BaileyB Posted January 12, 2021 Share Posted January 12, 2021 (edited) 34 minutes ago, LittleDove78 said: I'm a hairstylist I have my own business and the pandemic has killed me. I’m very sorry. No doubt, your income has been profoundly affected by the pandemic. Your home is an investment. It’s your biggest asset. It provides security for you, and your son. You need to protect that asset. It’s entirely reasonable to expect your husband to step up, particularly if he has a steady income and your income is reduced because of the pandemic. It is also his home. It is his son’s home. Clearly, he has failed you. If he is as clueless about your relationship as he is about paying the mortgage/housing security for his family - that says a lot... Not something I would want to deal with now... you have more than enough stress in your life. But, when things get better and you are back to work, I would visit that lawyer... You have most definitely done your part. It’s time to take care of yourself and your child. Edited January 12, 2021 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Author LittleDove78 Posted January 12, 2021 Author Share Posted January 12, 2021 3 hours ago, BaileyB said: I’m very sorry. No doubt, your income has been profoundly affected by the pandemic. Your home is an investment. It’s your biggest asset. It provides security for you, and your son. You need to protect that asset. It’s entirely reasonable to expect your husband to step up, particularly if he has a steady income and your income is reduced because of the pandemic. It is also his home. It is his son’s home. Clearly, he has failed you. If he is as clueless about your relationship as he is about paying the mortgage/housing security for his family - that says a lot... Not something I would want to deal with now... you have more than enough stress in your life. But, when things get better and you are back to work, I would visit that lawyer... You have most definitely done your part. It’s time to take care of yourself and your child. You are right. I have even had help offered to me from my parents for lawyer and even my house. I don't like asking or getting help but it may be something I need to do. I don't like telling my parents to much but I have had a few breakdowns to them so they now know. They want me to get rid of him. My father is concerned I will wake up yrs from now in same position and regret everything. I will be 43 this yr so I don't want to be in this still when I'm in my 50's with tons of regret. It seems I think we have to constantly fight to get a divorce which is crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LittleDove78 Posted January 15, 2021 Author Share Posted January 15, 2021 On 1/11/2021 at 1:28 AM, LittleDove78 said: My husband and I have been married for 13yrs we have had lots of ups and more downs. I would love to seperate but he is so oblivious that anything is wrong I don't know where to begin. He is completely satisfied as long as he has his house and does what he wants. We have no relationship romantically at all like having sex once a yr for the past probably 3yrs, no dates, no touching in any way. I have no financial support from him I feel like I have a piece of paper that tells me I'm married with no perks. We don't fight much it's just coexisting. But I feel like he would be so blindsided so I sit here not happy. The thought of never having a good relationship again makes me so sad and he's satisfied. The thing is when I think of having one its never with him and to late.We also have an 8yr old son. Any advice? Update the other night I told my husband I thought we should seperate. I brought up lots of things and lots he blamed on me like I knew he would. He told me I trashed my own credit not paying my bills talking about our house so guess he expected to live here and not help ever. He said he was affectionate until I turned in to such a b****. I spent the night at my parents which I do a lot. So came home lastnight he was cooking we didn't really speak but he acted like nothing. He will sweep it all under the rug like he does everytime. If it was up to me to leave I would be gone already but I'm not leaving my house. I have to figure out a plan to keep it and it's in my name. Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted January 15, 2021 Share Posted January 15, 2021 On 1/11/2021 at 11:42 PM, LittleDove78 said: I will be 43 this yr so I don't want to be in this still when I'm in my 50's with tons of regret. It seems I think we have to constantly fight to get a divorce which is crazy. You just described me. I was 35 years old when I had my youngest. I stayed for another 18 years after she was born. I kept my money separate because he was horrible with finances, but I co-signed loans for him. The first thing he did when we got divorced was stop paying those loans. It took me six years to fix the damage he did to my credit. I learned my lesson. I will never again allow someone else's actions (or inaction) to have an impact on my credit. Plus, "staying together for the kids" doesn't work. I think I did more damage to my daughters by staying than I would have if I'd left. At least maybe they would have seen two happier, more well-adjusted adults rather than to witness the resentment and fingerpointing they witnessed while they were growing up. We didn't give them a good example of a healthy relationship. I regret that to this day. 34 minutes ago, LittleDove78 said: Update the other night I told my husband I thought we should seperate. I brought up lots of things and lots he blamed on me like I knew he would. He told me I trashed my own credit not paying my bills talking about our house so guess he expected to live here and not help ever. He said he was affectionate until I turned in to such a b****. I spent the night at my parents which I do a lot. So came home lastnight he was cooking we didn't really speak but he acted like nothing. He will sweep it all under the rug like he does everytime. If it was up to me to leave I would be gone already but I'm not leaving my house. I have to figure out a plan to keep it and it's in my name. Again, this sounds like my husband. He turned everything on me, though he was the one that cheated, and also destroyed our finances - it was somehow always my fault. Don't allow him to call the shots and DON'T, under any circumstances, leave your house. Take control of your own finances immediately (I know that's hard with COVID - but do everything you can to get back on track.) It sounds like you have taken the necessary steps to try to save your marriage if you have communicated your concerns with him, and the two of you have sought counseling. We only get one ride on the merry-go-round. Is this how you want to remember your ride? How you spend these years will have a direct impact on how your son views relationships, not to mention your happiness. It sounds to me like you've done what you can to salvage the relationship and he has not met you half way. Link to post Share on other sites
Crazelnut Posted January 16, 2021 Share Posted January 16, 2021 Lawyer up and protect yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
HadMeOverABarrel Posted January 20, 2021 Share Posted January 20, 2021 (edited) On 1/11/2021 at 7:20 PM, LittleDove78 said: Well yeah but since I wasn't the one with the money I couldn't. I talked to my mortgage and they are going to work with me Don't rely on this. Banks have an interest in you losing your home, especially if there's equity in it. Do not trust the bank to help you. Consult a qualified lawyer who specializes in foreclosure defense. Consider consulting a bankruptcy attorney too. Consultations are free. Consider getting a legal plan (if available in your country). In the USA they go for $25/month and you can ask all the questions you want on as many matters as you want to attorneys who specialize in the areas of law you need. I'm sorry to say that I see a lot of legal work in your future. Perhaps consider if there are any programs that would pay for you to attend a paralegal education program if you're inclined...two birds with one stone. Edited January 20, 2021 by HadMeOverABarrel Typo Link to post Share on other sites
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