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My girlfriend shows no affection

Wutangclan8903

By Wutangclan8903,
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Wutangclan8903

Wutangclan8903

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Im 26 years old and my girlfriend is 28 years old. We have been dating for about a year now. We live together in our own place. She shows no type of affection. Any time i attempt to touch her in any way whether it be hold her hand,  hold her waist, hug, kiss etc. she seems to get uneasy or annoyed and subtlety pushes me away. Its so frustrating. I've tried to talk to her about it and it hasn't helped. I dont force anything or overwhelm her by trying constantly. Other than that we get along great when we are together. When we do have sex, which is maybe once a month, I am the one who initiates and normally im turned down but when we do its great which she has told me herself. I just want her to make me feel like we are actually in a relationship What should I do?

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creativepenguin

creativepenguin

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You never know, she could have went through uncomfortable or traumatic situations involving intimacy so she doesn't know how to connect with you.  You could be triggering her and not even know it. Another thing (and this is a harsh reality for a lot of men) you may not be pleasing her in the way that she likes. Us women don't always have the heart to tell our man how he's turning us off. Im only speaking from experience here. A man (or men) can do a lot of things to turn me off instead of on and as i got older i just gave up trying to fake it because it's useless and I'm tired. And being turned off results in me not wanting to be touched at all by the person. But I used to STILL deal with a mans presence if he chooses to stick around, buts it's annoying if he can't take a hint and just go away. I also lost respect for men that do this. Leave her alone. See how long it takes for her to initiate intimacy. If she does it eventually then that's good but if she never ends up doing it, then she doesn't like you like that anymore and that's okay just move on and give the woman some space.

Edited by creativepenguin
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Wiseman2

Wiseman2

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Did the sex taper off when you moved in together?

Often there's unspoken conflicts or resentments that manifest this way.

Are you having date nights and keeping the romance going? Or does it just seem like roommates playing house?

What is the intent with moving in? For her? For you?

Get to the bottom of the resentments and drugery. Don't sweep it under the rug and then go in for the physical part.

 

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Marc878

Marc878

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This maybe who she is. After a year don’t expect it to get better.

You can read books, buy flowers and cards, do all the work and it won’t get you a thing.

I suspect you’ll live on hopium awhile. There are some here who’ve done that for years.

There are many fish in the sea. Throw this one back. You can’t fix her but you should wake up and fix yourself.

good luck 

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Fletch Lives

Fletch Lives

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Wow, an affectionless and sexless relationship. That's not a relationship, you are roommates.

Edited by Fletch Lives
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Blind-Sided

Blind-Sided

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Time to move on.  If there is no affection after only a year.... it's just going to get worse.  AND, it's free to break up now... it's very expensive to break up after you get married. 

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d0nnivain

d0nnivain

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11 hours ago, Wutangclan8903 said:

 What should I do?

Break up. 

At best you two are incompatible.  More likely she has issues.  Bottom line -- stop wasting your time.

Hint for the future don't move in & live with people you haven't known for a full year. 

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ShyViolet

ShyViolet

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Now you need to make a decision, do you want to live like this the rest of your life?  Because it's not going to get better.  

If you don't want to be in a relationship like this, then break up now.  Don't waste any more of your time or hers.

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Ruby Slippers

Ruby Slippers

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I'd move on. This won't get better. What's the point of being in a romantic relationship with next to no affection?

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smackie9

smackie9

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She won't talk about it, she refuses to accept your subtle normal advances....there is no fixing this. That's pure rejection, you need to breakup.

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dramafreezone

dramafreezone

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On 1/16/2021 at 6:47 PM, Wutangclan8903 said:

Im 26 years old and my girlfriend is 28 years old. We have been dating for about a year now. We live together in our own place. She shows no type of affection. Any time i attempt to touch her in any way whether it be hold her hand,  hold her waist, hug, kiss etc. she seems to get uneasy or annoyed and subtlety pushes me away. Its so frustrating. I've tried to talk to her about it and it hasn't helped. I dont force anything or overwhelm her by trying constantly. Other than that we get along great when we are together. When we do have sex, which is maybe once a month, I am the one who initiates and normally im turned down but when we do its great which she has told me herself. I just want her to make me feel like we are actually in a relationship What should I do?

That ain't good man.  She's not attracted to you, probably sees you more as a brother now.

I know that the pandemic has put a damper on everyone's ability to go out but do you at least make an effort to do something regularly, like a picnic, a walk, cook a nice dinner?  The courtship never stops, not even for a pandemic.

