she was seeing not one, but 2 therapists, which I found odd

[QuietRiot]

19 hours ago, Happy Lemming said:

And yet they were split up, divorced (and she was back in the dating pool) by the time the kid was age 5??  You would think by the time an adult would reach that advanced age, she (and he) would be making better life decisions.

I hope you (quickly) ran away from that one.

Yeah, and she was seeing not one, but 2 therapists, which I found odd.

[jspice]

On 1/12/2021 at 7:03 AM, QuietRiot said:

Yeah, and she was seeing not one, but 2 therapists, which I found odd.

What’s wrong with seeing people for your mental health?

[QuietRiot]

20 hours ago, jspice said:

What’s wrong with seeing people for your mental health?

One is normal, but...TWO therapists?  Isn't one enough? Kind of a red flag for me.

Edited January 14, 2021 by QuietRiot

[basil67]

14 minutes ago, QuietRiot said:

One is normal, but...TWO therapists?  Isn't one enough? Kind of a red flag for me.

Or is judging someone who you know nothing about more of a red flag?

A person may do talk therapy with one therapist and CBT with another, both therapists working in complimentary ways.  Or they may see a psychiatrist for meds and a psychologist for coping strategies.   

 

[QuietRiot]

15 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Or is judging someone who you know nothing about more of a red flag?

A person may do talk therapy with one therapist and CBT with another, both therapists working in complimentary ways.  Or they may see a psychiatrist for meds and a psychologist for coping strategies.   

 

Not judging, I just find it off-putting. Like I don't date smokers. 

[Happy Lemming]

2 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

Not judging, I just find it off-putting. Like I don't date smokers. 

Smokers don't bother me, but if she has two therapists... I'm out.

We all have personal preferences and if she needs that much professional help to make it through her day to day life, I'm gone.  I don't want to sign up to be the next Travis Alexander.

[SumGuy]

On 1/14/2021 at 5:39 AM, QuietRiot said:

One is normal, but...TWO therapists?  Isn't one enough? Kind of a red flag for me.

If she can afford it I think it is a good idea.   A second opinion is always good.

[jspice]

2 hours ago, SumGuy said:

If she can afford it I think it is a good idea.   A second opinion is always good.

Precisely. Somebody who has enough self-awareness to seek therapy should be commended, not judged by people they wouldn’t have dated anyway. 
 

this thread has judged people who get therapy, single mothers, women who want children  women who change their surnames, women who keep their names... and and and

Good grief. 

[Lotsgoingon]

At one time I had three counselors: a spiritual advisor (a hip and smart) minister I had weekly meetings with; a vocational counselor; and a therapist.

My gf at the time loved it. She saw how happy I was with each of these relationships and how much I was learning and growing and building myself up emotionally. But I totally get how the idea of multiple therapists can scare someone--I get that. If you aren't into the world of therapy, two therapists would sound pretty extreme. 

Having been deep in the world of therapy and workshops and support groups and 12-step groups and on and on, I feel confident in my ability to figure out whether the person seeing two therapists is stuck, so to speak, or if they're really on the move to building a kick-butt life. 

[alphamale]

24 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said:

At one time I had three counselors: a spiritual advisor (a hip and smart) minister I had weekly meetings with; a vocational counselor; and a therapist.

My gf at the time loved it. She saw how happy I was with each of these relationships and how much I was learning and growing and building myself up emotionally. But I totally get how the idea of multiple therapists can scare someone--I get that. If you aren't into the world of therapy, two therapists would sound pretty extreme. 

Having been deep in the world of therapy and workshops and support groups and 12-step groups and on and on, I feel confident in my ability to figure out whether the person seeing two therapists is stuck, so to speak, or if they're really on the move to building a kick-butt life. 

Happiness and contentment come from within and not from multiple therapists.  You have to figure it out yourself!

[Lotsgoingon]

Part of figuring life out is also tapping the wisdom of people who can help you--that can be friends, relatives, book writers, and yes, therapists. 

Good luck in figuring out emotional stuff by yourself. If you can do it, great. Really hard for most people. 

Therapists come in because we have blind spots. Those blinds spots block us from seeing problems in a certain way. Can't solve the problem if you can't even see your situation clearly. Not for everyone.  

[QuietRiot]

7 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said:

Part of figuring life out is also tapping the wisdom of people who can help you--that can be friends, relatives, book writers, and yes, therapists. 

Good luck in figuring out emotional stuff by yourself. If you can do it, great. Really hard for most people. 

Therapists come in because we have blind spots. Those blinds spots block us from seeing problems in a certain way. Can't solve the problem if you can't even see your situation clearly. Not for everyone.  

I know a couple of friends where therapists did them more harm than good, of course this was just anecdotal, but I was kind of surprised to hear that. So as such, they try to figure it out on their own.

[Lotsgoingon]

There are a lot of mediocre therapists out there. A lot. The difference between a really good therapist and a mediocre one is staggering.

You gotta get to a good one AND you got to find someone who inspires you, who fires you up, who you look forward to seeing each time. Lots of people unfortunately get to a therapist they don't vibe with--but as the saying goes, they don't know it should be different. So they stay and they think they have experienced "therapy." Sorta like dating someone you barely like and thinking that experience describes "love."

 Literally in the research on therapy, the biggest predictor of success is that the patient and therapist have a fantastic bond. 

