Girlfriend unexpectedly broke up/ took a break from our relationship after 3 years

[JAKE022]

Just now, tart6245 said:

I'm sure we will survive and be stronger for it. I know I have been hard on myself, but my ex lost a good person with a good life and she, I thought, enjoyed her life with me. The failure of the relationship was not entirely my fault. It always takes two people to ruin a relationship unless there was cheating or lying or beatings involved, which my relationship had none of that I know of. 

Breakups are never easy to go through, but you always survive. If we are meant to be with our exes, we will find our way back to them in time. If not, there are others out there that will love and support us and want to be a part of our lives. 

Thats right i also thought she is very happy with me, she was telling me that , showing me that she loves me and i never expected it to end this way, but one thing i was telling myself “ it was all so easy to fix at the right time i should have done it” the answer is no we couldnt we also had worse days, maybe weeks and if they didnt directly addressed their issues than there was nothing we could do because we are humans too , probably we were man of theirs dream for the 90% of the time and if this small period of time ended it than let it be,  we also need support sometimes, men are not robots that are 100% perfect sometimes it requires our significant other to help us understand some things so with that being said i would not say its our fault, it is more 50/50

[tart6245]

12 minutes ago, JAKE022 said:

Thats right i also thought she is very happy with me, she was telling me that , showing me that she loves me and i never expected it to end this way, but one thing i was telling myself “ it was all so easy to fix at the right time i should have done it” the answer is no we couldnt we also had worse days, maybe weeks and if they didnt directly addressed their issues than there was nothing we could do because we are humans too , probably we were man of theirs dream for the 90% of the time and if this small period of time ended it than let it be,  we also need support sometimes, men are not robots that are 100% perfect sometimes it requires our significant other to help us understand some things so with that being said i would not say its our fault, it is more 50/50

Yes, I can't fix problems I am not aware of or where I am not told how serious an issue is. There could be something I don't know that led to the downfall, but I can't understand what I don't know and I can't fix what I don't know. If my ex left because she was afraid to confront me over what was bothering her, then it's probably best she's gone. It would be hard to maintain a long term relationship or marriage with that kind of problem. But again, I don't know and have little answers.

[JAKE022]

1 minute ago, tart6245 said:

Yes, I can't fix problems I am not aware of or where I am not told how serious an issue is. There could be something I don't know that led to the downfall, but I can't understand what I don't know and I can't fix what I don't know. If my ex left because she was afraid to confront me over what was bothering her, then it's probably best she's gone. It would be hard to maintain a long term relationship or marriage with that kind of problem. But again, I don't know and have little answers.

Yes i can relate so much, i got all my answers why she decided to break up and i told her right away “ what ? You know how its easy for me to change that , what you mean break up” but it was too late for her as she have built her frustration over few weeks maybe months and she said its too late, so i was not aware of these issues i thought that something else is working for us but it wasnt and if she cant tell me that than yeah maybe its better that it ended now than in few years when we would have our own home or maybe even kids, hell there may be totally different reason why she broke up i might never know the whole truth but its her official version so i will stick to it, i used to believe in „soul mates” that you meet only one or two in your life but my experience have tought me that its just bullshit, 

[tart6245]

53 minutes ago, JAKE022 said:

Yes i can relate so much, i got all my answers why she decided to break up and i told her right away “ what ? You know how its easy for me to change that , what you mean break up” but it was too late for her as she have built her frustration over few weeks maybe months and she said its too late, so i was not aware of these issues i thought that something else is working for us but it wasnt and if she cant tell me that than yeah maybe its better that it ended now than in few years when we would have our own home or maybe even kids, hell there may be totally different reason why she broke up i might never know the whole truth but its her official version so i will stick to it, i used to believe in „soul mates” that you meet only one or two in your life but my experience have tought me that its just bullshit, 

I'm glad you at least got that closure. I had a bunch of random things told to me that made it sound as if I was the one to made her feel like I wasn't all into the relationship and that I was the one settling for her. That could all be false, but that's what I was told, and that's why I keep thinking I should at least try to talk to her and give it one more try. She never initiated anything in the time we were together, so I can't imagine she would initiate anything now even if she was thinking about it. 