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snowboy91

snowboy91

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You say you've tried to talk about it - how does the conversation usually go? 

It could be something she's frustrated about in the relationship with respect to intimacy, not necessarily in other parts of the relationship (ie. the "practical" side of things is good). Unfortunately when it gets to this point it's a bit of an uphill battle but if you're both willing to be open and honest and work toward improving things then there is some hope.

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Trail Blazer

Trail Blazer

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On 1/17/2021 at 5:49 PM, creativepenguin said:

You never know, she could have went through uncomfortable or traumatic situations involving intimacy so she doesn't know how to connect with you.  You could be triggering her and not even know it. Another thing (and this is a harsh reality for a lot of men) you may not be pleasing her in the way that she likes. Us women don't always have the heart to tell our man how he's turning us off. Im only speaking from experience here. A man (or men) can do a lot of things to turn me off instead of on and as i got older i just gave up trying to fake it because it's useless and I'm tired. And being turned off results in me not wanting to be touched at all by the person. But I used to STILL deal with a mans presence if he chooses to stick around, buts it's annoying if he can't take a hint and just go away. I also lost respect for men that do this. Leave her alone. See how long it takes for her to initiate intimacy. If she does it eventually then that's good but if she never ends up doing it, then she doesn't like you like that anymore and that's okay just move on and give the woman some space.

Wouldn't it be better to just be honest about not being happy?  Why string someone along by not being honest about how you feel and then get annoyed when he can't "take the hint?"

 

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Trail Blazer

Trail Blazer

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I've been in a similar situation and it didn't end well.  Unfortunately it sounds like she's lost attraction to you.

You need to sit down with her and lay it all out on the table.  She needs to know that you need more out of the relationship. 

If she's unwilling or unable offer you what you need, then you have your answer. 

Life is too short to waste on people who won't reciprocate the love and effort you put into the relationship.

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peach302

peach302

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Posted (edited)
On 1/17/2021 at 2:47 AM, Wutangclan8903 said:

Im 26 years old and my girlfriend is 28 years old. We have been dating for about a year now. We live together in our own place. She shows no type of affection. Any time i attempt to touch her in any way whether it be hold her hand,  hold her waist, hug, kiss etc. she seems to get uneasy or annoyed and subtlety pushes me away. Its so frustrating. I've tried to talk to her about it and it hasn't helped. I dont force anything or overwhelm her by trying constantly. Other than that we get along great when we are together. When we do have sex, which is maybe once a month, I am the one who initiates and normally im turned down but when we do its great which she has told me herself. I just want her to make me feel like we are actually in a relationship What should I do?

You can't  maintain this much longer, it would be foolish to try to. 

Your basic needs aren't  being met so what's the point. 

I would quit and find someone  else. 

Edited by peach302
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notbroken

notbroken

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You can't make someone desire you.  Desire is not negotiable.   She may just be incapable of it - with you or anyone.  You are in for a future of no passion, frustration, and loneliness.  Do NOT do that.   I'm sorry, you need to break up with her and find someone more passionate. 

 

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smackie9

smackie9

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She's probably staying for financial reasons. Approach her about leaving and maybe work something out to get the process started.

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Brooke02

Brooke02

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Maybe you’re love languages are different? Some people just aren affectionate, but no sex sounds like she’s not into you. :(

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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Be Cool

Be Cool

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On 1/17/2021 at 9:47 AM, Wutangclan8903 said:

Im 26 years old and my girlfriend is 28 years old. We have been dating for about a year now. We live together in our own place. She shows no type of affection. Any time i attempt to touch her in any way whether it be hold her hand,  hold her waist, hug, kiss etc. she seems to get uneasy or annoyed and subtlety pushes me away. Its so frustrating. I've tried to talk to her about it and it hasn't helped. I dont force anything or overwhelm her by trying constantly. Other than that we get along great when we are together. When we do have sex, which is maybe once a month, I am the one who initiates and normally im turned down but when we do its great which she has told me herself. I just want her to make me feel like we are actually in a relationship What should I do?

This has more red flags than a CCP parade on Mao's birthday.

Co-habitation after only one year? Sex only once a month (even when you're living together)? The female shows little to no affection at all?

Actions always speak louder than words.

When a woman doesn't show you affection, it simply means one thing, and one thing only: She is not that into you, romantically.

Attraction cannot be pursuaded nor convinced nor begged. A person either loves you, or they don't. There's nothing in between.

If I were you, I would simply end everything immediately. After that, I would go out and date multiple women at once, because I know I deserve better than someone who refuses to give me affection.

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