Son's Engagement and Wedding

[cazoraz]

Hi all.

My son got engaged in October and because of covid we all couldn't get together till April. I've always had a great relationship with my future dil till now and was thrilled they were getting married.

Her father, who lives in another state couldn't attend till April due to work commitments. Ok no problem except that is when it pours with rain. As the engagement party is an outdoor affair this is a huge consideration. I couldn't get an answer from her as to why she would pick this date except to please her father, who she calls an a**h***. She isn't fond of him. None the less we ran with it. Then it was he has a new job and can't take leave so the date is now this. My hubby works away and it meant he would have to take leave if he could get it or miss out. It was just assumed we would just fit in.   There has been zero consideration given to us. We have had to cancel our trip of a life time that was sorted before the engagement to fit in with the date she choose for the wedding. She wouldn't budge by a month.  All i got as an answer twice was oh well.

2 weeks ago there was a small argument over the weather again and my dil wanting us  to pay another 300.00 to go back the following day to the venue to clean up which will take 2 hours max. We were happy to stay back and clean up thar night even if kids didnt help. But what her dad says goes.

I have been buying stuff for the party since the engagement, but running it by my dil first.  I found the venue through work which everyone loved so I booked it.  They wanted a rustic cocktail party so found a company that hired wine barrels and pallet furniture which she loved so I booked that as well. Found caterers which she loved so booked that.

Over the holidays I did this 4mtr long flower garland, with drapes and fairy lights as a surprise. They knew i was doing something but were happy to get a surprise.

Well since the dust up she is totally ignoring me.  Doesn't respond to texts so I have given up. My son dropped in yesterday and said because of all the drama, party now cancelled.  I feel really hurt and out a lot of money due to deposits paid, that I won't get back, not to mention the love used to make the garland.  I showed it to my son yesterday and he was astounded how gorgeous it was, and amazed mum could make such a thing. Thank you Google lol.

Her mum didn't want to get involved so I just did things to get the job done. Like I said all was run by her before hand. 

My son said she wants to now have bbq with parents and bridal party at her parents. Normally that would be fine. But I feel, given that I am being given the freeze by both her and her mum I really don't want to go as I feel there has been a lot of b****ing going on and would feel really uncomfortable. Hell I am so hurt I don't even want to go to the wedding.  So how do I get out of going without hurting my son's feelings? Or do I pray we get locked down again due to covid.  Do i book our holiday and just go. My son has already been married before. Not like we are missing anything but he would be devastated. 

 

Thanksi dont know if ot makes a difference but we are paying half of what was going to be the engagement party and wedding even though I have hardly any family going.  Am extra 5k for people we don't even know is a lot of money.

Caz

[Ellener]

Sorry you had to deal with all this unnecessary drama @cazoraz

If it were me ( and I know it's not) I would step away from any further drama and say you aren't doing gatherings or travel until the pandemic ends- that's not even 'an excuse' as the pandemic is become a nightmare in so many places now. Be positive talking with your son, say oh well, all was for the best etc ( which it probably is, this is how loads of people got sick )

Wish them good luck for their future together, talk kindly to and about your son's new wife. Sounds like he's taken on a lot!

[d0nnivain]

Don't spend another dime on them. 

[Wiseman2]

Stop financing this. It's building resentment. Let your son and his fiance finance it and do something affordable in their price range. Don't let your son be a groomzilla. 

Step out of this vexation. The more you finance the more conflict there'll be.

It's bizarre that an event meant to bind two people and their families is becoming a feud.

This is a horrible omen for future family relationships. Your son's groomzilla issue is out of control.

[cazoraz]

Thank you everyone for the replies. I have already stepped back except to now ring everyone back and cancel all the arrangements. I haven't had anything to do with wedding except to see the venue which I loved. Left the rest of wedding arrangements to the kids to arrange. I just wanted to give them a beautiful engagement party and feel like i have been kicked in the guts. I think that's why I am so upset. It's not even about the loss of money. This has really knocked me around. Drove all the way to work today in tears and turned around and drove home. If I can somehow avoid going to her parents place for engagement party that will be great. I would feel really uncomfortable. Wedding day put on a brave face and it's easier to keep my distance. I just want to keep a good relationship with my son. Even when he told me they wanted to cancel, and said he realised time, effort and money I had put in I could tell he was uncomfortable. I just said okay if that's what you want. Was really proud of myself for keeping my cool and not lashing out even though I was devastated. I dont want him caught in the middle between his mum and future wife. Just zip it.

Edited January 13, 2021 by cazoraz
Added more

[Ellener]

4 hours ago, cazoraz said:

I dont want him caught in the middle between his mum and future wife.

Exactly.

You did good (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))