Girlfriend unexpectedly broke up/ took a break from our relationship after 3 years

[Marc878]

15 minutes ago, JAKE022 said:

Right thats why im mad at myself but at the same time ignoring her was weird to me, she is very hungry for attention from what i can see, and since I stopped liking her pictures and looking at her stuff on social media she reached out to get some of it 

You do realize you are letting her control you. This also reduces your status when you accept manipulation. Not attractive at all. 

At a time when you need to respect yourself you are doing the exact opposite.  
For what?  Breadcrumbs she throws out to you?

What do you think being her puppet on a string is going to get you?

Download and read “No More Mr Nice Guy” by glover.  It’s a free pdf and short.

Independence in a guy is an attractive trait to have.

 

 

[JAKE022]

Little update, she resched out again to me to tell me about the death of our cat, we talked for a few minutes about it than because of few suspicious pictures she posted i asked her if she is dating someone, she confirmed , she claims that she didnt cheat but i dont believe her, she went with someone on valentines day for a trip so right after our break up i guess this guy was in the picture while we were still together, i told her that im shocked that she moved so fast and asked her to delete all our pictures from the internet and to not contact me - just in important cases, she said that she thought i have closed this chapter and that she met the right person so she moved forward, i told her that for me if i love someone i cant move on so fast and that think i get it that i shouldnt get attached to people that much, so i guess my case is closed now for good, she went straight to another relationship after 3 years of living together... i just dont get it how it is possible for some people 

[Marc878]

Bud, no contact is up to you not her. There is no important reason for her to contact you again. Block her. Sounds like you’re still hoping she’ll come back.
 

She was probably seeing him which caused her to dump you. That’s usually the way it works and she’ll never tell you that. So why would you want this back?
 

If you don’t drop the hopium pipe you’ll just waste more time that would be better spent moving forward.

[JAKE022]

2 minutes ago, Marc878 said:

Bud, no contact is up to you not her. There is no important reason for her to contact you again. Block her. Sounds like you’re still hoping she’ll come back.
 

She was probably seeing him which caused her to dump you. That’s usually the way it works and she’ll never tell you that. So why would you want this back?
 

If you don’t drop the hopium pipe you’ll just waste more time that would be better spent moving forward.

I already blocked her after hearing this, i also removed her from friends on facebook, to be honest i had a little hope before thats why i asked if she is dating anyone , i guess i needed that information to close this chapter of my life, i just dont get it how she could do it, i dont think she was meeting him while we were together unless it was somebody from her job, but i bet that they were at least texting during that time, i know it shouldnt care about this but i just like to know the full truth and i have been lied to only for last months

[JAKE022]

I know that dumper is usually gone before actuall break up but how do you learn anything from past relationship or think about what happened when you move on to ankther person immidiately, where is respect for the other person because to be honest i feel like i didnt mean much to her if she exchanged me for some other dude just in few days/weeks

[Marc878]

You’ll never get the truth. Most dumpers monkey branch to another before moving on. Apparently you still don’t want to believe it. You can’t seem to get past she doesn’t love you because you love her. Wake up to reality.

Closure comes from within. 

The other thing is It was her right to move on. That’s what she chose. You don’t get a say in that. 

[Marc878]

4 minutes ago, JAKE022 said:

I know that dumper is usually gone before actuall break up but how do you learn anything from past relationship or think about what happened when you move on to ankther person immidiately, where is respect for the other person because to be honest i feel like i didnt mean much to her if she exchanged me for some other dude just in few days/weeks

Because that’s who she is. You just refuse to see it because that’s not who you are. Download and read the book I posted. Do something positive for yourself and stop wallowing in this.

[JAKE022]

Just now, Marc878 said:

You’ll never get the truth. Most dumpers monkey branch to another before moving on. Apparently you still don’t want to believe it. You can’t seem to get past she doesn’t love you because you love her. Wake up to reality.

Closure comes from within. 

The other thing is It was her right to move on. That’s what she chose. You don’t get a say in that. 

I believe it and i accepted that actually i needed that to close this case, but as a human with feelings of course it is hard and 2nd i just dont understand it because i could never do the same with anyone

[Marc878]

When I was younger I was very honest and became of that I thought everyone else was too. That’s not reality.

That also means she wasn’t right for you. So you learn get smarter and wiser.

Never put blind trust in anyone. A relationship should be balanced. If not you’ll,get taken advanced of. 
 

Read the book and learn. It’s short and free.

