NameGoesHere Posted January 19, 2021 Share Posted January 19, 2021 (edited) This is kind of a long one. My boyfriend(32) of 6 years (We're not married because I'm in school on a single parent grant, kids are from a previous marriage) and I (30) are at odds with our sex life. We've always have had issues with our sex drives. His is low, mine is high. I am very well aware that I can be "much" sometimes and do try to back down. But these past two months have gotten me feeling like emotionally, I don't want to have intercourse with him. He has rejected me in the middle of sex if I queef or my cycle came early and started in the middle of it and he was very rude about the last three times it happened saying "Gross! I just can't do this" in an agressive tone. And then I'm left feeling emotionally crippled. No one wants to be told they're gross in the middle of sex. I end up finishing with him (masterbating) but only because I felt pressured at that point. No apology from him. It's gotten to where I just don't want to have intercourse with him which is a problem because I have a higher drive than him. Cheating isn't my style. But getting more irritated and confused is. We've lived together for two years. We've had our ups and downs with sex. He works from home while I'm in the office and is with my kids all the time and helps out with them so the chance of physically cheating isn't there and he shows no signs of an online affair. He does complain about my communication. And I do need to work on it/have been, it's just hard when I can't tell if I'm overreacting on a situation or not (I have complex ptsd and am bipolar 2 so I tend to second guess the validity of my feelings a lot. I see professional help for that btw). I just want to know... has anyone else gone through this? This feeling that you disgust your partner based on their very recent past actions and while you want intercourse with them to feel that bond, at the same time you can't bring yourself to ask because of the mean things he has said in the past. I'd like to add... a while ago (few months back) he told me if I wanted to masterbate at friggin 3am, wake him up. He'll join me. Last night I wanted to. I did as he suggested months ago. He snapped at me. (Am I the only friggin bipolar one in this relationship?) I feel emotionally crippled and so badly hurt... it's not about rejection. That I can handle (If you're not into it, no problem!). It's what he says lately when rejection occures. Yes, he does initiate but I do it more. Sometimes I wonder if he has planned to initiate but I took the moment from him. If my situation is silly, please, by all means laugh. I'm not leaving him. I want to fix what happened so it doesn't happen again. Edit: I'd like to add that I do work full time and am in school online full time as well. Sometimes I push away my family for my assignments. Edited January 19, 2021 by NameGoesHere Took out a word. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted January 19, 2021 Share Posted January 19, 2021 Your situation is not silly. If it bothers you, it's an issue. Tell him clearly and bluntly how you feel about what he's said and done. He had no problems being blunt with you, so no need to hold back, including that it makes you not want to have sex with him anymore. I'm sure he's occasionally had some natural bodily function occur during sex that you weren't thrilled with. Also, a queef is a result of something he had a part in creating. It's childish for him to react so rudely. Hopefully a straightforward honest talk will help. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NameGoesHere Posted January 20, 2021 Author Share Posted January 20, 2021 1 hour ago, FMW said: Your situation is not silly. If it bothers you, it's an issue. Tell him clearly and bluntly how you feel about what he's said and done. He had no problems being blunt with you, so no need to hold back, including that it makes you not want to have sex with him anymore. I'm sure he's occasionally had some natural bodily function occur during sex that you weren't thrilled with. Also, a queef is a result of something he had a part in creating. It's childish for him to react so rudely. Hopefully a straightforward honest talk will help. Thank you for the help. I do appreciate it. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 20, 2021 Share Posted January 20, 2021 The things you talk about are totally normal bodily functions. I'd have a hard time not telling him to stop being such a delicate flower. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 20, 2021 Share Posted January 20, 2021 (edited) 12 hours ago, NameGoesHere said: We've lived together for two years.. I have complex ptsd and am bipolar 2 Sorry this is happening. Does he have kids? Unfortunately he seems remarkably immature for a grown man. Is it his place or yours? Would you end it if you didn't live together? Does he support you financially? How is your relationship with you children's father? The best thing you can do is see your doctor and discuss what's going on to evaluate treatment options and get a referral to a therapist for ongoing support. Focus on your health, your children and your schooling, career training and the important things in life. Unfortunately it sounds like a relationship of convenience rather than love, passion or understanding. He seems to have the sexual maturity of a 16 y/o. How is he otherwise as a partner? How is he vis-a-vis your children? Edited January 20, 2021 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NameGoesHere Posted January 21, 2021 Author Share Posted January 21, 2021 Thank you for the replies! Update on the original post: I talked to my boyfriend. At first he was in denial that he was wrong but after about 15 minutes sitting there in silence he realized he was wrong and I quote him "Thinking back on it, that was of me mean. I'm sorry." He then proceeded to tell me that despite the fact that blood in general grosses him out (I've seen him puke over it) that's no excuse for how he reacted. We talked to my therapist about an hour ago tonight. I have to work on communication so that I don't go into such an emotional funk over something small like I did this time. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 21, 2021 Share Posted January 21, 2021 1 hour ago, NameGoesHere said: We talked to my therapist about an hour ago tonight. I have to work on communication so that I don't go into such an emotional funk over something small like I did this time. I'm glad he apologised to you. However this isn't "something small" he was really very rude to you. Don't let him off without addressing his communication too. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 21, 2021 Share Posted January 21, 2021 9 hours ago, NameGoesHere said: so that I don't go into such an emotional funk over something small like I did this time. Unfortunately it's not "small". Pay better attention to red flags. Don't ignore warning and gut reactions. Trust your instincts more. Talking doesn't solve immaturity or hurtful rudeness. Sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted January 21, 2021 Share Posted January 21, 2021 16 hours ago, NameGoesHere said: over something small I agree with the others, this wasn't small. Anyone with an ounce of sensitivity and care would know not to act this way. Just don't let him get by with things like that anymore - call him on them, communicate clearly how he makes you feel. Link to post Share on other sites
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