I think she's cheating but don't want to make a huge mistake and say so.

[ReeceB]

21 hours ago, littleblackheart said:

What's happened to this, Reece?

The voice recorder told me nothing other than she can't sing and she rings her mom way too much.

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, ReeceB said:

The voice recorder told me nothing other than she can't sing and she rings her mom way too much.

😂 That's why the amateur spy route is so useless compared to results oriented communication.

[ReeceB]

So where we are right now is that there is no evidence she’s done anything wrong.

If she has and she’s good enough to cover her tracks then, well, I’ll just have to wear that.

She’s no IT guru, far from it, so I don’t think this is a cover-up.

It’s time to move forward, apologize and have the discussion around why those sorts of pics at work are wrong.

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, ReeceB said:

It’s time to move forward, apologize and have the discussion around why those sorts of pics at work are wrong.

Exactly. Address the pics directly and what's up with the amateur porn and distributing those images.

May be off base here but amateur porn has become a cottage industry since covid, economic stress, lockdowns, wfh, etc. 

[ReeceB]

3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

May be off base here but amateur porn has become a cottage industry since covid, economic stress, lockdowns, wfh, etc. 

I have no issue with the pics if they were from home, but she took them at work. 
Three times!  About 10 minutes apart because I wasn't replying to the first ones (for obvious reasons).
I just can't believe she snuck into the store room each time and did what she did.
What if someone walked in?
She in there in a very compromising position playing with one of the toys from her work.
The pics weren't distributed to anyone except me as far as we know so I doubt the amateur porn route is the reason.
I guess I'll find out soon enough.

[usa1ah]

Wonder if she has been caught before. To go from never sending pics of that nature to using a toy at work?????

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, ReeceB said:

So where we are right now is that there is no evidence she’s done anything wrong.

If she has and she’s good enough to cover her tracks then, well, I’ll just have to wear that.

She’s no IT guru, far from it, so I don’t think this is a cover-up.

4 hours locked up in the spare room would give her plenty of time to ask Google how to make texts unrecoverable. It's not that hard. 

[ReeceB]

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

4 hours locked up in the spare room would give her plenty of time to ask Google how to make texts unrecoverable. It's not that hard. 

If she's good enough to google how to do that and to also google how to add unsent pics in the correct order in her texts with me, and then also have some texts gone but still recoverable like the ones I found then I'll just have to hand it to her and say she has me duped. 
It seems everyone wanted me to find her cheating.
I honestly thought I would but I went in with an open mind.
I'm now glad I did that because there is no evidence.
I know it looks and sounds sus, but without the evidence what can one do?

[elaine567]

1 hour ago, usa1ah said:

To go from never sending pics of that nature to using a toy at work?????

Yes it is a bit of a drastic step. I think if she had never done this before she would start with a more teasing type shot, but of course if she is well versed in that game with her exes, then "amateur porn" may well be her opening gambit...
If the "clean phone/laptop" was clean on discovery then maybe it is all "innocent". 
BUT
Even then she may have realised her mistake immediately and went into action cleaning it up right away or she always keeps a clean phone..., but after 4 hours it definitely means nothing.  
Of course she may have a burner phone and inadvertently used the wrong one to send the pics...
IF she is cheating and  now she knows you are on to her she will be covering her tracks big time. My guess her burner phone is somewhere at work, that is where I would be hiding it, but it could indeed be anywhere
We had poster on here once who suspected her husband was cheating but there was nothing on his phone/laptop/PC. She decided to go look for the burner phone, but couldn't find one anywhere. She did a deeper search and found it hidden in the garage.. he spent hours in that garage every week - supposedly "pottering"... but was actually speaking to his OW. 

[elaine567]

She is only 25, she will be likely very tech savvy.

[mark clemson]

On 1/15/2021 at 5:48 AM, ReeceB said:

So after getting all the info from her phone, her laptop, her phone bill and all her various social media accounts there is no evidence those pics went to anyone except me.

I was surprised. It seemed pretty clear something was going on.

Anyway, we have a kid free night this weekend.
Time to make up for some lost time if you know what I mean… after I do some groveling.

Sometimes it's nice to be wrong. Sometimes you get that winning raffle ticket and sometimes that 1/10,000 chance DOES turn out right.

I think you should be glad there is nothing. Glad she is defending your marriage against the old GF and the swinger neighbor. Glad she's telling her mom how much she loves you.

You had what looked on the surface as reasonable cause, you investigated, it turned out to be nothing. Time to own up to that. Ask her to please tell you if she gets sketchy messages, tell her you promise not to make a big deal out of what OTHER people do TO her (she can't really prevent someone from texting her) and that rather than being insecure you'll partner with her to help defend your marriage if necessary. The BF telling the sketchy neighbor "look, we're not interested, but cut this out or I'm contacting authorities about you cyber-stalking" may have a bit more impact.

But overall just enjoy your happy family and life together. Happy for you!

Edited January 16, 2021 by mark clemson

[smackie9]

Good plan, do focus/address her behavior at work. It's so unprofessional, risk taking that she would lose her job over it. Exposing herself like that could get her charged/or even sued. It only takes that one type of employee to freak out and sue for mental distress. I know someone that happened to and it was just an off color joke. Since the behavior was so out of the ordinary, how could she not blame you for being suspicious of cheating.

[Cristoforo]

11 hours ago, ReeceB said:

So where we are right now is that there is no evidence she’s done anything wrong.

If she has and she’s good enough to cover her tracks then, well, I’ll just have to wear that.

She’s no IT guru, far from it, so I don’t think this is a cover-up.

It’s time to move forward, apologize and have the discussion around why those sorts of pics at work are wrong.

