LittleDove78 Posted January 14, 2021 Share Posted January 14, 2021 I told my husband I wanted to seperate lastnight. We have been married for 16yrs. I have been unhappy for years and years. Why do I feel like I'm having doubts. I think I'm just freaking out I finally did it and we have been together for so long. It's a strange feeling. I know I want it so not sure why these feelings creeping in. I have a hard time making decisions this was huge for me, I'm an anxious person maybe it's the unknown. Maybe I'm codependent, I also worry about him and immediately felt bad for him. Is it normal to have all these emotions? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 14, 2021 Share Posted January 14, 2021 Change is scary. You took a huge step. Trust yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LittleDove78 Posted January 14, 2021 Author Share Posted January 14, 2021 27 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: Change is scary. You took a huge step. Trust yourself. You are right I have always struggled with change. It has taken me a long time to say anything. I think now I'm just having anxiety. I know I deserve more and want it but then those feelings creep in. Link to post Share on other sites
QTpie123 Posted January 18, 2021 Share Posted January 18, 2021 On 1/14/2021 at 11:07 AM, LittleDove78 said: I told my husband I wanted to seperate lastnight. We have been married for 16yrs. I have been unhappy for years and years. Why do I feel like I'm having doubts. I think I'm just freaking out I finally did it and we have been together for so long. It's a strange feeling. I know I want it so not sure why these feelings creeping in. I have a hard time making decisions this was huge for me, I'm an anxious person maybe it's the unknown. Maybe I'm codependent, I also worry about him and immediately felt bad for him. Is it normal to have all these emotions? I told my husband of 19.5 years I wanted a divorce a little over A month ago. I had made my mind up. It was not an emotional decision made I haste. But ever since he started accepting that We are going to divorce and has stopped being angry and mad our relationship has been smooth and easy. Which you would think would be nice. But now I’m second guessing myself wondering if I’m making a huge mistake! I’ve bawled my eyes out some days and been angry at him others and resigned and terrified other days. When I told him i wanted to divorce I didn’t want to hurt him and felt bad for him. He doesn’t want to divorce. I too have a hard time making decisions and have anxiety like crazy. So to answer your question I don’t know if it’s normal for most people but everything you just described is how I’ve been feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 18, 2021 Share Posted January 18, 2021 On 1/14/2021 at 12:07 PM, LittleDove78 said: I told my husband I wanted to seperate lastnight. We have been married for 16yrs. I have been unhappy for years and years. The best thing you can do for yourself is get the professionals in your corner. That means consulting an attorney for advice and to assuage your fears.That is for the logistics of divorce. For the emotional side, enlist a therapist to help you unpack and sort out some of the stuff as well as guide you through the process of divorce. Confide in trusted friends and family. Envision your life being free of this unhappiness. Divorce is difficult. But you will get to the other side. Link to post Share on other sites
ZiggyZaggy Posted January 18, 2021 Share Posted January 18, 2021 I think what you're experiencing sounds totally normal. Change is scary. Very scary! You do need to trust yourself, but I know that's not always easy. For me, it helps to talk to a few select people, and also to write - a lot - writing can be excellent therapy for yourself to help sort out confusing feelings, and can help you feel a sense of trust in yourself. Ending a marriage is an incredibly emotionally charged decision. People who are "the leaver" feel leaver's guilt, which is a very real and very challenging feeling. People who are left feel betrayed. People who have a tendency to feel deep emotions will most certainly feel deep emotions. It's never an easy decision. I'm guessing most people get married with the idea that they will stay married, and happy, but people change, lives change, being human is a dynamic experience full of change. It's sad to leave behind something that you had positive hopes and dreams for. But then we go through the stages of love, loss, denial, anger, resentment, confusion, etc etc., and we come out on the other side, in some state of acceptance, ready to move on. Good luck to you in your journey. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LittleDove78 Posted January 20, 2021 Author Share Posted January 20, 2021 Of course he took me not serious at all. A few days later he got up and made damn cinnamon rolls and crap. Guess he thinks that makes everything all better. He is used to me getting mad,saying things and then not following through. I have issues with depression and anxiety he always thinks I'm just going crazy I think. Or having some breakdown since he doesn't do anything in his head. Link to post Share on other sites
emprosnet7 Posted January 20, 2021 Share Posted January 20, 2021 10 hours ago, LittleDove78 said: Of course he took me not serious at all. A few days later he got up and made damn cinnamon rolls and crap. Guess he thinks that makes everything all better. He is used to me getting mad,saying things and then not following through. I have issues with depression and anxiety he always thinks I'm just going crazy I think. Or having some breakdown since he doesn't do anything in his head. what are your problems? do you have ikidd? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 20, 2021 Share Posted January 20, 2021 (edited) 10 hours ago, LittleDove78 said: . A few days later he got up and made damn cinnamon rolls and crap. He won't be doing that when he gets the paperwork from your attorney addressed to "defendant". As long as you huff and puff without taking action, he'll just keep making cinnamon rolls and dismiss you. Never mention or threaten divorce. It looks hysterical and dramatic. Either do it or don't. But talk to an attorney. Edited January 20, 2021 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LittleDove78 Posted January 20, 2021 Author Share Posted January 20, 2021 5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: He won't be doing that when he gets the paperwork from your attorney addressed to "defendant". As long as you huff and puff without taking action, he'll just keep making cinnamon rolls and dismiss you. Never mention or threaten divorce. It looks hysterical and dramatic. Either do it or don't. But talk to an attorney. I agree which I have done before. I never act on anything so he thinks I'm not serious. I guess I need to have another serious convo with him and look in to getting a lawyer. Money is an issue but my parents have offered to help. His main issue I think is he doesn't want to leave the house and have nowhere to go. It's not really about me. Link to post Share on other sites
Jamesones10123 Posted January 25, 2021 Share Posted January 25, 2021 Hi all. I been thinking about a divorce for a few years now but i have severe anxiety when dealing with stuff like this. I havent said anytjing to the wife as i dont want to upset the kids and my wife cant see anything wrong in our marriage. I dont know how to tell her how i feels as she blows off the handle when i do try and talk to her about stuff so i tend not to bother as this flares up my anxiety even more. How did you tell your other half's? And any suggestions how i should aproach this?? Link to post Share on other sites
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