[UPDATE] Fight Fire With Fire? or Gentle Douse of Water?

[Cookiesandough]

18 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Thanks Alpaca, I know he loved me; it just seems so fast but you may be right.  

I've done same in the past so not faulting him. I don't know, I feel a mix of emotions, even jealousy.😳 

To those who didn't read my update, I will repost later after I unwind a bit.   But I discovered today my ex is talking to someone new he met on an app, and planning to meet her.

I obviously do not know how this revelation came about, but I would avoid keeping up with anything your ex is doing if you can help it, poppy. 

[Cookiesandough]

It’s just how some people deal. Some people believe the quickest way to get over a person is to get under someone else. It doesn’t really say much about their feelings for the original person, but who they are. It can be about trying to hasten moving on, not being lonely, seeking validation, list goes on... Not everyone feels like being alone for awhile is the best remedy 

Edited February 28, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Watercolors]

12 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

It’s just how some people deal. Some people believe the quickest way to get over a person is to get under someone else. It doesn’t really say much about their feelings for the original person, but who they are. It can be about trying to hasten moving on, not being lonely, seeking validation, list goes on... Not everyone feels like being alone for awhile is the best remedy 

Whereas some people don't mind being alone. I haven't been on a date in 10 years and I don't view myself as undateable despite that. Dating and a relationship is just not a priority for me. I have never monkey branched or rebounded. I have, unfortunately, been the reboundee with rebounders. That part sucks big time. 

Edited February 28, 2021 by Watercolors

[poppyfields]

29 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

I know you're exaggerating here, but I do think you meant what you said.  That's normal, it would be confirmation that you had a profound impact on him.  But in another sense, I think it would make you think less of him.  Instead, I think you should take him seeing other women (inferred from context) as proof that you chose wisely.  It demonstrates an abundant mindset, he values himself, which are both healthy traits, even moreso if he's actually hurting on the inside.  If he were locked in a room depressed or crying outside of your house, you'd probably think "how did I ever fall for this guy?"

Great point, although not sure I would go as far as to ask myself how I ever fell for him, even if he did become depressed.

I know why I fell for him.  Ironically, for the same reasons he's not sitting at home pining away!  

It made me second guess my decision for like two minutes lol, but having slept on it, I'm back to knowing I did the right thing.

Thanks @Watercolorsyou are such an inspiration with all your quotes from poetry, books, movies.  

Haven't heard about the internship, may take months which will be too late , but gearing up for my move back east, re-connecting with my friends and life there, and of course law school!  👍

 

Edited February 28, 2021 by poppyfields

[Cookiesandough]

1 hour ago, Watercolors said:

Whereas some people don't mind being alone. I haven't been on a date in 10 years and I don't view myself as undateable despite that. Dating and a relationship is just not a priority for me. I have never monkey branched or rebounded. I have, unfortunately, been the reboundee with rebounders. That part sucks big time. 

I agree with you. I’m the same way. I’ve discovered that some people just cannot be alone. I feel bad for them 

Edited February 28, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Watercolors]

4 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

I agree with you. I’m the same way. I’ve discovered that some people just cannot be alone. I feel bad for them 

I think dating is more difficult for me because I'm already out of F's to give as far as men's behavior where dating is concerned. And my age. By my age, if a man doesn't have his act together, I just can't be bothered to take the risks involved with dating. I hate dating in general. I'm a mix of Ouiser Boudreaux (Steel Magnolias curmudgeon) and actress Katherine Hepburn (who despite her love affair with her married costar until his death, lived alone until her own death sans children). I don't rebound and hate it when men lie to me that they are ready to date when they're not actually ready to date, b/c they are not emotionally available to me the way that I deserve them to be. 

[Watercolors]

5 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Great point, although not sure I would go as far as to ask myself how I ever fell for him, even if he did become depressed.

I know why I fell for him.  Ironically, for the same reasons he's not sitting at home pining away!  

It made me second guess my decision for like two minutes lol, but having slept on it, I'm back to knowing I did the right thing.

Thanks @Watercolorsyou are such an inspiration with all your quotes from poetry, books, movies.  

