Finances how do you guys have your finances bank accounts bills who pays what ? Married successful couples only)

[bigheart30]

Hello Guys,

When I was thinking of getting married this was a question that kind of haunted me down. Since I in real estate and I am self employed I was never sure how I would do my finances if I was to get married. For example I would ask myself the following questions

 

-Should I give my fiance a credit card for her to spend ? (I never gave her money, I taught her the ropes in real estate and she made her own money so I thought this was enough)

-Should we have one bank account together where her and my income go and we both use that bank account for mortgage, bills, and personal expenses? (This would always make me think but what if we separate what will happen to our money it will be a mess and fight) 

-Should I put her cell phone line under mine ? She had her own pretty much everything of her own and I had my own bills, she would kind of resent this.

 

I took care of the mortgage and bills at the house she took care of her car payment her insurance, her bills, personal expenses. Is this the correct way to do it ? 

 

In other words what is the best and healthiest way to have finances and bills ? What has worked for you and how did you come up with this plan ? 

[basil67]

Hi Bigheart, I've been with my partner for nearly 30 years.  We combined bank accounts after a couple of years together.  We've got a joint mortgage and joint bank account which pays for absolutely everything.   We don't keep tabs on who spends what, but we are mindful of what the other thinks if there is to be a big spend.   

The main reason we came up with the plan is that we're too lazy to keep tabs on all the small stuff and keeping it equal.   If it makes any difference to the equation, he earned more than me when we met and these days I'm a stay at home carer for our disabled child so he supports the whole family on his own.  

[Pottering About]

Hi. Married for 43 years. We put all of our money together into joint accounts from the day we got married. We both have equal access to those accounts, including savings. Vast majority of bills are paid by Direct Debit. We view any money we bring into the house as "our" money. I earned more than my wife sometimes, other times she earned more. It doesn't matter as it is household income. When  money was tight (very young children etc) we would take out a set amount per week for spending money, otherwise we don't feel the need to discuss what each of us spend unless it is a significant purchase. We do tend to have an idea of what each other spends through day to day conversations but this is not checking up on each other. We balance bank accounts a couple of times a month and discuss anything we need to do then. We have separate credit cards but that is just for convenience. This works for us as it involves trust, compromise, communication etc which are key parts to any relationship. Hope it helps

[Wiseman2]

Depending on your jurisdiction, once you get married your income and assets belong to both.

You'll need to review the laws in your jurisdiction about what you have prior to marriage and what will become jointly owned.

Talk to a CPA and financial advisor. You could get a prenuptial agreement, but it only protects you in the event of divorce.

You also need some premarital counseling. Handling finances is a huge source of marital stress and the fact that you are asking strangers rather than speaking frankly with your fiance doesn't bode well.

Once you say "I do" a bunch of laws go into effect that makes this a legally binding contract.

[d0nnivain]

It varies from couple to couple & changes over time. 

We initially had all sorts of "rules" but they faded or become obsolete over the years.   One of the big ones was other than on groceries, nobody could spend more than $100 without asking the other.  That got upped to $1,000 quickly & now no longer exists .

He has a steady job & I'm self employed.  We both added each other to one of our existing credit cards.  We opened a joint bank account for bills etc., a joint savings account & a joint brokerage account (although that came later).  We each have separate cc's, bank accounts & retirement accounts but the paperwork comes to the house & is viewable by either / both.  We keep saying we're going to have quarterly meetings about the money but we usually end up only having an annual meeting

His steady paycheck pays the bills:  mortgage, lights, groceries, car repairs etc.  My sporadic income -- like a realtor I might not get paid often but when I get paid, I get paid well -- pays for the luxuries, usually in full.  We remodeled the kitchen, took exotic vacations (when we could travel before Covid), bought a 2nd house, bought a sports car etc.    My business has been down substantially due to Covid & my poor health so he's carrying the load right now while I focus on paying off our house & paying for a variety of desired repairs / upgrades. 

I say this all the time.  We married later in life.  I brought significant assets to the marriage while he did not.  We have a pre-nup.  The required disclosures to put that together really strengthened our bond.  We had to have early, uncomfortable conversations about money.  It helped us to get past the awkwardness to be able to talk about anything.  I recommend it. It was one of the best things we did before we married.  It was even more helpful then pre-martial counseling although that was beneficial too.

There is a savings associated with having one cell phone plan so yes, you should combine them.  Anything that you can get cheaper as a couple should be consolidated -- like car insurance bundled with homeowners.  Why support multiple companies?  

At a minimum you should make a budget together which includes long term goals, especially retirement.  Then you can talk about contributions, spending & accountability.  I am an advocate of small separate accounts in addition to the household account.  For me psychologically it always seemed disingenuous to buy DH a gift from an account that contained "his" money. 

For the most part over the years it's become more & more OUR money which was a huge mind-shift.   Once you marry you are no longer separate individuals.  You are a team.  Act like it. 

 

Based on this post from less than one month ago, you are no where near ready to marry. 

 

Edited January 20, 2021 by d0nnivain

[bigheart30]

On 1/20/2021 at 6:09 AM, d0nnivain said:

It varies from couple to couple & changes over time. 

We initially had all sorts of "rules" but they faded or become obsolete over the years.   One of the big ones was other than on groceries, nobody could spend more than $100 without asking the other.  That got upped to $1,000 quickly & now no longer exists .

