Would you disclose that you had cheated in a previous relationship?

[Wiseman2]

Don't have to worry about that. 😊

[Irock]

Why?  It's a previous relationship.. it's not like you need references for new relationship.. my ex once said to me after we reached out to each other 20 years later .. "all's fair in love and war".  We had a rocky one to say least.... My husband didn't get the details of past relationships.. and I didn't want his.... 

[Stupidkupid]

On 1/21/2021 at 12:14 PM, Prudence V said:

My H was “unfaithful” to his xW. I knew this from the start, as I was his AP.  
It’s never been “at the back of my mind”, nor at the fore. I had a 360 degree view of him and his context, and I could see that that was a particular response to a particular set of circumstances. Since we’ve been married (more than 10 years) I’ve had no cause to think of him in that way - that may have been *how* he was for the final, small portion of their M, but that’s not *who* he is and it’s not *how* he is in our R. 

After a 2 year break after i went NC with MM and sorted myself out I ended up with MM (who, in that intervening 2 years, had instigated divorce and is now, and has been for a long time, divorced). So, like you, I know my partner of over 3 years once cheated on his x-wife, as it was with me.

The reason i add my comment is because I dont think past behaviour is always an inidcator of future behaviour but it can help you to learn.

I was both a WS and and OW (same relationship but left xH VERY early in the affair and filed for divorce, MM not so... many years of affair and then NC from me for 2 and a bit years) and I can hand on heart say I would never be either again. I hurt people. I hurt myself. The affair was basically awful and painful with frequent highs that made it seem worth it. Largely it made me and so many others unhappy.

What I am saying is that it led me to a place where I learned so much about me. Where i finally faced past trauma and the reasons it happened. I accepted the responsibility for my part. And its something I could never do again.

Interestingly, a friend asked me (after he and i entered a proper, official adult relationship) why I trust him. I said because of all the pain. But also, shot back, why would he trust me?

If someone has grown from it. Learnt from it. I'd both disclose it when asked, but not vulunteer it, and no it wouldn't bother me if he had but I'd have questions

[Xerad]

On 3/20/2021 at 3:53 AM, elaine567 said:

BUT in order to cheat it always requires lying to your spouse/partner.

That's right. Not all liars are cheaters, but all cheaters are liars.

[understand50]

OK,  my opinion is that you should give your new partner all information that may effect the relationship.  Especially if this may lead to marriage or a long term prospect. This would come under that heading.  The idea that everything in the past is a closed book, I do not think holds.

 

My two cents.  (or 6 with inflation)

[NYAG]

On 5/4/2021 at 2:56 PM, understand50 said:

OK,  my opinion is that you should give your new partner all information that may effect the relationship.  Especially if this may lead to marriage or a long term prospect. This would come under that heading.  The idea that everything in the past is a closed book, I do not think holds.

 

My two cents.  (or 6 with inflation)

I think that depends a lot on the situation and whether there is a chance on the past coming back to haunt the current relationship. Contrary to popular belief, some people do learn their lesson and not all cheaters are serial cheaters.