Haven't heard about the internship, may take months which will be too late , but gearing up for my move back east, re-connecting with my friends and life there, and of course law school!  👍

 

My first source of guidance when my social life is in ruins, is poetry and literature and pop culture. Poetry first. Then, if I cant' find a poem to help me, I look for literature. Sometimes, films pop up and I silently thank the screenwriters for their sage advice and commentary on the interpersonal problem I need help with. Poetry first. That's my motto. The poets knew their s---!

[Cookiesandough]

11 hours ago, Watercolors said:

I think dating is more difficult for me because I'm already out of F's to give as far as men's behavior where dating is concerned. And my age. By my age, if a man doesn't have his act together, I just can't be bothered to take the risks involved with dating. I hate dating in general. I'm a mix of Ouiser Boudreaux (Steel Magnolias curmudgeon) and actress Katherine Hepburn (who despite her love affair with her married costar until his death, lived alone until her own death sans children). I don't rebound and hate it when men lie to me that they are ready to date when they're not actually ready to date, b/c they are not emotionally available to me the way that I deserve them to be. 

Hey, I like your style. 

 

Edited March 1, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Gaeta]

I'm sorry you came across that unwanted information and the hurt it caused you. Many men cannot stay alone for long and look for attention, sex, companionship, anything to not have a hard look inside themselves. Breakups are harder on men, it's well documented. Actually if you find him online so early it's not that he's ready to move on, he's trying to deal with the loss with finding a temporary substitute. 

I had to get used to the idea my ex was with someone else early. He probably left here that Saturday and was with someone else that same night. She'll be the one dealing with a secretive pseudo-boyfriend and his games, not me. Remind yourself you've discarded this man for a reason and the next woman will only be picking up what wasn't good for you anymore. 

[poppyfields]

2 hours ago, Gaeta said:

I'm sorry you came across that unwanted information and the hurt it caused you. Many men cannot stay alone for long and look for attention, sex, companionship, anything to not have a hard look inside themselves. Breakups are harder on men, it's well documented. Actually if you find him online so early it's not that he's ready to move on, he's trying to deal with the loss with finding a temporary substitute. 

I had to get used to the idea my ex was with someone else early. He probably left here that Saturday and was with someone else that same night. She'll be the one dealing with a secretive pseudo-boyfriend and his games, not me. Remind yourself you've discarded this man for a reason and the next woman will only be picking up what wasn't good for you anymore. 

Thank you Gaeta, I know you're right.  I have no regrets about my decision.

But yet, thinking of him interacting on line the way we did, and meeting her the way we did. 

Kissing her within 30 minutes the way we did, having sex with her the way we did. 

How do I, how did you/do you deal with those emotions - the jealousy?

It that's what this even is.  I didn't feel these emotions with my last long term ex as he went straight to rehab after we broke up and after he got out, was begging for me back.

I know my feelings now are all ego, but still don't know how to shake them off.

Thanks again though, your post helped a lot. 

[Gaeta]

3 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Kissing her within 30 minutes the way we did, having sex with her the way we did. 

How do I, how did you/do you deal with those emotions - the jealousy?

It will not be the 'way you did together'. There is only 1 poppyfields that generated a unique feeling in him, that will not repeat itself again. Also I doubt if he has sex with these women it will be like with you, he waited 2 months to be intimate with you, it meant something more than just sex with an online rebound. 

Keep those images out of your mind. I know easier said than done but you shake them out by putting your attention on something else, and there is lots for you to think and dream about with your new life projects. 

[poppyfields]

17 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

It will not be the 'way you did together'. There is only 1 poppyfields that generated a unique feeling in him, that will not repeat itself again. Also I doubt if he has sex with these women it will be like with you, he waited 2 months to be intimate with you, it meant something more than just sex with an online rebound. 

Keep those images out of your mind. I know easier said than done but you shake them out by putting your attention on something else, and there is lots for you to think and dream about with your new life projects. 

Thank you for that!  I'll try.  

((Hugs)) Gaeta, with all you went through, and still going through, you still manage to say just the right thing.

Your first paragraph, I will definitely try to stick with those thoughts.  xo

[Watercolors]

10 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

Hey, I like your style. 

 

I almost feel safer too, staying single. That's a huge  bonus for me, b/c I don't want to have to compromise my finances or my own emotional or physical safety for some douche canoe who claims to be a good guy but turns out, he isn't.