Leaving a manipulative partner. Dogs involved. Tinder Fling

[ITguy90]

The nitty gritty:
I’ve been trapped in a manipulative and controlling relationship with my girlfriend for 4.5 years. Ive been isolated from my family and my self esteem has just been beaten into the ground by her in the meantime. I finally garnered the courage to leave after a big fight on Christmas. 

I have been staying with my father since. I felt lonely after leaving and had been missing my dogs. Seeking comfort and just wanting to feel alive again, I decided to complicate things by dating a girl I met online. We’ve been out three times. No sex but we’ve bonded well, ending each date with a kiss (and four on the last one!). The last two, she’s had me back to her place until 3-5am just up talking and having fun. 

Now my girlfriend is begging me to come home — after taunting me for months to leave, mind you, and then guilt tripping me when I left for abandoning my dogs (and cutting my phone and auto insurance). She’s changed and they can’t live without me.

I’m just not sure what to do. My dogs are my best friends and my babies. We do everything together — frequent hikes, trips to the dog park, camping around the Great Lakes , wrestling, cuddling. I’ve seen them at their worst — thin, weak, and abandoned at the shelter; bitten by dogs at the park; surgeries — and since watched them grow into the most pleasant pitbulls you could dream of meeting. 

I am depressed at the thought of not being with them and almost equally saddened at the thought of getting sucked back into a toxic relationship where I feel trapped and worthless. 

I spend most nights in my room at my father’s house with my stomach in knots, getting drunk, and contemplating suicide. The only relief I’ve had is the time spent out with the girl I met on Tinder. 

During the times spent talking to her, I feel excited for something new. It’s nice to feel alive and to have butterflies again. And to see a girl blush. But it’s also not fair. To her. To my girlfriend. Or to my dogs. I feel an immense amount of guilt over it and even more guilt at the prospect of leaving my dogs. My girlfriend has threatened to keep them from me which doesn’t make any of it easier. 

Is there a way to cleanly break things off with someone so spiteful and manipulative? Do people really change? Will I ever gain enough self esteem back to even care about initiating sex with her again? Do I deserve a chance at finding happiness elsewhere? Am I worthy of being loved? Aren’t dogs just dogs? Why do I feel like I’m dying? 

So many questions. I just don’t know.

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, ITguy90 said:

I spend most nights in my room at my father’s house with my stomach in knots, getting drunk, and contemplating suicide. 

Sorry this is happening. Get to a doctor. Call a crisis hotline just to talk and get directed to some help.

 Also check out AA online for support.

Reach out to trusted friends and family. The tinder girl is just a temporary distraction. Not good for either of you. 

Of course you miss the dogs but that's not a good reason to go back. 

Stay no contact. Good you severed financial ties. Make sure all your accounts are severed and all your passwords are changed.

Delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

Focus on pulling your mental and physical health together. 

 

[d0nnivain]

You can't go back to her.  It wasn't working.  Get all your stuff.  Get off any leases & other mutual contracts.  She already cut your phone & car insurance.   Then go NC.

As for the dogs, take them if you can.  At least take 1 if you can't take all of them.  Especially if the dogs are registered to you, you have a claim

[Mrin]

My advice:

1. Get your dogs

2. Stop drinking

3. Bang the Tinder woman

4. Get a therapist

5. Go NC with the ex

[Gaeta]

In the eyes of the law the dogs are legal properties. Are the dogs registered to your name? then they are legally yours. If they are registered to both your names then you do like those modern couples and share guardianship of the dogs.

[ShyViolet]

Can't she take care of the dogs?  Do you literally think that she will neglect them and not take care of them?  If at all possible, you need to just trust her to take care of them, and walk away.  Go complete no-contact with her.  That is the only way you can salvage your mental health.