[JAKE022]

1 minute ago, tart6245 said:

I'm glad you at least got that closure. I had a bunch of random things told to me that made it sound as if I was the one to made her feel like I wasn't all into the relationship and that I was the one settling for her. That could all be false, but that's what I was told, and that's why I keep thinking I should at least try to talk to her and give it one more try. She never initiated anything in the time we were together, so I can't imagine she would initiate anything now even if she was thinking about it. 

I sympathize, i dont know what was she thinking but i know few people that got engaged after 10 years of dating, or my best friend that have been with his girlfriend for 8 years now ( they broke up for 8 months in the mean time tho ) and their girls did not leave them because of this, this is a difficult decision for us to marry someone, specially during covid .. where should i have proposed in a kitchen ? That doesnt sound romantic, try not to over analyse this, its not your fault, it takes two to make a relationship and if they really loved us they would ask or wait, i told my girl i want to spend the rest of my life with her multiple times , she also told me the same so she knew im committed and all that, i told her few days before brake up that im thinking about buying house together , yet she told me that the biggest issue she had with our relationship was that we dod not have any bigger plans... 

[tart6245]

20 minutes ago, JAKE022 said:

I sympathize, i dont know what was she thinking but i know few people that got engaged after 10 years of dating, or my best friend that have been with his girlfriend for 8 years now ( they broke up for 8 months in the mean time tho ) and their girls did not leave them because of this, this is a difficult decision for us to marry someone, specially during covid .. where should i have proposed in a kitchen ? That doesnt sound romantic, try not to over analyse this, its not your fault, it takes two to make a relationship and if they really loved us they would ask or wait, i told my girl i want to spend the rest of my life with her multiple times , she also told me the same so she knew im committed and all that, i told her few days before brake up that im thinking about buying house together , yet she told me that the biggest issue she had with our relationship was that we dod not have any bigger plans... 

I am only guessing but that's the main thing she brought up before she left, that she felt like I was not close to getting engaged to her and she didn't want to feel like she was going to force me into something. This was something I wish we had talked about but maybe nothing I would say would convince her I was serious aside from giving her a ring. If she left for other reasons too there is not much I can do when it is not communicated to me. All i know is I miss her. I am doing ok getting through this, but I just wish she would have talked to me about her feelings and we could have gotten through this together. 

[JAKE022]

18 hours ago, tart6245 said:

I am only guessing but that's the main thing she brought up before she left, that she felt like I was not close to getting engaged to her and she didn't want to feel like she was going to force me into something. This was something I wish we had talked about but maybe nothing I would say would convince her I was serious aside from giving her a ring. If she left for other reasons too there is not much I can do when it is not communicated to me. All i know is I miss her. I am doing ok getting through this, but I just wish she would have talked to me about her feelings and we could have gotten through this together. 

I honestly dont think that ring was the only issue she had, but yeah i dont understand how they have not addressed their worries or problems when the time was right ? And than at the same time expect us to marry them .. it doesnt makes any sense, you cant built any type of relationship with that approach, my ex told me that she didnt say anything because she is doesnt know how to work on problems and we would probably argue ... how stupid is that... so even if we would argue about something it would probably make me think , also its too hard to argue but not hard to break up ? Another thing that makes no sense for me

[tart6245]

17 minutes ago, JAKE022 said:

I honestly dont think that ring was the only issue she had, but yeah i dont understand how they have not addressed their worries or problems when the time was right ? And than at the same time expect us to marry them .. it doesnt makes any sense, you cant built any type of relationship with that approach, my ex told me that she didnt say anything because she is doesnt know how to work on problems and we would probably argue ... how stupid is that... so even if we would argue about something it would probably make me think , also its too hard to argue but not hard to break up ? Another thing that makes no sense for me

Yes I was told the same thing that if she talked to me, I would just argue with her and it would go nowhere. I still have little answers as to what caused us to go from where we were to broken up that quickly. Everything aside from her fear that I would never take things to the next level were trivial things that could be fixed if I was made aware of how much they bothered her. It still bothers me now, but it's very possible I'll never know the answer even if I go for it and try to talk to her. 

[JAKE022]

1 hour ago, tart6245 said:

Yes I was told the same thing that if she talked to me, I would just argue with her and it would go nowhere. I still have little answers as to what caused us to go from where we were to broken up that quickly. Everything aside from her fear that I would never take things to the next level were trivial things that could be fixed if I was made aware of how much they bothered her. It still bothers me now, but it's very possible I'll never know the answer even if I go for it and try to talk to her. 

Thats right, the same thing here ... unfortunately they chose otherwise, and to be honest i kind of hate her for that because i gave her all my trust, we hardly ever argued but if we did than we have always fixed the problem almost immidiately so i cant undarstand her point of view on that. Some humans are unpredictable i guess... for example my father( 50yrs)  have been with this women (32yrs) for 6 years, he looked after her son who suffered from asperger syndrom, he was a real father for him that this kid never had,he was teaching him many things, helped him to participate in society, he also looked after him mother, emotionally , financially , he even was motivating her to pursue a career in music and art because she had a talent just lack of motivation, long story short she left him out of blue after 6 years for some old alcoholic who never achieved anything in his life ... however my father made horrible mistakes and never actually went no contact with her, i can undarstand that he felt lonely probably but i could see it was just making him angry and probably sad when i wasnt looking

[Spec1]

On 1/12/2021 at 7:10 AM, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. How long have you lived together? Is it both of your apartment? Have you sorted out the details with severing the lease and household stuff.

Something happened on her visit home. Probably before the visit. She may have confided in friends and family about how stressful living together plus doing her jobs and trying to achieve her goals is.

She probably has feelings but something had to give. It seems like you were crowding her too much. 

You may have thought you were being helpful, but it seems it eventually got on her nerves.

The pandemic and work from home monotony gets to people and they burn out.

Take a deep breath, give her space.

 

This right here, regardless of the pain you feel.... you have to leave her completely alone. I’m 32 and have a hard time with this... but it helps versus forcing anything out or from her. 
 

you have to let her breathe on her own, eventually she will reflect on your relationship once your completely gone. Once you aren’t there in any way shape or form... to include texting or phone calls. Don’t initiate anything and for awhile step back and don’t even reply. 
 

your not trying to add stress to her life, so once she reaches out you will want to instantly respond. Don’t! 
 

 She needs to see what you meant to her, it’s not about teaching her a lesson but sometimes we all get stuck or caught up in life and take the ones there at our beckon call for granted. You need her to on her own time and terms realize what you offered and did for her. Let her see what she’s giving up.

take one day at a time, and truly believe that if you “disappear” nature will take its course. This doesn’t mean you sit in a dark room with a timer going. You never know what will happen so you always hope for the best and prepare for the worst, and well you still have many years to live for you! 
 

however, do not if/when she reaches out to you come sprinting back. See all this advice seems like a game but it’s because being on your end plenty of times.... we forget about ourselves in the emotional confusion. So don’t just take her back or act like a starved puppy. You have to also think about yourself and if you have to. Pretend like you have a guard up even if your jumping for joy. You need her to not only see your value you offered her but also see you as her equal and a human with feelings. 

Edited February 18, 2021 by Spec1

[JAKE022]

7 hours ago, Spec1 said:

This right here, regardless of the pain you feel.... you have to leave her completely alone. I’m 32 and have a hard time with this... but it helps versus forcing anything out or from her. 
 

you have to let her breathe on her own, eventually she will reflect on your relationship once your completely gone. Once you aren’t there in any way shape or form... to include texting or phone calls. Don’t initiate anything and for awhile step back and don’t even reply. 
 

your not trying to add stress to her life, so once she reaches out you will want to instantly respond. Don’t! 
 

 She needs to see what you meant to her, it’s not about teaching her a lesson but sometimes we all get stuck or caught up in life and take the ones there at our beckon call for granted. You need her to on her own time and terms realize what you offered and did for her. Let her see what she’s giving up.

take one day at a time, and truly believe that if you “disappear” nature will take its course. This doesn’t mean you sit in a dark room with a timer going. You never know what will happen so you always hope for the best and prepare for the worst, and well you still have many years to live for you! 
 

however, do not if/when she reaches out to you come sprinting back. See all this advice seems like a game but it’s because being on your end plenty of times.... we forget about ourselves in the emotional confusion. So don’t just take her back or act like a starved puppy. You have to also think about yourself and if you have to. Pretend like you have a guard up even if your jumping for joy. You need her to not only see your value you offered her but also see you as her equal and a human with feelings. 

We are in complete no contact since i took the rest of my stuff from her apt we exchanged few more messages and that was it so it has been more than two weeks of no contact now, i dont know if she will reach out because she seemed to be confident in her decision, however she was still very hurt etc i made sure to let her know that it will be never too late for me to reconcile and that i love her, maybe i should have shut my mouth than but i really dont want to hide my true feelings so i made sure i told her everything i wanted to without being too insistent, i did some begging i guess but not too much, and now we are both silent. No messages at all including valentines day etc i want to give her space and feel the conseqences of her actions, i can see that she watches all my social. Media posts so i even stopped posting to not make her know what im doing. I try not to keep my hopes that she will come back but if she does i will make sure she will work for that because i gave her all my trust and she threw it away by not addressing issues she had with our relationship, 2 weeks ago if she would say lets come back i would jump straight back to her, now i can clearly see how much pain she caused me and how she lied to me that she was happy and she let so short period of time destroy our relationship, i know im also responsible for this break up because i wasnt 100% myself last few months, i actually had small hypochondira symptoms and i felt trapped because of covid fatigue, so she left me when i needed her the most, so again IF she ever comes back i will make sure she will truly work on our relationship

[tart6245]

18 hours ago, JAKE022 said:

Thats right, the same thing here ... unfortunately they chose otherwise, and to be honest i kind of hate her for that because i gave her all my trust, we hardly ever argued but if we did than we have always fixed the problem almost immidiately so i cant undarstand her point of view on that. Some humans are unpredictable i guess... for example my father( 50yrs)  have been with this women (32yrs) for 6 years, he looked after her son who suffered from asperger syndrom, he was a real father for him that this kid never had,he was teaching him many things, helped him to participate in society, he also looked after him mother, emotionally , financially , he even was motivating her to pursue a career in music and art because she had a talent just lack of motivation, long story short she left him out of blue after 6 years for some old alcoholic who never achieved anything in his life ... however my father made horrible mistakes and never actually went no contact with her, i can undarstand that he felt lonely probably but i could see it was just making him angry and probably sad when i wasnt looking

It definitely is a huge betrayal and broke trust. I don't have any anger or hate towards my ex. I just am confused. I understand the things that were bothering her but I don't understand why she chose to leave instead of talking to me. It seemed like an extreme reaction to the problems that faced us and was really unfair to blindside me while leading me on for the weeks before she left. It was cruel. But I don't hate her. 

If neither of us find our way back to our exes, then it was not meant to be and there is something better for us out there. It may not seem like it right now, but if they don't want to be in our lives, there is nothing you or I can do about it.

[Spec1]

5 hours ago, JAKE022 said:

We are in complete no contact since i took the rest of my stuff from her apt we exchanged few more messages and that was it so it has been more than two weeks of no contact now, i dont know if she will reach out because she seemed to be confident in her decision, however she was still very hurt etc i made sure to let her know that it will be never too late for me to reconcile and that i love her, maybe i should have shut my mouth than but i really dont want to hide my true feelings so i made sure i told her everything i wanted to without being too insistent, i did some begging i guess but not too much, and now we are both silent. No messages at all including valentines day etc i want to give her space and feel the conseqences of her actions, i can see that she watches all my social. Media posts so i even stopped posting to not make her know what im doing. I try not to keep my hopes that she will come back but if she does i will make sure she will work for that because i gave her all my trust and she threw it away by not addressing issues she had with our relationship, 2 weeks ago if she would say lets come back i would jump straight back to her, now i can clearly see how much pain she caused me and how she lied to me that she was happy and she let so short period of time destroy our relationship, i know im also responsible for this break up because i wasnt 100% myself last few months, i actually had small hypochondira symptoms and i felt trapped because of covid fatigue, so she left me when i needed her the most, so again IF she ever comes back i will make sure she will truly work on our relationship

The truth, you’re right about shutting your mouth. What you told her didn’t resonate with her how you think it did. You poured your heart out to her or at least expressed your feelings but most of the time they take that as.... you will be sitting around waiting for them and they can take allll the time they want. They also won’t fully come to the conclusion on their own that THEY made the mistake and lost the one good thing in their life that really wasn’t a stress to them... if you remain in contact. 
 

 I’m telling you this because I made alll the same mistakes and even probably worst in chasing her, pouring my heart out, ect... did I get her back by doing that? I actually did, but guess what. It was for the wrong reasons she came back. She came back because she felt sorry for me and hit a low point in her life. Once she was emotionally healthy again we split. I’m no expert but I’m currently 4 months in and already learned soooo much in that short time.

im telling you, until she comes to terms and hits a point where she has to deal with the breakup.... zero contact of any kind! Seriously, I when we say give it time, it’s going to take months! So, even when you hit an emotional low and something in you says “I just need to tell her this”, or “I just need to hear from her”... STOP!!! Always do the opposite of what you WANT to do or think is going to work. 
 

Here’s another thing, it’s almost best for you both to go through the entire break up process and work on yourself! Why? Because when my ex and I came back together after a month... it was worse for me because i wanted what we use to have to include how she looked at me and loved me. She didn’t! However, I didn’t look at her the same either. Know why? I realized while we both were trying to have a fresh new start we both were still experiencing the process and emotions associated with the first break up. It was like trying to process two different relationships but with the same person. Plus it just sucked to finally get that emotional void filled with who you want back... just to have it hurt worse. 
 

you want her back, but I’m telling you. You don’t want her back and you don’t want to go back with where you both are mentally and emotionally. It will ruin what you both did have because now that the breakup happened, you both can’t stop that process. The only way I see it being a happy and healthy relationship again is to allow you both to go through all the steps and come back when you’ve both closed the chapter and start a new one. 
 

lastly, you stated that if she came back right now you would jump at it. Another wrong move, remember like I said, you are a human with emotions too! Once again, another thing I personally did. You will look not like her lover, equal or even friend. You will look like a starved puppy looking for attention. She’ll pat you on the head and then realize her decision to end it was the right choice! You respond short and slowly with her, you put a semi guard up with her. You do it in a way that shows that what she did won’t always be around for her and that it hurt you. She needs to see that she messed up, that she needs to prove her worth to you again! Not the other way around. 

Edited February 18, 2021 by Spec1

[JAKE022]

1 minute ago, tart6245 said:

It definitely is a huge betrayal and broke trust. I don't have any anger or hate towards my ex. I just am confused. I understand the things that were bothering her but I don't understand why she chose to leave instead of talking to me. It seemed like an extreme reaction to the problems that faced us and was really unfair to blindside me while leading me on for the weeks before she left. It was cruel. But I don't hate her. 

If neither of us find our way back to our exes, then it was not meant to be and there is something better for us out there. It may not seem like it right now, but if they don't want to be in our lives, there is nothing you or I can do about it.

Thats right i feel exactly the same besides that i hold a little anger towards my ex because i trusted her that she will talk to me if something is wrong, i remember i repeated it over and over that communication is the key during our relationship ... and yeah here we are so maybe i dont hate her but i am a little bit angry/sad because of that. And yeah if they dont change they minds i bet we will meet other women and forget about them in few years or maybe not forget but those memories wont be connected with any feelings

[JAKE022]

9 minutes ago, Spec1 said:

The truth, you’re right about shutting your mouth. What you told her didn’t resonate with her how you think it did. You poured your heart out to her or at least expressed your feelings but most of the time they take that as.... you will be sitting around waiting for them and they can take allll the time they want. They also won’t fully come to the conclusion on their own that THEY made the mistake and lost the one good thing in their life that really wasn’t a stress to them... if you remain in contact. 
 

 I’m telling you this because I made alll the same mistakes and even probably worst in chasing her, pouring my heart out, ect... did I get her back by doing that? I actually did, but guess what. It was for the wrong reasons she came back. She came back because she felt sorry for me and hit a low point in her life. Once she was emotionally healthy again we split. I’m no expert but I’m currently 4 months in and already learned soooo much in that short time.

im telling you, until she comes to terms and hits a point where she has to deal with the breakup.... zero contact of any kind! Seriously, I when we say give it time, it’s going to take months! So, even when you hit an emotional low and something in you says “I just need to tell her this”, or “I just need to hear from her”... STOP!!! Always do the opposite of what you WANT to do or think is going to work. 
 

Here’s another thing, it’s almost best for you both to go through the entire break up process and work on yourself! Why? Because when my ex and I came back together after a month... it was worse for me because i wanted what we use to have to include how she looked at me and loved me. She didn’t! However, I didn’t look at her the same either. Know why? I realized while we both were trying to have a fresh new start we both were still experiencing the process and emotions associated with the first break up. It was like trying to process two different relationships but with the same person. Plus it just sucked to finally get that emotional void filled with who you want back... just to have it hurt worse. 
 

you want her back, but I’m telling you. You don’t want her back and you don’t want to go back with where you both are mentally and emotionally. It will ruin what you both did have because now that the breakup happened, you both can’t stop that process. The only way I see it being a happy and healthy relationship again is to allow you both to go through all the steps and come back when you’ve both closed the chapter and start a new one. 

Right, i dont contact her anymore because of that , she probably thought that i will be texting her everyday but once i said what i had to i went radio silence, its better that way even if she doesnt come back. I know at this moment i would not be ready for a true come back because i would not trust her i would have to see that she is really trying , after few months maybe there will be a chance for comunnication, some people say that magic time frame is 1 month of NC which i find funny because you cant change anything in one month, my best friends girlfriend broke up with him and it took her 8 months to reach out and meet in person - they now live together. And im sorry that it happened to you i can believe 2 break ups with the same person in such a short time must be painfull  

[Spec1]

11 minutes ago, JAKE022 said:

Right, i dont contact her anymore because of that , she probably thought that i will be texting her everyday but once i said what i had to i went radio silence, its better that way even if she doesnt come back. I know at this moment i would not be ready for a true come back because i would not trust her i would have to see that she is really trying , after few months maybe there will be a chance for comunnication, some people say that magic time frame is 1 month of NC which i find funny because you cant change anything in one month, my best friends girlfriend broke up with him and it took her 8 months to reach out and meet in person - they now live together. And im sorry that it happened to you i can believe 2 break ups with the same person in such a short time must be painfull  

It sounds like you have a far greater grasp and handle on your process than I did! 
 

you’re absolutely right, 1 month is complete hog wash. They are still in their first stages where nothings really even hit them! In 1 month they MIGHT miss the area in their emotions you filled but they aren’t even close to missing the person you are. People confuse the two, I fell victim of that and crawled back to her open invitation to then realize she only wanted the things I did for her physically and emotionally that could be filled by any swinging Peter. She didn’t miss who I am as a person.

One last thing, I noticed you posted you are starting to feel some anger/sadness towards her... another sign you know deep down getting back together is a wrong move at the moment! That’s what happen to me... it would be great for a day, week, or even possibly a month but being in the anger stage is eventually going to rear its ugly head no matter how under control you think you have it. Personally, we too communicated so well, I was patient, cool, calm and collected all our relationship.... but coming back together in the anger/resentment stage one day came flyyyying out of me out of no where. I know she was shocked because I was! 

stay strong man, you got this and know what you need to do for the time being. 

Edited February 18, 2021 by Spec1

[JAKE022]

3 hours ago, Spec1 said:

It sounds like you have a far greater grasp and handle on your process than I did! 
 

you’re absolutely right, 1 month is complete hog wash. They are still in their first stages where nothings really even hit them! In 1 month they MIGHT miss the area in their emotions you filled but they aren’t even close to missing the person you are. People confuse the two, I fell victim of that and crawled back to her open invitation to then realize she only wanted the things I did for her physically and emotionally that could be filled by any swinging Peter. She didn’t miss who I am as a person.

One last thing, I noticed you posted you are starting to feel some anger/sadness towards her... another sign you know deep down getting back together is a wrong move at the moment! That’s what happen to me... it would be great for a day, week, or even possibly a month but being in the anger stage is eventually going to rear its ugly head no matter how under control you think you have it. Personally, we too communicated so well, I was patient, cool, calm and collected all our relationship.... but coming back together in the anger/resentment stage one day came flyyyying out of me out of no where. I know she was shocked because I was! 

stay strong man, you got this and know what you need to do for the time being. 

To be honest im „wearing a mask” most of the time, feeling lonely as hell im trying to not make any more mistakes so i will maximize chances of healing completely and make her truly miss me on the occassion ( yeah i know how it sounds ) i also learned it the hard way like you with my last relationship ( which lasted only 3-4 months) i started begging, being needy, clingy i never stopped texting her, and yes she came back ! For 2 nights than went back to her new boyfriend lmao so this time even that it hurt me 1000 times more - i didnt do it , of course i cried i tried to change her mind but only when we saw each other (because i had to get the rest of my stuff back, we met week later to talk etc) and now im not going to message her anytime soon even tho i feel strong need to talk with her, she chose to not have anything to do with me after 3 years so let it be...  im trying to be strong but sometimes it feels almost impossible but yeah i will probably get there sooner or later, maybe time will make her come back if not than well im going to find someone else

[tart6245]

6 hours ago, JAKE022 said:

Thats right i feel exactly the same besides that i hold a little anger towards my ex because i trusted her that she will talk to me if something is wrong, i remember i repeated it over and over that communication is the key during our relationship ... and yeah here we are so maybe i dont hate her but i am a little bit angry/sad because of that. And yeah if they dont change they minds i bet we will meet other women and forget about them in few years or maybe not forget but those memories wont be connected with any feelings

You won't ever forget about her, but your memories will feel less emotional and fresh in time. I can look back on good times I had with past relationships now and feel no sadness or loss. I'm just indifferent. It took months for me after the relationships ended to get to that point, but I got there. The same will happen with you in this relationship. It's sad to think about it in a way, but she walked out on you and there is nothing else you can do. You will learn a lot from this one and know what you need in a partner and what you don't need. You'll begin to remember the negatives about your ex and what she was lacking that right now you may not see. 

Time has a way of healing people, and I've always said, if things are meant to be, they will find a way to work themselves out. 

[JAKE022]

13 hours ago, tart6245 said:

You won't ever forget about her, but your memories will feel less emotional and fresh in time. I can look back on good times I had with past relationships now and feel no sadness or loss. I'm just indifferent. It took months for me after the relationships ended to get to that point, but I got there. The same will happen with you in this relationship. It's sad to think about it in a way, but she walked out on you and there is nothing else you can do. You will learn a lot from this one and know what you need in a partner and what you don't need. You'll begin to remember the negatives about your ex and what she was lacking that right now you may not see. 

Time has a way of healing people, and I've always said, if things are meant to be, they will find a way to work themselves out. 

Looking back at our relationship i would say she will regret it in some time, it all seems to me that she got overwhelmed with everything and got lost in all that, however her way of thinking might be totally different and i cant change it, so you are right if they really cared and loved us they will probably make a way to build these relationships again, if not than they wasnt right for us, i started to analyze my behaviour and how i felt fir last few weeks maybe months and i clearly needed some help/motivation so she left me at my worst, when i needed her the most

[tart6245]

On 2/19/2021 at 5:51 AM, JAKE022 said:

Looking back at our relationship i would say she will regret it in some time, it all seems to me that she got overwhelmed with everything and got lost in all that, however her way of thinking might be totally different and i cant change it, so you are right if they really cared and loved us they will probably make a way to build these relationships again, if not than they wasnt right for us, i started to analyze my behaviour and how i felt fir last few weeks maybe months and i clearly needed some help/motivation so she left me at my worst, when i needed her the most

Yes, and it's impossible to know how they are feeling now, if they still love us or if there is any part of them that has regrets about ending things. I still haven't tried to make any contact with my ex and still has little answers. All I know is there has been complete silence and it may always stay that way unless I decide to try to break the silence. 

You're also right that if she left you when you were going through a difficult time, you probably won't even want her back. Couples go through rough patches and sometimes one person goes through a difficult time. That's normal. You want someone who can be supportive when you need support. If she was unable to do that, then you will be better off in the future without her. 

[JAKE022]

22 hours ago, tart6245 said:

Yes, and it's impossible to know how they are feeling now, if they still love us or if there is any part of them that has regrets about ending things. I still haven't tried to make any contact with my ex and still has little answers. All I know is there has been complete silence and it may always stay that way unless I decide to try to break the silence. 

You're also right that if she left you when you were going through a difficult time, you probably won't even want her back. Couples go through rough patches and sometimes one person goes through a difficult time. That's normal. You want someone who can be supportive when you need support. If she was unable to do that, then you will be better off in the future without her. 

Same here no contact at all, its crazy for me that we lived together for 3 years and we became like strangers just in few days, its killing me from the inside. And to be honest when i thought about these hard times again, she have asked me few times if everything is okey but i always replied that im fine just little tired or something because i knew she is also overwhelmed with life now so i didnt want to add my problems to it so it actually wasnt that she not cared at all but than when she broke up she told me that „ im always tired” as one of those things that pushed her away, so its also my mistake that i havent told her about it, but i think at the time i didnt realize what caused my bad feeling

[tart6245]

3 hours ago, JAKE022 said:

Same here no contact at all, its crazy for me that we lived together for 3 years and we became like strangers just in few days, its killing me from the inside. And to be honest when i thought about these hard times again, she have asked me few times if everything is okey but i always replied that im fine just little tired or something because i knew she is also overwhelmed with life now so i didnt want to add my problems to it so it actually wasnt that she not cared at all but than when she broke up she told me that „ im always tired” as one of those things that pushed her away, so its also my mistake that i havent told her about it, but i think at the time i didnt realize what caused my bad feeling

Everyone goes through rough patches. If she was worth being with, she would not leave you when you go through something. That isn't a quality you want in a life partner. It is strange how quickly things change in relationships. I can't believe how different my life is now than it was a few months ago. It still seems weird and almost unreal. But that is life and our lives will find a way forward somehow, whether it's with our exes or without them. 

[JAKE022]

1 hour ago, tart6245 said:

Everyone goes through rough patches. If she was worth being with, she would not leave you when you go through something. That isn't a quality you want in a life partner. It is strange how quickly things change in relationships. I can't believe how different my life is now than it was a few months ago. It still seems weird and almost unreal. But that is life and our lives will find a way forward somehow, whether it's with our exes or without them. 

Right, even that i agree with everything you have said i know i would give her another chance if there will be an opportunity , because i always say „we are only humans” and we make mistakes we learn from them etc, it is also very unreal for me now, i go back to memories with her and remember what we used to do together and how fun it was and cant believe that this woman left me... i have moved out of my parents home and returned to the city where im working in living, i have rented a flat with 2 of my friends and it made me even more depressed, last month i was living with her in a nice apartment and this new apt is not that great, but it was only way for me to live with someone i know. I guess i will have more motivation to look for my own place to buy now

[tart6245]

5 minutes ago, JAKE022 said:

Right, even that i agree with everything you have said i know i would give her another chance if there will be an opportunity , because i always say „we are only humans” and we make mistakes we learn from them etc, it is also very unreal for me now, i go back to memories with her and remember what we used to do together and how fun it was and cant believe that this woman left me... i have moved out of my parents home and returned to the city where im working in living, i have rented a flat with 2 of my friends and it made me even more depressed, last month i was living with her in a nice apartment and this new apt is not that great, but it was only way for me to live with someone i know. I guess i will have more motivation to look for my own place to buy now

I would do the same with my ex, sure. I still love her and wish we could work through all of this, but I know that's a long shot now. One of the things that really struck me when she left was how little she acknowledge that I changed and sacrificed for her. I still stood up for myself when I thought she was wrong, but I changed my life for her to make her feel comfortable. I don't know if that was just her making excuses when she left to justify it. I still think my ex left because she felt I wasn't happy with her but was going to stay with her out of comfort. She was wrong, but based on the things she said before she left, that's what it seemed like. 

[JAKE022]

2 hours ago, tart6245 said:

I would do the same with my ex, sure. I still love her and wish we could work through all of this, but I know that's a long shot now. One of the things that really struck me when she left was how little she acknowledge that I changed and sacrificed for her. I still stood up for myself when I thought she was wrong, but I changed my life for her to make her feel comfortable. I don't know if that was just her making excuses when she left to justify it. I still think my ex left because she felt I wasn't happy with her but was going to stay with her out of comfort. She was wrong, but based on the things she said before she left, that's what it seemed like. 

Right that would be weird because you are the only one that can say if you are happy or not, but it happens! My ex’s brother broke up with his georgous girl because he thought that it will be bettor for her so she can focus on passing exams and not on him and he thought that shes unhappy because of that, he regretted his decision month or two after and wanted to get back with her but she declined, he is sad about it since than. For me its illogical apprach but it happens so it might be similar situation. 
( my ex reached out to me today, i was shocked and when i opened the message she said hi  will you be able to give back the money i lent you some time ago ? „ lmao)