livingwithpain Posted January 12, 2021 Share Posted January 12, 2021 (edited) my wife of 4 years maintains friendships with men she has slept with over her whole life. 2 have reached out to her over the last 2 months. am i losing it or is this normal. i maintain none of these. i dont like it Edited January 12, 2021 by livingwithpain Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted January 12, 2021 Share Posted January 12, 2021 It's something of a known phenomenon here as there have been a number of topics posted by men in similar situations. Is this just now coming to your attention, or have you know about it for the duration of your marriage and dating? When you say "maintains friendships," exactly what do you mean? How many of these guy are there, and how friendly is she? If she's simply non-hostile but not communicating or seeing them in person then it might not be a big deal. But frequent contact (texting, phone, etc.) or actually meeting up with them would be setting off the alarms bells. Also, if she's being secretive or trying to keep you none-the-wiser it would be cause for concern. Treating them as old acquaintances while maintaining firm boundaries is probably not cause for alarm, but encouraging them because she needs the validation, well, that's a different situation.You really need to give us more information about what's going on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 12, 2021 Share Posted January 12, 2021 How many men does she maintain friendships with? What reason did each have when they contacted her? How close are her friendships with them? Link to post Share on other sites
Author livingwithpain Posted January 12, 2021 Author Share Posted January 12, 2021 4 that i know of. she doesnt hide it, but i also dont snoop. i only know what she tells me. 3 are text only non frequent she says, and 1 if them is coming to town and want to see her. she asked me what i thought . i said no. He is all miss you....same old Michelle..she says she hasnt seen him in 7 years and did him in the 90s Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted January 12, 2021 Share Posted January 12, 2021 I don't date men who are friends with exes. I don't stay friends with exes, either. But now that you're married to someone where this precedent has been set, I don't know how you can change that. I guess you have to let her know how it makes you feel. I agree that getting together to see ex-boyfriends is definitely crossing a line. Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted January 20, 2021 Share Posted January 20, 2021 On 1/12/2021 at 10:53 AM, livingwithpain said: 4 that i know of. she doesnt hide it, but i also dont snoop. i only know what she tells me. 3 are text only non frequent she says, and 1 if them is coming to town and want to see her. she asked me what i thought . i said no. He is all miss you....same old Michelle..she says she hasnt seen him in 7 years and did him in the 90s if they had sex in the 90's and this is now 2021 you might be acting a little paranoid. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 20, 2021 Share Posted January 20, 2021 I suppose it depends. If they sent a Happy Holidays message but not much else, I wouldn't worry about it. If they are interacting I'd need to know the time between them & you & there better be a lot of transparency around the "friendships." Link to post Share on other sites
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