SeperationLimbo Posted January 20, 2021 Share Posted January 20, 2021 My wife asked for divorce over a year and a half ago. She said she wasn’t happy and wanted out and that she didn’t want anything financially as most assets came from me and she makes good money (the down payment of our home came from the sale of my first house, though I did refinance when we were married and foolishly put her on as co-buyer the last year). She said I was a great dad and wanted me to have 50/50 custody. Fast forward to mediation, she declared she wanted custody of the kids and then made untrue accusations about this and that and the mediation broke down. A couple of months later after draining our savings, she ended up falsely accusing me of assault, filed a restraining order on me and then a couple of days later, she moved out taking all of our marital furniture and belongings. After 2 very bitter and costly trials, the charges were dismissed and we settled child custody out of court 50/50, but failed to reach an agreement on the house (she now wants half of the equity). I figured she would file for divorce soon after our year of separation was up but she didn’t and now several months later, she still hasn’t filed and says she doesn’t want to at this time and won’t respond any further. Should I go ahead and file? I really don’t want to as she was the one who asked for the divorce and sadly, I still have feelings for her. At the same time, I realize the chances are less than slim that we’ll reconcile at this point and I need to move on. I don’t understand though why she won’t file. The only thing I can think of is that she’s hoping real estate prices will keep going up and she’ll get more money if she waits. I just don’t know what to do. I’ve already spent a fortune on attorneys and can’t afford to buy her out and if she gets half the equity, my housing options will be meager. Any advise out there? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 20, 2021 Share Posted January 20, 2021 42 minutes ago, SeperationLimbo said: she doesn’t want to at this time and won’t respond any further. She never told you why she doesn't want to file at this time? It isn't fair of her to put your life on hold like this. Many women won't date a married man. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SeperationLimbo Posted January 20, 2021 Author Share Posted January 20, 2021 No, she pretty much only responds if it’s to do with the kids. We only communicate via text, haven’t talked for well over a year. It’s maddening. She left me but acts like I cheated on her or something. In fact, she probably cheated on me. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted January 21, 2021 Share Posted January 21, 2021 Yep, you file - that way you can move forward. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 21, 2021 Share Posted January 21, 2021 Who wants the house? Why the standoff? Do you have the money for an attorney? If the divorce proceeds, do you have to leave the house? Ask your attorney about the pros and cons of your not filing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SeperationLimbo Posted January 21, 2021 Author Share Posted January 21, 2021 I don’t know why she won’t file. My guess is she’s trying to get more money, thinking the house will be worth more the longer she holds out. She moved out of the house and has expressed no interest in wanting the house. She wants me to refinance and buy her out which would increase my mortgage to more than I could afford. I’d like to stay in the house for the sake of my kids as it’s the only house they have lived in and many of their friends are in the neighborhood. It’s a great neighborhood. If I sell, I’ll probably be priced out of the school district and I worry she’ll gain the upper hand with custody. She came into the marriage with no money and $90,000 in school loans. All of the down payment on our house came from me and I’ve helped her pay down her loans for over 10 years. Having to sell and end up in a crappy house and giving her half the equity is a hard pill to swallow. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 21, 2021 Share Posted January 21, 2021 57 minutes ago, SeperationLimbo said: . She wants me to refinance and buy her out which would increase my mortgage to more than I could afford. I’d like to stay in the house for the sake of my kids Ok, so it seems like you don't want to file. Isn't there a better way to sort the house out? What do your accountants, bankers and attorney suggest. Do what they advise. Staying stalled out seems to come from your end, so find a way to keep the house on an affordable basis. Link to post Share on other sites
Harry Korsnes Posted January 21, 2021 Share Posted January 21, 2021 Seems to me that your stuck in some kind of emotion. Seek legal advice and ecnomic advice. The sooner you do that the sooner you can mind rest and get on with your life. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 21, 2021 Share Posted January 21, 2021 Once you file and she receives the papers she will respond as to whether she wants to go back or go through with the divorce. This is your best option not to remain in limbo. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
notbroken Posted January 21, 2021 Share Posted January 21, 2021 The sooner you file the better. It won't get cheaper. She will only get angrier over time and more unreasonable. File ASAP. She's going to get 1/2. Offer her that and not a penny more (or less). Communicate with her as little as possible. Move on the best you can. Get your divorce done absolutely as fast as possible so you can move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SeperationLimbo Posted January 21, 2021 Author Share Posted January 21, 2021 (edited) Yes I am emotional, have a hard time not crying every day. Just thinking about her getting half of the assets after what she has done to me literally makes me want to throw up. She took our savings. She called the police and had me kicked out of our house in front of the kids promised not to press charges if I left for the night then drove to the jail with our two young children at midnight to press charges. My kids now think I assaulted their mother as do our neighborhood friends which now won’t have anything to do with me. She took ALL of our nice furniture and things. She kept my kids from me for months only allowing me to have them every other weekend. I‘ve spent well over $25,000 just to fight her charges and and another $15,000 plus to get 50/50 custody. Now she wont’t file apparently to squeeze even more out of me. So ya, giving her anything at this point is a hard pill to swallow. Edited January 21, 2021 by SeperationLimbo Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted January 21, 2021 Share Posted January 21, 2021 Consult with an attorney and explain everything you've posted here. They will explain to you what is most likely to happen as far as property and other asset divisions. You then either have to mentally and emotionally come to terms with that and file for divorce, or stay stuck where you are right now, waiting to see what she's going to do next. Divorce can be emotionally and financially stressful, but so is an unhappy marriage as you well know. Sometimes you have to take the hit in the short term in order to be happy and prosper long term. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 21, 2021 Share Posted January 21, 2021 Abuse is never good. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted January 22, 2021 Share Posted January 22, 2021 Get a good attorney and listen to him. She probably doesn’t have a claim to your assets pre marriage value. Link to post Share on other sites
emprosnet7 Posted January 23, 2021 Share Posted January 23, 2021 On 1/20/2021 at 11:15 PM, SeperationLimbo said: My wife asked for divorce over a year and a half ago. She said she wasn’t happy and wanted out and that she didn’t want anything financially as most assets came from me and she makes good money (the down payment of our home came from the sale of my first house, though I did refinance when we were married and foolishly put her on as co-buyer the last year). She said I was a great dad and wanted me to have 50/50 custody. Fast forward to mediation, she declared she wanted custody of the kids and then made untrue accusations about this and that and the mediation broke down. A couple of months later after draining our savings, she ended up falsely accusing me of assault, filed a restraining order on me and then a couple of days later, she moved out taking all of our marital furniture and belongings. After 2 very bitter and costly trials, the charges were dismissed and we settled child custody out of court 50/50, but failed to reach an agreement on the house (she now wants half of the equity). I figured she would file for divorce soon after our year of separation was up but she didn’t and now several months later, she still hasn’t filed and says she doesn’t want to at this time and won’t respond any further. Should I go ahead and file? I really don’t want to as she was the one who asked for the divorce and sadly, I still have feelings for her. At the same time, I realize the chances are less than slim that we’ll reconcile at this point and I need to move on. I don’t understand though why she won’t file. The only thing I can think of is that she’s hoping real estate prices will keep going up and she’ll get more money if she waits. I just don’t know what to do. I’ve already spent a fortune on attorneys and can’t afford to buy her out and if she gets half the equity, my housing options will be meager. Any advise out there? In the first talk you had, she expressed her real feelings about you, she didn't want anything from you, you were a good dad and 50/50 custody. You should have taken the offer immediately and end it with a quick divorce. It didn't happen then, maybe you had feeling for her, whatever reason she changed her mind. Either her mother or a lawyer told her that she could get more, so she fought dirty with false charges to get money and the kids. You eventually won, but it cost both of you a lot of money, to the point that either of you can afford the house. I am very sorry about what happened to you. In my case, although I put a ton of money in her house and our family, we had separate accounts and property so she could not destroy me financially. Maybe she will understand that what she lost was me and not the money, maybe not. If you are staying in the house and she is not, you have nothing to gain by filing a divorce, since you are not paying any rent. She may not have money to file for a divorce as well so you are stuck. You have to either gather money to fight her when she files for divorce or find a buyer for the house that will allow you to stay ( ? ) with rent. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 23, 2021 Share Posted January 23, 2021 Seems like you don't want to file because you want to stay in the house. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SeperationLimbo Posted January 23, 2021 Author Share Posted January 23, 2021 I appreciate all the feedback, it’s nice to get some different opinions. Ya, in hind site I should have let her go when she told me she wanted the divorce and settled then. I guess I thought we could work things out with counseling, but she was unwilling to try. As soon as she got a lawyer, her demeanor changed. Her mother probably influenced her too. She started provoking me and refused to discuss anything. She threatened a protective order through our attorneys if I continued to try to talk to her about about the divorce or money and then a couple of days later she brings up money... and tried to get me upset all the while recording it on her phone...I do have a great attorney, he was night and day better than the first ones, but is $500/hr. He has indicated that I essentially will owe her half the equity less what I’ve put towards the principle since the separation. I feel she should have to reimburse me for the attorney fees from at least the criminal case and would think the judge would be sympathetic to me since he is the same judge that dismissed my case and admonished her in court where she totally lost it and became hysterical, put on a great show... But, ya I would like to stay in the house, for my girl’s sake mostly since they have many friends here, biking trails, a pool ect. There are virtually no rental options here that are affordable and buying something would get me much less of a house and location for about the same mortgage. I have a consultation with a divorce coach tomorrow, and looking for a therapist. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 6, 2021 Share Posted February 6, 2021 (edited) She out you in limbo and you are keeping yourself there. Why? Shes probably making sure her boyfriend works out before pulling the trigger. Edited February 6, 2021 by Marc878 Link to post Share on other sites
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