Jamesones10123 Posted January 20, 2021 Share Posted January 20, 2021 I been married 13 years. Have 3 children together. Im have ms so we dont work and wifes my carer. A few years ago wife accused me of having an affair with my best friend nothing happened between us and wife stopped us from being friends as she didnt like us being close. We moved house 4 years ago and now as i dont go out much mainly due to my wife tracking my every move. I miss my old friend and the happiness we used to share together. A few months ago my wife locked me out of house and i spent 4 hours in the car until i could find a place to go as she wouldnt let me back in. I came back the nexr day as kids wated me to come for food. I been here ever since now i feel as tho im only here for the kids. I feel unhappy unless its just me and the kids or when im alone. I have thoughr about divorce but not sure if im being selfish. I've stayed for the kids. But im not sure what to do for the best anymore. I know i woukd get the support and help that i need. Any suggestions welcome please. Link to post Share on other sites
Perdu Posted January 20, 2021 Share Posted January 20, 2021 Having read your previous posts as well, I am under the impression that your wife has much responsability and is under much pressure. Also, her not taking into consideration helpers and trying to separate you from your friend, sugests she likes to control those around her. I am aware of your disability, but you should have a saying in the way things regarding your life are handled, especially if those things affect the life of your kids as well. Also, if you don't feel happy with your wife but feel happy with your female friend tells me that you're no in love with your wife anymore. I can imagine she must be tired and all her life revolves around taking care of you and the kids and that's no easy life, but her decision of sacrificing herself instead of searching for help affects the quality of life for the entire family. So, in the end, despite her best intentions, she may be selfish. If you did not do it already, you should try some marital conseling before considering a break up. I can imagine divorce would be even harder for you, as you'd have to find another care taker. If she doesn't agree into marital counseling, just get it for yourself and be adamant about it.Depression is a serious thing and it seems like you might be headed towards that, if this is happening for years. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted January 20, 2021 Share Posted January 20, 2021 Talk with Social Services to see if there are any services or benefits you are eligible for that you aren't currently using. Talk with an attorney and see what your options are legally and financially if it comes to divorce. If there is any chance the marriage can be saved and things can improve then certainly see a marriage counselor. But it sounds like this might be past the point of being able to change. If she gets upset enough with you to lock you out of the house she's probably not happy in the marriage either, so you choosing to divorce wouldn't be selfish. Your kids might not be too happy with the atmosphere between you either. Staying isn't necessarily doing them a favor. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jamesones10123 Posted January 20, 2021 Author Share Posted January 20, 2021 1 hour ago, Perdu said: Having read your previous posts as well, I am under the impression that your wife has much responsability and is under much pressure. Also, her not taking into consideration helpers and trying to separate you from your friend, sugests she likes to control those around her. I am aware of your disability, but you should have a saying in the way things regarding your life are handled, especially if those things affect the life of your kids as well. Also, if you don't feel happy with your wife but feel happy with your female friend tells me that you're no in love with your wife anymore. I can imagine she must be tired and all her life revolves around taking care of you and the kids and that's no easy life, but her decision of sacrificing herself instead of searching for help affects the quality of life for the entire family. So, in the end, despite her best intentions, she may be selfish. If you did not do it already, you should try some marital conseling before considering a break up. I can imagine divorce would be even harder for you, as you'd have to find another care taker. If she doesn't agree into marital counseling, just get it for yourself and be adamant about it.Depression is a serious thing and it seems like you might be headed towards that, if this is happening for years. I help with most things as im not totally dependent only on my really bad days but then she still expects me to help even tho she always knew about my condition and how it affects me. She does more for her family than me. If i ask her to do thjngs for me then it normally kicks ofg into an argument or she says that im moaning at her and yhen goes off in a mood I have tried to discuss things before but she just says im moaning at her then she gets upset And the kids can ser that i have ipset her. So nothing ever changes. She suggested councelling before. But never wanted to go ahead with it as she didnt want anotger person in our marriage. We tried doing it online by ourselves it lasted 3 days maximum then back to square one same old boring life. As im with wife 24/7< and low on income she tracks my every move and always wants to knoww where im going hence why u dont go out much. I dont know what to do for the best as i dont want to upset the kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Perdu Posted January 20, 2021 Share Posted January 20, 2021 2 minutes ago, Jamesones10123 said: I help with most things as im not totally dependent only on my really bad days but then she still expects me to help even tho she always knew about my condition and how it affects me. She does more for her family than me. If i ask her to do thjngs for me then it normally kicks ofg into an argument or she says that im moaning at her and yhen goes off in a mood I have tried to discuss things before but she just says im moaning at her then she gets upset And the kids can ser that i have ipset her. So nothing ever changes. She suggested councelling before. But never wanted to go ahead with it as she didnt want anotger person in our marriage. We tried doing it online by ourselves it lasted 3 days maximum then back to square one same old boring life. As im with wife 24/7< and low on income she tracks my every move and always wants to knoww where im going hence why u dont go out much. I dont know what to do for the best as i dont want to upset the kids. Insist on getting counseling for yourself then, in order to find ways to improve the situation for your family, if the wife is not willing to invest time into that. The kids know (even the little ones can sense) when things are not going good between parents, so trying to solve that problem would actually benefit them. You need to take some action if you don't want to be stuck anymore, things won't get solved by themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jamesones10123 Posted January 20, 2021 Author Share Posted January 20, 2021 I have thought about leaving before but i cant find a way to tell the wife as she cant see anything wrong Link to post Share on other sites
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