Why did he ghost me after I refused to send him a picture?

[raquellexxx]

Three days ago on social media, a boy sent me a friend request. Usually, I rarely accept strangers because I'm tired of online perverts. But this time, after checking his profile, I figured he was different and decent since he didn't seem to be a womanizer (didn't have many likes on pictures) + he had some pictures with quotes saying that ''Real love is not about money and luxurious cars but small gestures, care, and attention...'' That especially made me think he was a decent guy and not a womanizer messing up with lots of women and only caring about sex... I accepted his friend request and he immediately texted me. Our chat was normal, he even mentioned to me that he was looking for a decent woman. When I asked him what he meant, he replied that it was complicated - generally, he is looking for a real Woman. He complimented me on "looking cute" and asked me if I had a boyfriend and I said that I was single.

Everything was fine and we even laughed at some jokes until he asked me to send him a picture ''from now''. This immediately gave me an unpleasant feeling since my profile doesn't look fake, nor do I use many filters in my photos. What is more, even a few days ago I uploaded a new profile picture! This made me wonder why he needed such a picture, considering the fact that after all, he didn't request ''a naked photo'' but just a picture from now. I asked him why he wanted it, asking him if he thought that I was a fake profile - he replied, "No, but I wanna enjoy you lovingly." Respectively, I told him that I don't send photos and I'm not such a person. At first, he understood and I was relieved that he wouldn't bother me with such requests again. After, he even said that he had a challenge for me - to go out on a date where he would start a conversation with me in several different ways. I told him that this was an interesting and unusual proposal, and we can do it someday. He agreed, saying ''Yes, we will have some fun.'' I was glad that things were moving in a positive direction, but not long after, he again asked me for ''only 1 photo.'' I already started feeling uncomfortable finding an excuse to refuse his stubborn request, as if this strange idea was mine and not his ... I jokingly refused and changed the subject. Deep inside, I was afraid that after my second refusal, he would give up and stop texting me. But I have principles and class not to do such things especially with a person who has just texted me. Plus, I thought that after he said that he was looking for a real Woman, he would appreciate me, seeing that I'm not cheap and don't send my photos like that.

When he texted me again the next day, I was happy because I saw that that didn't repel him. I figured that he would finally respect my decision and stop with this photo, thanks to which we could have a more interesting conversation to get to know each other. We had a nice talk and suddenly, jokingly, he asked me for a picture AGAIN. He said that ''Every wall falls with a little perseverance.'' As a joke, I refused again. Then, we exchanged a few sentences and after that, he never texted me again ...

The result - now, I hate myself internally .. I hate that I once decided to trust and give a chance to a stranger online and he turned out to be another idiot. I figured that he was a good and decent guy when I saw the quotes about true love that he had shared, as well as the fact that not many women liked his pictures. I feel pitiful and hate myself because I allowed myself to get used to him and like him only for the 2 days we texted each other. I started worrying if I said something wrong but after rereading our chat, I found out that everything was okay. I started thinking that I must have been ugly or that he didn't like me... I even asked my friends if I looked like my photos and they all confirmed. But if it that was the case, then we he send me the request, texted me, asked me out?! Now, as absurd as it sounds, I miss him and I want him to text me again since I thought he was a good and decent guy... and that type of guys don't dump you if you refuse to fulfill their weird desire to send them a picture, right?

I'm extremely confused, even though I'm used to the BS from idiots, but this time I somehow thought it was different...I feel emptiness and I miss him because I feel like I lost something valuable, even though I realize it obviously wasn't. Please give me advice what you think about this case. In your opinion, what did he want and what were his intentions? Do you think he was really decent and good, given the quotes about the true love he shared?

 

[smackie9]

This guy is just another one of those idiots. No guy in his right mind would post such stuff on a FB page...girl that is total bait. He is as fake as they come. Beware of guys that say things you want to hear, it's too good to be true.....to me this guy is a total scammer.

Edited January 10, 2021 by smackie9

[Versacehottie]

Idiots come in all shapes and forms.  This guy was just different about it than others you have encountered.  You can tell what he wanted by the fact the it was the one thing he was consistent about and nagging you about and the fact that he disappeared when he didn't get it.  Don't miss him--he's not worth it--at all!

[trident_2020]

He doesn't want to waste his time on a woman he isn't physically attracted to.

He asked for a recent picture because there's no way for him to know if you currently look like the picture in your profile.

A reasonable request, you declined, he most likely figured you're probably older and heavier than you appear in your profile picture and he moved on in search of greener pastures.

 

[ExpatInItaly]

I don't think his request was that outrageous, OP. (and I'm a woman, too) People get catfished all the time online, or are sent photos that are not an accurate reflection of what they look like now. Unless he was asking for an inappropriate photo, I don't see what the big deal was. 

Having said that, he also sounds like a wannabe player. Posting things about wanting a "real woman" and saying it's complicated (it's not complicated), wanting to present a "challenge" of a date - pfft. PUA crap. You're not missing much. 

What concerns me most, though, is how much you're beating yourself up over this. You hate yourself? Girl, you don't know this guy. You can't pin any expectations on someone you've never met, especially someone you didn't know 4 days ago. In the future, don't get so wrapped up in the idea of someone, and don't trust strangers. You don't know who is on the other side of the screen, and it's not healthy to place so much emotional significance on random people online.  

[Ruby Slippers]

Don't bother with guys you haven't met who ask for more pics. They always turn out to be jerks or creeps. 

[trident_2020]

I don't know about that. I was burned so many times with old pictures that I usually asked for updated pictures preferably a selfie taken with their phone and texted to me.

