fudgit Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 I've heard of things cooling off after being married for a while but this is ridiculous! We've been engaged for three weeks and already I feel like he's taking me for granted. He used to be affectionate both physically and verbally. He used to call me at every spare moment in his work day. He used to rush home from work to see me. He used to be fun to be with. But only three weeks into the engagement, it's all gone. It's like he doesn't have to try anymore because I already said I'd marry him. But I don't want to if it's going to be like this for the rest of my life! I don't want the mundane and lonely. I don't want to come home from work to make dinner for the video game blog on the couch and wait impatiently for a scrap of attention when he has time for me! I'm not going to! So, I told him the other night that I need more affection and attention and he said he'd work on it. Nothing's changed. In fact, he seems to be irritated with me for having wants and needs. So, any suggestions on how to help him see where I'm coming from? I refuse to allow anyone to treat me this way. If I can't figure out how to make this change, I'll have to figure out how to let him go. And I don't want to do that either. Link to post Share on other sites
bab Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 Show him your post. Maybe it will be the wake up call he needs. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 But I don't want to if it's going to be like this for the rest of my life! I don't want the mundane and lonely. I don't want to come home from work to make dinner for the video game blog on the couch and wait impatiently for a scrap of attention when he has time for me! I'm not going to! Sounds like this is how it's gonna be for the rest of your life. Be grateful he's giving you a sneak preview. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fudgit Posted October 14, 2005 Author Share Posted October 14, 2005 After several hours of contemplation and reading up on other people's dilemas, I have come to the conclusion that I don't want to get married right now. I love him so much in good times and in bad but I just don't think he's emotionally ready for this kind of commitment if he's unable to hear my genuine communication about needs. Communicating our needs with one another should be something we can do. Unfortunately, only one of us is communicating and the other is barely even listening. I want to marry him..... I want to want to marry him. (Does that make sense?) I spend so much time trying to meet HIS needs and I don't get the same in return. No deal. MY NEW QUESTION: How do I tell him that I love him and want to get to a place where we are ready for this commitment but I don't want to get married yet? I know he'll be furious. It'll hurt him. Guys? How would you want your love to tell you this? Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted October 15, 2005 Share Posted October 15, 2005 Maybe the two of you just need to sort out where you stand as far as wants and needs are concerned. Just tell him how you feel. It's gonna hurt no matter what, but at least you're being honest. Bottling it up will only make it worse, especially after you tie the knot. Link to post Share on other sites
elijahBailey Posted October 15, 2005 Share Posted October 15, 2005 it's gonna come to this anyways so maybe you should get use to it ? just kidding.... hmmm....<cough> .... so you'd be ok if the going downhill starts only after the wedding? Remember the peaks don't last. What keeps a relationship going is usually <slow boil> instead of <fireworks>. But if you can't overcome this feeling, then don't walk down the aisle, seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted October 15, 2005 Share Posted October 15, 2005 it's gonna come to this anyways so maybe you should get use to it ? Very true. *snicker* Link to post Share on other sites
Hot Coco Posted October 15, 2005 Share Posted October 15, 2005 Elijah, I couldn't stop laughing! Very funny! The only thing I have to say on this though is that if it's like that NOW then I'd be running for the hills! Seriously. I agree with the poster who said in a normal relationship things get hot and not so hot...sorry don't remember the exact words. But for MOST people this time is HOT HOT HOT!!! and if it's not, you ARE lucky to see that now. It only tells me it has the potential to be a real downer after you're married. I think you're VERY smart to reconsider. That saying "he's just not that into you" comes to mind from what you describe. And if he's not into you NOW, sheesh, I hate to think what he'd be like after the wedding. I'd call it off. You can still be is GF if you want but I personally wouldn't waste my time. I'd want to marry someone who was REALLY into me. Link to post Share on other sites
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