Reached out, did I do the right thing?

[Liddlez]

Hello all, I’m new here, and I’m unsure of my action. I would like your feedback. I reached out to my former significant other after a month after realizing he had a possession I left behind that is of great significance to me, he read the message, but hasn’t responded. I requested that he either send it via mail, or I could retrieve it in person. Did I do the right thing, or should had I not bothered? Thank you.

[Hpchic]

If these were items of great significance to you of course you did the right thing!  Not sure how else you can go about getting them back.  I’d give it a week and if he doesn’t respond, I’d reach out again and convey to him that it is essential you get your items back.  I’m assuming this was your only reason for reaching out, if there was some ulterior motive here that’s a whole other ball game.

Edited January 10, 2021 by Hpchic

[d0nnivain]

I would have asked for it earlier but if you get it back, you did the right thing.  If you have some idea of how much it weighs, you can try sending him a self addressed stamped envelope.  If you have any mutual friends you could try getting them to pick it up for you. 

Just because the relationship ended doesn't mean you have to abandon something that is of significant value to you.  

[Liddlez]

Thank you both! The item is of great significance, but I won’t reach out again. If he wants to be that way, he can be that way. May god bless him, and his decisions. I returned all his belongings without hesitation, but we are not the same people.

[trident_2020]

Whats the item?

[Liddlez]

Van Cleef & Arpels butterfly ring given to me by my grandmother for my 16th birthday before she passed.

[trident_2020]

You oughta just show up at his door and don't leave without it even if you have to call the police.

 

[Liddlez]

11 minutes ago, trident_2020 said:

You oughta just show up at his door and don't leave without it even if you have to call the police.

 

The thing is, I’m not a confrontational person. I have faith that when he’s past his anger he will return it.

[trident_2020]

Hope so.

 

[Liddlez]

25 minutes ago, trident_2020 said:

Hope so.

 

Thank you.

[cleverusername]

Worst case scenario it is not lost forever. If he refuses, you can call the police/sheriff department where he resides you can request what is called a "Civil Standby" to reclaim your property. A law enforcement officer will show up at a scheduled time and supervise the interaction so you are safe and can take possession of your ring. It's not a big deal and they do it all the time.

Hopefully it doesn't come to that but its most certainly an option so you don't have to let it go forever. 

Edited January 11, 2021 by cleverusername

[Liddlez]

32 minutes ago, cleverusername said:

Worst case scenario it is not lost forever. If he refuses, you can call the police/sheriff department where he resides you can request what is called a "Civil Standby" to reclaim your property. A law enforcement officer will show up at a scheduled time and supervise the interaction so you are safe and can take possession of your ring. It's not a big deal and they do it all the time.

Hopefully it doesn't come to that but its most certainly an option so you don't have to let it go forever. 

Yes, I’ve read about that, but that’s too dramatic for me. I thank you for your help, and suggestions!

[chillii]

2 hours ago, Liddlez said:

The thing is, I’m not a confrontational person. I have faith that when he’s past his anger he will return it.

Doesn't matter what it is makes no difference you didn't have to tell us , if it means a lot to you that's all that matters,

But how long ago did you ask him ?  Most people post like this the next day and then wonder why nothing so far. lf it hasn't been long he might come good yet . lf it has then yeah , if you don't wanna see him ask him to leave it in his letter box and you can just swing by and grab it , or yours if he's felling really generous .

 

 

 

[Liddlez]

46 minutes ago, chillii said:

Doesn't matter what it is makes no difference you didn't have to tell us , if it means a lot to you that's all that matters,

But how long ago did you ask him ?  Most people post like this the next day and then wonder why nothing so far. lf it hasn't been long he might come good yet . lf it has then yeah , if you don't wanna see him ask him to leave it in his letter box and you can just swing by and grab it , or yours if he's felling really generous .