He has a steady job & I'm self employed.  We both added each other to one of our existing credit cards.  We opened a joint bank account for bills etc., a joint savings account & a joint brokerage account (although that came later).  We each have separate cc's, bank accounts & retirement accounts but the paperwork comes to the house & is viewable by either / both.  We keep saying we're going to have quarterly meetings about the money but we usually end up only having an annual meeting

His steady paycheck pays the bills:  mortgage, lights, groceries, car repairs etc.  My sporadic income -- like a realtor I might not get paid often but when I get paid, I get paid well -- pays for the luxuries, usually in full.  We remodeled the kitchen, took exotic vacations (when we could travel before Covid), bought a 2nd house, bought a sports car etc.    My business has been down substantially due to Covid & my poor health so he's carrying the load right now while I focus on paying off our house & paying for a variety of desired repairs / upgrades. 

I say this all the time.  We married later in life.  I brought significant assets to the marriage while he did not.  We have a pre-nup.  The required disclosures to put that together really strengthened our bond.  We had to have early, uncomfortable conversations about money.  It helped us to get past the awkwardness to be able to talk about anything.  I recommend it. It was one of the best things we did before we married.  It was even more helpful then pre-martial counseling although that was beneficial too.

There is a savings associated with having one cell phone plan so yes, you should combine them.  Anything that you can get cheaper as a couple should be consolidated -- like car insurance bundled with homeowners.  Why support multiple companies?  

At a minimum you should make a budget together which includes long term goals, especially retirement.  Then you can talk about contributions, spending & accountability.  I am an advocate of small separate accounts in addition to the household account.  For me psychologically it always seemed disingenuous to buy DH a gift from an account that contained "his" money. 

For the most part over the years it's become more & more OUR money which was a huge mind-shift.   Once you marry you are no longer separate individuals.  You are a team.  Act like it. 

 

Based on this post from less than one month ago, you are no where near ready to marry. 

 

 

Thank you this was useful, gives me a good understanding. I just didnt have anything together, but yes its a must too look into the legality aspect of it. We are also both in the real estate industry, our income can be really good one month and then next month just pays bills 

On 1/20/2021 at 6:09 AM, d0nnivain said:

 

 

[trident_2020]

On 1/20/2021 at 5:05 AM, Wiseman2 said:

Depending on your jurisdiction, once you get married your income and assets belong to both.

Once you say "I do" a bunch of laws go into effect that makes this a legally binding contract.

This pretty much covers it except any assets you have prior to the marriage are typically considered to be yours when you divorce unless they're hopelessly comingled with marital assets.

I say "when" you divorce because more than half of marriages end in divorce.

As stated by @Wiseman2when you get married you're entering into a business/financial arrangement where everything is mixed together so most of what you asked is irrelevant.

The general tone of your post suggests a lack of trust in your fiancee and/or in the entire concept of marriage, and I wholeheartedly agree with you. If I was going to do it all over again I'd never get married and in my long term committed relationship of 9 years we keep our finances completely separate.

 

[basil67]

@bigheart30 What income/spending differences make you concerned that a combined account could be an issue?

[lana-banana]

The "best and healthiest" method is whatever works for you both.

For us (married, both 34) I technically pay phone, internet, water and electric; he covers gas. But all our accounts are on joint credit cards that we both pay off. My husband is in tech and makes a fair amount more than me, so he ends up paying more.

We have our own checking accounts and a joint money market account, as well as a joint investment account. A chunk of his salary auto-deposits into my checking account every month to help cover the mortgage.

I cannot see marrying someone you sincerely don't trust to make good decisions, financial or otherwise. You just can't do it. It's like opening your house to a thief.

[BaileyB]

Well, we just moved in together and built our dream home. We both have good incomes, we have our own credit cards, and our own savings. 

We’ve decided to keep everything separate but open a joint account for “joint expenses.” We have done a budget and decided how much we will both put into this account.this money will be used to pay joint expenses including the mortgage, bills, house insurance, property tax. 

We both pay for our own cars, our own phone, and our own personal expenses. We try to share the cost of groceries evenly. 

It seems to work ok. Good luck to you! 

[central]

We started off with separate accounts, but after marriage moved towards joint accounts as being more convenient.  It's OUR money, after all (except for things like IRAs and any inheritance unless we decide to mingle such funds).  We have our own credit cards to maintain separate credit and credit scores, but have each other as card users.  We put some loan and utility accounts in each name for the same reason.  

[Ellener]

On 1/22/2021 at 11:02 AM, trident_2020 said:

more than half of marriages end in divorce.

is that true?

 

[central]

1 hour ago, Ellener said:

is that true?

 

Not any more.  It used to be true, or close to 50%.  Now it's more like 42%, roughly.  The divorce rate for subsequent marriages is even higher.  And the marriage rate is down significantly - by about a third.  In 2018, the marriage rate in the United States stood at 6.5 per 1,000 people of the population. This is a decrease from 1990 levels, when the marriage rate was 9.8 marriages per 1,000 people.

[Blind-Sided]

I was married for 18 years.  We put everything into a common account, and we would ask one another before buying anything personal/hobby related.  So... we didn't talk if we needed to go to the grocery store, or buy the kids new clothes... or even buy ourselves new clothes.  But, I would say something if I wanted to buy a new game, or if one of the vehicles needed tires. (They were a necessity, but my truck would be $700)  There was generally $$$ in the account, so it was never an issue. 

With that said... the exW and I got married out of college, so we truly built things together, so it was easy to blend things.   If I were to get remarried... I don't know how things would work.  Currently, my GF stays here the majority of the time, but she maintains her own place.  I think she was hoping I would tell her to just move in, but I feel (even after a year) we need our own place to retreat too if we are having a bad day, or just need some private time. 

 

[Allupinnit]

My H and I have our own checking accounts, and a joint account we pay household expenses from.  We have two investment accounts that we pay into.  We make about the same.  

We live by a simple set of rules:  Give, save, live on the rest.  So every month a certain percentage we give, a certain percentage we save (or invest), and we live on the rest.  We don't use credit cards, although we have them and are paid off.  

This way we are always in the black, living below our means and growing our money every month.  The freedom is in the margins.