another girl she confessed to me.

[d0nnivain]

There are definitely things to be concerned about here. 

[Atwood]

I admit a lot of this sounds extremely suspicious, but I'm curious about how she would fake the "failed to send" messages before the ones that actually did send. The only way I can think of is if she showed you doctored screenshots of the text boxes. There is a way to make texts not send deliberately, but she wouldn't be able to put them back in time in the text chat history. 

In any case, the severe lack of trust in your relationship seems to be the real issue. Even if she's innocent this time, you really need to address your suspicions and the lack of trust. Your relationship is not going to be long and happy with arguments like this. 

[trident_2020]

Can't you see if there were more texts by viewing her online bill?

Even if you can't, I'd consider saying to her "I'm still not satisfied with your response to me wanting to look at your phone . If you've got nothing to hide, I'd like to see your online phone bill to see if there were more texts". If she refuses, then it would seem your only course of action is fairly obvious.

In my relationship, our phones are an open book. We've both got each other's passwords and we can look anytime we want to. Quite different from your situation.

 

Edited January 9, 2021 by trident_2020

[Gaeta]

2 hours ago, ReeceB said:

Prior to this I’ve never had any reason to doubt her apart from one instance with another girl she confessed to me.

Then she has it in her to be dishonest, sneaky, flirty with other people. 

I would not believe her. Not one minute. Check her phone bill. 

[ExpatInItaly]

 

4 hours ago, ReeceB said:

She was actually angry with me for not replying to the first ones.

If that's true, then surely she would have known exactly what you were talking about: 

4 hours ago, ReeceB said:

She at first seemed confused when I asked her why she sent the pic and what was the message about. She literally said “What the f*** are you talking about?

This could have been cleared up in about 10 seconds, had she shown you her phone right then and there

4 hours ago, ReeceB said:

I asked to see her phone and she refused and we had a massive argument because I don’t trust her.

The lady doth protest too much: 

5 hours ago, ReeceB said:

She locked herself in the spare room and 4 hours later came out and apologized and showed me her phone.

 

5 hours ago, ReeceB said:

It had that one pic she sent to me in her texts plus the earlier ones that apparently didn’t send. They had “failed to send” next to them.

My guess is she completely screwed up and sent them to you when she actually intended to send them to someone else. Maybe she sent them to both you and her intended recipient by accident. She only realized her grave mistake when you asked her about these saucy pics. She had to get rid of the other evidence before she presented her cleaned-up phone to you. 

Something is really not right here, in any case. Playing dumb and then freaking out and locking herself in a room for hours on end (what was she doing that whole time?) gives her away.

[Marc878]

5 hours ago, ReeceB said:

 

“Maybe you’ll like this one then?”

Luckily I was just about to finish work so I went straight home and confronted her.

Then she changed tack and claimed she sent multiple pics and the first ones must not have come through hence the “Maybe you’ll like this one then?” message.

I asked to see her phone and she refused and we had a massive argument because I don’t trust her.

She locked herself in the spare room and 4 hours later came out and apologized and showed me her phone.

Of course it was clean, she had all the time she needed. It had that one pic she sent to me in her texts plus the earlier ones that apparently didn’t send. They had “failed to send” next to them.

You have red flags. The only way to be sure is do a deleted text recovery. Those that have nothing to hide hide nothing. 
 

Spending 4 hours obviously cleaning up her phone is alarming. Do you want to live with this hanging over your head?
 

You aren’t married and don’t have kids so I’d get this over with now versus living in limbo. Having a house together isn’t a big deal. Married with kids is. 

The only one that can keep you in limbo is yourself.

[Marc878]

Look up Phonelab it used to be a top rated deleted text recovery software.

[DKT3]

6 hours ago, Atwood said:

I admit a lot of this sounds extremely suspicious, but I'm curious about how she would fake the "failed to send" messages before the ones that actually did send. The only way I can think of is if she showed you doctored screenshots of the text boxes. There is a way to make texts not send deliberately, but she wouldn't be able to put them back in time in the text chat history. 

In any case, the severe lack of trust in your relationship seems to be the real issue. Even if she's innocent this time, you really need to address your suspicions and the lack of trust. Your relationship is not going to be long and happy with arguments like this. 

She had four hours. Its easy to alter.

Edited January 9, 2021 by DKT3

[smackie9]

At her work?? I wouldn't find that to be "adventurous" but more along the lines of carelessness. When people have careless behavior, that means infatuation towards someone.

IMO if this is out of the ordinary behavior, yup sounds like it was meant for someone else ie: coworker. You can tell in that messages she was in full conversation with an individual.

She panicked, ran, spent 4 hours isolated.....

What was the other incident with a girl? Maybe it never stopped.

Edited January 9, 2021 by smackie9

[DKT3]

Reaction tell all you need to know.  She never sent you pictures like that,  no way she would be confused about it a few hours later.  

With that being said,  she already knows you suspect that she is cheating,  so what will confronting her change? Of course she will be angry,  they usually are when they get caught. 

[Zona]

Unfortunately you probably confronted her too soon. Now she will be in stealth mode and it will be much more difficult for you to get any additional information.

Running a recovery on the phone is likely your best bet at this point. 

One other option is to put a VAR (voice activated recorder) in her car and in the house where she spends time alone, or where she puts on makeup. A VAR is probably the quickest way to find out what she is doing/thinking.