Way too much deception out there.

Even "self deception" which seems to be fairly common. The woman is convinced she looks the same as she did 10 years/40 lbs ago.

There are some threads going on right now that address this very same issue.

Then again I could be a jerk or a creep but not even know it.

See what I did there?

 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, raquellexxx said:

When he texted me again the next day, I was happy because I saw that that didn't repel him.

Sorry to hear this happened. Go through ALL your social media and review your content. Reset all privacy and messaging settings to much more private so only people you know can view your content. Never send pics to strangers. For all you know they could be altered and posted on pornhub with your face. Your content should not be this accessible. You can't assess people by "looks nice boy". Be careful ut there.

[trident_2020]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

 For all you know they could be altered and posted on pornhub with your face.

Why would someone bother to do that?

Besides, even if someone would go to the trouble, that would be an issue for any public figure whose name comes up in a Google search.

I just searched on myself, being a physician in my small town and there I am in living color, for anyone to chop and stick on the neck of Peter North as he sticks it to yet another big boobed blonde. 

Some things are just not worth worrying about.

 

[Ruby Slippers]

4 hours ago, trident_2020 said:

I don't know about that. I was burned so many times with old pictures that I usually asked for updated pictures preferably a selfie taken with their phone and texted to me.

Way too much deception out there.

That's not my problem or hers. First off, this was a social media site, not a dating site. She's not obligated to provide any photos at all. Though she said she posted a new one a few days ago. I would have told this guy about the recent photo and if he kept asking, blocked him.

On a dating site, I only post recent, accurate photos. If a guy asks, I let him know exactly when they were taken, that they're recent and accurate. If that's not good enough for him, he can buzz off.

[basil67]

5 hours ago, raquellexxx said:

 ''Real love is not about money and luxurious cars but small gestures, care, and attention...'' That especially made me think he was a decent guy

I just read his words and choked on my tea.  I agree it was bait.

 

[Goodguy05]

Sounds like a scammer 

[HiCrunchy]

5 hours ago, trident_2020 said:

I don't know about that. I was burned so many times with old pictures that I usually asked for updated pictures preferably a selfie taken with their phone and texted to me.

Way too much deception out there.

Even "self deception" which seems to be fairly common. The woman is convinced she looks the same as she did 10 years/40 lbs ago.

There are some threads going on right now that address this very same issue.

Then again I could be a jerk or a creep but not even know it.

See what I did there?

 

Idk, I've had guys ask me for pics before. And even when I offered to video chat face to face to show I am who I say I am, they say its "not the same" and they want a pic. 

I dont think its always to verify what u look like. I think they get off on getting a personalized selfie.....its weird but what can u do.

[Versacehottie]

Agree with Ruby Slippers.  It's one thing (50/50 opinion on it; debatable) if they met on a dating site...but HE contacted her via her social media.  By default the dates are on most social media posts so unless she is going a super long way about it, he shouldn't be worried that she is showing outdated photos about what she looks like.  He was fishing for more photos.  Might have been trying to take it from there into attempting to ask for nude photos (my guess).  Asking for more photos in that context, IMO, is a dead giveaway to his real intentions.  It's creepy.  buh-bye boy

[chillii]

Well , he does sound like a strange one butttt, maybe not , time would've told. But the pic , he wasn't asking for anything naughty was he just a real pic real time. That l certainly can understand from back in the day, fb or media can still be all fakes or mods or yrs old, women will use anything for pics, you just didn't know unless you got something real and from the moment.

Edited January 10, 2021 by chillii

[Watercolors]

8 hours ago, raquellexxx said:

I'm extremely confused, even though I'm used to the BS from idiots, but this time I somehow thought it was different...I feel emptiness and I miss him because I feel like I lost something valuable, even though I realize it obviously wasn't. Please give me advice what you think about this case. In your opinion, what did he want and what were his intentions? Do you think he was really decent and good, given the quotes about the true love he shared?

You sound very young. How old are you, if you don't mind me asking? 

He was a catfisher aka scammer. And, you cannot tell that he is a good guy because he posts inspirational quotes on his Facebook profile page. Ever hear of that idiom, "don't judge a book by its cover?" Well, don't judge a person by their online profile. And I mean, do not assume you know anything about someone based on what they put on their Facebook profile. That means nothing. The only real way to get to know someone, is to talk to them in real life face to face. Not through texting or instant messaging. That's how scammers and catfishers manipulate women and men into dangerous situations. 

Nobody could possibly know what he was after. Your money. Your life. A date. How would we know? 

What he posted to you was bait. He was hoping you'd fall for his one dimensional character profile, which you apparently did. You invested in a fantasy that he created. And, when you gave him access to your Facebook profile, he could easily see your most recent photos. Be very careful in the future and stop adding random guys to your Facebook page. They can easily download your photos and figure out where you live, who your friends are, etc., and the next thing you know, you have a stalker. 

Next time some random guy messages you, don't add him. Just don't. Only add friends of friends and family. Adding strangers to your Facebook profile is asking for trouble. 

[smackie9]

They get you everywhere....some guy hit on me on one of my comments on Youtube lol

[JRabbit]

On 1/10/2021 at 11:17 AM, raquellexxx said:

I figured that he was a good and decent guy when I saw the quotes about true love that he had shared, as well as the fact that not many women liked his pictures.

This is not a way to rate whether you deem someone a good person going forward. On the internet, anyone can be whoever they want, lie, be fake, etc.   Don't talk to strangers who add you on social media.