[ExpatInItaly]

I'm sorry, OP. No doubt this is very hard to hear. 

But, it's ultimately better that you know about this. It will be  a while before you're able to really process and accept it, but at least now you know things indeed weren't what they seemed with her (regarding this break-up)

It will help you lay any lingering hopes to rest. 

[Marc878]

The other thing is this.

What if it doesn’t work out for her and she’d want to come back. There’s a good chance she’d do it again.

How’d you like go through this the second time?

[tart6245]

It's probably better that you know this. It may let you finally let go of whatever hope you were hanging onto. Chances are, she was seeing this person before she moved out, especially if she went on a trip almost immediately following your breakup. That usually doesn't happen unless there was already a budding relationship for a while. You'll never get the truth from her because she doesn't want to feel like a bad person, but she is, and you need to understand that she is a bad person and likely a cheater. 

You loved her but the feelings were not mutual. This is closure for you. You can finally cut all signs of her from your life and move on and meet someone worth your time and energy. She was not that person. Better you know this now than in the future

Edited April 29, 2021 by tart6245

[tart6245]

2 hours ago, JAKE022 said:

I already blocked her after hearing this, i also removed her from friends on facebook, to be honest i had a little hope before thats why i asked if she is dating anyone , i guess i needed that information to close this chapter of my life, i just dont get it how she could do it, i dont think she was meeting him while we were together unless it was somebody from her job, but i bet that they were at least texting during that time, i know it shouldnt care about this but i just like to know the full truth and i have been lied to only for last months

I think it was more than just a texting relationship. You typically don't go on a trip together that quickly unless you've been spending a lot of time together and are comfortable to go on a trip together. 

It's better you accept she was cheating on you so you can understand this is completely over. Why would you want to take a cheater back? 

[JAKE022]

1 hour ago, Marc878 said:

The other thing is this.

What if it doesn’t work out for her and she’d want to come back. There’s a good chance she’d do it again.

How’d you like go through this the second time?

If i would have to make that decision now i would say no, becaue too much demage has been done, i dont want to be an option, i know that rebound relationships usually doesnt last , so if she ever comes to me and says she want to reconcile i dont know what she would have to do to get my trust back, i never say never but if now im saying no than probably in few months i would say no with even bigger confidence, it happened to me once with my last ex she came back after rebound didnt work out and i rejected her immediately 

[JAKE022]

9 minutes ago, tart6245 said:

I think it was more than just a texting relationship. You typically don't go on a trip together that quickly unless you've been spending a lot of time together and are comfortable to go on a trip together. 

It's better you accept she was cheating on you so you can understand this is completely over. Why would you want to take a cheater back? 

Right,  than this person is probably from her job or she was meeting him during work hours, to be honest im not 100% sure if it was him who took her on valentines but it is not hard to guess, i think i accepted that i no longer hold on to hope, i dont want to be her plan b if this relationship wont work for her, i wished her the best in my last msg before blocking her but tbh i dont know i love her or hate her now. it hurts knowing that she has fun with other guy so quick after our relationship, i dont know how she can sleep with him in the same bed as with me just few weeks before but it tells me a lot about her personality, i dont know this person anymore, the one i loved would never do me wrong, and would fight for us

[JAKE022]

2 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I'm sorry, OP. No doubt this is very hard to hear. 

But, it's ultimately better that you know about this. It will be  a while before you're able to really process and accept it, but at least now you know things indeed weren't what they seemed with her (regarding this break-up)

It will help you lay any lingering hopes to rest. 

Thank you , it is hard and i kind of lost all hope for real love, i dont think i will find it, if it ended like this that relationship and we were really happy for 90% of the time had great connection etc, and she ended it just because we had few weak weeks than i dont believe i will find someone who wont leave when times get hard, i will just assume she cheated on me but i forgive her, let her be happy , maybe one day i will find my own happiness it is just not now

[tart6245]

4 minutes ago, JAKE022 said:

Right,  than this person is probably from her job or she was meeting him during work hours, to be honest im not 100% sure if it was him who took her on valentines but it is not hard to guess, i think i accepted that i no longer hold on to hope, i dont want to be her plan b if this relationship wont work for her, i wished her the best in my last msg before blocking her but tbh i dont know i love her or hate her now. it hurts knowing that she has fun with other guy so quick after our relationship, i dont know how she can sleep with him in the same bed as with me just few weeks before but it tells me a lot about her personality, i dont know this person anymore, the one i loved would never do me wrong, and would fight for us

The new guy is filling the void left by you and allowing her to ignore her feelings and simply bury them with him. Whether it works out between them or not is irrelevant to you. You need to make sure that if she does come back, you are strong and are able to tell her no. She did this once and she will do it again. It's her nature. If things aren't perfect with the new guy, she will do it to him too. 

