TOAW Posted January 17, 2021 Share Posted January 17, 2021 I've posted about this on here before. This girl and I used to work together and while that is no longer the case, we have maintained contact and have continued our relationship. For the last several months, I have been in a really difficult situation which has recently reached a crossroads of sorts, and I need some help. I've known this woman for about a year and a half now. I always knew she was in a relationship but the person she was in a relationship with was incarcerated. I kept my distance for about six months, just getting to know her on a friendly level and never revealing any feelings for her (I didn't think I had feelings until about 9 months ago). I always listened to her talk about this guy and it never seemed like she was happy with him. Her and I would see each other often and we got along quite well. Eventually, I felt like I needed to reveal that I had feelings for her. When I did, she didn't announce that she had feelings too, just that she would be willing to see where things went if things didn't work out with this guy once he was released. However, our relationship kicked up a notch almost immediately. We began talking more (much more) and we began to hang out with each other and go places together, etc. She became the biggest part of my life and someone I truly felt connected to. Of course, there was always the date of his pending release looming. By the way, they do have two children together. He was released at the beginning of December and I was forced to take a back seat. They had a month together before he had to go back to the state he was imprisoned in due to the rules of his parole. They are now hundreds of miles apart but still in this relationship. Meanwhile, her and I have continued talking all the time and building upon what we have. I've never been comfortable in the situation though I did always feel as though she would eventually choose me. Last night, during one of our normal conversations, she spouted up and said that he cried to her over the phone and he said that he knows she has someone else. She didn't and has never admitted to that, but she did say that she feels as though since he has been released, she hasn't given him a fair chance because she's been too focused on me. She says that she is usually rude and short with him because I am also in the picture. As a result, she wants to take a step back from us and have no or very minimal contact with me while she figures out what (if anything) she still has with him. Part of me wants to appreciate that from her, but another part of me feels like why is it me that has to take a back seat when I've been here showing her what I am about and what she could have? Her response to that is that she wants to give him the chance she always said she would once he was released without any outside distraction. She says that if she and I are ever going to have anything, this is the only way to find out and that she wants to do this the "right way" rather than what we have been doing. She tells me that she loves me and that she desperately does not want to hurt me, but she feels that this is the only way. How would you all react to this? Of course, I had natural questions for her (that may not be fair) such as what am I supposed to do in the meantime and how long is it going to take for you to know? She just said that if her and I are meant to be, this is what she needs to do to find that out. Should I just take a back seat and let this all play out, hoping she comes back? Or am I in a no-win position that is just going to end badly? I love this girl so much. I see a future with her and she says she wants that future with me, deep down. She just wants it on the right terms, not these ones. How would you feel and react to this? Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted January 17, 2021 Share Posted January 17, 2021 Give her what she has asked for. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 17, 2021 Share Posted January 17, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, TOAW said: As a result, she wants to take a step back from us and have no or very minimal contact with me while she figures out what (if anything) she still has with him. She has made her choice. I would respect that. I mean, the dude has been incarcerated and she has been waiting for him... Nobody would blame her for ending it with the guy, he is in prison! If she wanted to be with you, she would be with you. But, she hasn’t chosen to do that. She has instead chosen to be with him. I’m sorry to say that you have been a placeholder. You have provided companionship when she needed it. But now, she is exploring other options... Edited January 17, 2021 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 17, 2021 Share Posted January 17, 2021 (edited) In your previous post, it says that you are both married with children. What of your wife and children? How do they fit into this new relationship you are trying to pursue... Edited January 17, 2021 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Author TOAW Posted January 17, 2021 Author Share Posted January 17, 2021 1 hour ago, BaileyB said: In your previous post, it says that you are both married with children. What of your wife and children? How do they fit into this new relationship you are trying to pursue... My wife and I came to terms on this months ago and we have split. This situation was the straw that broke the camels back in our relationship, according to her words, but we had been a pair that needed to split for many years. We still get along for the sake of the children and have worked out a schedule with the children that works for each of us. That is behind me now. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 17, 2021 Share Posted January 17, 2021 Well then, you are apparently free to pursue her. However, it would seem that she is still very much committed to another man. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 18, 2021 Share Posted January 18, 2021 She was looking for any port in the storm because of her situation. What was he incarcerated for? You as well were looking for any port in the storm because of your bad situation This would never have worked out. Let it go. Start fresh. Two people in damaged desperate situations may have that in common, but it's not a good basis. As you have unfortunately seen, these types of things end with heartaches. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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