Bubbles29 Posted January 11, 2021 Share Posted January 11, 2021 I am currently 7 months pregnant and have been with my partner for 2 years. Since being pregnant, I feel like he has changed. He now calls me names such as "oh you are getting fat now" or "you look ugly in those tops". He never used to be like this. At the start of this pregnancy, I got hyperemesis gravidarum (bad morning sickness) and had to take time off work as I was so ill. He would tell me that I was lazy and never help around the house and had no friends. Often telling me to go back to work as I am around the house too much. When I am in pain and have the occasional cry, he see's it as me attention seeking and calls me pathetic and tells me he does not care to grow up and get in 'reality and stop being so selfish'. I don't have much support from my family and have only asked him for support such as reading my assignment for university to which he replied this is so embarrassing its awful, you having Dyslexia is just an excuse for being lazy and thick. He has another child from another relationship and she told me he was horrible to her when the baby was born as she was suffering from depression. I am finding it so hard with bending down and he expects me to babysit his daughter regularly and sometimes his nephew, if i refuse, I am made to look the worst person ever. On the other hand, he treats me to clothes and will buy the food shop (while I pay rent ect) and will give me money for petrol and other items. Maybe it's just me being silly? Link to post Share on other sites
SophieA2 Posted January 11, 2021 Share Posted January 11, 2021 First you need to know how beautiful you are just by being able to create life inside you... I have an 8 year old son and I understand how difficult pregnancy can be... You also need to recognize that what he is doing is emotional abuse, and this aggression can become physical in a future, you have to think and decide is this is what you want for your child? Do you want for him/her to grow up thinking this type of treatment is normal? What you and your child need is love and support and someone who can be kind at you even if they are angry... I am a single mom and decided to leave a dysfunctional marriage, and even though I have so many difficulties in other areas of my life, I have never regretted leaving my son’s father... Please never forget your value and what you deserve. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bubbles29 Posted January 11, 2021 Author Share Posted January 11, 2021 Thank you so much for your kind words. It's hard when he tells me that I am always moaning, doing his head in and being a spoiled child. I just feel like I am the problem. Last night in an argument as he didn't sell some investment coin, it was my fault for always asking to go on walks (doctor told me it would do me good) and that I add no meaning to his life, I bring nothing to the table and he is better off without before he met me, Often telling me "I am pregnant now used goods, out of work at the moment and have nothing and if he left, I would be on the streets". But then an hour later he would hug me like nothing happened? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 11, 2021 Share Posted January 11, 2021 Tell your doctor privately and confidentiality about the abuse. They'll give you resources for help. In the meantime don't interact with him. Don't look for love, support, help or praise. Withholding all that is just more abuse on top of the outright insults. When you reveal to a monster like this what hurts you, it's like loading the gun for his attacks on you. Talk to trusted friends and family about the abuse. Stop offering babysitting services . Is the place in your name his name or both your names? Carefully plan an exit strategy. Talk to your doctor. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
SophieA2 Posted January 11, 2021 Share Posted January 11, 2021 From what you are writing, he sounds like a narcissist, and as Wiseman said, please talk to your doctor about your situation, your doctor might find some support for you... don’t let the days pass, if you let this happen for longer it could be harder to leave. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bubbles29 Posted January 11, 2021 Author Share Posted January 11, 2021 Thank you everyone for your kind words and support. I really need it at the moment. With regards to the babysitting, me and him live together and he works nights 3 days a week so tells me it is my job as I am pregnant with his daughters brother and need to make more of an effort. He then goes on to tell me, I knew what I signed up for and I do but I find it so hard feeling rubbish caring for her and somehow it is my job. He also swears so bad, and I have explained I don't wish my baby to be around that, to which he replies "it's the real world and I need to make him used to it by not treating him like a baby". The hardest part of walking away, he's already told me if I go, after 2 weeks he will be dating other people as "what's the point in waiting if we do not work out", so being pregnant and knowing he's sleeping with other people is so so heartbreaking. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted January 17, 2021 Share Posted January 17, 2021 (edited) Dear Bubbles29, It's not you being silly; it's him being a selfish, mean and abusive partner. I understand you do not have much support - if you have support from family to make a go of this on your own (i.e. leave your partner) then I would strongly advise that you do that. This guy is appalling. He is not going to change. He is inflicting emotional and verbal abuse on you. This is not likely to get better; it will only get worse as his moods fluctuate. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with his internal mental state. You cannot fix an abusive guy; you can only escape him. Just think how awful this would be for your child. I am not minimising the struggle ahead if you do leave and have to cope by yourself with family support but honestly if you stay, you will regret it. The guy is harmful and you and the baby are going to suffer as long as you stay with him, he has already indicated he is going to be harsh on the baby. I understand you love him and would feel upset if he found someone else, but that person would be entering an awful situation so you should feel sorry for them not jealous of them. You need to disentangle your heart from all this. Your heart has bonded with him but your rational mind realises that it is like selling your soul to the devil. If you think you are in love with him and that that keeps you with him, you are lost. This is a time for reason not emotional bonding. Ducklings can bond with humans if they are the first things they see upon hatching. It does not mean that