[JAKE022]

14 minutes ago, tart6245 said:

The new guy is filling the void left by you and allowing her to ignore her feelings and simply bury them with him. Whether it works out between them or not is irrelevant to you. You need to make sure that if she does come back, you are strong and are able to tell her no. She did this once and she will do it again. It's her nature. If things aren't perfect with the new guy, she will do it to him too. 

I agree, thats just who she is i think as soon as problems are going to appear she gonna do the same, however i hope one day it will finally hit her and she will realize what she lost and maybe then she will learn a lesson how to not treat people who love you and care for you, now i get it why she said “at the moment i wont change my decision” or to my friend “ i know i might regret it in a year” because she just was probably starting new relationship and she wasnt sure if it will work out, so she wanted to keep me as a plan b, it all makes sense. To be honest i never suspected she would act like this , i dont know her anymore it hurts so much when say it but well it is truth i think, she is not a person i knew anymore, 

[JAKE022]

Im also very glad that i told her how i feel about all of this, and removing everything that were somehow still reminding me about us, i know that most of people would say that i shouldnt talk with her about my feelings but i wanted her to know that she hurt me badly and that we will never talk again, even if she doesn’t care and i think somehow she still cares unless she is really heartless 

[Marc878]

Sorry man but the new guy trumps everything. That’s the way it works.

My sister was a wayward. Her x husband was a good guy. I grew up with him. Her feelings never changed. 
 

You are caught up thinking she has to feel the same way about things as you. It’s obvious she doesn’t.

Right now your biggest problem is you. You still can’t comprehend who your x really is and probably always was and will be. 
 

Stop with wanting her to ‘get it’. You are the one not getting it.
 

read the book

Edited April 29, 2021 by Marc878

[JAKE022]

8 minutes ago, Marc878 said:

Sorry man but the new guy trumps everything. That’s the way it works.

My sister was a wayward. Her x husband was a good guy. I grew up with him. Her feelings never changed. 
 

You are caught up thinking she has to feel the same way about things as you. It’s obvious she doesn’t.

Right now your biggest problem is you. You still can’t comprehend who your x really is and probably always was and will be. 
 

Stop with wanting her to ‘get it’. You are the one not getting it.
 

read the book

No no u got me wrong i am aware that she is probably not feeling the same as me right now its clear for me specially after i found out about her new relationship, i dont want to get her because the person i love does not exist anymore, i dont know who that new girl is i do not recognize her and i dont need to, i expressed my feelings about the situation for my own good, i dont care if she cares about this (probably not) and im not going to be like her other ex’s hiding in the dms or liking all her pictures, she lost me, i didnt lost her in a long run , like you have mentioned she will probably do it again when problems appear in new relationship but it is none of my business anymore, however i will read that book for sure 

[Marc878]

Good.

Zero contact is your best friend. I’d do a purge of her stuff if you haven’t. That’ll help too.

This was a decision or choice on her part.
 

Edited April 29, 2021 by Marc878

[JAKE022]

20 minutes ago, Marc878 said:

Good.

Zero contact is your best friend. I’d do a purge of her stuff if you haven’t. That’ll help too.

This was a decision or choice on her part.
 

I found her tshirt i will send it back to her probably or give it to poor people also asked her yesterday before i blocked her to search for all other things i have left at her home i gave up on them before but i said screw it, these are my belongings and i want them back it costs a lot so im waiting for a package after that no more connections with her, we are going to be done 100% finally 

[Marc878]

Live and learn. Most won’t cut contact upfront and keep themselves in these things.

As you’ve experienced looking back only you can keep yourself bound. No one else has that power over you.

[JAKE022]

2 hours ago, Marc878 said:

Live and learn. Most won’t cut contact upfront and keep themselves in these things.

As you’ve experienced looking back only you can keep yourself bound. No one else has that power over you.

Yup, im done with her and dont want to do anything with her, i hope however that one day it will hit her and she will realize what she has done karma will catch her sooner or later , it is sad that i had to replace her old loving and caring image with new cold, cheater image in my head but i guess it is what it is,