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Why would a guy stand me up on a date he initiated?


Skittle2021

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I met a guy on hinge about a week ago. We clicked instantly and talked over the phone. He was very forward about meeting in person from the very first time we matched. We finally agreed to meet and he never showed up. I texted him to find out what happened and he said he was stuck in traffic but is OTW. He said he was about an hour away. I got upset and asked why he didn't think to call me to tell me he would be an hour late? He says, he fell asleep in his car after work and had to workout in the city that day and asked for my cash app to give me gas money. I honestly did not believe him because the city is 4 hours away. why would anyone drive 4 hours to work out when they made plans to meet with someone. He also claimed he was running around all day and didnt have a chance to use his phone. Complete BS. To prove to myself that he was lying, I asked him to bring me my gas money in person since he was "on his way". He agreed and I gave him my gym address. 30 minutes passed and he asks me where I was. I told him I was out with a friend.  After 30 more minutes, he claimed that A friend just called him and he had to make a move to save her. I told him that I knew he had no intentions of showing up and that if he didn't want to meet up, thats all he had to say. In short, i told him to never contact me again.

I say all of that to say this, was I wrong for how I handled it? and why would he push so hard to meet me and not show up? I don't understand.

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2 minutes ago, Skittle2021 said:

why would he push so hard to meet me and not show up? I don't understand.

Because when he made the date he was down for it but a better offer came along and he didn't have the balls to tell you.  How far did you drive to try to meet him?

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@stillafool Thank you for your reply. Luckily for me, it was only 10 min away from me. There was no apology or and talks about making it up or rescheduling. he just said my fault and offered to give me gas money. 

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1 hour ago, Skittle2021 said:

@stillafool Thank you for your reply. Luckily for me, it was only 10 min away from me. There was no apology or and talks about making it up or rescheduling. he just said my fault and offered to give me gas money. 


 

where did his profile say he was located?  Some apps go by your current location.  You might have matched on his trip into town that he occasionally goes to.

 

im not defending him. He shoukd have known his schedule and called you if something with work came up.  I respect that as an excuse because some peop,e may need to work on expectedly but they should still contact you.

 

if date plans are made more than a week out always text the day before and say are we still on.

 

 

 

of course there are people who make a date for next week because they had dates lined up with others this weekend. It’s possible they really hit it off with one of those dates then want to blow you off or push off meeting wanting to wait till a few dates in with this otherwoman.

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dramafreezone
4 hours ago, stillafool said:

Because when he made the date he was down for it but a better offer came along and he didn't have the balls to tell you

Took the words out of my mouth.  This is why people flake.

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Had something similar happen last night asked a girl out well a ladyboy actually haha who lives local agreed to meet later in the evening I sent a text saying to meet at 830pm no response until a few hrs later ...her excuse - she was eating dinner and only saw the message now. Lol. Don't even bother responding is my advice. I didn't. Btw this was the 2nd date that she flaked on. The first I'd decided not to bother again but she reached out again and slowly warmed up to me. The lesson - people rarely change 

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@amiluwant His profile said he was located in a town which is very close to where I am. He confirmed his location when we were chatting via the dating app.

Im new to this online dating thing I have learned from research that I should confirm before going. 

I would've been totally ok with him cancelling as it was his idea to meet up, and him pushing to meet me even though would have preferred a little more time getting to know him first. That is why I am in such shock and angry because of it. It just doesn't make any sense and his lies were not even believable. Even when given the opportunity to fix it, he still flaked LOL. That means he wasn't on his way and never intended to come.

 

 

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You did good, doesn't  worth pursuing anything further with this kind of guys.

He had a change of heart (probably intended to meet with someone else) and didn't have the balls to tell you.

He probably thought that by coming up with some  excuse for standing you up will leave room for a future date with you, in case his option wouldn't turn as expected.

I've encountered this kind of behaviour a lot with OLD.

 

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Just now, Perdu said:

You did good, doesn't  worth pursuing anything further with this kind of guys.

He had a change of heart (probably intended to meet with someone else) and didn't have the balls to tell you.

He probably thought that by coming up with some  excuse for standing you up will leave room for a future date with you, in case his option wouldn't turn as expected.

I've encountered this kind of behaviour a lot with OLD.

 

his other option, I mean.

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You will discover the general public are flakes....even when my husband wants to go look at a car or buy parts off craigslist. Same thing, they are excited to meet up, then crickets or excuses. You have to weed your way through the crap. IMO don't give people the benefit of a doubt. Boot them to the curb and spend your energy on other things.

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On 1/20/2021 at 7:00 PM, Skittle2021 said:

He says, he fell asleep in his car after work and had to workout in the city that day and asked for my cash app to give me gas money. I honestly did not believe him because the city is 4 hours away. why would anyone drive 4 hours to work out when they made plans to meet with someone.

Did he mean he went to the gym in in the city or did he mean he had to drive all the way out to the city that day for his job?

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Why did he do this... this is a guy who will always jerk you around and will ALWAYS put his needs above yours it's just the way he is. It's better to find this out now. Life happens things come up, but the fact that it didn't even occur to him to apologize or inform you in advance is a huge red flag and then tried to make himself feel less guilty by offering you "gas money" no no no.

I dated a guy like this once and he was always "on the way". You dodged a bullet and I'm glad you cut him off. OLD sucks and it hard but just keep at it, just like IRL you gotta dig through a lot of garbage to find something good.

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Why is anyone’s guess but he obviously thinks it’s k to waste people’s time. I do think you and spent entirely too much time on this sucka . You don’t even though the guy. One strike, he’s out

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@kendahke he said he had to work out in the city that day. He later mentioned his job to try and explain why he didn't call or text which was also a bunch of BS. It takes a few seconds to send a text. The moment he knew he was supposedly going to the city, he should have called me.  The whole thing just doesn't make any sense. I don't think he had any regard for my time because I guess he's used to acting this way and probably gets away with it with other people. His lies were ridiculous which is why his apology (if he had given one) wouldn't matter to me. Definitely an eye opening experience as I never had this happen to me before.

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@Pumaza About a week and half of consistent conversation. He was very consistent, attentive and persistent especially with "spending time together" He practically begged me. 

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22 hours ago, Skittle2021 said:

@kendahke he said he had to work out in the city that day. He later mentioned his job to try and explain why he didn't call or text which was also a bunch of BS. It takes a few seconds to send a text. The moment he knew he was supposedly going to the city, he should have called me.  The whole thing just doesn't make any sense. I don't think he had any regard for my time because I guess he's used to acting this way and probably gets away with it with other people. His lies were ridiculous which is why his apology (if he had given one) wouldn't matter to me. Definitely an eye opening experience as I never had this happen to me before.

Girl it sucks but this happens all the time. I can't tell you how many times guys have told me how much they were into me... how much they couldn't wait to see me... Only to have them ghost or disappear on me. These are people I literally can't figure out and why they get off on wasting people's time is beyond me. Just know that you're definitely not alone and this interaction is in no way related to anything you did.

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@amygirl908 Thanks girl. That makes me feel a lot better to know it isn't just me. It is his loss. I did discover on his social media (among other things that he lied about) that the pictures he used for the dating profile were from 4 years ago, so who knows what he looks like if he did actually decide to show up!

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Cookiesandough
1 minute ago, Skittle2021 said:

@amygirl908 Thanks girl. That makes me feel a lot better to know it isn't just me. It is his loss. I did discover on his social media (among other things that he lied about) that the pictures he used for the dating profile were from 4 years ago, so who knows what he looks like if he did actually decide to show up!

Lol. For shame. He was probably scared to show up looking like a catfish 

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