 

 

 

He has severe anger issues to the point where he has threatened me with calling the police. I’ve NEVER shown up unannounced, so I let him cool off for a bit. His anger takes over him. It’s sad to say that I’m scared of him. 🙁

[Gaeta]

14 hours ago, Liddlez said:

Van Cleef & Arpels butterfly ring given to me by my grandmother for my 16th birthday before she passed.

This is not something you leave behind till the guy cool off. If he has anger issue he may have destroyed it. You do not let this little arse intimidate you. You're not good at confrontation? Good, then ask a brother, your father, a male friend to assist you with this. You let the guy contact him and make arrangement to get your ring, if your ex does not co-operate then you and your male friend/father/brother go to your local police department. 

See, these guys with anger issues are very good at shedding their anger on their girlfriend and on people that are weaker than them but once in front of male equal to them they're weak and coward. 

[elaine567]

23 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

See, these guys with anger issues are very good at shedding their anger on their girlfriend and on people that are weaker than them but once in front of male equal to them they're weak and coward

Yes, so true.
Some of them are not even angry. They put on a good show of anger to scare, upset and intimidate the other to get their own way. 
They can turn on and off their "anger" like a tap.

[Beachead]

19 hours ago, Liddlez said:

Hello all, I’m new here, and I’m unsure of my action. I would like your feedback. I reached out to my former significant other after a month after realizing he had a possession I left behind that is of great significance to me, he read the message, but hasn’t responded. I requested that he either send it via mail, or I could retrieve it in person. Did I do the right thing, or should had I not bothered? Thank you.

 If it's important to you, then you did the right thing. 

- Beach

[stillafool]

He may have given it away to someone else.  When my sister in law's ex and her broke up and she didn't hear from him in a month she gave all of the clothes he left behind to a friend of hers.  When he came back around she told him she gave them away because she figured if that much time had passed and he didn't ask for them he didn't want them.  A month is a long time to wait to ask for an important item back.  As far as you doing the right thing, of course you did if that item belongs to you.  You just should have done it earlier.

Edited January 11, 2021 by stillafool

[FMW]

18 hours ago, Liddlez said:

Van Cleef & Arpels butterfly ring given to me by my grandmother for my 16th birthday before she passed.

Both sentimentally and monetarily this is something I would pursue if I were you.  Up to and including the police, if it gets that far.  

Do you think he still has it?  Or would he be spiteful and sell it?

[Liddlez]

5 hours ago, Gaeta said:

This is not something you leave behind till the guy cool off. If he has anger issue he may have destroyed it. You do not let this little arse intimidate you. You're not good at confrontation? Good, then ask a brother, your father, a male friend to assist you with this. You let the guy contact him and make arrangement to get your ring, if your ex does not co-operate then you and your male friend/father/brother go to your local police department. 

See, these guys with anger issues are very good at shedding their anger on their girlfriend and on people that are weaker than them but once in front of male equal to them they're weak and coward. 

You are very correct. Although not all men are guilty on this, I did notice that once. He had road rage, followed a guy into the parking lot, the guy got out of his car confronting him, and he just stayed quiet, and drove off.

[Liddlez]

3 hours ago, stillafool said:

He may have given it away to someone else.  When my sister in law's ex and her broke up and she didn't hear from him in a month she gave all of the clothes he left behind to a friend of hers.  When he came back around she told him she gave them away because she figured if that much time had passed and he didn't ask for them he didn't want them.  A month is a long time to wait to ask for an important item back.  As far as you doing the right thing, of course you did if that item belongs to you.  You just should have done it earlier.

If he did, that’ll be his karma, not mine, and that is enough for me.

[Liddlez]

1 hour ago, FMW said:

Both sentimentally and monetarily this is something I would pursue if I were you.  Up to and including the police, if it gets that far.  

Do you think he still has it?  Or would he be spiteful and sell it?

I wouldn’t be able to answer that question, however during our time together he emphasized money, so maybe he did, or he didn’t. I’ll find out either way as it had a serial number that can be traced. I have the certification/paperwork on it.