humans are right for them. I am amazed that you have coped as well as you have. Morning sickness is bad enough without suffering the extreme version you have. If you were your partner, how would you have treated yourself? Would you have complained your partner was lazy because she was sick and suffering? No, I don't think you would have. Think about how he treats you and then think about how you would treat a partner in similar circumstances. That is how he should be treating you. He isn't and you cannot change him. He is abusive and cruel. Please get out as soon as you safely can. You could have a totally different, loving future with a better guy. Give yourself the chance to find that. Edited January 17, 2021 by spiderowl Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 17, 2021 Share Posted January 17, 2021 You are not being silly. He's horrid. He insults you & makes your life harder. Do not think for one minute he will be a good father. See how he treats his other baby mama. If the man who made me pregnant called me fat or lazy under those circumstances he would be out of my life already. You need to start working on plan B which is a life separate from him. Talk to a lawyer about child suport. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
trident_2020 Posted January 17, 2021 Share Posted January 17, 2021 Your description of his action clearly meets the definition of abuse, and every responder has unanimously agreed. So now that your suspicions are confirmed what are you going to do about it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bubbles29 Posted March 22, 2021 Author Share Posted March 22, 2021 I have been with my partner for 2 years and we moved in together a year ago and decided to get a cat. At the time, the cat was meant to be a house pet and he was so loving. I fell pregnant a couple of months later and told my partner not to get another cat for breeding yet, due to us not have the room and they would be meowing all day long. I felt powerless in stopping him, but he eventually bought a female. Since having the female, both cats have been spraying, mating with each other and crying for attention. I told him I can't have them unless one is neutered, which he said was unnatural and the cats should be free to do what they wanted. Therefore he told me they were to live at his mums, which really unset me as I had bonded and looked after the male cat since he was 11 weeks old. I offered to buy him back at a higher price (get him neutered) but my partner wanted double what he paid then decided against it, saying he loved them both too much. I then get accused of buying cats and abandoning them! i have tried to explain I can't have them both not neutered and scream and crying all night and even weeing, especially with the newborn. But he's making me feel awful about the situation. He's now telling me he wants to move back with his cats and live with his mum full time, and visit me 2 days a week, even though i'm 7 months pregnant! I feel so alone and he's leaving me because I can't deal with the cats at the moment as I am struggling both mentally and physically in my pregnancy. It's either help me for 2 months while heavily pregnant or move home and be with your cats. Am I being unfair? I'm just so scared of living alone when I'm due in a few months! He told me I could visit but when he's at his mums not to bother him all day with texts and messages otherwise I'll go on the blocked list. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted March 22, 2021 Share Posted March 22, 2021 Is this for real? 6 minutes ago, Bubbles29 said: He's now telling me he wants to move back with his cats and live with his mum full time, and visit me 2 days a week, even though i'm 7 months pregnant! 8 minutes ago, Bubbles29 said: He told me I could visit but when he's at his mums not to bother him all day with texts and messages otherwise I'll go on the blocked list. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 22, 2021 Share Posted March 22, 2021 2 hours ago, Bubbles29 said: He's now telling me he wants to move back with his cats and live with his mum full time, and visit me 2 days a week Excellent. You have been looking to exit this abusive situation. When he goes to live with his mother, tell trusted friends and family about the abuse, get help from friends, family, community groups, etc. Make sure you file for child support. Change the locks and get a restraining order. Keep your cat and have it neutered. Do Not Tell him your plans. This is like a gift, that he is finally leaving. Interestingly, weren't you 7 mos pregnant in your thread dated Jan 2021? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted March 22, 2021 Share Posted March 22, 2021 This guy sounds appalling! I am sorry you are in this situation. I can imagine how scared you are, facing the birth and a baby alone. Do you have friends and family that could help you? Your boyfriend is heartless and thoughtless. I am sure if you get rid of him, you will gradually find the strength to build a better life for yourself. He is emotionally abusive, not caring about you and using the cats to get at you. Please consider getting away from him for good. Things are not likely to get better with him. At best, he might end up with you again but the same kind of thing will happen. Once you have the baby, he will find himself competing with the baby for your attention. I have a feeling he is not mature enough to cope with that and that could put you and the baby at risk. Please contact a women's refuge advice line for information and advice about how to cope with an abusive partner. You may not think he is abusive but he is. No decent person would treat you so unkindly. Link to post Share on other sites
hajk Posted March 23, 2021 Share Posted March 23, 2021 On 1/11/2021 at 1:17 AM, Bubbles29 said: I am currently 7 months pregnant.... 11 hours ago, Bubbles29 said: He's now telling me he wants to move back with his cats and live with his mum full time, and visit me 2 days a week, even though i'm 7 months pregnant! @Bubbles29 something didn't add up. You said you were 7 months pregnant 2 months ago and now said you are 7 months pregnant. Did you have the months mixed up? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 23, 2021 Share Posted March 23, 2021 On 1/11/2021 at 4:17 AM, Bubbles29 said: I am currently 7 months pregnant and have been with my partner for 2 years. Since being pregnant, I feel like he has changed. He now calls me names such as "oh you are getting fat now" or "you look ugly in those tops". He never used to be like this. Tell trusted friends and family about the abuse. Make sure he gets out and stays out. Talk to your doctor about the abuse. Link to post Share on other sites
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