Most likely scenario is she sent that to you by mistake and it was meant for OM.

[Lotsgoingon]

You don't chase down any more evidence. I think you have way more evidence than you need to come to a conclusion about what is going on. 

In fact, trying to recover messages and all that--just a way to let yourself off the hook. Just a way to postpone the brutal reckoning that is upon you. 

Same goes with asking her about this. Uh, cheaters don't admit to cheating--sometimes even if you see them live in the act. So asking her about this is a waste of time. You need to figure out if you trust or not. You have way more evidence than needed.

 

 

[ReeceB]

Thanks everyone for the replies. I guess it's clear what my next course of action is.
I've neve experienced a cheating partner so I'm not really sure of the protocols dealing with this.
I plan to just put all my cards on the table and ask for the truth, making it clear she has one chance and one chance only to come clean with every detail.
If that happens there may be a chance to move forward but if I ever found out any detail, no matter how small, was left out then it is over.
If there is physical cheating then no matter how much information she supplies we can't go on, but if it's only over texting then there may be a glimmer of hope.
It wont be easy and I wont make it easy for her but having invested so much in this relationship I owe it to us to give it every chance.
I will give myself a day or two to get my thoughts straight before I proceed.
If anyone has experience dealing with this and has any thoughts I'd love the input.

[ReeceB]

14 hours ago, trident_2020 said:

In my relationship, our phones are an open book. We've both got each other's passwords and we can look anytime we want to. Quite different from your situation.

Not really.  She doesn't even have a password on her phone, I could have sneakily looked when she was in the shower or something like that but I didn't think I needed to.
She doesn't even have a password now.  I did check a couple of days later when she wasn't around.
You live and learn.

[ReeceB]

9 hours ago, Marc878 said:

Having a house together isn’t a big deal. Married with kids is. 

We are not married but we have a 2yo and an 7 month old.

[ReeceB]

8 hours ago, smackie9 said:

What was the other incident with a girl? Maybe it never stopped.

That incident happened with a friend that no longer lives in the country.
I have been thinking that maybe the pics were for her and they have continued an online affair. 
Not that I would excuse that if it is what's happening but it's a lot better than her physically cheating with some guy.

[Marc878]

16 minutes ago, ReeceB said:

Thanks everyone for the replies. I guess it's clear what my next course of action is.
I've neve experienced a cheating partner so I'm not really sure of the protocols dealing with this.
I plan to just put all my cards on the table and ask for the truth, making it clear she has one chance and one chance only to come clean with every detail.
If that happens there may be a chance to move forward but if I ever found out any detail, no matter how small, was left out then it is over.
If there is physical cheating then no matter how much information she supplies we can't go on, but if it's only over texting then there may be a glimmer of hope.
It wont be easy and I wont make it easy for her but having invested so much in this relationship I owe it to us to give it every chance.
I will give myself a day or two to get my thoughts straight before I proceed.
If anyone has experience dealing with this and has any thoughts I'd love the input.

Bud, all cheaters lie a lot. She’s not going to tell you the truth if she’s cheating.

 

[Marc878]

The truth will be in her deleted text messages. If it were me I’d figure out a way to download her  phone and do a deleted text recovery.

You’re expecting her to come clean. From what I’ve seen unless you have proof you’ll never get it. If she isn’t cheating she shouldn’t mind you doing a recovery.

If you don’t you’ll never know for sure.  Good luck trying to live with that.

[Marc878]

4 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said:

You don't chase down any more evidence. I think you have way more evidence than you need to come to a conclusion about what is going on. 

In fact, trying to recover messages and all that--just a way to let yourself off the hook. Just a way to postpone the brutal reckoning that is upon you. 

Same goes with asking her about this. Uh, cheaters don't admit to cheating--sometimes even if you see them live in the act. So asking her about this is a waste of time. You need to figure out if you trust or not. You have way more evidence than needed.

 

 

However, most can’t or won’t act without something tangible. 

[ReeceB]

8 minutes ago, Marc878 said:

If it were me I’d figure out a way to download her  phone and do a deleted text recovery.

I wasn't very clear before Marc, sorry for that.
I will be asking her to come clean but I will also want assurances and proof.
Being able to recover he phone, check her phone bill etc will all form a part of the conversation I plan to have.
I certainly wont just be taking her word for it.
I'm just trying to keep an open mind.
Always talking in the negative as though she is definitely cheating is counterproductive and very unfair on our relationship if what I think is happening is not actually happening.
I know it doesn't look good for us but I don't see an issue keeping an open mind until I know for sure.
As stupid as this sounds at this point in time, I am still very much in love with her. 

[Wiseman2]

Who do you think she's sexting this stuff to?

Have you asked her why she's putting this type of stuff out there in the first place?

Does she work? Would she send this type of stuff to you?

Why would she suddenly start distributing this amateur porn? Ask her.

Edited January 10, 2021 by Wiseman2

[smackie9]

Whatever you find out, go to couples counseling. You don't excuse and move on, you two need to work on this or it will happen again.

[Fletch Lives]

Many women under 27 aren't ready to fall in love so I'm betting she's cheating.

[Poutrew]

I would have dumped her just for the fact that she took the picture. Who she sent it too is almost not an issue - anyone who could do that kind of thing at work isn't someone I want in my life.  But, I said almost. Yes she is cheating on you with someone... yes she cleaned her phone... yes she will do it again... and again...  are you sure those kids are really yours?