Not sure if you mentioned it, but is her cell phone an iPhone? If she was sending texts or pics to somebody else with an iPhone those would be considered iMessages, which don’t show up on a phone bill. 

Edited January 16, 2021 by Cristoforo

[Lotsgoingon]

No everyone wasn't wanting the conclusion to be that she had cheated. We had already concluded that she had wronged you by sending pix like you'd never gotten before--pix that also based on her reaction ... were meant for someone else.

Many of us thought that itself was betrayal. 

My worry is that even if you had found pix, I'm not sensing you would have done anything. I think you're in an unequal relationship where you're afraid of this woman. That you're not furious stuns me ... You can treat yourself a lot better dude ... 

I hope things work out. I just gotta say: anything I've backed off from confronting someone in situations like this, disaster ensued. The person feels no accountability. None. They lose respect for people who don't stand up for themselves. Some of this losing respect is at the primitive level, not conscious thought. 

And absolutely you gf could figure out how to wipe photos ... even specific photos and leave others untouched. Absolutely, she could google ... download specialized software ... install ... do the special deleting ... then uninstall the specialized software.

So the story now that you're going with is that those pix were aimed at you?

 

[ReeceB]

17 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said:

So the story now that you're going with is that those pix were aimed at you?

Could she have downloaded specialized software and made only certain pics and texts unrecoverable? Maybe.
Could she have somehow placed pics in order in her messages to me? Maybe.
Are these likely scenarios? I don't think so.
I think it's far more likely that she has for some reason I still need to get to the bottom of starting sending amateur porn pics to me.
That's still an issue that needs addressing but's it's far better than the cheating I thought was happening.
 

21 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said:

I've backed off from confronting someone in situations like this, disaster ensued

I have already confronted her about possible cheating.
I've investigated that.
I have answers.
I will be confronting her about the pics and why that has started happening.
I will be confronting her about the texts she has kept from me.
The answers to these questions could lead anywhere, disaster may well ensue, we'll have to wait and see.
It's not accurate to say I haven't confronted her.

[ReeceB]

6 hours ago, Cristoforo said:

is her cell phone an iPhone?

Samsung.

[ReeceB]

12 hours ago, mark clemson said:

Sometimes it's nice to be wrong. Sometimes you get that winning raffle ticket and sometimes that 1/10,000 chance DOES turn out right.

Thank you Mark.
Great post.
This will be part of my plan of attack moving forward.

[Wiseman2]

16 hours ago, ReeceB said:

but without the evidence what can one do?

Talk. Communicate about these pics, boundaries and stick your neck out being straight forward as to why it's disturbing and what was she thinking.

Also talk about your sex life. Was this supposed to be some sort of foreplay for you? Ask her what's up with that. Suggest better ways to spice things up than putting images out there that can easily be read by service providers,etc. 

 

[ReeceB]

38 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Talk.

You've taken my words totally out of context.
I said "but without the evidence what can one do?" in regards to the cheating, which turned out not to be true.
In other posts I have said that I will be talking to her about the pics and secret texts.
Glad we're on the same page.

[Taramere]

On 1/16/2021 at 11:37 AM, ReeceB said:

I have no issue with the pics if they were from home, but she took them at work. 
Three times!  About 10 minutes apart because I wasn't replying to the first ones (for obvious reasons).
I just can't believe she snuck into the store room each time and did what she did.
What if someone walked in?
She in there in a very compromising position playing with one of the toys from her work.
The pics weren't distributed to anyone except me as far as we know so I doubt the amateur porn route is the reason.
I guess I'll find out soon enough.

Not to minimise cheating and the impact it has on people, but I think you might have other problems on your hands here beyond a partner who's potentially cheating on you.    Going into the store room with a sex toy and taking a bottomless picture of herself using indicates that she gets off on taking risks.  This is somebody you're now financially tied to (through joint home ownership) and, even more seriously, have had children with.  Yet there's evidently a side to her that you don't know very much about at all, and it's a side that sneaks into the storeroom at work then takes pictures where she's using a sex toy on herself.  That might seem all very exciting to her, but if she got caught she'd not only be fired but her name would be a joke in that workplace for years to come.

I take it there wasn't some conversation before all this happened where you asked her to give you some sexual surprise in an adventurous way?

[usa1ah]

She might be thinking of starting an OF account. There have been a few post on the web about husbands and boyfriends finding out that their SO is on it without their knowledge. 

[IslandSanctuary]

It seems to me she has all the power in this relationship. When she got all defensive you come across as afraid to 'offend' her with perfectly reasonable suspicions. The way she reacted is over the top. 
She was messing around with a girl behind your back? 
I wouldn't date this woman, I think you need to cure your oneitis and get out and find someone decent. Dont listen to  her s*** just get out. 

[kendahke]

On 1/10/2021 at 12:44 AM, Marc878 said:

If it were me I’d figure out a way to download her  phone and do a deleted text recovery.

Jesus, if you're at this point, just end the relationship and go your own way.  Why stay with a liar/someone you will never trust a day longer than you have to?  No woman's sex is that good.

 

[trident_2020]

Because he could be wrong?

[HappilyMarried]

On 1/17/2021 at 2:28 AM, ReeceB said:

You've taken my words totally out of context.
I said "but without the evidence what can one do?" in regards to the cheating, which turned out not to be true.
In other posts I have said that I will be talking to her about the pics and secret texts.
Glad we're on the same page.

Just reading your story have you had your talk with her yet? Also tell her you have found a program to recover all the deleted text and photos and tell her if there is no issues she should not mind to have them recovered and her reaction will probably tell you all you will need to know. Just my opinion.