CherryLady Posted January 10, 2021 Share Posted January 10, 2021 Hi there! I've been single for quite a long time now. I tried a few dating sites, went on dates (before the pandemic), and they all sucked. I also got quite a few messages from guys, but none of them could get me interested. I didn't even want to start a conversation with many of them. And now it makes me sick just to think of dating sites. So, my question is - how can I find a partner if I'm fed up with online dating? Are there any other options apart from that? Also, I wanted to add that I'm not that desperate and can wait, but the fact is - I'm already 34 and not getting any younger... Or is it still better to wait until life goes back to normal and just start going out more? Thanks in advance. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted January 10, 2021 Share Posted January 10, 2021 Yes it’s probably better to wait. Online dating has way more misses than hits so it’s definitely not for everybody. Why have you been single so long? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CherryLady Posted January 10, 2021 Author Share Posted January 10, 2021 To be honest, I don't know... my last relationship was like 2 years ago (maybe a bit more) and my ex turned out to be toxic, so I broke up with him. We were even thinking of getting married, but then (thank goodness) I realized what kind of person he was. And even though I could clearly see all his flaws, I got really attached to him and it took me a few months to get over him. Since then, I've been trying to find someone through dating sites, but like I said, it didn't work for me. I can even feel kind of an inner block preventing me from using those sites - don't know why... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 10, 2021 Share Posted January 10, 2021 1 hour ago, CherryLady said: I tried a few dating sites, went on dates (before the pandemic), and they all sucked. Or is it still better to wait until life goes back to normal and just start going out more? Don't wait. No one knows when and how normal will be. Many are struggling so reach out. It's discouraging, but hang in there. Join some clubs and interests groups, professional groups, classmate reunions, etc. online. Put yourself on the map. Take some online courses. If allowed/possible volunteer in a hospital, animal shelter, delivering meals, helping out with the homebound, etc. Put yourself out there either online or whatever is safe/doable in your area. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CherryLady Posted January 10, 2021 Author Share Posted January 10, 2021 Yes, clubs and interests groups sounds much better. I think I'll go for it. Thank you! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted January 10, 2021 Share Posted January 10, 2021 48 minutes ago, CherryLady said: To be honest, I don't know... my last relationship was like 2 years ago (maybe a bit more) and my ex turned out to be toxic, so I broke up with him. Oh that’s not so long. And you’ve been dating a bit as well. Good suggestions by Wiseman. I mean you just have to get out there and meet people. I met my wife through online dating, so it can work as well, but totally understand if it’s not for you. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted January 10, 2021 Share Posted January 10, 2021 Well the fact you say you took a few mths , what that's all it took to get over someone you were going to marry. a whole few mths , and then calling 2yrs single as a quite a long time , when really it's nothing. Especially at your age most want something real by then not just more strings of nothing half arsed few mths so called relationships. Just seems you expect some kinda instant. Which ain't how it works for the real stuff but still , it's pretty common so many people just aren't prepared to take their time these days. The online stuff isn't working for you though by the sounds, although it can for sure for some. So yeah , just try going with moreso RL things then as people have suggested , but take your time, use your picker , no pain no glory. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 11, 2021 Share Posted January 11, 2021 I hated OLD & I only did it for 90 days more then 15 years ago. Until lockdowns are over, I'm not sure you have many options. If there is an outdoor activity you like, perhaps find a group that does that. Maybe get involved in an on line community like a book club or something. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CherryLady Posted January 11, 2021 Author Share Posted January 11, 2021 12 hours ago, chillii said: Well the fact you say you took a few mths , what that's all it took to get over someone you were going to marry. a whole few mths , and then calling 2yrs single as a quite a long time , when really it's nothing. Especially at your age most want something real by then not just more strings of nothing half arsed few mths so called relationships. Just seems you expect some kinda instant. Which ain't how it works for the real stuff but still , it's pretty common so many people just aren't prepared to take their time these days. The online stuff isn't working for you though by the sounds, although it can for sure for some. So yeah , just try going with moreso RL things then as people have suggested , but take your time, use your picker , no pain no glory. You didn't understand. I wasn't GOING to marry him - just thinking about it. And it didn't take me more than a few months to get over because he had an awful character and I wanted to forget him as soon as possible. And I don't expect anything instant, also. Before my last relationship I had been single for 6 years or so, and it didn't seem to me a long time. But I was much younger then. Now 2 years seems to me a long time 'cause I'm not a young girl, you know. A few more years - and I'll be close to forty, and it could become even more difficult to find a partner. Maybe for a man it's not much of a problem to marry at that age - but for a woman it certainly is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CherryLady Posted January 11, 2021 Author Share Posted January 11, 2021 (edited) Anyway, I'm prepared to wait if it's necessary. And maybe I'll never marry at all, who knows... OK, I'm ready for that, too. I was just asking if there are other options than OLD. Clubs seems a good idea. Anyway, it's better than just waiting and doing nothing. Edited January 11, 2021 by CherryLady 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted January 11, 2021 Share Posted January 11, 2021 20 minutes ago, CherryLady said: other options than OLD I've been thinking about that too, for when the pandemic fades. I didn't have any bad experiences, just didn't seem the best way to find a meaningful relationship either, too random! Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CherryLady Posted January 11, 2021 Author Share Posted January 11, 2021 13 minutes ago, Ellener said: I've been thinking about that too, for when the pandemic fades. I didn't have any bad experiences, just didn't seem the best way to find a meaningful relationship either, too random! Good luck! Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author CherryLady Posted January 11, 2021 Author Share Posted January 11, 2021 Thanks everyone for your replies and advice! It's much appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
Johnjohnson2017 Posted January 13, 2021 Share Posted January 13, 2021 Do you have any friends that have single friends? You can also join singles groups. It's hard now with the pandemic. But you have to keep trying and put yourself out there. At 34, your pool of eligible men is small. Most people are either married or in a relationship. It's much harder. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CherryLady Posted January 13, 2021 Author Share Posted January 13, 2021 39 minutes ago, Johnjohnson2017 said: Do you have any friends that have single friends? You can also join singles groups. It's hard now with the pandemic. But you have to keep trying and put yourself out there. At 34, your pool of eligible men is small. Most people are either married or in a relationship. It's much harder. I do have such friends, but not many... At present, I'm trying to socialize more online and join interests groups. It's giving me hope and I feel much better now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted January 14, 2021 Share Posted January 14, 2021 On 1/11/2021 at 11:01 PM, CherryLady said: You didn't understand. I wasn't GOING to marry him - just thinking about it. And it didn't take me more than a few months to get over because he had an awful character and I wanted to forget him as soon as possible. And I don't expect anything instant, also. Before my last relationship I had been single for 6 years or so, and it didn't seem to me a long time. But I was much younger then. Now 2 years seems to me a long time 'cause I'm not a young girl, you know. A few more years - and I'll be close to forty, and it could become even more difficult to find a partner. Maybe for a man it's not much of a problem to marry at that age - but for a woman it certainly is. Exactly why l thought but anyway , good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts