Hpchic Posted January 10, 2021 Share Posted January 10, 2021 Was wondering how common is it to question the validity of a relationship after you’ve been broken up with? I have felt this way before when I was dumped. Questioned whether the person really ever loved me and if the whole relationship was a lie. I just don’t hear many people talk about this after breakups so was wondering if anyone has ever felt this way after a breakup. Now I’m not talking about dating someone for a few months, I’m referring to committed relationships where “I love you”s have been said. Was discussing this with a close friend last night and doesn’t seem she ever felt this way before so that’s why I wanted to throw this question out there. Interested to see how many have felt this way before. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 10, 2021 Share Posted January 10, 2021 I don't know that I ever questioned the validity of the relationship. It existed. It was real. I have questioned whether the other person truly love me or was capable of love. I have reflected on my own role in the break up or missed signs that there were problems / red flags. Introspection is never bad. You learn something from every relationship even if it's just how to recognize red flags. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hpchic Posted January 10, 2021 Author Share Posted January 10, 2021 Just now, d0nnivain said: I don't know that I ever questioned the validity of the relationship. It existed. It was real. I have questioned whether the other person truly love me or was capable of love. I have reflected on my own role in the break up or missed signs that there were problems / red flags. Introspection is never bad. You learn something from every relationship even if it's just how to recognize red flags. Yes, the relationship existed but I guess what I meant was maybe the relationship wasn’t what I thought it was and yes perhaps the other person didn’t love me like they said they did. Link to post Share on other sites
maggiemtn Posted January 11, 2021 Share Posted January 11, 2021 For me, it’s been part of the healing process to realize that some of the things I thought I was on the same page with my ex, turns out we weren’t. Some of the things I thought I was okay with, turns out I wasn’t. My first instinct when we broke up was to immediately beg for this not to happen. We were discussing marriage and kids. But as the days pass, I realize I was overlooking some fundamental differences we had that weren’t going to go away. I’m still sad, but I am starting to understand I miss the idea of us more than I actually miss him, even though he’s a good person. He just isn’t MY person, nor am I his. I think thoughts similar to this are normal and show healing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 11, 2021 Share Posted January 11, 2021 No, I've never questioned it. If they told me they loved me, there' was no reason to doubt it. The fact that the love has since been lost doesn't mean that it was all a lie. @Hpchic have you ever fallen out of love with someone? If so, were your original feels of love a lie? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hpchic Posted January 11, 2021 Author Share Posted January 11, 2021 (edited) 51 minutes ago, basil67 said: No, I've never questioned it. If they told me they loved me, there' was no reason to doubt it. The fact that the love has since been lost doesn't mean that it was all a lie. @Hpchic have you ever fallen out of love with someone? If so, were your original feels of love a lie? Yes I have, and of course I did love them at one time. However, I guess the reason I question it for one relationship in particular is because this person always told me he loved me right up until the day before he broke up with me. In the past when I have fallen out of love with someone it was mutual and the relationship was pretty much breaking down so there were really no I love you’s being said by that point. Edited January 11, 2021 by Hpchic Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 11, 2021 Share Posted January 11, 2021 20 minutes ago, Hpchic said: Yes I have, and of course I did love them at one time. However, I guess the reason I question it for one relationship in particular is because this person always told me he loved me right up until the day before he broke up with me. That's happened to me before when I left my marriage. Sometimes it's hard to give ourselves permission to question if we still love the person. Or it happens that the words start getting said by habit rather than feeling. But the love was very much there for the first few years together. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 11, 2021 Share Posted January 11, 2021 2 hours ago, basil67 said: Or it happens that the words start getting said by habit rather than feeling. But the love was very much there for the first few years together. This is a good point. I've been in that position, on both sides of the coin. OP, I think it's important to realize that someone can indeed love you but still recognize that the relationship isn't the right one for them. Feelings can change over time, and while we might still love and respect the person, we might not be in love anymore. It doesn't mean everything was all a lie. It can mean that the other person is in the habit of saying "I love you" or that they do genuinely care but don't know quite how to tell you that the relationship is coming to an end. I haven't personally questioned whether a whole relationship was a lie. I have realized that our feelings sometimes change and while we were once in love, we weren't in that place anymore by the time the relationship ended. I don't take that to mean that the other person (or I) was being insincere the whole time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 11, 2021 Share Posted January 11, 2021 I think almost everyone questions things after a breakup including was it all a sham etc. It's part of your mind processing the whole thing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts