Girlfriend unexpectedly broke up/ took a break from our relationship after 3 years

[Marc878]

Learn one thing. If something purposely craps on you they will do it again.

[JAKE022]

10 hours ago, Marc878 said:

Learn one thing. If something purposely craps on you they will do it again.

Exactly, i should have learn this long time ago but i was a sucker who believed that „my love” would not do this to me. 
How do you think she can share the same bed she was sleeping in with me for 3 years after such a short time, how is she walking our dog with him and goes to our places where we used to go and have memories, how can she sleep peacfully knowing that theere are still some things that belong to me at her home , how can she do all of this in such a short time after break up and dont even think twice, this is the only thing i cant understand

[Marc878]

She doesn’t care. You just didn’t see or ignored it but if you reflect back there were signs.

I get where you’re at but at this time you are the only one that is keeping yourself bound up in this. 
 

It’s not worth your time.

[JAKE022]

18 minutes ago, Marc878 said:

She doesn’t care. You just didn’t see or ignored it but if you reflect back there were signs.

I get where you’re at but at this time you are the only one that is keeping yourself bound up in this. 
 

It’s not worth your time.

Right i always overthink things for no reason, so it is hard to accept that fact that she doesnt care in any way, that she was able to lie to me for so long untill she stopped caring, i just have a different mindset so i dont understand her at all, i know it doesnt change anything at this point and i shouldnt think about it

[tart6245]

4 hours ago, JAKE022 said:

Right i always overthink things for no reason, so it is hard to accept that fact that she doesnt care in any way, that she was able to lie to me for so long untill she stopped caring, i just have a different mindset so i dont understand her at all, i know it doesnt change anything at this point and i shouldnt think about it

She didn't care when she was lying to you. If she did, she wouldn't have lied. She stopped caring a long time ago and probably just wanted to see if things would work out with this new guy before moving out of your place. Once she saw things were taking off, she left you. You were her backup option had things failed. 

[Marc878]

2 hours ago, tart6245 said:

She didn't care when she was lying to you. If she did, she wouldn't have lied. She stopped caring a long time ago and probably just wanted to see if things would work out with this new guy before moving out of your place. Once she saw things were taking off, she left you. You were her backup option had things failed. 

These things always follow the same pattern. Pretty typical and nothing special.

A good friend of mine said coming to understand his x wasn’t anything special was the hardest thing for him.

When I was younger I thought everyone was as honest as I was. Then I grew up 😏.

The reality is you didn’t lose much. You just think you did.

Edited May 4, 2021 by Marc878

[tart6245]

1 hour ago, Marc878 said:

These things always follow the same pattern. Pretty typical and nothing special.

A good friend of mine said coming to understand his x wasn’t anything special was the hardest thing for him.

When I was younger I thought everyone was as honest as I was. Then I grew up 😏.

The reality is you didn’t lose much. You just think you did.

That's the real issue. You learn over the years things said at present could change on a whim. My relationship went from "I'm 100% all in on this, I don't know how else to convince you" to packing up two weeks later and leaving out of nowhere. It's unfortunate to assume everyone is lying to you, but perhaps that's one of the truths of life. 

[Marc878]

34 minutes ago, tart6245 said:

That's the real issue. You learn over the years things said at present could change on a whim. My relationship went from "I'm 100% all in on this, I don't know how else to convince you" to packing up two weeks later and leaving out of nowhere. It's unfortunate to assume everyone is lying to you, but perhaps that's one of the truths of life. 

Most get hung up on words, talk but their actions tell you everything you need to know. That’s what you should be paying attention to.

Most refuse to believe the obvious became that’s not the way they feel. Your feelings versus their actions. 

[JAKE022]

23 minutes ago, Marc878 said:

Most get hung up on words, talk but their actions tell you everything you need to know. That’s what you should be paying attention to.

Most refuse to believe the obvious became that’s not the way they feel. Your feelings versus their actions. 

Right, it is funny how i know this but never applied it to my relationships, lesson learned, i have to admit that at the end of the day it was/is great experience, during relationship and also when it all fell apart, the only bad thing about it is that im becoming emotionally closed. 

[JAKE022]

1 hour ago, tart6245 said:

That's the real issue. You learn over the years things said at present could change on a whim. My relationship went from "I'm 100% all in on this, I don't know how else to convince you" to packing up two weeks later and leaving out of nowhere. It's unfortunate to assume everyone is lying to you, but perhaps that's one of the truths of life. 

Right its clear that there is a pattern, we both have similar experience, both unexpected, the only difference is that she contacted me few times after, now when i think about it - it was a mistake, the only good thing that came from this contact is that i found out she is dating new guy, so i could really move on, i was even on a date today and i have to admit - maybe it wasnt perfect but it was cool, i asked her on a 2nd one and she agreed, the coolest part about it is that i didnt even think about this whole break up thing for the whole 2 hours when we were walking and talking and I realized it when it was time to go home, for me it was first time since that day when it happened and it felt great - definitely good sign for me

[JAKE022]

The only last problem is that she doesn’t want to return all the stuff i told her to return, it is worth quite a lot but it also holds sentimental value, i know that f’ing new boyfriend is time consuming but i think she could send that package in 10 mins, she told me she will when she finds time but never did it and i dont know what to do about it, obviously i dont want to come to her house but im getting more angry when i think about how disrespectful it is towards me

[ExpatInItaly]

Can you send a trusted friend to go and pick it up for you?

[JAKE022]

2 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Can you send a trusted friend to go and pick it up for you?

Well yes me closest friend have moved in to apt located like 50 meters from her building, the problem is she doesnt seem to want to cooperate, i already told her like 3 times about this, im slowly loosing my patience, i might just give up and tell her what i think about it

[ExpatInItaly]

2 minutes ago, JAKE022 said:

Well yes me closest friend have moved in to apt located like 50 meters from her building, the problem is she doesnt seem to want to cooperate, i already told her like 3 times about this, im slowly loosing my patience, i might just give up and tell her what i think about it

How so?

Tell her this person is coming on X day at X time. There is no patience needed. Inform her about when it's happening.

[JAKE022]

23 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

How so?

Tell her this person is coming on X day at X time. There is no patience needed. Inform her about when it's happening.

Maybe that is worth trying ill ask my friend. I understand that she wants to close that chapter of her life but i find it disrespectful and im disappointed again, i have not done anything bad to her so where is this coming from ? Sending a package cost like 2$ in my country and takes less than 15 mins, she knows how important to me those things are because i told her even last time- disgusting 

[ExpatInItaly]

Yes, I'd avoid her drama and just send your friend. Inform her when he's coming and that your belongings need to  be ready by then. 

It is not really an inconvenience if he lives that close to her and wants to help you put this behind you. Focusing on your anger over her lack of co-operation won't help you, though I understand why it upsets you. 

Just dispatch him to pick it up and be done with it. Then you have zero ties left with her and can really begin your healing. 

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, JAKE022 said:

 she doesn’t want to return all the stuff i told her to return, it is worth quite . i think she could send that package in 10 mins,.

It's not her job to pack it up, pay for shipping and send it. 

It's your stuff so it's your responsibility to get it.

You have the right to collect your belongings at a mutually convenient agreed upon time. She is under no obligation to send it to you.

In fact, if you don't make the effort to go get it yourself, after a certain time, she can sell, toss or give it away.

Don't play standoff games and power struggles. Just go get it yourself.

 

[JAKE022]

8 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's not her job to pack it up, pay for shipping and send it. 

It's your stuff so it's your responsibility to get it.

You have the right to collect your belongings at a mutually convenient agreed upon time. She is under no obligation to send it to you.

In fact, if you don't make the effort to go get it yourself, after a certain time, she can sell, toss or give it away.

Don't play standoff games and power struggles. Just go get it yourself.

 

Well i would agree with you but since she decided to pack my stuff first and didn’t really let me to search for my things at her home back in February - then when i have mentioned that im missing my jewerly and she said that she will give it to me later in time than i think she is somehow obligated to give it back to me, if she threw it away than why not just tell me that ? I would gladly pay for shipping but since i paid her spotify subscription for few more months and didnt get paid for a graphic project i did for a company she works for than i think this would be ridiculous if i would have to pay for that, finally i have no problem with going there and taking it myself but I wanted to avoid it + she is not cooperating in any way, 

[Wiseman2]

14 minutes ago, JAKE022 said:

 i have no problem with going there and taking it myself but I wanted to avoid it 

Legally she has to give your stuff back. In writing,arrange a mutually convenient time to get it.

It's not about paying for this or that in the past. She is not legally responsible for getting it to you. Your stuff, your job to go get it.

Wanting to avoid it is an emotional attitude, not a legal concept.

It's been over 60 days that you are dragging your heels in a standoff that you insist she sends it. If you keep it up much longer she can just toss it,sell it or keep it.

Get going. Put it in writing.

 

[JAKE022]

10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Legally she has to give your stuff back. In writing,arrange a mutually convenient time to get it.

It's not about paying for this or that in the past. She is not legally responsible for getting it to you. Your stuff, your job to go get it.

Wanting to avoid it is an emotional attitude, not a legal concept.

It's been over 60 days that you are dragging your heels in a standoff that you insist she sends it. If you keep it up much longer she can just toss it,sell it or keep it.

Get going. Put it in writing.

 

I will wait till friday if she sends anything like she claimed last week, if not i will just propose time and place where we can meet and i will pick it up, if she refuses than it will be clear to me that it is all lost