Another unfortunate fact is that some of the best therapists are expensive and they aren't "in network" for any insurance plans.  I once went through a period when I dumped three therapists in a row before I found good one who was in network. The guy I settled on (now retired) really is one of the smartest people I've ever met in my life. The problem solving I did with him was at such a high level, it was astonishing. 

 

[Fletch Lives]

Hmmmm....... on the one hand, a person seeing a counselor could be a red flag because it suggests they might have a problem.....and some people have it so bad that while counseling can help and they should go, they might always have issues.

 On the other hand, it might be a minor problem and they might come out the other side better than average.

.It just depends on the person and the extent of their issues.

Therapy is a good thing, I often recommend it to people.......and I think more people should go. 

[robaday]

I was always anti counselling. I figured I could solve everything on my own. I didn't need anyone etc. I watched my colleagues (I work in a challenging sector) take up the psychological support that was offered, I thought to myself, ah they got issues. 

 

Truth is I have issues. Possibly bigger ones than them. And it caught up with me and now I'm seeing one. I am not ashamed of it. I want to be a well rounded guy, not a damaged guy (which is how I felt about myself when I first went to one). I have issues with relationships stemming from a lot of trauma and perhaps haven't been the best partner over the years. But I want to change and I'm doing something about it. 

[basil67]

6 hours ago, alphamale said:

Happiness and contentment come from within and not from multiple therapists.  You have to figure it out yourself!

So if one's background has trauma, abuse, war veteran or is at risk of suicide, your answer is "sort yourself out"?    

[basil67]

 

On 1/14/2021 at 10:13 PM, QuietRiot said:

Not judging, I just find it off-putting. Like I don't date smokers. 

There are people in our lives (and on this site!) who don't have a therapist/psychologist but could really benefit from one.   They are either unable to get out of their own way or keep blowing up jobs and relationships because they don't have it all sorted out.   At least those in therapy acknowledge their issues and work towards improvement.

I think it's good to remember Alfred Adler's quote "the only normal people are the ones you don't know very well"

[Wiseman2]

On 1/12/2021 at 7:03 AM, QuietRiot said:

Yeah, and she was seeing not one, but 2 therapists, which I found odd.

Why is that "odd" to you? People who care about thier health may see many types of healthcare providers, depending.

For example, a marriage therapist or individual therapist or physical therapist etc., etc. Or  physicians and/or psychiatrists.

For example a person may see a dentist, oral surgeon and endodontist all at the same time. Does that make them nuts?

The point being, there are specialties and areas of practice that work together to address situations in whole way. 

So being judgmental and group berating anyone who seeks mental health care seems quite archaic.

 

 

 

[alphamale]

9 hours ago, basil67 said:

So if one's background has trauma, abuse, war veteran or is at risk of suicide, your answer is "sort yourself out"?    

Basically? Yes

[deepthinking]

seems she wants somenbody to agree with her and so she flips tween the twp

[basil67]

4 hours ago, alphamale said:

Basically? Yes

I take it that you are not concerned by the horrendously high male suicide rate?   Or doing our best to ensure that children have stable parents?  

 

[littleblackheart]

Looking after your mental health is no different to looking after your physical health, and can sometimes be a lifeline. I have a great relationship with my therapist and value her input. That past year has been horrendous for a lot of people; I would assume being able to afford a good therapist is a luxury for many people; good on those who can afford two. 

Edited January 16, 2021 by littleblackheart

[basil67]

2 hours ago, deepthinking said:

seems she wants somenbody to agree with her and so she flips tween the twp

What makes you assume that the two therapists aren't working in a complimentary way?

Or perhaps you're joking and I missed it? 🤔

[Lotsgoingon]

It's funny: sometimes I can instantly tell when someone has been to therapy. One of the tipoffs is that they see themselves in a complex way. One outcome of therapy is that the trite family sayings that some o us grew up with are subject to serious scrutiny. Some of what our parents tell us just doesn't make sense or doesn't fit our life and our circumstance. Folks who have been to good therapy can describe their family dynamics, or unhelpful family wisdom passed down,  point out what was toxic in the dynamic and speak in an even tone, because they aren't really angry at their parents. They get comfortable in their own life such they are no longer "rejecting" or rebelling against the family's bad stuff. 

We can easily notice dumb family stories (that get repeated as if they are wisdom) when we hear other people repeat them. Much harder--sometimes impossible--to notice this in our own family. There's also the challenge of what got you here won't get you there." Coping mechanisms that may have worked well during one part of our life can fall apart and collapse during a different part of our life, when the context is new and perhaps confusing and the challenges and responsibilities are different. And the way we learned to relate in our families often just doesn't work in relationships.  People use therapy to navigate all these issues. 

There is also this: therapy isn't necessarily remedial, as in repairing a problem. It's also about thriving and achieving big goals and coping in a better way.  Lots of folks go to therapy because they feel overwhelmed. They then learn how to manage their lives better and when they do, they get the confidence to take on new responsibilities ... and then ... again they struggle  ... and they use therapy to work through that managing this more challenging set of responsibilities ... and when they manage that ... they get more ambitious still. And on and on. 

Certainly been the case with me but with many others I know. The more things I try to take on in my life, the more I need to make sure my old crap ain't in the way. 

 

 

[alphamale]

3 hours ago, basil67 said:

I take it that you are not concerned by the horrendously high male suicide rate?   Or doing our best to ensure that children have stable parents?  

 

God only helps when you help yourself